I appreciate the kind words about my candor regarding my divorce, but I only got to speak about the Kentucky Derby of Cuckold Triple Crown. Time constraints kept me from talking about the Belmont and The Preakness.
Kentucky Derby
WIN-Hit the Road R-Jack
Place-2nd chance 1st impression
Show-Denial and Deflection
Hit the Road won the race in a photo finish. While 2nd Chance came up short by a hair, some felt the next race was theirs for the taking. Denial and Deflection was in it the entire mile of a quarter and was definitely going to be a factor going forward.
Cuckold Triple Crown- The Belmont Stakes
While time had passed since the kiss incident, we went into our habits and routines while keeping an emotional distance and tension thawed. I would work, be a dad, play ball and work out. Amanda had found a different crossfit gym and we went about our lives trying to get through the year and have a happy Christmas. Somehow that does off without a hitch.
At some point at the gym I wrenched my back pretty bad and was in a pretty consistent amount of pain. While I didn’t go to the doctor, Amanda had for her knee and had a prescription for oxycodone. While neither of us were keen on opiates, I have to admit it took care of the pain with a couple fingers of whiskey washing it down. She wasn’t using them so I would have one with a cocktail when my back was in real bad shape, which was no more than once a week.
One day I’m looking for the pills (wow that looks bad when you type it) and Amanda tells me she put them in her gym bag. I go to her car to get the bag. While I’m feeling around for the bottle, I feel a side pouch with what seems to be a cardboard rectangle and an odd shaped bottle. Whatever the reason, this side pocket piqued my interest. As I go back to the kitchen to make my Roger the Shrubber special, I can’t get the thought of what that could be out of my head. All I knew was that wouldn’t be something that should be in a gym bag if you were just doing gym shit whilst using said gym bag
Ya Know.
So when she goes to the stable for her slumber, I let my curiosity get the better of me. I go back to her car, knowing that I am breeching her trust to have my moment of truth. I go back to the bag and open the mysterious pouch. Big shock. The thing that was the size of a card……It was a card. It was just some nondescript shit about passion and love and it was titled *11*. What the fuck is that? It’s bad enough that she cheated on me with her trainer…..is she fucking Alex Smith too?
Also in the pouch was the mystery bottle. Spare all suspence….it was a bottle of LUBE. Yes lube. What sent me off my rocker was the bottle itself.
You know how the shape of plastic bottles will have a tendency to tie into what is inside the bottle. For example; a plastic bottle vaguely resembling a log cabin will be full of syrup or a bottle of a bear will contain honey.
THIS BOTTLE OF LUBE WAS SHAPED LIKE A FIST
Take a mental inventory of what your reaction would be if you found your cheating wife’s fist shaped bottle of lube. Whatever it is, I’m sure mine was close.
I zip up the bag and go on about my evening of drinking and not sleeping, not knowing how to process this new revelation without the kids hearing daddy going totally apeshit. I spend the next week not being able to think about anything but lubes, fists and the number 11.
Finally after a week of being a bitch I confront her about it. She’s defensive, wondering why I’m going through her stuff. Yelling at me, about how I invaded her privacy and I don’t trust her. Thankfully the kids are at their grandparents this particular evening, because the neighbors probably heard me yell
“I bet you a fistful of lube I have a reason to not trust you”
We go back and forth. She swears up and down that the old trainer, Dave, was giving her these gifts without her wanting and she didn’t know where to throw them out without me seeing it. I’m too tired and angry to listen and said “you go upstairs and go to bed. I’ll sleep down here and decide whether I want to swallow this bullshit”
Let it be known. At that point I was angry enough to just walk out, hand over everything, and not look back. Then I saw a picture of my kids. They were three and one and I took them to a photo studio for a picture as a mothers day gift. I looked at those faces and I broke down. I couldn’t do this to them. They didn’t ask for this.
I made a decision right then and there that if I was going to stay and work this out with her, I was going to have to do it with a clean slate. Meaning that every prior offense I couldn’t hold against her. If we were going to have a shot at getting through this, I had to accept the past as what it is and not hold it against our future. I owed my children that much.
So the Belmont is in the books. While Hit the Road had a commanding lead from the starting gates, Denial and Deflection made its presence felt down the stretch and almost took over. While 2nd Chance was in the money, it ultimately was an afterthought on this leg
WIN- Hit the Road R-Jack
PLACE- Denial and Deflection
SHOW- 2nd Chance 1st Impression
Cuckold Triple Crown-The Preakness.
Time passes again as the wounds scab over. We move forward trying to figure things out on our own and ultimately not talking about the hard stuff. We are able to work together with the kids and be able to actually spend time together, but the intimacy is not coming back.
As the hourglass get turned over and over I start to just accept that we are friends at best raising kids. If it sound like a sad existence, you know, it fucking is. It’s all peaceful, but it’s all fake. The kids are happy and healthy and I don’t feel like I’m letting on. I honestly start to believe that this way of life is actually OK. That is until one day I get the gift that changed our entire lives.
She leaves her e-mail open.
While I want to believe she did it on accident, part of me truly believes she subconsciously did a shitty job of covering her tracks because I was the person strong enough to make a change if it needed to be made. I like to tell myself that because I the blow to my ego that I would marry someone this stupid is too much to bear.
So I pull back to when her trainer was fired from the gym we went to. I find a back and forth from her and the owner, her alluding to rumors ruining the gym and him alluding to how inappropriate his and her conduct were.
WOAH.
So I dig a little more and I find a few lovey dovey emails from #11, one written while we as a family were on vacation in Disney World with my family. (side note: her grandfather died while we were in Florida two days in. I spent $800 for her to catch a red-eye to be with her family. It was the best time I ever had with the kids) Beyond that, as I mentioned she joined a new crossfit gym, she wrote a letter of recommendation for this guy to be an instructor. That was all I needed to know about where we truly stood, but the last email was the smoking gun and the nail in the coffin.
An email dated a week prior from Mr 11. I guess they had an argument about him going down to LA to party with some friends. He said over and over again how he loved her and he wasn’t going to go down there and hook up with chicks.
I’m guessing that this is a time honored tradition in the sanctimony of infidelity. The person who is cheating gets paranoid that they are going to be cheated on with the person they are cheating on their spouse with.
Now that I just said that, I have to suggest that we as a whole retire the KYOA acronym. Let’s get to brass tacks. You can’t do it better than that ^^^
I send the kids to their grandmother to spend the night. I post a thread and I sit the old mare down. I explain that I know she is still with Dave and nothing has changed no matter what you say. I felt that I came to the realization that I was working so hard to keep us together for the love of my kids, but the love for her just wasn’t there anymore. I said that what we were doing is toxic and the sooner we admit our futures don’t belong to each other, the less likely we will end up hating each other. It was clear she didn’t have the type of love for me that we should be teaching our kids and the feeling was mutual.
I forgave Amanda for everything. I actually felt sorry for her. She had to live a lie. No matter how strong she made her body, she was too weak of a person to face the reality of our marriage going down the shitter. She grabbed some clothes, spend a couple nights at her parents and we then started to plan how to go forward from there.
So as we came to the Preakness, the time for photo finishes was over and the final leg of the Cuckold Triple Crown was a decisive victory. Previous contenders didn’t even enter the race, as 2nd Chance and Denial both came up lame and had to be put down before start time
WIN-Hit the Road R-Jack
PLACE- New Beginnings
SHOW- Me UR Tits.
I never gave myself the chance to elaborate what went down to you asshats. If the story didn’t go well, I probably would never had. My kids are healthy and well adjusted. Once they understood Mommy and Daddy were still working together and they got to see it play out, it was all good. Never underestimate the resiliency of young kids who know they have support.
As for my ex. She lives close by to me. Does it make co-parenting easy? Yes. Are we on good terms? Yes. Is it always going to stay that way? Time will tell, but I like my chances.
And for me. I knew I was going to come out of this OK. What I didn’t know is how long that would truly take emotionally. You do have to hit the reset button on life when yours is ripped away slowly. I got a lot of help from family and friends, including here. People like Van, (rip?) Truman, Jiminphilly all reached out to me to help me through their own experiences. Every little bit helped.
Thank you all for reading my little therapeutic outlet. Hope I didn’t bore you to sleep. If I did, I hope you are seeing fist shaped bottles of lube in your nightmares.
