Cowboys guaranteed to suck for the foreseeable future

[Goober McTuber]

Jerry Jones, the general manager, will never relinquish that title with the Dallas Cowboys. Much like Jerry Jones, the owner, will never sell the team.

During his twice-weekly radio show, Jones was asked whether he ever would step down as the general manager.

The answer was no way.

"We are not structured that way," Jones told KRLD-FM on Tuesday morning. "We didn't structure it that way with my ownership. There's no way that I would be involved here and not be the final decision-maker on something as important as players, and that is a key area. That's never been anybody's misunderstanding. It's been a debated thing, but it's just not going to happen."

Jones the general manager has a team that's 3-5 overall heading into a game at Philadelphia on Sunday afternoon.

Jones the owner and Jones the general manager have won three Super Bowls together. But recently, the general manager has struggled.

The Cowboys have won just two playoff games since their last Super Bowl appearance, in the 1995 season when they beat Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XXX, and haven't drafted well on a consistent basis. Only five players remain from the 2009 and 2010 drafts combined.

The Cowboys are 123-124 since 1997.

The GM's tenure has been marred by questionable trades; three draft picks given to Detroit for wide receiver Roy Williams; a trade for cornerback Pacman Jones, who was suspended during the 2008 season; and various big-money contracts given to players including safety Ken Hamlin, running back Marion Barber, guard Marco Rivera and safety Roy Williams that didn't pan out.

But Jones has made some good moves, including drafting inside linebackers Sean Lee and Bruce Carter in the second rounds of the 2010 and 2011 drafts and the first-round pick of cornerback Morris Claiborne last year.

"We've had success doing it this way and we're going to have success in the future doing it this way," Jones said. "It eliminates some very serious issues when you look around the league, as to creating an additional layer that you're continually having decisions, making changes and doing those kinds of things."

Barry Switzer is the last coach to win a Super Bowl for Jones. After he was fired following the 1997 season, the Cowboys have hired five head coaches. Only Wade Phillips produced a playoff victory, a NFC wild-card win over the Philadelphia Eagles in 2009.

Jones also cleared up a comment he made during an interview on NBC in which he said he would fire himself as GM given the Cowboys' record the last few years.

"It's real clear," Jones said. "I was asked the question, 'If you were an owner and you had a general manager, would you make a change?' Under those circumstances, I speculated that I would probably have made a change, but that's not our situation.

"To change, I'd have to change myself. People don't do that. If you've got the commitment and you have the investment, and I'm talking about in time, effort, all of those kinds of things, you change yourself. You don't change out and have someone else go in there and do it."

[Mikey]

Glad to finally hear some good news today.

[Goober McTuber]

Most of the NFL is "close to being good". The Cowboys don't have bad luck. They have a total fuck-up for a GM.

ATLANTA -- Jerry Jones would fire himself if he were somebody else.

That makes perfect sense if you view it through the prism of nonsensical Jerry logic.

Jerry isn't so delusional that he believes he's done a good job as the general manager over the last decade and a half. He knows that his Dallas Cowboys are two games below .500 this season, and since the start of the 1997 season. He's well-aware that there isn't another GM in sports who could survive a span so long that featured one playoff win and six head coaches.

But Jerry doesn't just want to win. He wants to get the lion's share of the glory.

That's why he'll never, ever consider putting his ego aside for the best interests of the franchise by giving up the GM duties.

By Jerry standards, he made that perfectly clear in his pregame interview on NBC, when he essentially acknowledged that he would have fired any other GM by now.

Just don't think for a split second that means that Jerry would seriously consider canning himself.

So what if any other GM would have been looking for work several years ago?

"Yeah, but he doesn't own the team," Jones said following the Cowboys' 19-13 loss Sunday night to the Atlanta Falcons. "So I'm just saying what I really meant was one of the things you do if you've got a GM that in this particular case that owns the team, you go in and work on the mirror."

A reasonable, honest man would stare in the mirror and see someone not fit to make the personnel decisions for an NFL franchise.

Indisputable evidence over the past 15 years makes that case. But Jerry uses those three Lombardi Trophies as mirrors, rationalizing that his way has been proven as the right way. (Never mind that Jimmy Johnson insists that his right to make all the personnel decisions was written into his contract.)

"When I bought the team, the night I bought it, I said I would be doing what I'm doing," Jerry said, justifying in his mind why he'll be the GM until his final breath. "And that's GM the team and make the final decision on all personnel. That's the way it's always been done.

"We won three Super Bowls doing that, and so I want to do it again."

OK, Jerry, but you've won a grand total of one playoff game in the last 15 years.

At what point do you wonder whether it's really in the franchise's best interests to continue being the lone owner/GM in the NFL?

The short answer: never.

"I think that I know how our organization runs and I know the best way to make decisions for us," Jerry said. "And that's the best way. I know that's what motivates me as an owner and causes me to me to basically do the best job that I can."

The best job Jerry can do as GM -- a role he finds time for when he isn't scheduling events in his stadium, negotiating network TV contracts, marketing the Cowboys and selling lingerie -- just isn't good enough.

But you'll never get Jerry to admit that. Heck, he's still trying to convince folks he's constructed a roster capable of contending for a Super Bowl title this season.

Never mind that his mistakes had their fingerprints all over this loss, the Cowboys' ninth in their last 13 games.

His $54 million receiver, Miles Austin, who got paid elite money off one great year when the Cowboys had him under control as a restricted free agent, dropped a pass that might have made the difference.

His $27 million reserve cornerback, Orlando Scandrick, who got a contract extension when he had a year left on his rookie deal, twice erred to extend the Falcons' final scoring drive. He whiffed on running back Jacquizz Rodgers on one third down and got called for defensive holding on another.

His $22 million safety, Gerald Sensabaugh, got blocked at the point of attack on Michael Turner's 43-yard run that set up a touchdown and juked out of his jock on Julio Jones' 48-yard catch-and-run that set up a field goal.

His two new guards, who cost a combined $30 million, couldn't create any holes in the running game or protect Tony Romo in the passing game.

And let's not even discuss the 2009 draft, which is the primary reason the Cowboys have such precious little depth.

The biggest problem with Jerry as the GM isn't even personnel. It's the dysfunctional tone that the twisted organizational flowchart sets for a franchise.

You wonder why players on the Cowboys have such a sense of self-entitlement? It starts at the top.

It's been said many times that Jerry is a great owner but a bad GM. That's bull.

A great owner wouldn't continue employing such an inept GM.

A great owner would place the best interests of the franchise higher than his ego on his priority list.

Jerry would rather keep chasing the "glory hole" he talked about at the beginning of training camp than get out of the way and give the Cowboys a real chance to get back on the right track.

[Screw_Michigan]

I want that glory hole!

Sin,

Stanley Pikkkle

[DallasFanatic]

Being a fan of this franchise has been miserable for almost two decades. No light at the end of the tunnel either.

[Yer a Fuckin Jerkoff]

Right now the problems are solely at field level. If Dallas can stop the stupid penalties, they will be fine. With Murray coming back, the offense will be in high gear. Miles is healthy and Witten is having an all-world season. They have an easy rest of the way and 10 wins gets the division easy if not 9 considering how shitty the Giants have played. Look at the rest of the way- Browns, Redskins twice, home games against NO and PHI, that's five easy wins. They may have a little trouble at Cincy, but the Steelers game at home is a win with Big Ben out. That's 10-6 right there and another playoff appearance for Romo. And they'd get an easy home wild card game vs. some scud like Tampa Bay. Another playoff win right there. The Giants schedule the rest of the way is one colossal buttfuck.

[mvscal]

And they'd get an easy home wild card game vs. some scud like Tampa Bay.

In which they would get shoved to the ground and fucked up the ass right in front of Jerruh's botox frozen grill.

[Goober McTuber]

President Barack Obama helped saved General Motors. Fans in Dallas would like to see do the same thing with the Cowboys.

A man from Ft. Benning, Ga., has petitioned President Obama to remove team owner Jerry Jones from power, according to a Dallas Morning News report.

"We, the Citizens of the Great State of Texas, and Dallas Cowboys fans worldwide, have been oppressed by an over controlling, delusional, oppressive dictator for way too long, reads the petition, which is published on the White House website and filed under 'Human Rights.' "Request the Executive Branch's immediate assistance in removal of owner and GM, Jerry Jones. His incompetence and ego have not only been an extreme disappointment for way too long, but moreover, it has caused extreme mental and emotional duress."

At least 25,000 signatures are required for a petition to receive consideration. As of Tuesday, NFL.com reported that fewer than 500 U.S. citizens have signed.