I said "poop"

[TheJON]

Ahahahahahahaha!

Rack me!

[The Whistle Is Screaming]

Well, now I know why everyone was so excited to get you to post in this forum.

HPOD

JON,
May I call you Jon or do you only answer to TheJON? Wait it doesn't matter, I'll call you whatever I feel like.

Do you understand the concept of sarcasm?

[Cosmo Kramer]

Great take FUCKFACE!!!!!

Now I know why wolves eat their young. R>D> Caddyshack

[bbqjones]

This will not be a PET.

But yes, I literally just shit in my boxer shorts.

This is something that I am not going to tell my real life friends, but for some reason, I feel compelled to convey this to you guys.

I had back surgery a month ago and am still recovering. Today, like other recent days, I took a nap. Today, unlike other recent days, I shit in my pants during that nap.

It is about 10 yards from my bed to the toilet. I didn't come close. I was sleeping on my back in a deep sleep, and then was rudely awakened by lower abdominal pain immediately followed by a thick, warm, and rapidly expanding wet fecal mass all over my ass and upper thighs. WTF?

OhmyGodIjustshitinthebed is a hell of a way to wake up under any circumstances. And in addition to all the shit, I also had to deal with pain medicine (percocet), muscle relaxers (soma), and some rather unpleasant pain radiating from my lower back down my leg, all of which make any type of movement difficult.

Time seemed to slow down, with the expanding fecal mass continuing to pancake and spread with each passing moment. How do I keep this bad situation from getting worse?

Because of the surgery, I have been instructed to exit the bed via a log roll process instead of just sitting up like you would normally do, the idea is to not twist or bend my back, just roll like a log with your body straight to the edge of the bed, and then push up with the arm.

The exigent circumstances did not allow for a comprehensive analysis regarding the manner in which I would exit the bed, but the decision was made to use the log roll procedure over simply jumping out of bed.

As my body rolled to the right, I became more aware of the characteristics of this particular fecal mass. It was surprisingly large, although in hindsight any size would have seemed that way. It was the thick and wet like pudding or yogurt, and like someone making biscuits, it expanded and made a squishing noise as I moved.

By the time my body had moved 90 degrees and I was on my right side, the fecal mass slid down from my ass much like huge chunks of ice fall into the ocean along the Alaska coast. I was pleased that the majority of the fecal mass appeared to remain contained by my boxer shorts, but was concerned how I could possibly make it to the toilet without getting shit all over the place.

With my left hand I grabbed the bottom of my boxer shorts to try to contain all the shit, and pushed myself up with my right hand. When I was almost standing up, I lost my balance and had to catch myself from falling down with my left hand, thus releasing the fecal mass to the laws of gravity. I was able to grab the bottom of my boxers with my right hand, and somehow most of the fecal mass remained in my boxers. An alarming amount, however, escaped my boxers and was now oozing its way down my leg. Time to get to the toilet, stat.

With each step, the shit shifted in my boxers and more escaped down my leg. By the time I got to the toilet, the shit had made it down past my knee but was getting slowed by the hairs on my calves. Finally, I made it to the toilet, but then what? There was shit sliding down my legs, shit all over my ass and thighs, and shit in my boxers.

Thankfully, there was a plastic liner in the little trash can, so I stood over it and let my shit filled boxers drop into it. Then the wiping started. At first, the shit just seemed to smear all over, but finally, after almost an entire roll of toilet paper, the bulk of it was removed. I then sat on the toilet and ended up shitting a bit more, but considering what had already happened, it was anti-climatic.

As I sat there, I wondered how much of a mess I would have to clean up in my bed, on the floor, and in the bathroom. But much to my surprise, there was absolutely no shit in the bed or on the floor, it doesn't seem possible really. Other than throwing away the shit filled boxer shorts and a roll of toilet paper, there was no shit mess in the bed or floor, just some on the toilet seat. Maybe I'll discover some later, I don't know.

Well, I've cleaned the toilet and taken a shower now. Things could have been much, much worse, so bode I guess. Whooo hoooo.

And that's my shitting in my pants story for today.

get better chip, real quick

[Mister Bushice]

and start wearing briefs. Better containment abilities.

[Terry in Crapchester]

I said "poop"

For some reason, that reminds me of Beavis and Butt-head.

[Smackie Chan]

I literally just shit in my boxer shorts.

This is something that I am not going to tell my real life friends, but for some reason, I feel compelled to convey this to you guys.

Really wish you hadn't.

Because of the surgery, I have been instructed to exit the bed via a log roll process

Disturbingly appropriate.

hindsight

We can all be thankful for being spared that vomit-inducing experience.

It was the thick and wet like pudding or yogurt, and like someone making biscuits, it expanded and made a squishing noise as I moved.

Dude, WAAAAY TMI!!

[PSUFAN]

Godspeed, JSC.