I have to be honest with you people. If I had my way, I'd round up every last person in this country who isn't a white male with a net worth of less than $500 million, and send them all to extermination camps. Now I know what you're thinking. The population would die off if we eliminated all the women. Small price to pay for making America great again. Actually, I would make an exception for my daughter whom I would allow all of the rich men in our new society to impregnate, under the stipulation that I get to watch.
But I'm as realistic as I am honest and I know that platform won't fly with you peons. So I'm here today to dispel a few things about myself. Lyin' Ted and all the haters accuse me of being tight lipped about my policies. Well I am literally tight lipped. I'm trying to appeal to the young female vote by working on my duckface selfie game:
What do you guys think? Sexy, huh?
As for the specifics of my policies, what do you really need to know? Take healthcare for example. There are people out there who need healthcare. I plan on giving them access to healthcare. The rest is just a bunch of boring paperwork.
Homeland security? "Dark hair and olive skin -----> you ain't comin' in." That's our new motto. And you already know about my plan to build a wall around Mexico. It's going to be 50 feet high, capped with gold, and holograms of my face stretching the perimeter of it. If Mexico doesn't pay, then we'll force a few thousand illegals into slavery and have them build the wall, then kick them over the other side as soon as it's finished.
I'll take your questions.
