be ready, dickbags

[Douchebag]

this summer i'm packing my bags and going on a fucking tour of the US to beat some ASS. I have seriously had enough of you pitiful homos, i just want to beat the living fuck out of all of you SO badly. I need to. i have to do this. i have systematically chosen cities where many of you obese fuckholes live in or near. Greyhound is offering a one time deal of unlimited traveling mileage for a one time payment of $200 and I can go anywhere the fuck i want for 90 days. i've been working to build my credit and should have about a $2000 line of creidt by that time to use for cheap motels and food and shit. i'll also have saved a ton of money from my part time job at the video store and my aunt might lend me some money too. if she doesn't i'll have to swipe something from my mom's purse. hopefully it doesn't come to that though cuz she'll be pissed. i might just take some coupons to KFC instead.

anyway, here's the lineup dickheads:

june 3rd - tampa, fl
june 9th - atlanta, ga
june 14th - norfolk, va
june 16th - annapolis, md
june 21st - newark, nj
june 24th - boston, mass
june 28th - pittsburgh, pa
june 30th - philadelphia, pa
july 2nd - cleveland, oh
july 6th - cincinnati, oh
july 9th - detroit, mi
july 14th - indianapolis, in
july 17th - chicago, il
july 20th - milwaukee wi
july 23rd - des moines, ia
july 26th - st louis, mo
july 28th - kansas city, mo
i'll be here for a good two weeks

august 13th - oklahoma city, ok
august 15th - houston, tx
august 16th - albuquerque, nm
august 18th - phoenix, az
august 21st - denver, co
august 23rd - salt lake city, ut
august 25th - las vegas, nv
i'll spend a couple extra days here nailing hot skanks and puking on cars
fuck you

august 29th - san diego, ca
august 31st - los angeles, ca
september 3rd - fresno, ca
september 7th - san francisco, ca
september 10th - portland, or
september 16th - seattle, wa

any of you who live directly in these cities, let me know. i'll arrange the time and place for us to meet up at when i'm there.

i'll mostly be staying at one of these:



My boy Paul's dad is pretty high up in the Clarion chain and can get me some fucking sick discounts.

and I'm willing to put some of you up in one if you will to travel to fight me. If I beat the fuck out of you once, and you want sloppy seconds from my fists, well you will have to pay your own way pussbag. i'm on a pretty tight budget.

i can't fucking wait for this shit. bring on the summer fuckstains. BRING it

[Cicero]

Looks like I get the first shot.

[DallasFanatic]

FYI, your trip lasts longer than 90 days. Make sure you have some reserve fund for the final west coast swing to your trip. I'd hate to miss out.

[Cicatrix]

i'll spend a couple extra days here nailing hot skanks

i'm on a pretty tight budget.

Got a buy one get one free coupon or do the hot ones just take IOUs?

[Douchebag]

FYI, your trip lasts longer than 90 days. Make sure you have some reserve fund for the final west coast swing to your trip. I'd hate to miss out.

think i don't know that you fucking prick? the difference isn't much. the little i pay will be more than worth it after i curb you and then shoot my load on your face after having pulling out of your wife's gash.

[orcinus]

Make sure you're in Branson on July 27, DB. I'm flying poptart, PrimeX and some of my other gang members in for a beat-down special.

We're going to mess you up proper and stuff, and then make you buy us beers at the Andy Williams Moon River Theater.

Come heavy.

[War Wagon]

Can I come?

Wait... they don't sell beer in Branson.

[tuff gong]

obese

you're a fine one to talk there, chunkstyle. You look like a manatee wif specs + a pink polo. That fukkin blubber will probably sustain you the whole summer, so you can save some $$ on foodage. Oh and nice farmer tan.


Looks aside, I salute your mission, brother.

WAR Douchebaggy-bag's Beatdown '07

PS: be sure to hang a right from SF after you squash M2 and R-Jack. Sacramento teems with prospects. Lotta beatdown for your buck in the capital city.

[KC Scott]

Sorry DB, the KC Crips only throw down before Chiefs Games.

Ghostknife out front should have told ya.

[poptart]

I got a shiny sled for Christmas.
No snow on the ground.
Bummed.

I got me some brass knuckles for my birsday.
No idiot in sight.
Soured my enthuziajizm.

They won't pass airport security, so I'll mail 'em to ya, orc.
Shine 'em up for me .... ??

See ya in Branson.

[MuchoBulls]

Looks like I get the first shot.

I got $50 on you

[orcinus]

Yep ... Wags is definitely in the gang. This is going to be an ass-kicking of epic proportions.

You guys want to catch an early show at Dick Clark's American Bandstand Theater while we wait for DB, pop? I think The Comets are in town, and they actually sell beer in that theater.

All in all, I'm planning on being messed up by the time DB shows up. That way I won't feel guilty and stuff about dumping the body into Lake Taneycomo.

What color of bandanas should we buy at the 3-for-1 T-Shirt stand?

[Douchebag]

i don't give a shit if you roll with a crew, but it's only fair to take me on one on one. give me like 20 min breaks in between so i can pound some Mr Pibb. i'm partly doing this for football conditioning. I'm pretty sure i'll bust up everyone i face though.

[orcinus]

I'm going to kick you in the armpit and then laugh as you squirm with tremendous pain.

[War Wagon]

give me like 20 min breaks in between so i can pound some Mr Pibb.

bwa!

Mr Pibb is for queers and Texass fans. We'll give you Dr Pepper, and you'll fucking like it.

[Louis Cyphre]

july 20th - milwaukee wi

What time of day will you be here? I figure you and I can have a three-legged race to the doctor's office to get my foot out of your ass! I'll call ahead and schedule an appointment for ya.

[Y2K]

I seriously want to kick your ass..

See ya in September bitch.

[orcinus]

No need to wait for September, Jack.

We need a fourth to bat cleanup in our gang.

[orcinus]

There's always the chance you'll have to take your nap before he shows up, though.

[Douchebag]

i can't believe all of you old fuckbags think you can take me. I can't wait to stomp my feet into your jaws and then slap my dick across your faces just for insult.

[orcinus]

I can't wait to stomp my feet into your jaws and then slap my dick across your faces just for insult.

What time did you say you'd be in Des Moines, again?

- IL

[Louis Cyphre]

you might be able to hear him squealin' like a pig, or maybe even smell the vinegar leakin' from his bag

How are you going to make him squeal? He'll have a big, gaping hole where my size 12 was planted three days prior! I'll tell you what... I'll have the doctor(s) sew him up nice and tight for ya!

[Douchebag]

i can't believe all of you old fuckbags think you can take me. I can't wait to stomp my feet into your jaws and then slap my dick across your faces just for insult.

The closest your lil' dick is gonna get to my face is when I stick a fork in your deep fat fried nuts and place them in my mouth. Kinda like stabbin' one pea at a time, I bet.

Mace

you're gonna put my nuts in your mouth? gross

[Cicero]

Looks like I get the first shot.

I got $50 on you

I'll set him up, you knock him down.

[Felix]

september 16th - seattle, wa

so close....yet so far....

good news is maybe you can hook up with Moorese...

be sure and bring a midget...

[StankHo]

Thank all that is holy that I'm not in Mr. Douchebag's itinary of troll board ass kicking. Just this morning I was wondering if I should be worried about my long ago transgressions, and then I see this. Call me a front runner if you want, but...Douchebag if you need any help taking out the trash, count me in.

[Screw_Michigan]

you get him up, i'll go down on him

no charge, cum guzzler.

[Ana Ng]

Is that really you in your avy?

If so, I think we're wearing matching polo shirts right now.

Proper.

[XXXL]

Catch a few waves on the west coast and your trip will be experienced.......

[poptart]

What color of bandanas should we buy at the 3-for-1 T-Shirt stand?

I vote RW&B.



We can all whistle the
National Anthem whilst
delivering an epic
beatdown to the loser.

Let's do this.

[Mister Bushice]

july 28th - kansas city, mo
i'll be here for a good two weeks

I know you are but where are they?

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

june 24th - boston, mass

Cool. Meet me in front of the Eli Whitney statue in The Public Garden at high noon.

After I get done clowning your punk ass... we'll head over to the Filene's Basement at Downtown Crossing and set you up with some $4.95 aqua blue and lime green polos that will compliment your Kressleyan wardrobe... on me. I know you're on a tight budget and all. If I'm feeling real benelovent, I may even set you up with a Charlie Ticket so you can take the T to South Station and catch the next bus to PA...

Late.

[Cicero]

you get him up, i'll go down on him

no charge, cum guzzler.

Get that weak shit out of here.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Get that weak shit out of here.

"That is not smack", smack. Excellent work, tard.

[Douchebag]

Is that really you in your avy?

If so, I think we're wearing matching polo shirts right now.

Proper.

i can use some good head in between beatdowns. i'll pm you my number later and we'll talk.

[Felix]

dude, do those puka shells match the color of your shirt.....

tasteful, yet incredibly ghey at the same time.....

and I like the turned up collar...nice touch.......

[Cicero]

Get that weak shit out of here.

"That is not smack", smack. Excellent work, tard.

Well it wasnt. You're the Grandmaster, so I figured you would have seen it as well.

[Tom In VA]

Cicero,

The gnoll appears to be challenging you to a test of strength. Be well elsth he mighteth smight thee.

Roll the die with care oh young forearmed one.







Sincerely,
Mage In VA

[Cicero]

RACK

[Sky]

i can use some good head in between beatdowns. i'll pm you my number later and we'll talk.

Awww, thats cute. Starting your own little one-man fight club.