Ever had a colonoscopy?

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:03 pm

(this should be right up ST's "alley")

I've gotta have one next week.
What should I watch out for?

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:05 pm

Not yet, but Christmas isn't over and I'm thinking of calling out Rudolph.

But, if the guy uses the "probe" with both of his hands on YOUR shoulders, .... be suspect.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:08 pm

You using the whole fist, Doc?

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:23 pm

It was a piece of cake, but the stuff they make you drink the day before will make you shit your eyeballs out. I went from 235 down to 171 after a half gallon of that stuff. The doc doesn't want any turdbergs floating around while he's using that commercial drain auger on your shitshed.

Rip City

Terry in Crapchester · Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:27 pm

mvscal wrote:
Jsc810 wrote: Think of a garden hose with a light and a camera, and that also blows air into you, and you get the basic idea. Yes, it is going in you, ALL THE WAY in you.

The fun part is when it comes out. I farted, continuously, for at least two minutes, no exaggeration.

We call that 'Friday'.

OMG. I'm just glad everyone else in my office left, and my one-year-old called me on my cell phone, so I can pass that laugh off on that.

Rack, btw.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:28 pm

'Oh no you didn't.

God damn, mvscal, I never would have thunk it.

Funny shit.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:29 pm

^^^^

what Luther and Jsc810 said---
I had one in 1985--- guessing not much has changed--
also I felt some amount of discomfort after the pain
killer wore off--- I didn't watch that one, but I did
watch a barium x-ray thing-- if they let you watch
--do it !!

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:31 pm

Oh, fuck, I'm laughing.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:37 pm

Surprising... with all the tards and board bitches in here I was thinking a shit chute thread would be about 3 pages by now.

But I guess multilpe plungerings is not considered a medical procedure.

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Fri Dec 15, 2006 11:50 pm

They're a piece of cake. jsc is confusing a sigmoidoscopy with a colonoscopy...you are out cold with a colonoscopy...no pain after, no discomfort at all....I got two polyps removed last time...meaning I get to have these done every few years or so...great....

Even though there is no pain, it never hurts to ask the Doc for a scrip of Vikes for the Hell of it....

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:00 am

The Seer wrote:
Even though there is no pain, it never hurts to ask the Doc for a scrip of Vikes for the Hell of it....

Now that's the kind of advice I'm looking for.

Never hurts to have a few of those boys around.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:06 am

The Seer wrote:I got two polyps removed last time

You bitched at the admins and had them delete the pics of Sissy/Crown?

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:18 am

mvscal wrote:
Jsc810 wrote: Think of a garden hose with a light and a camera, and that also blows air into you, and you get the basic idea. Yes, it is going in you, ALL THE WAY in you.

The fun part is when it comes out. I farted, continuously, for at least two minutes, no exaggeration.

We call that 'Friday'.

Oh, SNAP!

PrimeX · Post by **PrimeX** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:23 am

Jsc810 wrote:You can be awake during a colonoscopy, as I was.

Did Py atleast show the courtesy of wiping your back?

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Sat Dec 16, 2006 12:25 am

'Nother rack for mv.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 1:51 am

Oh, my.

All I can do is toss another RACK! on the fire for mvscal.

PrimeX gets an honorable mention

tuff gong · Post by **tuff gong** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:23 am

Jsc810 wrote:
The Seer wrote:jsc is confusing a sigmoidoscopy with a colonoscopy...you are out cold with a colonoscopy...
I'm not confusing anything. I've had multiple sigmoidoscopies, colonoscopies, barium enemas, a sigmoidectomy, and other abdominal surgeries. You can be awake during a colonoscopy, as I was.

:o

DAMN, dude...

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:37 am

Old home week. When I had my scope the guy takes out a baby polyp with the tool he's using. I wasn't even aware that I was with polyp. I can't drive past an abortion clinic without waving.

Rip City
:cool:

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 6:53 am

I guess I'll have to tell them if they find a polyp and it's developed recognizable arms and legs and stuff they'll just have to leave it in there.
Being Catholic and all, you know.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 7:19 am

Luther wrote:Old home week. When I had my scope the guy takes out a baby polyp with the tool he's using. I wasn't even aware that I was with polyp. I can't drive past an abortion clinic without waving.

Rip City
:cool:

Was the polyp a pedunculated (attached by a stalk) or a sessilesitting directly on the membrane? They use an endoscope and it has a wire loop that snares the polyp then the doc gently tightens it and applies an electric current to basically burn/cut it off.

Jsc, they didn't do a fiberoptic colonoscopy on you??? When did you have it done, back in 1950?

420 · Post by **420** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 7:45 am

This thread is more than disturbing... is there and "ASSHOLE Forum" this can be sent to? Maybe trots?

I don't come to this board... to be broad sided by this kind of crap!

jcs810 wrote: Think of a garden hose and you get the basic idea. Yes, it is going in you, ALL THE WAY in you.

jcs810 wrote: The fun part is when it comes out.

jcs810 wrote: And afterwards, you'll be happy

I'd rather read 15 JTR threads and 2 IB posts, before I ever want to come upon this shit... again in my lifetime!

Maybe the "Mods" here enjoy cornholes... because I have no idea why this thread hasn't Moved to the disturbed "Forum"!!!

Fuck you! for not doing your jobs as "Mods"!

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 7:59 am

If there was an "ASSHOLE" forum, you'd be relegated there permanently.

Milner · Post by **Milner** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 1:26 pm

shit, he came to this frickin' board to steal cool avatars, shit man, good luck with your frickin' colonoscopy, Mikey, shit is right.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 2:36 pm

I'll be different, and rack this:

The doc doesn't want any turdbergs floating around while he's using that commercial drain auger on your shitshed.

But mvscal and PrimeX made me laugh out loud.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 2:46 pm

On a serious note, colonoscopy is a very important procedure...my grandfather now has a softball-sized tumor in his colon and the cancer cells have spread to his liver giving him only months to live. Had he gotten regular check-ups, something could've been to treat that problem a long time ago and not cause it to be life-threatening like it has become. I'd imagine it's not a pleasant experience but it could save your life down the line.

420 · Post by **420** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 3:12 pm

Sister banger guy...

I see around 20 to 40,000 folks a weekend, doing shows. I've spoken with some old folk.

Growing old is not what the youngsters think it is... in fact it sucks!!!

You're grandpa is lucky!

The only one's that suffer... are the one's left behind, that miss them.

Trollfessor · Post by **Trollfessor** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 3:23 pm

His grandpa is lucky to have cancer??? You are one of the world's all-time stupid fucks.

Shoalzie, none of us know exactly how long we have, so however long that may be, enjoy it and appreciate your family and friends, stay positive.

420 · Post by **420** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 3:32 pm

Trollfessor wrote:His grandpa is lucky to have cancer??? You are one of the world's all-time stupid fucks.

Shoalzie, none of us know exactly how long we have, so however long that may be, enjoy it and appreciate your family and friends, stay positive.

Must be another .net troll.

Nothing to see here.

Psst... Old people hate being old!(It's painful)

Get back to us when you have a brain... or actually, give a shit about the elderly!

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 4:00 pm

Jsc810 wrote:
The Seer wrote:jsc is confusing a sigmoidoscopy with a colonoscopy...you are out cold with a colonoscopy...
I'm not confusing anything. You can be awake during a colonoscopy, as I was.

What kind of medical insurance do you have?

Does your dentist remove teeth with a string and a rock?

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 4:09 pm

The Seer wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:
The Seer wrote:jsc is confusing a sigmoidoscopy with a colonoscopy...you are out cold with a colonoscopy...
I'm not confusing anything. You can be awake during a colonoscopy, as I was.

What kind of medical insurance do you have?

Does your dentist remove teeth with a string and a rock?

You appear to be awake while you are getting fucked in the ass here, so why not during a simple reaming medical procedure??

What good is it if you can't feel the pain ??

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 4:38 pm

I don't come to this board... to be broad sided by this kind of crap!

hahahaha

Bobby42 · Post by **Bobby42** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 4:41 pm

Jsc810 wrote: The worst part about it is the prep for it, you'll have to clean yourself out with magnesium citrate, enemas, or this nasty stuff called Go-Litely, or all of the above. Get ready to shit like you've never shit before. The prep may take hours.

That's a load of shit.

Bobby42 · Post by **Bobby42** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 4:45 pm

"That's OK, baby. Take your time and pack your shit. Is that bag gonna be big enough for you?" - Richard Pryor

"You ever have your shit...pushed in?" - Training Day (Din's fav)

Tiny · Post by **Tiny** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:52 pm

I also have had this procedure done twice, and it can go both ways. (Save the bi smack, it was an intentional pun).

The first time was when I was 16, and I was put out for it.....and yes, it was painful as HELL. See, the doc made a left turn with the garden hose camera/light/air compressor thingy, when he should have made a right. The crash into my intestinal wall literally woke me up from the anesthetic. I don’t remember much from it, but they told my mom that it would be painless, and that I wouldn’t remember anything. I tried to sit up (gut reaction to having the doc try to punch a hole through the wall of my small intestine), and the anesthesia dude grabbing my shoulders and forcing me back onto the table. My mom said she could hear my screams from the lounge outside the "sound proof" operating room, and thought something had gone terribly wrong. Granted, this was 25 years ago or better, but the second time was much different.

The second time (about 5 years ago), they used the hook thing, and removed two polyps while I was awake, watching it all on TV as it happened. Yeah, they gave me a sedative to reduce the pain of having those things burned/cut off, but I remember thinking (while I’m watching the fiber optic lightshow on the TV screen in front of me) that it reminded me of cave exploring as a kid on vacation.
The real pisser the second time around, was that I had this done right after my divorce, and this little brunette hottie with breastages only slightly smaller than the one purported to be Patsy’s in the pic, was my nurse for this procedure. She was wearing one of those “one piece” nurse’s uniforms with the zipper from the collar to the waist (and let’s just say the zipper wasn’t in its full, upright and locked position). Anyway, I’m sitting there dreaming of burying my face in that rack, and she was being all thoughtful and consoling because I’ve got a garden hose getting ready to enter my back door. She started squeezing my hand, and rubbing my forehead with her other hand; and all I can think about is what else I’d like her to be squeezing at the moment. At this point, the doctor started his insertion, and I forgot all about any thoughts I had of lust. It’s kinda hard to be Sauvé, when you’ve got this type of procedure going on.
Luckily, after the scope was done, my (then girlfriend, now wife) was more than able to play the consoling nursemade, and cater to my lustful fantasies. Yes, I told her about the hot nurse, and her reaction was: "gee, too bad for you, you might have gotten lucky, if you didn't have the whole anal probe thing going for you..."

Lot's of fun....

ADAM · Post by **ADAM** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 5:59 pm

NO....AHEM......

but it's nice to know I have no inner ass polyps.....

I could've died just as happily the way John Wayne did...

We all end up up taking a dirt nap

Ingse Bodil · Post by **Ingse Bodil** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:06 pm

this thread is highly disturbing and entertaining at the same time.

please get your colons checked. cancer is no joke.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:11 pm

If T1B had a doctor to diagnose its ills, I'm pretty sure the doc would suggest an anniectomy.

-ectomy = removal; excision; resection

Ingse Bodil · Post by **Ingse Bodil** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:33 pm

Atomic Punk wrote:If T1B had a doctor to diagnose its ills, I'm pretty sure the doc would suggest an anniectomy.

-ectomy = removal; excision; resection

Well, geeze, you make it sound like I matter around here.
And no, I haven't found the thread I accuse you of insulting
Monen in, which would also act as proof of your lying about
never having seen Calla Lilly before.

Should I attempt to look for it again? or just agree to disagree,
between us?

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:48 pm

Ingse Bodil wrote:
Well, geeze, you make it sound like I matter around here.

As a polyp then yes.

Ingse Bodil wrote: And no, I haven't found the thread I accuse you of insulting
Monen in, which would also act as proof of your lying about
never having seen Calla Lilly before.

Hey look at what you just wrote in bold there. I know logic escapes you as much as the light from outside of your domicile. Please tell me how that's "proof" that I'm lying about something... unrelated? How the fuck does 2+2=11?

Ingse Bodil wrote: Should I attempt to look for it again? or just agree to disagree,
between us?

Oh please do attempt to look again. In fact, don't post here again until you find where I've either seen calalily or smacked monen at any point. Deal? Don't post here again until you find evidence, proof, facts, etc. until you actually find me to be lying. Don't go editing fabricated bullshit either to post. After all, you are all about the truth.

When you turn out to be exposed as a paranoid noggin' freak, then will you agree to take a paid boat ticket back to Africa?

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Sat Dec 16, 2006 11:58 pm

Trollfessor wrote:His grandpa is lucky to have cancer??? You are one of the world's all-time stupid fucks.

Shoalzie, none of us know exactly how long we have, so however long that may be, enjoy it and appreciate your family and friends, stay positive.

Making light of the fact I have a dying family member is probably what I should expect from someone like m2ool...I won't stoop his level.

Thank you for your well wishes, Trollfessor...I appreciate it.