And so it comes to this...

[nostra]

It's been years, Van, and while you may not remember this, I'm pretty much a God of the Internet, and I'm sorry but you don't have my permission to die. Until I grant you that permission, or Catfish, or Dave in Tulsa or Jay or Mace allow you to die you're stuck on this mortal coil doing whatever it takes to get better. Now go back to eating a dick or whatever it is I used to tell you to do, buddy.

[missjo]

[smackaholic]

Got through the first three chapters of the blue balls Steve saga. I swear to g0d, Van, if Steve doesn't close the deal, I will fly out there, kidnap your ass, Misery style and pump you full of whatever fukking drug will keep you alive long enough rewrite it so that Steve gets what's coming to him.

[Toddowen]

Can you hear me Major Tom?

[DiT]

this sucks

[R-Jack]

I posted my thoughts to Van via PM. Not because of anything I didn't want to reveal on the board, but really because I wanted to say some things to Van as a friend and not to come off as any self-serving catharsis. When I say that I don't mean to piss on anyone who let their emotions out publically. Just my words were intended for Van and Van only and he also reached out to me via PM so I figured that was the best forum.

In his last message after some very kind words to me and a song I plan to share with my new old lady, he said this

The other thing? You should post your PM to me on the board. A lot of people stand to gain from it.

I don't know if that's true or not, but who am I to really deny his requests at this point.

Fwiw, I included goodbyes to you, Mikey and one other person in that thread, except my dumb ass accidentally deleted them while trying to sort out the url format for those story links. Instead of hitting 'paste' I hit 'cut,' wiping out a few paragraphs just below the bit I wrote to Jsc.

Anyway, this is what it said...

R-Jack, thank you for a solid decade of stellar dry wit and sharp narration. Come rain or shine and even through a horrific personal episode you were always right there with a spot-on quip or observation. You are the personification of everything this board always should have been about.

I appreciate that Van, I really do.

I almost chuckled at you suggesting that I've gone through a horrible personal episode. Not that the crumbling of my marriage was all roses. Just that the roads you've traveled on and the path you have ahead of you pale in comparison to my emotional boo-boo.

Besides I needed to go through my experience, but I came out like Andy Dufresne on the other side. My home is a happy home with the three of us. Amanda and I are able to stay on the same page and be effective co-parents without the cloud of deceit or bullshit hanging above us. Above all, I've been able to open up and meet an amazing woman who I feel like I've known my whole life but had yet to meet. She's emotionally stimulates me, supports my natural quirkiness and neither of us can get enough of being in each others presence. Family and friends have come to me and are amazed at how effortless we are together. On top of that, I find her whip your dick out in public hot. Lean athletic legs, a tight little ass and perfect natural breasts. Despite the equine meme, anyone who met Amanda found her to be nothing but stunning. Somehow I actually traded up physically and emotionally.

Why do I bring this up? First, I feel like you take a genuine interest in how I'm doing and you deserve a slight peek behind the curtain of the semi-factual stage act we all put up here. Second, while my challenges amount to a prop of piss next to yours, since you mentioned it I feel like I can share what helped me. I had a chance to get to a dark place when I kicked Amanda out. I had my bad days for sure, but at some point I started to realize even the bad days come to a close. Tomorrow is never guaranteed, but the opportunity that it will be better than today is. After a while, the bad days were less frequent and I was able to start the next day moving forward. I doubt I could have gotten to the point that I'm at without that mindset.

Yeah, you're going to have rough days and tomorrow may not be better, but the chance to make tomorrow better is always on the horizon. If your life forces you to eat a shit sandwich two days in a row, at least tomorrow you know to put some ketchup on it. That's what I'm talking about and I don't know if will translate to your struggle, but I got to think that being excited for the opportunity a sunrise brings beats dreading it regardless of the circumstance.

Is this shit going to take you down? Regardless of the chance or probability you might as well fight. Let's face facts. What else is there to do? Maybe it's easy for me to say. Shit, I'm an atheist so I'm resigned to the belief that once I draw my last breath my spirit and soul end up in the shop-vac with my ashes. So I say fuck it. Do everything you can to live. Even life at its most excruciating will never be worse than not existing. Pissing your pants on morphine beats the fuck out of being digested into worm shit I say.

We all have to die some day. I subscribe to the notion that the first ones to go are those whose bucket lists were filled out first. Those assholes didn't do everything in life, they just sold themselves short. Look for new challenges. Seek new opportunities and goals. Keep your mind open. There is no finish line Van. Just keep going.

Cancer is a rapist and Bobby Knight is a fucking idiot. Keep fighting buddy.

Don't make me miss you.
Rick.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Since they don't make time machines the only thing we can do about yesterday is learn from it.

It almost sounds like you're on the verge of an apology to poptart...




If we've learned anything from Van, it's that life is precious. Make every moment count.

[Go Coogs']

Have any of y'alls PMs been graded by Van for grammatical errors? I'm a little hesitant to send him one if that's the case.

[smackaholic]

If your life forces you to eat a shit sandwich two days in a row, at least tomorrow you know to put some ketchup on it.

rack the fukk outta that!!!!!

[LTS TRN 2]

Wandering these worded walls you've earned a eulogy...
Though dimly, you see through, not with, the eye.
Your praising prose of Eros does not lie,
But neither does it ring tumescently--
No Onanistic scorching could be claimed
By these envisionings, no vision maimed.
Your love of music and guitar deserves
A hug, though Govin sucks big buckets--serves
A shadow of a dream. Lucretius and
Spinoza want to talk to you about
The false if warming fires of that land
Beyond this veil, beyond the faith and doubt.
So sing the day and take the foolish chance
To pay for swing dance lessons in advance.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Wandering these worded walls you've earned a eulogy...
Though dimly, you see through, not with, the eye.
Your praising prose of Eros does not lie,
But neither does it ring tumescently--
No Onanistic scorching could be claimed
By these envisionings, no vision maimed.
Your love of music and guitar deserves
A hug, though Govin sucks big buckets--serves
A shadow of a dream. Lucretius and
Spinoza want to talk to you about
The false if warming fires of that land
Beyond the veil, beyond the faith and doubt.
So sing the day and take the foolish chance
To pay for swing dance lessons in advance.
Though planes the tower's shell did pierce
My love of cock is truly fierce
And Marty claims to be Canadian
He an mv are really one
Imagined cover-ups by the Pentagon and Feds
Mask reality...I'm off my meds!

ftfy ~ added the verses you left out

[Toddowen]

Hilarious stuff, Nick.

You too, Marty. Though I see you've still got the Mvscal groupie mentality going.


Gee...after reading R-Jack's pm, it's obvious to me that Van is now in possesion of a massive stockpile of personal info from everyone dropping their drawers for him.


Van...I told you that I hope this is a big troll job. Now I'm having second thoughts.

[War Wagon]

Gee...after reading R-Jack's pm, it's obvious to me that Van is now in possesion of a massive stockpile of personal info from everyone dropping their drawers for him.

Not everyone.

I don't have much to say in a PM that I wouldn't post here... to anyone, Van included.

It's not about dropping trou, you miserable dumbfuck.

and I'll be damned if you get the last word in this thread.

[Toddowen]

Oh...I cant answer for us all.

But I gave Van a good few revealing pin-up shots for his pleasure.
{Fred Garvin-male prostitute}

[Toddowen]

You know...I was thinking about doing a Wags style reply and post a supposed musical lift courtesy of youtube.

However, knowing Van's musical taste are quite different from mine, I decided against posting the grand finale number from "All That Jazz".

[War Wagon]

I have no such inhibitions.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

I decided against posting the grand finale number from "All That Jazz".

The closet...it must be so dark in there...

[LTS TRN 2]

Though planes the tower's shell did pierce
My love of cock is truly fierce
And Marty claims to be Canadian
He an mv are really one
Imagined cover-ups by the Pentagon and Feds
Mask reality...I'm off my meds!

ftfy ~ added the verses you left out[/quote]

'Cept for a fake Canuck you've got a really tin ear. :wink:

[Dr_Phibes]

Is there anyone who hasn't died in Van's immediate circle, outside a sports arena, in a major catastrophe? No offence to the intelligence of the posters on here, I love a good book, but isn't this getting silly?

[Terry in Crapchester]

I've been offline a few days. I get back online today, and this is the first thing I see.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

It is hard at times going through what I'm going through with my son, knowing that many of the dreams I had for him will never come true. Further, knowing that even some of the more mundane things you want your kid to go through -- play a varsity sport in high school, learn to drive, have a first date, go to college --might not even come true for him.

But at least what he's going through isn't going to kill him. I can pick up the phone and talk to him any time (well, just about any time) I wish, or get in the car, drive west for 1 1/2 hours and see him in person any time (just about any time, again) I wish.

This is something else, entirely.

Best of luck, Van. As everyone else has said, don't give up. Never give up. You can beat this.

[smackaholic]

Damn my out of date spreadsheet. What's up with your son, Terry?

[Cuda]

Is there anyone who hasn't died in Van's immediate circle, outside a sports arena, in a major catastrophe?

isn't IB still using more than her fair share of the oxygen?

[socal]

socalvansmack, thank you for many years of class, civility, warmth, and humor. To me you're more a real person than a performing chimp on a message board. You always made me feel good about my association with this cesspool.

Van, likewise.

A "happy" 49th to you on August 23rd wherever you may be.

[DC Smackmaster]

This is sad.

-MA


Hope a miracle found you, Van.