AP: Woods to Return at Masters

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:33 pm

I called it. The most controlled tournament in golf, perfect for Tiger's return. I hope he misses the cut.

Woods to return to golf at the Masters

By DOUG FERGUSON
The Associated Press
Tuesday, March 16, 2010; 11:21 AM

PALM HARBOR, Fla. -- Tiger Woods will return to golf at the Masters next month.

In a statement Tuesday, Woods said he will play at Augusta National after a four-month hiatus because of a sex scandal.

The Masters begins on April 8.

Woods says that while he's returning to competition, he still has a lot of work to do in this personal life.

He last played Nov. 15 when he won the Australian Masters. Less than two weeks later, he crashed his car into a tree outside his Florida home, setting off revelations that he had been cheating on his wife.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 3:50 pm

Tiger Woods wrote:I still have a lot of work to do in my personal life.

no shit?

Q, West Coast Style · Post by **Q, West Coast Style** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:35 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote:I hope he misses the cut.
Woods to return to golf at the Masters

I hope he wins by 10 strokes. How awesomely awkward would the scene be in Butler Cabin for the jacket ceremony with Tiger, Angel Cabrera, Jim Nance, and that Blue Blood from the Augusta Committee?

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:39 pm

I don't think it would be awkward at all. That's everything Augusta National and CBS wants.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:47 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote:I don't think it would be awkward at all. That's everything Augusta National and CBS wants.

No, what CBS and the folks at August would like more than anything else would be for Tiger to contend up to the last possible minute only to get jobbed by a miracle finish by either Lefty or some young up and coming star like Rory McIlroy or Anthony Kim. THAT would be the ideal Masters for those guys.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:49 pm

he won't even be close
his first competitive round and he knows every other player out there will be laughing their asses off at him....he'll be lucky if he makes the cut

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:29 pm

BSmack wrote:
Screw_Michigan wrote:I don't think it would be awkward at all. That's everything Augusta National and CBS wants.
No, what CBS and the folks at August would like more than anything else would be for Tiger to contend up to the last possible minute only to get jobbed by a miracle finish by either Lefty or some young up and coming star like Rory McIlroy or Anthony Kim. THAT would be the ideal Masters for those guys.

Not at all. CBS will obviously want Tiger to win in the most dramatic fashion possible. Tiger winning means more Tiger face-time, more Tiger interviews and more weeping from Jim Nance to the backdrop of tender piano music. Tiger winning would also mean that golf is officially relevant again, in terms of the network audience. Augusta might be a little embarrassed by Tiger winning it this time, but there is no way in hell that CBS wouldn't love it.

Oh, and Jsc, you need to reduce the dosages of your pain meds. Tiger is not done. He will win more majors. Bare minimum, that fucker is not stopping until he has nineteen. He may not do much at this year's Masters - then again, who would be seriously surprised if he went out there and boatraced the entire field, simply because he's Tiger - but merely being forced to somewhat curtail his extracurricular activies is not going to prevent him from being Tiger on the golf course.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 6:46 pm

Van wrote:Not at all. CBS will obviously want Tiger to win in the most dramatic fashion possible. Tiger winning means more Tiger face-time, more Tiger interviews and more weeping from Jim Nance to the backdrop of tender piano music. Tiger winning would also mean that golf is officially relevant again, in terms of the network audience. Augusta might be a little embarrassed by Tiger winning it this time, but there is no way in hell that CBS wouldn't love it.

While I'm absolutely certain that CBS would be more than "OK" with Tiger winning, I don't think the CBS or PGA honchos want their game dependent on one meal ticket ever again. There needs to be a segue, a transition between the era of Tiger and the "next big thing". Or failing that, at least an interregnum where a Lefty and Tiger rivalry really lives up to the hype.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:01 pm

The course looks good. His swing looks good. I like his chances.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:10 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:The course looks good. His swing looks good. I like his chances.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:14 pm

You are horrible at this.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:42 pm

Jsc810 wrote:Likewise, Tiger may win again, but he will never be the same and he'll never be The Man. And you and he can forget about 19.

That is weapons grade stupid.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 7:48 pm

Does this mean that CBS will quit showing the Masters commercials without Tiger in them? I guarandamntee you they already have the version with Tiger in them ready to air if they have not done so already.

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:35 pm

I can see it now...

"He's the Cinderella boy, uh - tears in his eyes I guess as he lines up this last shot, he's got about 195 yards left, he's got about a - its looks like he's got about an eight-iron. This crowd has gone deathly silent, the Cinderella story, outta no where, a former adulterer now about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac - It's in the Hole!"

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:38 pm

Jsc810 wrote:
Van wrote:Tiger is not done. He will win more majors. Bare minimum, that fucker is not stopping until he has nineteen.
Likewise, Tiger may win again, but he will never be the same and he'll never be The Man. And you and he can forget about 19.

Didnt they say that after the knee surgery and the swing changes?

This dude has been trying to hide a pink elephant for years now and still won majors.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 8:58 pm

BSmack wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:Likewise, Tiger may win again, but he will never be the same and he'll never be The Man. And you and he can forget about 19.
That is weapons grade stupid.

yep.....

if anybody thinks this is going to slow down the Tiger Woods express, then they really don't understand the game and just how good woods is....when somebody like Ernie Els concedes he's playing for second, you know just how big a mental edge he has over everybody in the field....

he could potentially be better than he ever was....he's in his physical prime and mentally, the dude is as tough as anybody I've ever seen....it may take a few tournaments, but he'll be there

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 10:53 pm

Felix wrote:his first competitive round and he knows every other player out there will be laughing their asses off at him..

"Laughing their asses off at him"??? I think it's more likely that they'll be trying to get phone numbers from him.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:22 pm

Van wrote:...but merely being forced to somewhat curtail his extracurricular activies is not going to prevent him from being Tiger on the golf course.

It might actually even improve his focus on the course.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue Mar 16, 2010 11:29 pm

BSmack wrote:
Jsc810 wrote:Likewise, Tiger may win again, but he will never be the same and he'll never be The Man. And you and he can forget about 19.
That is weapons grade stupid.

rack it!

highly enriched stupid.

comparing tiger to iron mike is, well, to quote mike, it's ludicrous.

as soon as tiger gets thrown in the hole for 3 years, i will then admit that there is a good chance 19 will never be.

but, he won't.

i think tiger has a bit of motivation now and will channel it by making everyone on the pga tour his biatch.

btw, i'm not rooting for him. i'd get a chuckle out of seeing him melt, but, i don;'t see it happening.

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 12:08 am

Jsc, on what possible level can you hope to compare Tiger with Tyson?? In your world, who is Tiger's Cus D'Amato? To the sane world, it was Tiger's father, and Tiger's golf game certainly didn't go into the shitter after his father died, the way Tyson's boxing career and life in general fell apart once Cus died. Tiger's won multiple majors following the death of his father.

He's only been away from the game a few months, and he won the last tournament he played. Dude is only thirty-four years old. How is his game supposed to completely fall apart in such a short time? If anything, he'll likely be pissed off and even more focused than usual on crushing everyone out there.

Jesus, dude. That was a scary kind of stupid. You have to be smarter than that. I know you're smarter than that.

MuchoBulls · Post by **MuchoBulls** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 1:56 pm

Q, West Coast Style wrote:I hope he wins by 10 strokes. How awesomely awkward would the scene be in Butler Cabin for the jacket ceremony with Tiger, Angel Cabrera, Jim Nance, and that Blue Blood from the Augusta Committee?

It won't be shocking for him and Nance

R-Jack · Post by **R-Jack** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 2:07 pm

Van wrote:Bare minimum, that fucker is not stopping until he has nineteen.

We are still talking golf, right?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 4:09 pm

Funny how many people here have become golf "experts" once the PGA's big name hit the tabloids.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:28 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Funny how many people here have become golf "experts" once the PGA's big name hit the tabloids.

It's commonly referred to as the Dinsdale Syndrome.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 7:53 pm

EAD, Mace.

I'm interested in what I'm interested in, and that's that.

Going back over 5 years pretty well proves I have an interest in PGA golf, along with several other folks here. There's actually a forum where we discuss PGA golf, and even run a sweetazz variation of a Pick'Em game.

But beyond the regulars (BSmack, Felix, Mucho, Derron, IF, a few others), I don't seem to recall any of the others here hanging out and BSing about the PGA.

Then WHAM, the Big Name gets caught with his cock out, and now all of a sudden everyone here is some Expert On All Things Tiger?

Get the fuck out of here, you tabloid-addled losers.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:12 pm

You're not the only one around here interested in golf, Dins, despite the lack of activity in the Golf Forum, but any of the guys predicting that Tiger is "done" should avoid the urge to travel out to Vegas or calling their bookies to put their money where their mouth is...unless they're willing to lose the house. [marcus allen]Tiger is the best golfer on the planet[/marcus allen] and I don't know how he will react to his first competitive event since his layoff for sex addiction and drug addiction treatment(s). I won't be shocked if he wins at Augusta, or if he has a bad outing. Neither would surprise me but it's hard to imagine that he'll be at the top of his game with the long layoff and the multitude of distractions. We'll find out in April. That said, I don't think Tiger is done winning on the tour or that he's won his last major.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:32 pm

Mace wrote:any of the guys predicting that Tiger is "done" should avoid the urge to travel out to Vegas or calling their bookies to put their money where their mouth is...unless they're willing to lose the house. [marcus allen]Tiger is the best golfer on the planet[/marcus allen] and I don't know how he will react to his first competitive event since his layoff for sex addiction and drug addiction treatment(s). I won't be shocked if he wins at Augusta, or if he has a bad outing. Neither would surprise me but it's hard to imagine that he'll be at the top of his game with the long layoff and the multitude of distractions. We'll find out in April. That said, I don't think Tiger is done winning on the tour or that he's won his last major.

Solid take.

I have a snickering hunch that El Tigre is going to be looking to shut some fools the fuck up, and is going to be as focused as ever.

And we've seen what happens when Tiger plays with a chip on his shoulder, time and time again.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 8:46 pm

I say he barely makes the cut, rallies on the weekend to finish in the top 10.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 9:00 pm

He has had plenty of time to replace the irons that his old lady tried to bury in his dome, via the car windows, and plenty of time working on his stroke (

) on those closed golf courses.

You can almost see the Nike crowd dancing in the streets over in Beaverton, welcoming their beloved swoosh back to prime time sports television, even if dude wearing it was fucking every piece of stanky gash he could get his million dollar hands on.

The mixed breed golf phenom returns to the bastion of white golf racism at Augusta, dropping the bird on them like a Lynyrd Skynyrd album cover, getting ready to take their money as fast as he can.

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Wed Mar 17, 2010 10:24 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
I have a snickering hunch that El Tigre is going to be looking to shut some fools the fuck up, and is going to be as focused as ever.

And we've seen what happens when Tiger plays with a chip on his shoulder, time and time again.

no doubt that thought will strike immense fear into every other player at Augusta....

I pity the poor fuckers that have to play with him the first two days...no doubt it will be some Augusta rooks that'll three jack their way to a pair of 92's

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 2:33 am

Derron wrote:He has had plenty of time to replace the irons that his old lady tried to bury in his dome, via the car windows, and plenty of time working on his stroke ( ) on those closed golf courses.

You can almost see the Nike crowd dancing in the streets over in Beaverton, welcoming their beloved swoosh back to prime time sports television, even if dude wearing it was fucking every piece of stanky gash he could get his million dollar hands on.

The mixed breed golf phenom returns to the bastion of white golf racism at Augusta, dropping the bird on them like a Lynyrd Skynyrd album cover, getting ready to take their money as fast as he can.

Jesus, Duhhron. That just might be the best take ever posted on this decrepit board. RACK YOU. The Circus is back!

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 5:12 pm

The only thing we don't have to look forward to is the upcoming media frenzy as they start opining in the next few days / weeks before King Tiger returns. It will completely ruin what should be a good run up to a premier sports event, regardless of Tigers return.

Likely the PGA honks and the media are jerking all over themselves as their money man returns. Tiger could fuck 3 skanks at once on the first tee and the analysts would analyze his performance on said skanks, and then he would drive it 350 and eagle the first hole. Perfect start to the Masters.

Let's see how bad the media makes watching it this year.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 6:27 pm

Jsc810 wrote:Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Sounds like a weekend getaway with Frau Vogel.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 6:44 pm

Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

This is for Friday, right?

Sin,

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Thu Mar 18, 2010 11:57 pm

Jsc810 wrote:And of course, things like this are going to continue to come out, especially with his return to golf.

Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

The skank released Eldrick's texts (alleged) but not her own?

haha

Noted.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 12:00 am

i would have thought that after 20 thousand or so posts of these guys, it would get old.

i thought wrong.

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:28 am

Tiger:Sent: 04"02 PM 08/29/2009:
I want to treat you rough. Throw you around, spank and slap you

Tiger:Sent: 04:06 PM 08/29/2009:
Slap your face. Treat you like a dirty little whore. Put my cock in your ass and then shove it down your throat

Tiger:Sent: 04:07 PM 08/29/2009:
You are my fucking whore

Tiger:Sent: 04:08 PM 08/29/2009:
Hold you down while i choke you and Fuck that ass that i own

Tiger:Sent: 04:10 PM 08/29/2009:
Then im going to tell you to shut the Fuck up while i slap your face and pull your hair for making noise

Tiger:Sent: 04:21 PM 08/29/2009:
Where do you want to be bitten

Tiger:Sent: 04:24 PM 08/29/2009:
Ok. Now your talking. Whatever i want. You are mine

This looks like a text between Katy and shutyomouth. Question is.....which one is Tiger?

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 3:28 am

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 4:36 am

She is only posting messages she says are from Woods and none from herself to the golfe because her cell phone overwrote outgoing texts and she wasn’t able to save them. ...

DAMN!!

Hate when that happens.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Fri Mar 19, 2010 5:11 pm

poptart wrote:
She is only posting messages she says are from Woods and none from herself to the golfe because her cell phone overwrote outgoing texts and she wasn’t able to save them. ...
DAMN!!

Hate when that happens.

Rigghttt...even the most rookie cop or investigator 5 minutes out of the academy can find that shit, over wrote or not....bitch releases those so she can troll the gossip magazines for the best deal on who will pay her for the foreplay conversations. Probably going to be weekly "releases" up until the Masters, or until Tiger pays the bitch off.