Joke

[Smackie Chan]

Hate to be the one to break it to you, Sam, but that one is older than the combined ages of you, Goober, Wolfman, & Luther.

[Mikey]

Hate to be the one to break it to you, Sam, but that one is older than the combined ages of you, Goober, Wolfman, & Luther.

Impossible. That would pre-date the Catholic church.

[wizzardrose]

" And the Lord said unto Luke, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal salvation." But poor Luke came fifth and only got a toaster.

[Sirfindafold]

Once again, allow me to rescue this thread:


Arthur is 85 years old.He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.One day he arrives home looking downcast.
"That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."
His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

"That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

"He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

"Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

"Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

"Can't remember."

[Goober McTuber]

I never would have guessed that this thread could get any worse.

T.R.O.T.S.

[Truman]

Hate to be the one to break it to you, Sam, but that one is older than the combined ages of you, Goober, Wolfman, & Luther.

:?

That would make it before time began.

/s/

pops

[Smackie Chan]

A man goes to his doctor, who says, "Now, explain exactly what brought you here." The patient says, "Well, the first thing every morning, before I'm up, my wife wakes me up sucking my dick. Then after breakfast, I usually fuck her before going to work. Later, while waiting for my carpool, my good looking neighbor Suzie will wave me over and I'll end up fucking her at her house. Then in my carpool, I'm stuck in the back seat with a co-worker who is a very hot woman and she will suck my dick all the way to work. At work, I will usually fuck at least one of my customers on the couch in my office, and then I take my secretary to lunch and afterward fuck her in the motel next door. In the afternoon, my ex-wife will show up, sometimes with a friend, and I'll fuck both of them. The guy next to me drives me home and he's gay and loves to suck me off before dropping me off... and then of course, I'll have to fuck my wife once or twice before going to sleep...." The confused doctor asks, "So what's the problem?" The Man shakes his head and replies, "It hurts when I jerk off."

[Sirfindafold]

Two friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them.

“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”

“Sure,” they said, “you’re welcome.” So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, “What do you do for a living?”

“I’m a Hit Man,” was the reply.

“You’re joking!”

“No, I’m not,” he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight. “Here are my tools.”

“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight,” said the other friend. “Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here.”

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. “Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.”

“Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha, I can see...she’s naked! Wait a minute, that’s my neighbor in there with her...He’s naked, too!”
He turned to the hit man and said, “How much do you charge for a hit?”

“I’ll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars, every time I pull the trigger.”

“Can you do two for me now?”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“First, shoot my wife; she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he’s a friend of mine, so just shoot his Willie off to teach him a lesson.”

The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

“Are you going to do it or not?” said the golfer nervously.

“Just be patient,” said the hit man calmly. “I’m about to save you a grand here . . .”

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I haven't prayed since I was 10 years old...but if there is a God out there, please make it stop.