It must be getting hot

[Mikey]

We had a visitor a few minutes ago, and he didn't want to leave.

[Derron]

We had a visitor a few minutes ago, and he didn't want to leave.

Road kill in the pool...great..wait until he shits in the pool,and he won't look so fucking cute...

[Mikey]

Road kill in the pool...great..wait until he shits in the pool,and he won't look so fucking cute...

Who said it was cute, you stupid waste of airspace? I chased it out with a long handle pool brush.

I just finished replastering the pool and got the pump started this morning.

I told smackaholic years ago that there were no coons or Connecticut Yankees allowed in my pool. Looks like the coon beat him to it.

[Dinsdale]

That's one mangy-assed looking coon.

The sequoia tree in the backyard is home to a buhzillion of the fucking pests (having the mimi-mall's dumpater directly behind said tree doesn't help, either).

I guess the one redeeming quality they have is that they deplete the varmit food supply, which keeps the skunks away -- given the choice between the two, I'll take the coons over the skunks any day. The coons shit everywhere, but the skunks spray -- so the coons become the lesser of evils. The town I live in is pretty redassed when it comes to urban gunfire, so I guess the coons stay.

[War Wagon]

That's one mangy-assed looking coon.

I don't see any mange, it looks like a juvenile coon to me, nothing more than a baby... would probably make a nice pet for Mikey.

Obviously it's a baby coon, because you don't get to be an old coon by pissing in someones pool.

Don't see many coons or skunks round these parts nowadays but opossums are quite common and nastier by far.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

We had a visitor a few minutes ago, and he didn't want to leave.

Dump a bushel of carrots and potatoes into the pool...drop in an electric weed trimmer...

...instant stew!

[Mikey]

First one I've ever seen up close. And this guy wasn't scared of me at all. I ran up to him, started yelling and waving my arms and he just stood there giving me the stinkeye.

Went inside the house and got the camera and he hadn't moved an inch. Took a couple of picks, picked up the pool brush and prodded they guy a few times. Then he ambled slowly off into the bushes. At first I thought maybe he was sick or something because he didn't run away, but I guess I'm just not too scary looking to coons.

[Derron]

Don't see many coons or skunks round these parts nowadays but opossums are quite common and nastier by far.

With the increase in coyote populations close to the city, coons and skunks and possums are practically non existent.

It is pretty funny when a couple of coyotes nail old lady Smiths cat in the front yard at high noon though and leave half a bloody corpse...on the fringe areas in all the new "green space" that has been created. They call the fucking cops and all...one of the city councilors traps them and then bounty's them off in the next county.

The cougars have put a dent in the coyote population, even close to town. I used to get 4 to 5 coyotes per year by now, but I only got one last week. I have not seen the cougars, just their tracks..it is so good to be green and provide such great habitat for these harmless animals...one of them cougars is going to go human here soon.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

..one of them cougars is going to go human here soon.

Like a werewolf?

Interesting hypothesis.

[War Wagon]

At first I thought maybe he was sick or something because he didn't run away, but I guess I'm just not too scary looking to coons.

He wasn't sick. He just wanted you to fix him an omelette, you asshole.

He'll be back.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

He wanted you to fix him an omellet, you asshole.

Suicidal raccoons. Hmmmmm....

Mikey's backyard is like a "Logan's Run" for local wildlife I guess.

[mvscal]

First one I've ever seen up close. And this guy wasn't scared of me at all. I ran up to him, started yelling and waving my arms and he just stood there giving me the stinkeye.

We have an entire gang of them roaming around. I've seen as many as six of them roll up to our patio looking to see if we left any cat food out....then they push over the potted plants and rummage through anything else before running off to knock over somebody else's shit.

We only see them at night, though. They don't seem to like having ammonia sprayed in their faces very much. They aren't quite as bold anymore. They'll run away just out range and turn back with a surly look before trundling off.

[War Wagon]

Thanks Marty - I am now the Van of late edits.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Thanks Marty - I am now the Van of late edits.

What's a few letters between friends?

[War Wagon]

...then they push over the potted plants and rummage through anything else before running off to knock over somebody else's shit.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

...then they push over the potted plants and rummage through anything else before running off to knock over somebody else's shit.

I think I read this exact same quote back on HostBoard...

...only in regards to NoCal Snowgirl, not raccoons.

potted plants = Russ' wallet

[Mace]

Obviously it's a baby coon, because you don't get to be an old coon by pissing in someones pool.

It's a California racoon, Wags, so its undersized appearance is probably due to AIDS.

[Van]

I drive my wife crazy when incidents like these happen, mainly because she's exactly like all you assholes. She just wants the animal gone, while I want the little guy to go all Disney flick for us and start singing a stupid show tune.

This presents quite the conundrum when it's a bear, and we're camping. She always manages to run into 'em, and I never do. Late night campfires with her are a blast, especially once I turn in. Sure enough, ten minutes later, she's all freaked out over Yogi and Boo Boo, who apparently went trundling right on past her, not five feet away. She lives to show me the mangled water bottles and ripped open trash, while I condescendingly pat her on the head and say, "Uh-huh...it was a bear....no, two bears! Really, I believe you!"

If it were up to me, they'd all be welcome to hang out. Mikey's coon in the pool looks great to me. I don't give a fuck, let him swim, and yes, feed him an omelette. We're already a halfway house for any and all furry, wayward sluts o' the neighborhood, so what's one more?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

It's a California racoon, Wags, so its undersized appearance is probably due to AIDS.

Oh, great...

Now Barbara Boxer is going to spend all of Mikey's money on raccoon condoms...

[Mace]

It's a California racoon, Wags, so its undersized appearance is probably due to AIDS.

Oh, great...

Now Barbara Boxer is going to spend all of Mikey's money on raccoon condoms...

Yeah, and for the series of rabies shots for Mikey.

[mvscal]

Obviously it's a baby coon, because you don't get to be an old coon by pissing in someones pool.

It's a California racoon, Wags, so its undersized appearance is probably due to AIDS.

Dude, you have no idea. That is just a baby. These fuckers can get huge. They are extremely smart and have no predators except for the occasional large dog and I haven't seen a coyote in about five years.

Actually, they are smart enough to get bored and engage in senseless vandalism to amuse themselves. They have destroyed plants and shredded bags of charcoal. Why? What the fuck? If we forget to take in the cat food, they'll tip over the dish and bat it out into the middle of the yard...for no real reason except for kicks. They're worse than drunk teenagers or even The Crew.

I have only seen one polite racoon. That little guy will come up to the patio, wash his hands in the water bowl and then daintily pick up each kibble of cat food with his hands and nibble it down before taking another one. He also has the decency to be frightened when I show up at the sliding door.

[Van]

He's probably a liberal.

[Mikey]

FUCK!!!!!
This is all I need to hear.

This is the first coon I've seen. Apparently they're moving into our neighborhood.

I thought our property values had bottomed out. This is very bad news.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

They're worse than...even The Crew.

No way. Sorry, I just can't buy into that. That just defies reason.



Wait...let me Snopes that shit...



Yup, I was right.
I did a search on Snopes for "Raccoons Worse Than The Crew" and it came up with:

FALSE

Nice troll job, mv. I knew something was fishy.

[Mace]

Dude, you have no idea. That is just a baby. These fuckers can get huge. They are extremely smart and have no predators except for the occasional large dog and I haven't seen a coyote in about five years.

Actually, they are smart enough to get bored and engage in senseless vandalism to amuse themselves. They have destroyed plants and shredded bags of charcoal. Why? What the fuck? If we forget to take in the cat food, they'll tip over the dish and bat it out into the middle of the yard...for no real reason except for kicks. They're worse than drunk teenagers or even The Crew.

I have only seen one polite racoon. That little guy will come up to the patio, wash his hands in the water bowl and then daintily pick up each kibble of cat food with his hands and nibble it down before taking another one. He also has the decency to be frightened when I show up at the sliding door.

Oh, I have a very good idea regarding racoons, mvscal. I see them several times a week...sometimes when they're going for an evening walk in the neighborhood, but more often as road kill. They reak havoc on my neighbor's garden every year and will also move into vacant houses/basements until someone purchases the property and has to evict them. They're normally harmless unless backed into a corner or are rabid. I guess they feel safer in town rather than with the coyotes in the countryside. They can be an annoyance but, otherwise, are harmless.

[mvscal]

They're worse than...even The Crew.

No way. Sorry, I just can't buy into that. That just defies reason.

These coons would fuck Douchebag up worse than a Cinco de Mayo parade.

[R-Jack]

Not really too pissed off about the family of turkeys that congregate on my lawn anymore.

[Dinsdale]

With the increase in coyote populations close to the city, coons and skunks and possums are practically non existent.

It is pretty funny when a couple of coyotes nail old lady Smiths cat in the front yard at high noon though and leave half a bloody corpse...on the fringe areas in all the new "green space" that has been created. They call the fucking cops and all...one of the city councilors traps them and then bounty's them off in the next county.

Actually, I live not too far from the Fanno Creek Trail (for anyone not named Derron who's bored enough to be reading this, the "trail" is pretty freaking cool -- runs alongside the main creek in this part of the valley, and goes under many of the main roads, so one can bike/walk unfettered for miles, through multiple cities). Over the last couplefew years, a pack of 'yotes moved in, and are eating all the cats and small dogs from the yards adjacent to the trail/parks. Almost ran one over right in my neighborhood a few years ago... unrack my skeelz, JSC would have had the fucker dead-to-rights. But they stick to the canyon/gully/feeder creek swales, and don't come up as far as my house -- the coons are alive and quite well. I see the fuckers pretty much every night. Not sure what's going to happen when they come across the Mexican dude next door's missing iguana, which got loose, and he tells us it's a very large example of an iguana. I hope I'm around for that battle.

As far as the possum/coon populations -- "they" (actually the Humane Society) tell me that it's in a constant ebb/flow. They get overpopulated, then (maybe canine?) dissentary sweeps through them, and we hardly see them for a year or two, then all of a sudden you can't swing a dead cat without hitting one. I'm sure having a bunch of fruit trees in the yard, coupled with the dumpater behind the fence doesn't discourage them any. If they start fucking with the grapes, some firearms laws might get broken (pop bottles make a decent one-shot silencer-btw).

Mikey -- most coons get the message when you poke them with a stick... right up until you find the Alpha Dog who doesn't. If you piss off a big one and it keeps coming at you... just swallow your pride and run. Probably better off. You may or may not come out of man/racoon combat unscathed... but you might not. I make it a rule (haven't gotten bit, come pretty damned close) to threaten/poke them twice if they need moving, but run in the house if they keep coming. I'm sure I'd still win, but don't need whatever nasty shit they'd transmit if they got their chomp on.

And skunks -- don't fuck with a skunk unless it's at distance with a projectile. Those fucking things aren't afraid of anything -- and they charge you ass first, and can launch the stink a looooong way. Had one charge me when I walked out the front door one night. What a helpless feeling that is -- what are you going to do, fight him? I'm all running back in thew house, finding shit to throw through the cracked door -- just fucked up. You don't want to piss them off, because then they paint your house/trees with the stank. Can't even shoot 'em, because they discharge their stank when they die. Just a freaking no-win. Hence the reluctant acceptance of the coons, because they keep the food supply down (that's my theory anyway -- when we have a shitload of coons, we don't get many skunks), and keep the skunks away.

[Van]

And skunks -- don't fuck with a skunk unless it's at distance with a projectile. Those fucking things aren't afraid of anything -- and they charge you ass first, and can launch the stink a looooong way. Had one charge me when I walked out the front door one night.

Maybe you shouldn't have snuck off to the basement while she was passed out from vodka Redbulls laced with roofies and bleeding from the ass napping to fist her mother too.

[Dinsdale]

You're misreading "skunk" as "skank" is hitting close enough to home that I'm a little uncomfortable.

[Van]

You're misreading "skunk" as "skank" is hitting close enough to home that I'm a little uncomfortable.

Ummm, smackie, your thoughts?

[War Wagon]

Can't speak for Smackie, but keeping Dins uncomfortable is a good thing.

[Van]

Just hit him with garlic or holy water.