Left coast roadie this summer?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 1:49 am

We got about 1200 bucks worth of continental funny money to burn this year and we are thinking of a trip out to the land of hippies, faggits and other assorted fukktards. Actually, that kinda describes a good chunk of the U&R, but, we already seen it.

The wife says that the cheapest flights are beantown to portland. Should be able to fly all four of us and pay exorbitant excess luggage charges with our funny money.

We were thinking fly into portland, drive down the coast to san fagcisco. That shoud eat up 2 days, then head down to LA and check that freak show out, then up Yosemite Sam NP, hang out for a few days. Head up to tahoe. Then work our way north to the seattle area for a few more days.

I'm thinking that 2 weeks should be a sufficient amount of time. No RV this trip. Motels/campgrounds instead. Should be able to take advantage of various military run places to keep the $$$$ to a minimum.

What do you left coast shitstains think? Recommendations/wisecracks welcome as usual.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:07 am

Ask 88 about Yosemite..I hear he knows that place well... :D

When you get your travel dates maybe I can help with some of it as well.

May and June rule BTW....

Sounds like a hell of a roadie...the list of things to do could be endless...

Let me know if I can be of assisstance..

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 2:07 am

I think you and your family should drive off a fucking cliff from the PCH and into the fucking ocean.

fix · Post by **fix** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:09 am

Screw_Michigan wrote:I think you and your family should drive off a fucking cliff from the PCH and into the fucking ocean.

It only took 2 posts into the thread to produce this kind of response?

Nice!

There's hope for this place yet.

Diego in Seattle · Post by **Diego in Seattle** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:16 am

Stay at the Cedar Lodge motel just outside of Yosemite NP. The place is known for their excellent handymen.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:22 am

Diego in Seattle wrote:Stay at the Cedar Lodge motel just outside of Yosemite NP. The place is known for their excellent handymen.

I could use a decent handyman right here in ellington, ct. I could give a fukk about yosemite.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 3:34 am

Diego in Seattle wrote:Stay at the Cedar Lodge motel just outside of Yosemite NP. The place is known for their excellent handymen.

Nice ....

socal · Post by **socal** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 6:39 pm

Two weeks won't be enough time to do all of that if you plan on following that itinerary. Campgrounds? Hope you have your reservations well in advance. You could always frequent road side rest stops and blow truckers for some extra cashe. Disneyland ain't cheap.

ChargerMike · Post by **ChargerMike** » Mon Jan 19, 2009 8:03 pm

...Smack, starting in Portland is bass akwards. Any trip out West should start at the other end in San Diego and progresss northward. You could spend one week in San Diego and still not see all the sites. You've got of course the World famous Zoo, The Gas Lamp Quarter, Old Town, Mission Bay, and Balboa Park. Heading North you've got Didneyland, Knotts Berry Farm, and then you hit L.A. If you never got any further you would have more to do and see than if you spent 2 years in Portland. If you made it out of L.A. you could end up in San Fransicko.
The only reason to hit Portland would be to look up Luther or Derron. Actually, the scenery between Redding, Ca. and Portland is breathtaking and worth the drive, just ask ppanther.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:43 am

ChargerMike wrote:If you never got any further you would have more to do and see than if you spent 2 years in Portland.

Funny shit.

Actually, the scenery between Redding, Ca. and Portland is breathtaking and worth the drive, just ask ppanther.

Yeah, that stretch between Eugene and Portland offers breathtaking views of... flat farms.

Smack, two days to drive down the coast from Portland to SF would A) Mean you're driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way, and B) would be cheating yourself out of some serious sightseeing. There's so much shit to do in that stretch of 101, it's mindboggling.

Sounds like you're getting a little too ambitious with your scheduling. I'd say either do a partial-U&L/NoCal thing, or a SoCal thing. 2 weeks in a car isn't going to do much justice to any of those places... you're talking about 2 entirely different regions of the country, and it's probably no more feasable than trying to do the entire Least Coast by car in 2 weeks.

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 12:55 am

smackaholic wrote:We got about 1200 bucks worth of continental funny money to burn this year and we are thinking of a trip out to the land of hippies, faggits and other assorted fukktards. Actually, that kinda describes a good chunk of the U&R, but, we already seen it.

The wife says that the cheapest flights are beantown to portland. Should be able to fly all four of us and pay exorbitant excess luggage charges with our funny money.

We were thinking fly into portland, drive down the coast to san fagcisco. That shoud eat up 2 days, then head down to LA and check that freak show out, then up Yosemite Sam NP, hang out for a few days. Head up to tahoe. Then work our way north to the seattle area for a few more days.

I'm thinking that 2 weeks should be a sufficient amount of time. No RV this trip. Motels/campgrounds instead. Should be able to take advantage of various military run places to keep the $$$$ to a minimum.

What do you left coast shitstains think? Recommendations/wisecracks welcome as usual.

i feel a tingle at the base of my scrotesack because i'm so fucking EXCITED about traveling out there to beat the ever living shit out of you and nailing your old lady's fuckflaps. i'll be there.........WAITING. and when i find you i WILL kill you and your entire pathetic little family, you miserable cockslapping dickslice.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:02 am

I-5 Exit 296 (Oregon).

I'll bring smackaholic.

Diego in Seattle · Post by **Diego in Seattle** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:30 am

Nothing says vacation like spending hours driving I-5 through the San Juaquin Valley.

Dins;
Taking smack to the mall?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:48 am

Diego in Seattle wrote:Nothing says vacation like spending hours driving I-5 through the San Juaquin Valley.

It's San Joaquin...

And I understand the weather is just lovely there, starting right around June...

If you like ovens.

Dins;
Taking smack to the mall?

???

296 is the 99W exit (probably, since I rarely use the numbers), into the lovely burb known as Tigard, and on to points south/west like McMinnville and Lincoln City.

The big Mormon Temple is right there... seems like a good place for smack and DBag to hook it up.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:31 am

88 wrote: Mount St. Helens is a couple of hours north of Portland, but it is worth a look too. There is a relatively short video presentation in the theatre at the Johnston Ridge Observatory, which concludes with them opening a curtain to show you what is left of the mountain/volcano after the 1980 eruption. Very cool.

Depends on when he goes. Opens sometime in May, but could still be snowed in into June... never know.

On the way to California, you could stop at Crater Lake. I haven't been there, but I hear it is worth the substantial detour from I-5.

Quite a detour.

Haven't been in years. But there's something about the shade of blue the water gets that can't be replicated in pics or in words. Not much to do there besides gawk at the spectacular views then turn around and drive back to Medford, but a sight to behold, for sure.

You would pass through Bend, which is a very cool town in its own right.

That drive wouldn't take you within 100 miles of Bend, or even in the same region of the state.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 3:34 am

88 wrote:From there, you could head south again and pass through Klamath Falls

Dear Mr. 88:

If you ever mention K Falls in a thread regarding Oregon tourism again, we will shoot you in the fucking face.

Your compliance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

Sin,
Oregon Department of Tourism

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 5:44 am

We're obviously going to have to coordinate this shit to accommodate everyone.

Vegas is centrally located, and the Bagmeister might get a deal on airfare, possibly through Northwest Airlines.

Blueblood · Post by **Blueblood** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:13 am

I'm still laughing at 88's... derived version of Northern California... and wondering where he came up with it.

That should be a story in itself.

From the California/Oregon border.... 88 seems to get lost.

Funny stuff.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 1:50 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Smack, two days to drive down the coast from Portland to SF would A) Mean you're driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way

Isn't that like roughly 650 miles? Two days at 100 mph?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 2:50 pm

Dins, You may be right about going all the way down to lala land. Yosemite Sam park might be about as far south as we get.

D-bag, Fine. You name the place. I will gladly kill you out there since my exit 67 bking parking lot offer remains untaken. Incase you do have the sack to wander up this way, remember, luckystar bus line uses it as their halfway pissbreak on their nyc-bean town shuttle.

My offer still stands for a single 1 way ticket. Won't be no fukking need for a round tripper. Just give me mammy dbag's address, and I'll fed ex her the pieces afterwards.

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 · Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:06 pm

smackaholic wrote: luckystar bus line uses it as their halfway pissbreak on their nyc-bean town shuttle.

Does the Fung Wah bus stop in Rockville, CT as well... or do the passengers just get out and pee at the point where the driver inevitably crashes into something?

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:42 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:Smack, two days to drive down the coast from Portland to SF would A) Mean you're driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way
Isn't that like roughly 650 miles? Two days at 100 mph?

Flyover dweeb makes me laugh yet again.

It's roughly 650 miles straight down I-5. Don't have an exact distance taking 101 down the coast, but you can bet the rent it's a lot longer.

See, there's these things called "mountain ranges" you have to traverse to get to the coast. When you do get there, 101 is a very curvy road in places. It also goes through many towns and small cities.

And since he's talking about the summer travel season, he'll be dealing with tourons... lots and lots of tourons... the ones that usually keep Left Coasters off the Left Coastline during those months. 101 will be chock-full of cars bearing plates from British Columbia that decided to stop and park in the middle of the freeway to take in the sights of what a beach that isn't half-tundra looks like... the Upper Mexicans are pretty fucking annoying.

So 2 days is hauling balls to SF down 101... and why bother, if you're not going to take your time going through one of the Garden Spots of the Universe?

Of course, you're more likely to get to SF unscathed in 2 days down 101 than you are likely to see anything resembling Bend on a drive from Portland to Crater Lake, but neither one is going to be a very productive plan (although Bend is somewhat cool place, although it's often blistering hot by summertime... but then again, so is much of the state outside of the northwestern corner... but the Central Valley in california will make a person forget about how hot it was in Medford and points north. Redding is where the heat from the Valley goes to escape the heat).

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:47 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:Smack, two days to drive down the coast from Portland to SF would A) Mean you're driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way
Isn't that like roughly 650 miles? Two days at 100 mph?

Flyover dweeb makes me laugh yet again.

It's roughly 650 miles straight down I-5. Don't have an exact distance taking 101 down the coast, but you can bet the rent it's a lot longer.

Well, if you only drive for 8 hours a day, I guess that makes it 1600 miles. That is a lot longer. Thanks for the clarification.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 6:57 pm

I guess an explaination for the slow folk is in order...

You're not going to average 100 down 101.

You're not going to average 50 down 101.

Anyone with 2 eyes and one brain is going to be stopping very frequently along 101 to say "wow, that's fucking cool." They might even stop and do one of those tourist dune buggy rides through the Dunes on the South Coast. And maybe... do some other stuff as well... which is often the point of a vacation.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:17 pm

Dinsdale wrote:I guess an explaination for the slow folk is in order...

You're not going to average 100 down 101.

Dinsdale wrote:Smack, two days to drive down the coast from Portland to SF would A) Mean you're driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way

You're making a ton of sense here, Speedy.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 7:24 pm

My bad --- I assumed the typical Flyover would have enough brains to understand the point I was making.

Silly assumption on my part.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:11 pm

The point you made initially was that it would take two days at 100 mph to drive from Portland to SF. Then when questioned, you started spinning and backpedaling with the statement that you couldn’t average 100 mph on that road. Silly assumption on my part that your writing skills are beyond those of Adel or Guntslinger.

Loganfan · Post by **Loganfan** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:12 pm

Either way, you should ALWAYS give youself enough time to enjoy the drive down the 101.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:15 pm

I'll be sure to never use phrases like "colder than a witch's tit" and "raining cats and dogs" around you, Goobs.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:16 pm

Loganfan wrote:Either way, you should ALWAYS give youself enough time to enjoy the drive down the 101.

If one is vacationing, making good time down any stretch of 101 (or the parts I'm familiar with at least) is counterproductive.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 8:42 pm

Dins is correct.

SF to L.A. via 101 in tourist season, including having a wife and kids aboard who wanna do touristy things at a touristy pace?

Any way you slice it that's easily a twelve hour run.

Reason I say that, despite what mapquest says? Simple. Nobody in their right mind takes either I-5 or 101, not while they're on a traveling vacation in California. Unless you're specifically headed for points inland or you're on the coastline or you're in the redwoods you don't touch those two slabs of pavement until you're near the major cities, not if you can help it.

101 has its scenic spots. I-5 is to be avoided like the plague until you hit L.A. on your way south to Disneyland, Orange County and San Diego.

Basically, unless you're just really into garlic "California sight seeing" between SF and LA means the practiced avoidance of 101 and I-5. It pretty much means two things, and two things only: the California coastline or three inland national parks, Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia. Couple of ski resorts/boxing training centers can be mixed in too if you're in the general vicinity. I guess if you're a masochist you could also make an argument for swinging east and on down into Death Valley. Fuck that. Don't waste precious vacation time in California on Death Valley, or even the Mojave. Just make 'em part of your next run to Vegas.

smackaholic says he doesn't give a fuck about seeing Yosemite, which means he probably also doesn't give a fuck about seeing the highest elevation in the contiguous 48 states or the largest tree on earth. Probably does't give a rat's ass about Mammoth or Big Bear either.

So, skip going very far inland. Just skip it altogether on this trip.

Being from Connecticut though, where the closest thing to a big tree anyone there ever sees is a tall light stanchion, yeah, his kids will probably at least want to see some of California's famous big ass trees.

The always intrepid smackie might manage to dick 'em out of seeing General Sherman but he'll at least be able to show them redwoods to their heart's content on the drive down through northern California, well north of San Francisco.

As he's rolling south through Humboldt County, Myers Flat and The Avenue Of The Giants he can just point to any ol' tree and tell the kids, "Hey, little smackies, there it is, the largest tree on earth! We're in Humboldt County! Let's get baked!"

Again, they're from Connecticut. They'll never suspect a thing.

Anyway, this still allows for the other, better option: Hwy 1, which is the only way any respectable person would ever travel and vacation through California. Taking the coastal route, even on a fast motorcycle and even while passing every hulking SUV and camper at every speck of clear road ahead, Hwy 1 between SF and LA is easily still a twelve hour run between SF and LA.

Which is good.

Besides, it's SF to LA, and you're on vacation. If you don't make a point of stopping in Big Sur and spending at least a day there hammering your woman against a tree then you're a fag who deserves New Jersey.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:23 pm

Dinsdale wrote:I'll be sure to never use phrases like "colder than a witch's tit" and "raining cats and dogs" around you, Goobs.

And I would have dropped it several posts ago had I gotten a civil and forthright answer to a simple question. I’m not at all familiar with highway 101. Also I would hardly equate "driving about 100MPH on a 50MPH road the entire way" with "colder than a witch's tit" and "raining cats and dogs" as a widely recognized English phrase.

Please also refrain from using "ass like a 10-year-old boy". That’s just disturbing.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 9:26 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:Please also refrain from using "ass like a 10-year-old boy". That’s just disturbing.

I'm not running for Portland mayor, so we're good there.

Trampis · Post by **Trampis** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:35 pm

I gotta say, no trip to the northwest is complete until you've traveled through eastern Washington/Oregon. The broad expanse of Gods country will clear the mind of clutter and anxiety. Glad I could help.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 20, 2009 10:41 pm

Trampis wrote:I gotta say, no trip to the northwest is complete until you've traveled through eastern Washington/Oregon. The broad expanse of Gods country will clear the mind of clutter and anxiety. Glad I could help.

Excellent.

Then again, he could save his airline miles, roll around in a pile of dust, then climb in his oven and watch Beverly Hillbillies reruns while fucking his cousin to get that Eastern Oregon/Washington experience.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 1:48 am

ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2 wrote:
smackaholic wrote: luckystar bus line uses it as their halfway pissbreak on their nyc-bean town shuttle.
Does the Fung Wah bus stop in Rockville, CT as well... or do the passengers just get out and pee at the point where the driver inevitably crashes into something?

fungwah bus stops for nothing. I doubt like hell it even stops for traffic lights. Those fukking zipperheads just need to get to chinatown as quick as possible. And what the fukk are they gonna do in rockville? Go to Rein's deli? I fukking doubt it. They packed their container of rice and fish heads which they'll chow along the way. They sure as hell ain't gonna drop a nickel at burger king or mcDs. As for pissbreaks, they prolly just pass an empty sheetrock mud bucket around.

But, y'know, them gooks will bet on anything. I'll bet we could arange for a few of them to pull off right behind the lucky star bus if they knew there'd be a good beatin' to watch/wager on.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:03 am

Van wrote:Dins is correct.

SF to L.A. via 101 in tourist season, including having a wife and kids aboard who wanna do touristy things at a touristy pace?

Any way you slice it that's easily a twelve hour run.

Reason I say that, despite what mapquest says? Simple. Nobody in their right mind takes either I-5 or 101, not while they're on a traveling vacation in California. Unless you're specifically headed for points inland or you're on the coastline or you're in the redwoods you don't touch those two slabs of pavement until you're near the major cities, not if you can help it.

101 has its scenic spots. I-5 is to be avoided like the plague until you hit L.A. on your way south to Disneyland, Orange County and San Diego.

Basically, unless you're just really into garlic "California sight seeing" between SF and LA means the practiced avoidance of 101 and I-5. It pretty much means two things, and two things only: the California coastline or three inland national parks, Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia. Couple of ski resorts/boxing training centers can be mixed in too if you're in the general vicinity. I guess if you're a masochist you could also make an argument for swinging east and on down into Death Valley. Fuck that. Don't waste precious vacation time in California on Death Valley, or even the Mojave. Just make 'em part of your next run to Vegas.

smackaholic says he doesn't give a fuck about seeing Yosemite, which means he probably also doesn't give a fuck about seeing the highest elevation in the contiguous 48 states or the largest tree on earth. Probably does't give a rat's ass about Mammoth or Big Bear either.

So, skip going very far inland. Just skip it altogether on this trip.

Being from Connecticut though, where the closest thing to a big tree anyone there ever sees is a tall light stanchion, yeah, his kids will probably at least want to see some of California's famous big ass trees.

The always intrepid smackie might manage to dick 'em out of seeing General Sherman but he'll at least be able to show them redwoods to their heart's content on the drive down through northern California, well north of San Francisco.

As he's rolling south through Humboldt County, Myers Flat and The Avenue Of The Giants he can just point to any ol' tree and tell the kids, "Hey, little smackies, there it is, the largest tree on earth! We're in Humboldt County! Let's get baked!"

Again, they're from Connecticut. They'll never suspect a thing.

Anyway, this still allows for the other, better option: Hwy 1, which is the only way any respectable person would ever travel and vacation through California. Taking the coastal route, even on a fast motorcycle and even while passing every hulking SUV and camper at every speck of clear road ahead, Hwy 1 between SF and LA is easily still a twelve hour run between SF and LA.

Which is good.

Besides, it's SF to LA, and you're on vacation. If you don't make a point of stopping in Big Sur and spending at least a day there hammering your woman against a tree then you're a fag who deserves New Jersey.

You misunderstood or (is it misremembered?) what I said, van. I don't give a fukk about yosemite sam handymans, not the park. It is debinately on my short list of things I must see before I die. The other left coast thing I gotta see before I die is a TJ donkey show, but, that ain't happenin' with the family in tow.

As for big trees, we got 'em here too. They ain't big as in tall like your sequoias, but a 300 year old oak ain't little.

So the more I here from you ex spurts, the more it's looking like we won't make it down to lala land. Prolly follow the coast as far as monterrey and then shoot across to yosemite.

After yosemite, up to the tahoe area. Not sure from there. Do we continue north through the sierra nevada or head west back towards the coast?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:06 am

Oh, almost forgot. Nice of you to stop in, van.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 2:10 am

Dinsdale wrote:
Trampis wrote:I gotta say, no trip to the northwest is complete until you've traveled through eastern Washington/Oregon. The broad expanse of Gods country will clear the mind of clutter and anxiety. Glad I could help.

Excellent.

Then again, he could save his airline miles, roll around in a pile of dust, then climb in his oven and watch Beverly Hillbillies reruns while fucking his cousin to get that Eastern Oregon/Washington experience.

I don't have any cousins, dins. My sisters ain't bad lookin' though. Or is that a little over the top. I mean we're talkin' e. oregon dustbowl here, not west by god virginia.

Blueblood · Post by **Blueblood** » Wed Jan 21, 2009 3:58 am

Van wrote: but he'll at least be able to show them redwoods to their heart's content on the drive down through northern California, well north of San Francisco.

Van, there's a reason you live in Sacratuckey.

You're not that bright... and know nothing about Northern California.

Pssst..... the most famous "Grove of Redwoods" is about 10 minutes north of San Francisco.