Joke

FLW Buckeye · Post by **FLW Buckeye** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:46 pm

Something for Humpday...

A young journalism graduate from Arkansas had gone to work for the New York Times. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state of Arkansas. Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmers house and decided this would be a good place to start. He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer (named Farmer Mahon) agreed to answer his questions. The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest? Farmer Mahon replied, “One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it.” “I can’t print that,” said the reporter, “Is there another event that made you really happy?” Farmer Mahon thought for a minute and said, “Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin’ young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy.” Again the reporter knew he couldn’t print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer Mahon, “Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?” Farmer Mahon hung his head and replied, “Well, I got lost once.”

UCant#2 · Post by **UCant#2** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:49 pm

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:50 pm

BOOO !!! GET OFF THE STAGE!!!

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:54 pm

I actually thought that was good.

FLW Buckeye · Post by **FLW Buckeye** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 6:56 pm

Fast to criticize, but brings nothing to the table.

FLW Buckeye · Post by **FLW Buckeye** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:14 pm

Came across one for the USAF.

Enjoy, Sky.

A US Air Force C-141 is scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is sent to the base and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time.

He returns to the aircraft and is less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late and I'm going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded but punished."

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath, stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son; I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump shit from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?"

Biggie · Post by **Biggie** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:24 pm

Oh, this is gonna be a good one. Come on, what did the pilot say next?

Invictus · Post by **Invictus** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 8:35 pm

W. Cohen wrote: Come on, what did the pilot say next?

"The hell I don't. LISTEN KID. I've been hearing that crap ever since I was at UCLA. I'm out there busting my buns every night. Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes."

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:42 pm

"You ever seen a grown man naked?"

M2 · Post by M2 » Wed Apr 19, 2006 10:59 pm

quacker backer wrote:"You ever seen a grown man naked?"

Is this a trick question?

Sin,

Cicero

m2

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 1:47 am

m2 wrote:
quacker backer wrote:"You ever seen a grown man naked?"
Is this a trick question?

Sin,

Cicero

m2

Im not the one who lives in San Fran.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:01 am

A man walks into a drug store and asks the clerk for some condoms for his 11 year old daughter.

The clerk asks? "Your 11 yo daughter is sexually active?"

The man replies "No, she just lays there like her mother."

silvurna · Post by **silvurna** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 3:10 am

Descartes walks into a tavern.
The bartender says,"Can I get you a beer?"
Descartes says, " I think not," and disappears.

Sirfindafold · Post by **Sirfindafold** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:00 pm

Allow me to rescue this thread.

Why do Chimpanzees always look depressed?

Cause they know that in 1000 years they'll become nigqers.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 2:11 pm

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Thu Apr 20, 2006 3:42 pm

Balck lady asked the pharmacist for help on selecting tampons.

The pharmacist said, "Well it depends, we have them in light, medium, or heavy -- what kind of flow do you have?"

And the balck lady said, "Linoleum."