visited by the cutco pimp last night

It's the 19th Anniversary for T1B - Fuckin' A

Moderator: Jesus H Christ

Post Reply
User avatar
smackaholic
Walrus Team 6
Posts: 21651
Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2005 2:46 pm
Location: upside it

visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by smackaholic »

Anyone have any cutco knives in the drawer?

for those that don't know, cutco is a company that peddles their cutlery through door to door college kids.

it really is a pretty brilliant marketing philosophy. how could you help but not help out a poor starving college kid just trying to scrape together beer money tuition.

Well, I did, but, I'm a cheap fukk. Anyhoo,it was a somewhat eventful visit.

Young Ian pulled in promptly at 8 PM in mom's minivan, just like he promised. He was kind of aloof. Hell, he was over the top aloof actually. I don't see sales being in his future. He is an art student, which I think is code for gax.

Everything got off to a good start. he started off with one of their cooler products, a very nice, beefy set of scissors that do a nice yob making a penny into a curly fry. I would have bought a set of these fukking things if they were just kind of overpriced at say 40 bucks.

they were 90.

no thanks, i don't have much need for dicing change anyway.

then it got interesting. dude handed me a very nice, very sharp, EXTREMELY point carving knife. I was looking it over when mrs smack says "lemme see that". i was seated in the dinnnig room. she was to my left, standing. I turned in her direction with the knife in my right hand. for some unknown reason, she reached straight out towards the knife with her left hand. the extremely pointy knife tip hit her dead square in the middle of one of my favorite jackoff props, her left palm.

she went ouch and pulled her hand back. blood started dripping.

me: (a bit startled) you all right hon?

her: ouch, that fukking hurt. my fingers are numb. i think you hit a nerve or a tendon.

cutco pimp dude: :shock: :shock: :shock:

me: lemme see. wiggle your fingers (she could) no tendon damage, i don't think. rub some dirt in'it. you'll be fine.

i explained to her that i found out a long time ago during a moment of tablesaw dumbfukkery, that numbness was normal when you rip your hand open. she's fine today.

after taking the very pointy knife to the sink and rinsing off mrs smack blood, i handed it back to him. eventually, the color returned to his face when he realized she'd likely live.

me: well, bet that don't happen every time.

cutco pimp: :shock: nope, that was a first :shock:

me: so let's see the next one...

and the presentation continued.

when he handed me a very nice, stupidly sharp fairly wide blade i figured it was time to do the official redneck knife sharpness test. i layed it on my left forearm almost flat and carefully slid it up my arm.

no scraping, no irritation, no stubble. smooooove as a baby's bottom.

me: wow, that's one sharpass knife!!!!!!! i've spent hours with a pocket knife, a stone and some oil and still didn't get that level of shaving ease. if this thing holds anything close to that edge, it is worth good money, but, not cutco money.

his 13-14 piece "homemakers set" was almost 8 bills. Sorry, but, my old crappy knives will have to do for now.

i'm sure between the stabbing and redneck sharpness test, young ian will have an equally good story to tell.
mvscal wrote:The only precious metals in a SHTF scenario are lead and brass.
User avatar
Dinsdale
Lord Google
Posts: 33414
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 5:30 pm
Location: Rip City

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by Dinsdale »

A buddy used to do the same shit with Saladmaster way back when.

Ridiculously badaas shit.

The the not-so-little-ex-woman bought a set of "as seen on TV" Miracle Blades, or some shit like that (unopened at a garage sale, for like $5 or $10).

I laughed.

Then, I laughed some more.

Then, a little more laughter, only this time it was at the chinks' expense, not hers.

Then... I used one.

Holy buhjeebus. It is with great shame to my manhood I admit Iwas very impressed. Don't know how long they'll last (at <$10, who gives a shit), nor do I care, due to the "ex" portion.


But daaaaaaamn... I've always laughed at the ginsu-ish shit.
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
User avatar
smackaholic
Walrus Team 6
Posts: 21651
Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2005 2:46 pm
Location: upside it

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by smackaholic »

this stuff was definitely a cut above ginsu. i read up on them a little on line and most say, yeah, they're pretty good, but wayyyyyyyyyyy over priced. they just know that a lot of folks will give in abd buy a knife or two so johnny can continue his edumacation. not me though. i'm edumacated enough to not pay 800 bones for some pretty good knives that won't get taken care of anyway. the OL will use one to open a can of paint like she does with the cheap ones.
mvscal wrote:The only precious metals in a SHTF scenario are lead and brass.
User avatar
Mikey
Carbon Neutral since 1955
Posts: 29904
Joined: Sat Jan 15, 2005 6:06 pm
Location: Paradise

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by Mikey »

My kids both got letters from that company offering them "jobs".

Both (the letters that is) made to the round file fairly quickly.
User avatar
indyfrisco
Pro Bonfire
Posts: 11670
Joined: Fri Jan 14, 2005 1:15 pm

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by indyfrisco »

88 wrote:Do they sell anything for trimming the stubble off of clams? A friend wants to know.
Here ya go. And once it is cleanly shaven, your friend can massage the little clam fisherman in the boat with the "silver bullet" handle.

You're welcome.

ImageImage
Goober McTuber wrote:One last post...
User avatar
DELSDAD
Elwood
Posts: 369
Joined: Tue Sep 06, 2005 6:06 pm

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by DELSDAD »

In. One of the nephews roped us in a couple of years ago. We got a 5 piece set and 2 sets of steak knives. We spent several 100, but not 8. Great knives. Delsmom nearly lost a digit soon after we got them. Handle w/ care
Rooster
Eternal Scobode
Posts: 2517
Joined: Sun Jan 16, 2005 7:49 am

Re: visited by the cutco pimp last night

Post by Rooster »

Bought a set for the Missus a 5 years or so ago and haven't looked back since. These knives are still as wickedly sharp as the day we purchased them. Upon placing them in our cutlery drawer our old ones got the boot and were given to the kids. Everybody is happy.
Cock o' the walk, baby!
Post Reply