Fucked up stories

[PSUFAN]

OK, I've got two quick ones.

I had a girlfriend years back whose mom was a nurse here in PGH back in the 60s and 70s. A woman was brought in from the WV hills one time with foliage sprouting out of her snapper - leafy, green, healthy stuff. They looked up there and found a POTATO that she had been using as a diaphragm. Not a terrible idea, I guess...folksy. How do you forget about it, though? What kind of needledick do you have to be not to notice a POTATO in your woman's fleshtube?

Another girlfriend years back had a doctor dad. He used to help out country folk in Central PA from time to time. A couple came in once, distraught over their inability to conceive a child over the course of their marriage - they were nearing their 50s. They had tried and tried. The doc examined her, and found...her HYMEN was still intact. WTF? It turned out that the guy had never penetrated her vaginally - he always went up the poop chute. Gallons and gallons of spunk, swimming up with the best of intentions...only to be pushed out with the morning stool. A fair argument for Sex Ed, eh? Or maybe...a victory for Chuckie D?

[Screw_Michigan]

and how long ago was that shit? that's quite the nice petri dish you'd been laying the lumber to. are all the bitches that warren-like in WVA?

Sin/

trev

[smackaholic]

OK, I've got two quick ones.

I had a girlfriend years back whose mom was a nurse here in PGH back in the 60s and 70s. A woman was brought in from the WV hills one time with foliage sprouting out of her snapper - leafy, green, healthy stuff. They looked up there and found a POTATO that she had been using as a diaphragm. Not a terrible idea, I guess...folksy. How do you forget about it, though? What kind of needledick do you have to be not to notice a POTATO in your woman's fleshtube?

Another girlfriend years back had a doctor dad. He used to help out country folk in Central PA from time to time. A couple came in once, distraught over their inability to conceive a child over the course of their marriage - they were nearing their 50s. They had tried and tried. The doc examined her, and found...her HYMEN was still intact. WTF? It turned out that the guy had never penetrated her vaginally - he always went up the poop chute. Gallons and gallons of spunk, swimming up with the best of intentions...only to be pushed out with the morning stool. A fair argument for Sex Ed, eh? Or maybe...a victory for Chuckie D?

Chuckie takes this one in straight sets.

[RumpleForeskin]

If that chick with the potato stuck up her dick chute was anything like the chick with teeth in her sapper, then she probably could have peeled you some fries.

[ADAM]

Naw, that did'nt happen to you though right R-J..............

[ADAM]

Anyway, this is kind of fucked up ......


I was a high school Sr. bangin' & hunting poontang like most 17 yr olds do...


Had these 2 chicks on the line...Crystal & Sherie... one freshman....One a sophomore

I banged one of them & she left, about 15 mins later the other shows up....

no shower or anything for yours truly ....So the new arrival starts giving me head stops after a few
& said " Your dick smells funny"

Holding back my laughter... I told her I just finished working out & didn't take a shower yet.....


Game Set Match

This went on for about 2.5 months before I got nailed!

Good times

[indyfrisco]

I was a high school Sr. bangin' & hunting poontang like most 17 yr olds do...

Good choice of words.

[ADAM]

RJ
Think of Elmer Fudd sporting checkered Vans, boardshorts, and a Rip-curl T covered by an ID#
Dress shirt.....Man the 80's were fucked up!

[ADAM]

Did you find poontang attractive when it put on a dress and played girl poontang?

Nice waynes world reset....

I bet you went with the Flock of Seagulls look...........

[ADAM]

Hall or Oates Mullet?

All hail the mullet!

I was not worthy of one.....

Remember the "burnout boots"

Fringed suede boots that were shin high
Acid washed nuthuggin denim'...


Thank god I grew up in Miami
winter gear for me was a cheap assed sweat suit

[RumpleForeskin]

Not so much as fucked up, but more of an act of stupidity from a group of teenagers....

One night 3 friends and I jump in my buddy's truck with a handful of bottle rockets that we were going to shoot at some other teens who were hanging out in the neighborhood. I am in the back of the truck with one of my friends as the other two guys are in the cab.

On our way to the launch site, my buddy and I are lying in stealth mode in the back. We are gearing up for the attack with bottle rockets in hand and a "be all you can be" mentality. All of the sudden the truck comes to a screeching halt and we hear this scream come from inside the cab. And it was a familiar scream that I had heard so many times before. It sounded just like R2D2 when his head got blasted off when co-piloting Luke's X-wing star fighter. After the scream I hear a muffled pop and then both cab doors come flying open as I watch both passenger and driver flea the truck with a thick ball of smoke following them out both sides of the truck. The vehicle was left in neutral and we start to free roll down the street while Larry and Mo are gasping for clean air. I immediately jump out of the bed of the truck and was able to navigate my way through the ball of smoke coming out of the cab and apply the emergency brake. We all make it out alive.

Apparently, my friend in the passenger seat attempted to initiate a test run of throwing a bottle rocket out of the passenger window of the truck. He said his form was good and his execution was precise except he overlooked one small sequential detail. He forgot to roll the window down before launch. The bottle rocket ricocheted off the window and then landed in my friend's lap scorching the chode section of his pants. He was able to brush the bottle rocket off into the floor board just before it exploded and nearly suffocated the cab with thick cloud of smoke. His test had failed.

Defeated and dejected, we were forced to return to base for a brief recovery and one fresh pair of pants.

Ah, but we were not giving up.

After slamming a couple of piss lights we were on our way out again with the same crew, same vehicle, and same positions. This time, I was going to start it off. We are nearing the corner of the street we had to turn on to see our targets. I am given the go for launch by the driver. I get in the crouching position as the truck makes its turn. I light the bottle rocket and hold it in my left hand. The wick is burning as I reach up with my right hand and grab the top of the cab for balance. We edge close to the targets....ready....set....FIRE!!!! As I begin my launching motion, I feel the bottle rocket leave my hand because it has launched prematurely. Not only has it launched too early, it has bounced off the inner side of the bedding and managed to land in the right pocket of my friend's windbreaker. He is now spinning around with a fiery glowstick inside of his clothing and has this look on his face as if he was playing Russian roulette with 3 bullets in the gun. POP! He falls to his knees and appears to be okay, but the same fortune could not be said for the windbreaker. It has seen its last day of battle.

Yes, we set out to defeat some inferior teenagers with sticks of miniature dynamite, but lost a decent pair of Guess jeans and a Nike windbreaker in the process. Sacrifices had to be made, but nobody knew it would get this bloody. Those teens never knew what hit them. Actually, nothing hit them because we were too busy KOOA.

[ADAM]

Dude you deserved that just for
having someone in the truck sporting
Guess jeans...........


What, were they hitting on your boyfriends?

[Dinsdale]

I entered high school in 198fucking9. I sporting a glorious mullet.

There's no shame in sporting camaro hair in 1989.

There is, however, a modicum of shame in admitting to the canadian passport 20 years later.

[Sirfindafold]

Shortly after we both graduated, a wrestler I knew in college got married. The couple (both white) soon found out she was pregnant after their honeymoon.

The child was born nine months later, half black.





true story.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

A potato stuck up a vag? Damn, sounds like a brilliant way to get my grub on.

-KCPAUL

[ADAM]

mv

eat a hairy black dick you tree huggin' hippy....

[_Porter_]

A friend was engaged to this hot POA. They were 69-ing in the sack one night and when she came, she orgasmed so hard that she lost complete control of her body and shot hot diarrhea all over his face. He ended up dumping her because of it. I’m guessing time won’t heal that wound.

[RumpleForeskin]

You and Filthy have the same friend?

[_Porter_]

You and Filthy have the same friend?

Could be, but that'd be kind of creepy.

To be more exact, the diarrhea-shoter in the story was the best friend of my female roommate at the time. Didn't want to get into all that, so I just said "a friend".

I met the BF a few times, so I really doubt that my roommate would have made that shit up. She was also the reserved type, so it would have been way out of character.

[RumpleForeskin]

[Dinsdale]

Please change the title of this thread to Pure Bullshit Stories.

TIA

Bastard... I was going to wait until about page 3 or 4, and had spent a measure of energy biting my lip until that time...

All for naught, now.

[PSUFAN]

This one time I met trev as she was walking down a flight of stairs. I slowly slunk up, cooing and swaying my hips. After a quick whisper in her ear with the Sex Command, she was MINE. I took her from above and behind while she moaned beseechingly on the stairs.

Afterward, of a fluidity I ripped up the carpet and wiped our dripping, sated organs off. It wouldn't do to drip that stuff on the formica.

I know that, much is, true.

[RumpleForeskin]

My story is authentic ftr.

[PSUFAN]

Another time, me and Pizzaro were doing this movie thing for Herzog in the Andes. Francisco had some cannons that he needed to move down to the river's edge, and we were on a dizzying peak at that point. As quick as pie, one of the neighboring peaks stood up - it was Rumplewife! She crossed her arms, and a comfortable gully was created. The team clambered up and she let us down slow and easy. Bartolomé felt especially thankful,and so he dug at her clit for an hour or so with his pickaxe...but we got the fuck out in case she was a squirter.

Later, we saw her likeness carved into a rock wall near the indian camp. Pizzaro got shot by Herzog, and Bartolomé got the clap and fucking died.

[PSUFAN]

WO IST DIE RUMPLEFRAU????

[PSUFAN]

...trev??

[Dinsdale]

my hair is naturally wavy (sup not Dins)

You sir, could not be more wrong.

My hair is nothing if not "wavy."

It wavy bye-bye as it careens down the shower drain on a regular basis.

Add a Conan O'Brian pompadour height to that mother fucker. Now on top of that add a sweet fade from the ears up. So far it looks like the inverted pyramid of douchebags, don't it? Now the pleasure end of this manicured mess was about to the shoulder blades. Did I mention that I was about 14 and had no idea what the term "split ends" meant, despite the fact I had a clear definition warming my neck at the time. The result was a Marylyn Quyale-esque flippy thingy spanning across the bottom end of this disaster.

Sounds like you could have gotten into Faith Hill's pants with that setup.

Any wonder why I keep my hair at a 1/4 inch max these days?[/quote]

[_Porter_]

But did you both lose control of your bowels as you climaxed? If not, it wasn't the real trev.

She's that good.

:brad:

I checked snopes and it wasn't on there, SO IT MUST BE TRUE!!!!



left to right: Me, me, me & me

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I've always had a dashing head of hair.

[Ana Ng]

WO IST DIE RUMPLEFRAU????

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

RACK that guy!

Sin,

[RumpleForeskin]

It wavy bye-bye as it careens down the shower drain on a regular basis.

Fucking Rack Dins