Fireside chat with Shoalzie

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:06 am

Shoalz,

It's been a couple years since you contemplated crooning your cousin into bed.

Shoalzie wrote:There's this young lady my mom tells about but there's a big catch...she's the daughter of the brother of my mom's boyfriend.

Shoalzie wrote:I found it disturbing but I'm strangely intrigued. Is that wrong?

Shoalzie wrote:What should I do?

What are the female prospects like these days? Describe the type of beast you're currently bedding with - be it normal, familial, or appendage-like.

Bobby42 · Post by **Bobby42** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:19 am

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:or appendage-like.

Shoalzie wrote:I remember my first time. I was afraid, it was dark and I was alone.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:40 am

Jsc810 wrote:
she's the daughter of the brother of my mom's boyfriend.
That's fair game.

As opposed to the daughter of the brother of his mom's husband.

Except in Louisiana, of course.

RumpleForeskin · Post by **RumpleForeskin** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:23 am

Shoalzie wrote:I remember my first time. I was afraid, it was dark and I was alone.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 4:31 am

So Far...

Worst.Fireside.Chat.Ever.

Just sayin'.

RevLimiter · Post by **RevLimiter** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:21 am

Jsc810 wrote:
she's the daughter of the brother of my mom's boyfriend.
That's fair game.

Clearly to Magoo it's NOT....KYOA much, Magoober?

jtr · Post by **jtr** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 7:34 am

Shoalize word association

hockey:
best hot wings:
presidential winner:
mgo:
dinsdale:
smog:
fav thing to read while taking a dump:
fav team we dont know about:
name 5 female friends you'd consider boning:
name 1 hottie youd like to see naked provided by me:
t1b:
jim rome:
trolltrain:
thetrolls.net:
myspace profile:
facebook:
where you see yourself in 5 yrs:
if you could live someplace other than where you do now:
number of pieces in the largest jigsaw puzzle you solved all by yourself:
opinion on the fact they are remaking Bill & Ted's excellent adventure:
what your name would be if you were a wrestler:
what your name would be if you were a gangsta:
what your name would be if you were a pornstar:
name of first girl you kissed:
name of first girl you had one night stand with:
number of total condoms used in your sexual career:
hit or miss:
sink or swim:
if you had to listen to one record for the rest of your life:
if you had to watch one movie for the rest of your life:
if you had to bone one chick for the rest of your life:
what crime would you commit if you could get away with it:

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:48 am

jtr wrote:what crime would you commit if you could get away with it:

I would cut jess' hands off so he could never post again.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 2:30 pm

I think Jess uses a voice-activated keypad as it is. Unless he molds them with thimbles, I just can't picture his fingers being slim enough to hit individual keys.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:30 pm

The hell?

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 3:34 pm

Jess wrote:what your name would be if you were a wrestler:
what your name would be if you were a gangsta:
what your name would be if you were a pornstar:

poptartX
poppy t
poptart

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:26 pm

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:Shoalz,

It's been a couple years since you contemplated crooning your cousin into bed.

Shoalzie wrote:There's this young lady my mom tells about but there's a big catch...she's the daughter of the brother of my mom's boyfriend.

Shoalzie wrote:I found it disturbing but I'm strangely intrigued. Is that wrong?

Shoalzie wrote:What should I do?
What are the female prospects like these days? Describe the type of beast you're currently bedding with - be it normal, familial, or appendage-like.

Presently, I'm between relationships. I'm on a self-induced single period while I'm getting through a really busy stretch at work. I'm working a lot of hours and putting in time during the weekend as well. I'm not really in a good position to meet anyone new so I'm going to just wait this out and try later. It's a better time to meet women after we get through another miserable Michigan winter and everyone around here is in a better mood.

The last significant relationship I had was last summer. I had a 2-month fling with this one woman. We seemed to be a great match and spent every weekend together but out of nowhere, she dumped me just before the 4th of July. I never got an explanation or anything. I dated a couple other women since then but nothing serious or worth going further with. You can probably guess what one of my common activities has been during this dry spell...besides watching hockey.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:29 pm

Shoalzie wrote:I'm on a self-induced single period

Also known as your "personality."

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 6:31 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Shoalzie wrote:I'm on a self-induced single period

Also known as your "personality."

Damn vulture...I knew that was coming.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:27 pm

Dinsdale wrote:
Shoalzie wrote:I'm on a self-induced single period

Also known as your "personality."

Shoalz, arent you in your 20's?!?!?

The fuck is wrong with you, dude? You should be out and about hitting up a pub/club/beach/whatever the fuck it is you like and pounding hot pussy left and right as a result of it. Stop looking for love motherfucker-get out there and blast your manspackle all over the faces of numerous bitches and let that "right one" come to you in your mid to late 30's-that way you wont feel like you've missed out on life when your "lifelong partner" is spending your hard earned $$$ on clothes, shoes, ect. and bitching to you in the process.

And fuck the work excuse-I've consistenly worked 50-60 hour weeks for years now, and it hasnt stopped me one iota from laquering and latitude lining numerous hot bitches throats/faces/backs/stomachs. If you work that much, then USE some of that goddamn money to play just as hard.

Fuck, you're only in your 20's once-get out there and start nailing a fuckload of vertical smiles......you'll be happy you did when you're 35+ with kids and a bitchy fucking wife that you want to get away from.

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:30 pm

Shoalzie wrote: The last significant relationship I had was last summer. I had a 2-month fling with this one woman. We seemed to be a great match and spent every weekend together but out of nowhere, she dumped me just before the 4th of July. I never got an explanation or anything. I dated a couple other women since then but nothing serious or worth going further with. You can probably guess what one of my common activities has been during this dry spell...besides watching hockey.

It's a common condition among women called "Found a guy with a bigger cock and/or bigger wallet"-itis.

I went through a self-imposed single period for about nine months (around age 29) before meeting my wife. Prior to that I was dating regularly meeting and/or going out with all different kinds of chicks, but I'm really picky. I need someone fun, at least decent-looking and smart or I'll lose interest quick. I kept finding fun chicks who were idiots or smart chicks who were dull, etc.

The kicker for me was when I met a chick in a bar, talked with her for awhile and we agreed to go out the following weekend. She was cute, fun and seemed reasonably smart, so even though I had only talked to her for a couple of hours in a bar, I found myself thinking "FINALLY, a chick worth dating." She shows up at my door wearing a velvet granny dress complete with ruffls and had her brown hair tucked under a black wig with magenta stripes in it. What-the-fuck... She seemed so normal when I talked to her at the bar, but she clearly had some kind of identity crisis going on. I was so pissed that I proceded to spend the night getting shit-faced and too drunk to drive (I was supposed to take her home) and made her crash out on my couch. A dickhead move on my part, but that's what she gets for showing up in a freaking halloween wig.

After that I decided to stop looking for awhile, realized that I didn't NEED anyone to make myself complete and it changed my whole attitude towards women and life in general. Sure, it sucked not getting laid for a long ass time, but when I ended up meeting the OL, I was mentally ready for a relationship, where before I really probably wasn't.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:32 pm

Raydah James wrote:And fuck the work excuse-I've consistenly worked 50-60 hour weeks for years now, and it hasnt stopped me one iota from laquering and latitude lining numerous hot bitches throats/faces/backs/stomachs.

Try splooging in their pooner once in a while. Oh, that’s right. That would make it pretty hard to close your eyes and pretend you’re with a guy.

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:33 pm

The fuck is wrong with you, dude? You should be out and about hitting up a pub/club/beach/whatever the fuck it is you like and pounding hot pussy left and right as a result of it. Stop looking for love motherfucker-get out there and blast your manspackle all over the faces of numerous bitches and let that "right one" come to you in your mid to late 30's-that way you wont feel like you've missed out on life when your "lifelong partner" is spending your hard earned $$$ on clothes, shoes, ect. and bitching to you in the process.

RACK.

There's a word for people who find their "life partner" in their twenties..."Divorced".

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:38 pm

Goober McTuber wrote:
Raydah James wrote:And fuck the work excuse-I've consistenly worked 50-60 hour weeks for years now, and it hasnt stopped me one iota from laquering and latitude lining numerous hot bitches throats/faces/backs/stomachs.
Try splooging in their pooner once in a while.

No thanks, you decrepid old cunt-I dont need little fuckhead mistakes running around my beautiful place at this time.

There's no question as to why you're such a sniveling bitch-because you made that very mistake.....and now, you're taking care of your fucking grandkids too because your loser ass spawn cant, Gramps. Not to worry, we know the story Wilford Brimley.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:40 pm

OCmike wrote:
The fuck is wrong with you, dude? You should be out and about hitting up a pub/club/beach/whatever the fuck it is you like and pounding hot pussy left and right as a result of it. Stop looking for love motherfucker-get out there and blast your manspackle all over the faces of numerous bitches and let that "right one" come to you in your mid to late 30's-that way you wont feel like you've missed out on life when your "lifelong partner" is spending your hard earned $$$ on clothes, shoes, ect. and bitching to you in the process.
There's a word for people who find their "life partner" in their twenties..."Divorced".

Yep. Truer words were never spoken.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:44 pm

I'm not really in a good position...so I'm going to just wait this out and try later.

Don't be practicing your pillow-talk excuses on the board.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 8:57 pm

Raydah James wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:
Raydah James wrote:And fuck the work excuse-I've consistenly worked 50-60 hour weeks for years now, and it hasnt stopped me one iota from laquering and latitude lining numerous hot bitches throats/faces/backs/stomachs.
Try splooging in their pooner once in a while.
No thanks, you decrepid old cunt-I dont need little fuckhead mistakes running around my beautiful place at this time.

Sheesh, I spent nearly 20 years running around banging numerous hotties and skanks. I never wound up impregnating any of them. Not that hard to do unless you’re utilizing the rhythm method. Though the world thanks you for not reproducing. Keep up the good work, Cosmo.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:11 pm

Goober McTuber wrote: Sheesh, I spent nearly 20 years running around banging numerous hotties and skanks. I never wound up impregnating any of them.

Yes, Yes-and you also almost rolled your Model-T a few times while on your way to Gertrude's to "roll in the hay". Nobody gives a flying fuck about your days of yore during the Great Depression, Wilford-so shut the fuck up already.

This is about Shoalz refusing to get out there and hose down numerous hot little whores while he's in his fucking prime. Dude, just get the fuck out there and start talking/taking out/drinking with the womenfolk. It isnt fucking hard.

I mean, is there something you're holding out on? Are you scared to talk to women? Do you live with your mom/parents or some shit? What the fuck is it, Shoalz?

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:16 pm

Raydah James wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote: Sheesh, I spent nearly 20 years running around banging numerous hotties and skanks. I never wound up impregnating any of them.
Yes, Yes-and you also almost rolled your Model-T a few times while on your way to Gertrude's to "roll in the hay". Nobody gives a flying fuck about your days of yore during the Great Depression, Wilford-so shut the fuck up already.

You’re confusing me with Wolfman. I came of age during the Free Love era. Nothing depressing at all about it.

I’ve seen your picture, Cosmo. Back in the day we had a name for your type. We called them “faggots”.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:17 pm

He could probably use a hair gel recommendation, at very least...

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 9:29 pm

Housewife wrote:He could probably use a hair gel recommendation, at very least...

Or maybe, like you, he cant be bothered with such remedial tasks as wiping his own ass or keeping in shape and not being a pot bellied pudgey twat with sticks for limbs.

How about we get some responses from Shoalz himself instead of a fucking couple of married Jurassic Gramps whose lives are over.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:19 pm

What was great about that thing I had over the summer was getting to hang out with her and have fun during the day and then at night, I cooked her dinner and we had some drinks and then had some fun on the couch or the bedroom or wherever. It was the whole experience that I miss. I'm not looking to settle down now...that's the last thing on my mind...but I'm at least looking for someone who is actually fun to spend time with and has a playful side as well.

I've had better luck meeting women when its warmer out and everyone generally is in a better mood. The winter is a depressing and miserable time of year. I'm looking forward to the spring where I can go out and have some fun on my lake and go out and see if I can meet someone while being out and about. The worst thing is most of my closest friends are married already and some have kids and then I'm the only single guy at work so none of my buddies from the office are good for palling around with. I've got to work solo usually, which isn't as easy.

If I'm anything right now, I'm not impatient. I can date of-and-on for a while and fun while I'm younger but it's not like life ends at 30 though. I'll be 27 in April...plenty of good years left. It's a good age where you can still chase those younger ones in their early 20s but also set your sets towards more established women in their 30s who are looking for a younger guy. It's not a bad position to be in. Waiting a couple months isn't going to kill me. I'm so tired and miserable from working so much right now, the thing I enjoy the most is drinking beer and watching a game on the tube. I don't plan on going into hibernation every winter but that's just the mood I was in this year. Things will pick up soon.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:44 pm

Here ya go, Jess...

hockey: the best thing about winter
best hot wings: probably haven't had them yet
presidential winner: whoever I don't vote for...I've yet to pick a winner
mgo: hard up for entertainment
dinsdale: the name of my first born
smog: not my problem
fav thing to read while taking a dump: not on the crapper long enough to read something...maybe read the gas or electric bill or thumb through my junk mail
fav team we dont know about: Michigan hockey...not a really secret but I talk more about the other teams
name 5 female friends you'd consider boning: pretty much of my female 'friends' are married to my other friends, so no comment
name 1 hottie youd like to see naked provided by me: Scarlett Johansson
t1b: great timewaster
jim rome: good in small doses...ie--20 minutes a day while going out to grab some lunch
trolltrain: I got nothing
thetrolls.net: ditto
myspace profile: have one but don't maintain it much
facebook: signed up a while ago but don't use it
where you see yourself in 5 yrs: celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question

if you could live someplace other than where you do now: Chicago
number of pieces in the largest jigsaw puzzle you solved all by yourself: don't have the patience to finish one myself
opinion on the fact they are remaking Bill & Ted's excellent adventure: why?
what your name would be if you were a wrestler: The Cereal Killer...I was born in Battle Creek
what your name would be if you were a gangsta: no idea
what your name would be if you were a pornstar: Dick Gazinya or Oliver Clozof
name of first girl you kissed: Brianne
name of first girl you had one night stand with: only been with someone that I was presently dating
number of total condoms used in your sexual career: don't keep count
hit or miss: hit
sink or swim: sink
if you had to listen to one record for the rest of your life: Exile On Main Street...but that answer changes every day
if you had to watch one movie for the rest of your life: Goodfellas...but that answer changes every day too
if you had to bone one chick for the rest of your life: Scarlett Johansson...but that answer changes every day as well
what crime would you commit if you could get away with it: kill someone who hurts a member of my family or a friend

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Mon Jan 28, 2008 11:51 pm

Shoalzie - thank you for your candid, detailed responses so far. Let's continue.

You made this claim earlier,

The winter is a depressing and miserable time of year.

Use this to your advantage. Depression leads to drinking. Drinking leads to sex. The inner-slut exists within ALL women. It's your job to release it. In actuality, it's the alcohol that does 99% of the work. You simply need to put yourself in position to reap the benefits. Don't rape the benefits, though. Remember, no means no.

When you DO meet this girl, will you plan on expressing your love anally? Don't be afraid to go all in, when it comes to anal. The vast majority of men don't poke women in the poopslide because they expect to be cockblocked by the bitch's conservative side. This is, in fact, a fallacy. A very strong percentage of women will take it up Backside Blvd if you simply enter with nothing but primal, sexual instinct. Don't ask. Don't discuss it. Just do it. When you bring conversation into the matter, then "no" becomes a realistic possibility. However, if you jam your manslab all up in 'er, then you shoot down the possibility of being shot down. But of course, remember that no means no. If she resists, then pull out, say "awww, you bitch" and then blow your wad across her teeth.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:00 am

MgoBlue-LightSpecial wrote:The vast majority of men don't poke women in the poopslide because they expect to be cockblocked by the bitch's conservative side.

Either by her consevative side, or by the chef's salad she had for lunch.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:07 am

I don't know if there's a question in there but you're right about drinking and how it greases the wheels so to speak. That's usually how most encounters go while on a date...drink a little too much and next thing you know, you're going at it.

As for anal...that's probably just one of those heat of the moment things. I don't think you just ask her in a casual conversation because the idea probably grosses out most women...at least the ones I know. It's probably better to bring that up when your in the heat of passion and you'll get a more honest answer. I haven't done that yet...done pretty much all of the basic stuff besides that. Will I get the opportunity? Who knows...I am intrigued though.

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:16 am

Shoalzie wrote:As for anal...that's probably just one of those heat of the moment things. I don't think you just ask her in a casual conversation because the idea probably grosses out most women...at least the ones I know. It's probably better to bring that up when your in the heat of passion and you'll get a more honest answer. I haven't done that yet...done pretty much all of the basic stuff besides that. Will I get the opportunity? Who knows...I am intrigued though.

If it does happen for you, a couple of things to remember are...

Actually, I'm going to sit this one out... flashback problems.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:20 am

Thank you for the response. Next question - would you be interested in a high-payout business investment? I need your help in the management of a large sum of money that my father left for me before he died.

Let me know.

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 12:49 am

I've got money put aside in my 401K at work and have a little in savings but I'm pretty much a paycheck-to-paycheck guy when it comes to basic living. I'm probably the wrong guy to ask about that sort of thing.

Short answer: Pass

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 4:49 am

You’re a young guy, you should be out in a convertible, bird-doggin’ chicks and bangin’ beaver.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 7:57 pm

Shoalz - having a little trouble with the ladies?

What if I were to tell you exactly how easy it could be?

What would you say if I told you that there are thousands...that's right, THOUSANDS...of beautiful, willing, eager girls waiting to meet YOU? Exotic, accommodating girls...and they're ready to please? They'll even respond if you call them "cuz"?

Just let me know when you're ready to explore this great OPPORTUNITY.

Uncle Fester · Post by **Uncle Fester** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:09 pm

PSU is right!

I can teach you to meat THOUSANDS of women in THOUSANDS of different places, all by placing THOUSANDS of TINY classified ads in newspapers...

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:45 pm

Shoalzie,

Don't pay attention to these jokers. What I'm offering you is a legitimate, low-risk investment opportunity. Right now I'm sitting on a HUGE sum of money that could make you MILLIONS.

Just start by providing me with these informations:

Name:
Address:
Phone Number:
Fax Number:
Social Security Number:
Driver's License Number:
Bank Account and Routing Numbers:

(You can PM me if you feel safer.)

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 8:46 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:

You’re a young guy, you should be out in a convertible, bird-doggin’ chicks and bangin’ beaver.

Rack Fester, as per usualm

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Tue Jan 29, 2008 9:06 pm

Uncle Fester wrote:PSU is right!

I can teach you to meat THOUSANDS of women in THOUSANDS of different places, all by placing THOUSANDS of TINY classified ads in newspapers...

Didn't HØNKSVILLE have some dealings with Don LePre victims?