Pick my girlfriend's Christmas present this year

[indyfrisco]

She is artistic, so that is another route to go.

So give her a box of toothpicks. It will entertain for hours.

[ElvisMonster]

The reindeer can fuck off in advance.

INCOMINNNNNNNG!!!!!

[Cicero]

Blockbuster Gift Cards are always good gifts.


Seriously though, I would go w/ earrings. I got my g/f earrings this year and we have been together 8 months.

[Vixen]

Great story Crown. Shut up.

[Cicero]

Eat a dick.

[OCmike]

It was a joke.

Yukkety yuk yuk! Can't imagine why anyone would miss it.

I am glad you took the time to go price out some software, though.
You actually did a cost/benefit analysis on Access vs SQL. Bawahahahaha! You tards crack me up.

Or I work with both programs and have a ballpark idea what they cost. One of the two.

Your body is riddled with retardation. Your last two posts have hammered home that fact.

Wait, was that another joke? <-----Psst...not really.

[Ingse Bodil]

She is a fitness buff.

We'll need to see a pic. To help you out, you understand. :o

I don't usually agree with Pron, but I'll make an exception for this one.

[Ingse Bodil]

Photographic memory/spreadsheet.

Only a fucking retard would use a spreadsheet to track reams of data.

on the contrary, it keeps things straight because memory is bound to fail.
unless you're a skald or griot, which none of us here are. that i'm aware of.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

Or I work with both programs and have a ballpark idea what they cost. One of the two.

Do ya? And yet... you dropped the spreadsheet line about tracking data. Tard. I highly doubt you even know jack-shit about Word, nevermind other Microsoft Office products like Excel and Access.



Furthermore... only tards are still working with Access, tard. Data migration much?

[The Viper]

Alright God Dammit!

Since I will not be hooking the missus up with software of any kind, lets get back to the topic at hand.

If I could find a Venison Steak of The Month club, I'd be done shopping.

[BSmack]

Alright God Dammit!

Since I will not be hooking the missus up with software of any kind, lets get back to the topic at hand.

That's more than a little Freudian. Just what are your long term intentions for the lady?

[The Viper]

Alright God Dammit!

Since I will not be hooking the missus up with software of any kind, lets get back to the topic at hand.

That's more than a little Freudian. Just what are your long term intentions for the lady?

Errrrr...........that was an honest slip of the tongue. We're still in our honeymoon phase. I could crap in a box and put a bow on it and still get laid that day. Sure, I'd have to come up with something crafty about how it signifies the fertilizer that will make our relationship bloom into a passionate fire, or some shit, but I'm scmoov like that.

I just have a god dam creativity block right now.

C'Mon B_S! You've had some good ideas thus far. Keep 'em coming.

[JayDuck]

Gotta be this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dmVU08zVpA

[BSmack]

Alright God Dammit!

Since I will not be hooking the missus up with software of any kind, lets get back to the topic at hand.

That's more than a little Freudian. Just what are your long term intentions for the lady?

Errrrr...........that was an honest slip of the tongue. We're still in our honeymoon phase. I could crap in a box and put a bow on it and still get laid that day. Sure, I'd have to come up with something crafty about how it signifies the fertilizer that will make our relationship bloom into a passionate fire, or some shit, but I'm scmoov like that.

I just have a god dam creativity block right now.

C'Mon B_S! You've had some good ideas thus far. Keep 'em coming.

You're already halfway home with the earrings. You say she's a wine freak. So take the rest of the money and make a trip to your local liquor store and hook up a reasonably pricey bottle of Cheateu Iwannagetlaid. Mix in some flowers and a card and it's all good.

[SaladTosser]

Why did you create a troll to start this thread? I don't know if I should RACK you or laugh at you for realizing in advance how fucking gay this thread was going to be.

[Plato]

Hey Viper dude, sorry I took so long, me and the boy's were a little busy probing your bitch for answers.

Here is what she is asking for:

1) Towels and make sure they're the good absorbent ones because we dropped a lot of baby reindeer batter in, on and around her orifices.
2) She wants you to get that penis enlargement surgery; she said you needed it even before we got to her. Sorry to hear you're hung like a light switch.
3) If you can't get the surgery, then she wants an open ended ticket to the North Pole, we'll take care of her lodging & protien shakes.
4) If you can't spring for the flight, she asked for a "silver bullet" personal messager. After being with us, she realized what she was missing when you two had sex, an orgasm.

A few things you can cross off your list:

Cleveland Steamer - from Prancer
Pearl Necklace - from the ever classy Blitzen
A copy of the Kama Sutra - from yours truely
An Angry Dragon - from Comet
a Christmas Turkey Carver - from Dasher
a Snowmobile - from Cupid

I don't even want to tell you what she got from Rudy, Sammy, Donder, Dancer & Vixen (Yes, it seems your bitch likes the ladies too), it's way to gross to discuss here.

Merry Christmas!

[SaladTosser]

I got my g/f earrings this year and we have been together 8 months.

[KC Scott]

Bwa ST

[The Viper]

Hey Viper dude, sorry I took so long, me and the boy's were a little busy probing your bitch for answers.

Here is what she is asking for:

1) Towels and make sure they're the good absorbent ones because we dropped a lot of baby reindeer batter in, on and around her orifices.
2) She wants you to get that penis enlargement surgery; she said you needed it even before we got to her. Sorry to hear you're hung like a light switch.
3) If you can't get the surgery, then she wants an open ended ticket to the North Pole, we'll take care of her lodging & protien shakes.
4) If you can't spring for the flight, she asked for a "silver bullet" personal messager. After being with us, she realized what she was missing when you two had sex, an orgasm.

A few things you can cross off your list:

Cleveland Steamer - from Prancer
Pearl Necklace - from the ever classy Blitzen
A copy of the Kama Sutra - from yours truely
An Angry Dragon - from Comet
a Christmas Turkey Carver - from Dasher
a Snowmobile - from Cupid

I don't even want to tell you what she got from Rudy, Sammy, Donder, Dancer & Vixen (Yes, it seems your bitch likes the ladies too), it's way to gross to discuss here.

Merry Christmas!

*yawn*

next...

[SaladTosser]

*yawn*

next...

[taking cover]I would have advised against that.[/taking cover]

[Plato]

*yawn*

next...

Dickless & smackless, I see a trifecta in your future.

[Vixen]

No, that's what his skank says when he drops trou.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

I got my g/f earrings this year and we have been together 8 months.

Very nice!

[Mikey]

When shopping for a woman there's one word that always seems to work, especially this time of year.

Cashmere.

Women love that soft wool stuff.

If you have any money left in the budget, get her a home beer brewing kit.

[JCT]

Gold hoops?


LOVE THEM!!!


- swoonX

[The Viper]

Thanks for all your help Plato.

You and your caribou brethren have done wonders for bringing content and finality to my time of yuletide need, and for that, I am eternally grateful.


Here's hoping you and your ten hairy special needs caribou buddies get a nice steaming dose of Parvo late on the 23rd.

[pron]

Where is the damn pic of the girlfriend? :x

[OCmike]

Or I work with both programs and have a ballpark idea what they cost. One of the two.

Do ya? And yet... you dropped the spreadsheet line about tracking data. Tard. I highly doubt you even know jack-shit about Word, nevermind other Microsoft Office products like Excel and Access.

I said "photographic mind/spreadsheet", not anything about tracking data. You extrapolated it yourself.

I've been writing VB-enabled spreadsheets in Excel and Code-behind-forms in Access for the better part of five years. I used "Spreadsheet" because that's the common vernacular around here. Gee, all of this is so much more entralling now that you've had me explain it ad nauseum. Anything else you want to know?

Furthermore... only tards are still working with Access, tard. Data migration much?

Say tard again...no really.

The only Access programs I still work with are old ones that I wrote that interact with the company's mainframe computer and haven't been automated through SQL Server and the data warehouse yet. And anywho, again, it was you who brought up Access, not me. Try to keep up with your own BS, mmkay?

[Mikey]

MS Office smack?

Definitely fresh. I bet ucunt has already upgraded to IE 7.0 too.

Anybody still using Excel 2000? Excel 2003 kicks ass in comparison.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

I used "Spreadsheet" because that's the common vernacular around here. ?

Thanks for proving my point, you fucking lemming. Just because the other tards here use the term, doesn't mean you have to.

I don't use it. Then again... I am not a tard.

.
.
.
.

Anything sinking in yet? Tard?

[Plato]

Thanks for all your help Plato.

You and your caribou brethren have done wonders for bringing content and finality to my time of yuletide need, and for that, I am eternally grateful.


Here's hoping you and your ten hairy special needs caribou buddies get a nice steaming dose of Parvo late on the 23rd.

Remember back when, I mentioned a trifecta being in your future? Well what do you know, I was right.

Dickless confirmed by girlfriend
Smackless confirmed by posting
Brainless confirmed by posting "parvo" remark Yup, Parvovirus is a big killer of caribou. Bwahahahahaaha!!!!!!!

Can't wait for your next retort.

[OCmike]

MS Office smack?

Definitely fresh. I bet ucunt has already upgraded to IE 7.0 too.

Anybody still using Excel 2000? Excel 2003 kicks ass in comparison.

How about SQL smack?

SELECT ALL FROM "Pick my girlfriend's present this year" WHERE Poster LIKE "Ucant%" AND (Humerous Post = TRUE OR Fresh Smack = TRUE OR Remotely Clever = True)

Results: 0

[Tom In VA]

I am not a tard.

Don't sell yourself short, you're a tremendous tard.

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

I dumbed this down to Access for you:

RunCuntNumber = RunCuntNumber + OCMikePost
Posts = Timer
DoEvents
'Ucant keeps running cunt until OCMikes' mouse is released'
GoTo Add1
End If
End Beatdown
End Cunt

[Mikey]

That's so cute.

Ucunt wins a coupon for a free Capri Sun.
You can take it on down the to cafeteria to trade it in.
Enjoy.

[The Assassin]

Buy her a giftcard to Cracker Barrell.


then go fuck yourself.

[OCmike]

I dumbed this down to Access for you:

RunCuntNumber = RunCuntNumber + OCMikePost
Posts = Timer
DoEvents
'Ucant keeps running cunt until OCMikes' mouse is released'
GoTo Add1
End If
End Beatdown
End Cunt

Bwahahahaha! You bang that out on your Little Tykes "My First Program"? That mess wouldn't work in Access or on any other platform. Here's a hint for starters: In your program, as in this thread, you have to actually START a beatdown before you end it. The rest isn't worth even bothering with.

If you're not going to put forth any effort than just stop posting. That was just really poor.

[Tom In VA]

Code: Select all

IsNull(ucant'sselfproclaimedbode) = -1

[PSUFAN]

posting seems crazy
tards pop up
each and every day
I saw another one
just the other day,
a special new tard

[ucantdoitdoggieSTyle2]

That mess wouldn't work in Access or on any other platform.

Wow. Just... wow.

This works well for you, though?::

SELECT ALL FROM "Pick my girlfriend's present this year" WHERE Poster LIKE "Ucant%" AND (Humerous Post = TRUE OR Fresh Smack = TRUE OR Remotely Clever = True)

I see a lot of multitier application debugging in your future.