Story Time: the last fat chick you banged

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 9:33 am

Remember when Jimmah showed up at halftime and won the "Fuck a Fat Chick Story" Bowl?

A

A+ if you would have snuck out of a window.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 12:10 pm

Wolfman wrote:you naughty--naughty boys !!

(-:

I'm not talking !!

(really chuckling now)

^^^^^'s wife reads the board. So does mine, occasionally, so, I'll just sit on the side with wolfie, smilin' not sayin' a fukkin' thing.

war 5th amendment!

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 12:23 pm

I've managed to go half a fukking decade without trolling, but, I may have to give in.

Any of you fukkers out there gotta troll you break out just for stories that would put you in divorce court if the OL read it?

KUTTER · Post by **KUTTER** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 2:25 pm

smackaholic wrote:I've managed to go half a fukking decade without trolling, but, I may have to give in.

Any of you fukkers out there gotta troll you break out just for stories that would put you in divorce court if the OL read it?

No. Why?

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 2:41 pm

Kutter, didn't you tell us a couple of years ago about a pair of fatties you conquested somewhere? Was it Vegas? THAT was a great story too.

Me? I've read the stories here, and had the laughs, but I can't think of any fatty stories. None. Slumpbustin' just wasn't my bag, ...guess I just opted for Penthouse and a hand.

I do remember being at some bar sitting between a fatty and one with a good body but with a growler face. I remember drunkenly that I could hardly reach across the endless back of the big girl. I went to take a leak and one of my buddies followed me in.

"I got pictures, Luth. You won't remember this tomorrow."

I then stood on the sink and crawled out the bar window. I left everyone there. The only redeeming value was that I was smart enough to take a cab home. The next day I couldn't remember where my car was, so I had to call my buddy with the camera.

Rip City

Nishlord · Post by **Nishlord** » Sat Nov 19, 2005 6:01 pm

Jimmy Medalions wrote:Jagermeister happens to be doing a promotion that night, so it’s one shot after the next

I daren't read on.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Mon Nov 21, 2005 12:51 am

Some of you fuckers need to represent.

XXXL · Post by **XXXL** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 4:11 pm

I got a good one, first things first, I have a hearing for one of my civil clients. I will spill the beans when I get back to the office...

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 4:53 pm

Beautiful thread.

Racks to 88, Meds and Yerafukkenjerkoff. There needs to be similar threads for such stories.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 4:56 pm

What's going on here?

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 5:10 pm

SaladTosser wrote:What's going on here?

I gotta think you'll have the best story of all.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 5:13 pm

Tosser appearance... in this thread... thank you, Baby Jesus.

Good things to come.

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 6:44 pm

Alright already, I'll fess up.

Now, as you all know DMike likes his alcoholic beverages. When one consumes as much hooch as I, it's only a matter of time before you find yourself elbow deep in some fat chick's gash.

So there's this pair of big girls who I've noticed hanging out at from time to time at one of my regular haunts. One girl was extremely fat. Friggin' HUGE, and had the bad attitude about shit. Like it's MY fault she's so big she has other "smaller" fat chicks orbiting around her planetery ass.
The other one was cute in the face.... just about 70 pounds on the heavy side but had a pretty good attitude about shit and accepted the fact that it's her own fault that she got carried away when ordering from the 0.99 cent menu for a few years. I guess for the purposes of this story, fat chick #2 was "mine".

Anyhow, for some reason unbeknownst reason to me I end talking to these chicks in a drunken stupor one friday night. Bad attitude fat chick ended up finding some dude more fucked up than me and started stalking his ass.
I am now face to face, one on one with heffer #2. Even with a hell of a buzz, I knew this was a bad idea and realized that I probably couldn't get her off of me if she decided to take of advantage of my innebriated condition.
SURE ENOUGH, we are walking out of this damn place at closing time and she is ON me. Christ!
Next thing I know we are walking into a hotel room because as you all know, the first rule of nailing fat chicks is:
NEVER LET THEM FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE!

Before I can even start to think in my head of Britney Spears getting munched on by the Mom from Home Improvement (in an effort to get my manlihood engorged enough to toss into Sirigusa's daughter), she is already undressed....WITH THE LIGHTS STILL ON.
With Barry Sander's like quickness I got to that hotel lamp that sits on the little table by the bed and about tore the lampshade off of it trying to get that light out.

Anyhow, I sucked on her massive jugs then jumped on top and went for a ride.
The thing that I'm ashamed of the most was not for nailing her in a drunken stupor but for letting her suck my schlong the next morning when I wake up.

Needless to say I didn't have much to say when I was driving her back to the bar the next morning so she could get her....... pickup truck.

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 7:16 pm

RAAACK!!!!

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Tue Nov 22, 2005 8:49 pm

DMike316 wrote:elbow deep in some fat chick's gash.

bwah

she has other "smaller" fat chicks orbiting around her planetery ass.

bwahaaaaahhhaaa

The other one was cute in the face....

No need to finish the sentence...that's all the head's up we needed :wink:

NEVER LET THEM FIND OUT WHERE YOU LIVE!

Rack that policy.

The thing that I'm ashamed of the most was not for nailing her in a drunken stupor but for letting her suck my schlong the next morning when I wake up.

After the workout you gave her the night before, she needed to get a running start toward her daily 15,000 calorie diet.

Moorese · Post by **Moorese** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 1:59 am

apologies for the length...

December, 1990. I’m managing a shitty bar and restaurant chain while enjoying the few perks that go along with the gig, namely free swill, the skanks attracted by the same, and the ability to get your friends jobs. One of my chief homies back in the day, “Johnnie,” worked in the kitchen, and usually had an hour or two to kill at the bar after we stopped serving food. As Johnnie lived about 20 miles away, he’d often crash on my couch after boozing it up post-shift, especially if it was a weekend.

It’s a Saturday night around midnight, and we’ve been running beer and drink specials for the fucking spoiled snotlicking assholes that attend a nearby college. These fucking mama’s boys and daddy’s little whores are getting unusually bent because most have finished finals and are soon to be jetting away from the doom and gloom off to some sunny beach locale to drink pina coladas from fucking coconut shells. Johnnie’s got the kitchen closed, so he cruises around to the bar, grabs a stool, and proceeds to drink whatever I pour him. He’s set up shop right next to two stupendously ugly college bitches who are alternatively giggling and giving him the “oooh doughnuts” look. The first whore is a fat southern belle type with red hair, flaky pink skin, and a flat, crusted-up nose that looks like someone blasted her in the grill with a shovel. She’s wearing a Christmas sweater with a moose or some shit on it. The second bitch is a plump and furry, Middle Eastern looking Sasquatch type with a monobrow, a food-trapping mustache, and a pretty choice wart on her left cheek that would make Lemmy Kilmister blush. Both of these whores are stupid drunk, but the Pakistani bitch has perked up from the aroma of curly fries and dick seeping over from Johnnie. Johnnie downs his bourbon rocks and introduces himself. I refill his drink and do the same. “Oooh, you’re the manager, huh?” snuffles the hairy one. “Can we get free drinks?” “Sure,” I wink, “ever try a German Burrito?” Johnnie suppresses a laugh, no doubt imagining as I was just how quickly each of these bitches could power down a loaded burrito. The whores are game so I set them each up with rocks glass of half Jager and half tequilla. Fucking disgusting, but the fatties each choke ‘em down like chains of sausage links. But these bitches clearly aren’t done getting pasted, and instead keep begging for more freebies so they don’t have to dollar up Daddy’s credit card. The furry one dares Johnnie to go “shot for shot,” and like a true dumbfucking short order cook, he agrees. I can’t resist punishing Johnnie and these bloated pigs so I keep setting shots in front of them, each one nastier than the last. For the finale, I grab the cheapest vodka in the joint and load up 3 glasses, dropping a dollop of ketchup and a twisted napkin into each one. “Ooooh, what’s this?,” gurgles the puffy pink chick. “It’s called a ‘vaginal blood fart.’” “Oooooooooooh glech,” mumbles the tramp with the wart. Nonetheless, the porkers work these down, and manage to goad Johnnie into doing the same. Redhead stiffles a puke-laced hiccup while the hairy whore makes her move. “Wanna give us a ride home?” “Dunno, where do you live?” snort, snuffle “Wherever you do,” furball mumbles as she slaps a meaty palm on Johnnie’s crotch and slurps a hunk of skin off his cheek with her swollen cow tongue. “Excuse us for just a minute.”

So the two butterballs hippo off to the bathroom while Johnnie starts in about how we should nail these pusbags at my place. I explain that I’m not in the habit of blowing the foam off quivering, pickled pussy lips, but that I’ll happily have a few beers and watch Johnnie tip these cows. I also mention to Johnnie that I forgot to pay the gas bill, and as a result, the shit got shut off. I’ve got no heat until Monday at the earliest, and my house is fucking frigid. No matter. John’s in, especially since he’s pretty bullet at this point, and guarantees I’ll want some of the action when these bitches drop their tarps. So the whores emerge from the shitter, I tell my assistant, Dave, that I’m bailing so he’ll have to close up on his own. We hit the parking lot, and the nasty Pakistani hole swears she’s good to follow us in her Subaru.

10 minutes later and we reach my pad, a dumpy two bedroom house down and across the street from an old Methodist church. I park right in front of my door, while the fatties drop anchor in a spot close to the front of the Church. I’ve barely got the house door open when pink plumper barrels past me and down the dark hall, apparently in search of the piss closet. Motherfuck. There it is. The unmistakable sound of retching. Four, maybe five guttural puke barks, and then...WHUMP! There’s this big fucking thud that sounds just like when my Uncle hit a deer with his Lincoln. I’m in the bathroom a few seconds later, and the overhead light reveals a few gallons of puke, croutons, and some shit that looks like spaghetti and that gel inside cans of dog food on the floor. Fattie has dropped out face first into the tub, and has a busted lip, bloody nose, and a trickle of blood to complement the flecks of vomit on her chin and neck. I’m not touching this fucking pig. I poke her a few times with the toilet brush, but bitch is completely fucking gone, most likely with a concussion. Not to worry, says the furry one, she’ll be fine...besides “I can take care of both of you.”

Johnnie and plumper hit the living room couch while I grab a few beers and the rest of a fifth of Jamesons that’s three quarters full. By the time I get to the living room for some tunes to drown out this whore’s snorts, John’s got her stripped down and lathered up like a donkey. Fuck, they are both wasted. For the first time in this fat bitch’s life, she’s having trouble getting something in her mouth as Johnnie’s crank is alternating between probing her chin folds and bouncing off her greasy forehead. She finally gets Johnnie’s pole into her mouth while John loses his shirt. “Dude, it’s fucking freezing in here,” notes dumbass. “Here, take a few pulls,” I say as I hand Johnnie the whiskey. He sucks a bit down, pours some into the tramp, and then splashes some on his knob before he jams it back into her cakepit. “Dude, you should get in on this....arrrgggggh!” Fattie is biting down on his dong and snickering so Johnnie shoves her off and onto the couch. You know, for a sickening pile of excrement, this bitch is not half bad. She’s got these blubber holds that hang over one another, and a two foot bush that looks like Ben Wallace’s fro, but she’s got huge, relatively firm tits with gargantuan Middle Eastern nips that look like burnt pancakes. I’m rethinking my hasty decision and hauling out the cuntsplitter as Johnnie downs a few more gulps of the Jamesons. Dude looks like he’ll rain chunks with another pull, but fattie thinks she’s good for another and polishes off the rest of the bottle. “Fuck dude, it is MOTHERFUCKING COLD.” Fine. I head to the kitchen, crank the oven, and leave the door open - only heat in the house. When I get back to the couch intent on gagging this bitch, John’s rooting through the porker’s prodigious jungle of dank, black pubes trying to locate the festering gash which has to be the source of the stench. Shit’s fogging up the windows, and Johnnie looks pretty fucking snared. He’s got an arm tangled up in that funky shit and fattie is forcing his face down to her hatchet wound. “Dude, got any...like maple syrup or chocolate sauce or some shit?” Apparently Johnnie recognizes the need to mask the inevitable taste of sardines and rotten cabbage with something he can smear on this bitch’s tarpit. I check the cabinets and fridge, but all I’ve got is some Smuckers Blackberry Jam. John smears a handful of jam onto chick’s massive patch and puckered butthole. Within a few seconds, the dark purple goo starts glowing a creamy, radioactive magenta like so much neon sour cream. Whatever plans I had for pounding this porker or getting anywhere near her pussy evaporate as I realize that Johnnie’s mixing jam into these little cheese balls thingies that are attached to fattie’s sticky pubes due to the most advanced yeast infection imaginable. I assume Johnnie’s going to stay away from this obviously infected stinkpit, but he plunges his nose in undeterred, makes some snorting noises like he’s hunting for truffles, and emerges like the vanquished in a pie-eating contest, exclaiming, “Dude, you fucking asshole...this has seeds in it. You got anything else?”

So Johnnie stumbles up and into the kitchen to check for suitable cunt spackle. Meanwhile, Pakistani blumpkin sits up and drags her jam-oozing pisser across the couch, leaving a slime trail on the upholstery like a slug inching down the sidewalk as she angles for a gobble of my now-sheathed man hammer. Just as this scabby whore has her pudgy fingers within reach of my zipper, I hear a sizzling sound emanating from the kitchen. Johnnie’s face-planted into the refrigerator, crank in hand, and is pointing his hose monster into the open stove. I smack the fucking clown in the head to bring him around, and grab the mop, but damn near all the piss has turned into vapor from the hot oven, and is moving along the ceiling like a storm cloud of urine out into the living room. Johnnie and I follow the rank piss cloud into the living room where fattie is now on all fours on the couch, pooper propped up in the air. What the hell. Johnnie instantly sinks balls deep into this whore’s massive, sloppy cunt, while I drop denim and let fattie chortle my raging slab. Since she’s so damn disgusting, I can’t bear to watch her slobber on my pole, which is unfortunate since I also was oblivious to the telltale sings of imminent yack. My crank feels unusually warm, and I’m thinking that this dumb fucking bitch is good for something, when my reverie is interrupted by a yogurt burp. I open my eyes expecting to grimace with the discovery that the whore’s shit my couch. Instead, bitch delivers a waterfall of steaming puke all over my crotch and down my legs. I recoil a few steps in sheer fucking horror, but Johnnie is oblivious, hammering away at her putrid gash. With each thrust from Johnnie, bitch unloads a new pile of yak like she’s a fucking play-doh taffy machine. Johnnie pulls out to spill choad on her lumpy back just as she passes out and falls off the couch into her own puke.

A house that reeks of piss, one puke riddled whore with fucked up honker sleeping off a bender in my bathtub, and another with a breakfast bar in her pussy passed out on my living room floor. No fucking way. I mop up as much of the puke as I can with the Pakistani whore’s clothes and their coats, grab their keys, and we firemen carry these floppy bitches out to their car, dropping them side by side in the back of the Subaru along with their puke rags like its a fucking meat locker. Johnnie’s concerned that they might freeze or some shit so I reluctantly agree to cover them with blanket, and then I toss the keys onto the drivers’ seat. While I’m surveying the damage, Johnnie promptly turns the couch cushions over and passes out.

I get awoken around 9:00 in the morning by one of the old church bitches from down the street who asks me if I know who has the silver Subaru because they just had it towed from the church’s on-street handicapped spot.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:14 am

I need a fucking shower after reading that.

Just beautifully disgusting.

GAME. FUCKING. OVER.

For the first time in this fat bitch’s life, she’s having trouble getting something in her mouth as Johnnie’s crank is alternating between probing her chin folds and bouncing off her greasy forehead

RACK MO!

Louis Cyphre · Post by **Louis Cyphre** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:20 am

I knew it would be worth the wait.

CLASSIC! RACK MO!

JHawkBCD · Post by **JHawkBCD** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 2:24 am

Archive Mo's post alone. Fucking outstanding.

Cicatrix · Post by **Cicatrix** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:09 am

Dip that fatty post in bronze and stick it on the mantle.

One for the ages.

chowd103 · Post by **chowd103** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:52 am

Mo wrote:
..... “oooh doughnuts” look. The first whore is a fat southern belle type with red hair, flaky pink skin, and a flat, crusted-up nose that looks like someone blasted her in the grill with a shovel.

Mo wrote:
So the two butterballs hippo off to the bathroom while Johnnie starts in about how we should nail these pusbags at my place. I explain that I’m not in the habit of blowing the foam off quivering, pickled pussy lips, but that I’ll happily have a few beers and watch Johnnie tip these cows.

Damn!

Mo wrote:
10 minutes later and we reach my pad, a dumpy two bedroom house down and across the street from an old Methodist church. I park right in front of my door, while the fatties drop anchor in a spot close to the front of the Church.

Lordy!

Genius that Johnny!!

Rack 'Mo!

Beautiful!!

4 king guy · Post by **4 king guy** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:59 am

What do you call FAT????

Ain't never been with a chick that FAT!!!

I would do anything for love, but I won't do that, oh I won't do that!!

I have however been with girls that weren't gonna be confused with anorexics... (in my younger days...NOT talking about my wife at all :wink: )

I remember this one chick in my neighborhood, when I was 17. She was probably 5'4" and 200 pounds..overweight, yes but not ridiculously so.. also she just wasn't pretty!!)
We went swimming (and drinking at a local pond) and the next thing I know she was blowing me...

WOW!! You wouldn't BELIEVE how BEAUTIFUL she became!!!

I had to go home by 11 PM.. my curfew, but I told her that I would come by her house at 1 AM. I snuck out of my house and went to her house with a hard on bigger than me!! I climbed up a tree walked across a roof and tapped on her window. She let me in. I heard her mother ask what was going on.. She said she was just opening the window. I had my clothes off in seconds flat and nailed that chick for what seemed like hours.

The next time I saw her, I realized what I knew (she wasn't that pretty) BUT SHE BLEW AND SHE BANGED!!!

I F*cked in my car, behind Stop & Shop, in the local graveyard.. Hell, I f*cked her every time I saw her. I even told her that I wasn't in love with her, I just enjoyed the sex. and she continued to oblige....

finally after finishing off nailing her in the Jewish Cemetery right over a grave. I told her I couldn't do this anymore. I left her in the cemetery with her pants down to her ankles laying on some Jewish bastard's grave. I hopped over the fence and went and got high with my friends and never nailed her again!!

Years later, I saw her in the grocery store. She was actually decent looking and had lost a fair amount of weight.

I didn't say anything to her. I don't know if she saw me or not...

But I will always remember her...especially when I am horny and the wife isn't!!

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:11 am

damn...Mo's post left a fucking mark! Zounds, and rack

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 5:41 am

Rack MO

Never thought sex and puking...and piss and jam...and concussions and bloody tampons...well...never figured I'd see it all in one place.

RACK IT.

Fat Bones · Post by **Fat Bones** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 7:12 am

Those weren't seeds Johnnie.

RackMo.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:36 pm

This will be archived at noon. Get in your racks, flabsteaks, et al

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:38 pm

4 king guy wrote:The next time I saw her, I realized what I knew (she wasn't that pretty) BUT SHE BLEW AND SHE BANGED!!!

Visions of William Hung are going through my head.

Headhunter · Post by **Headhunter** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 3:58 pm

Once I saw Mo had posted, I got up and closed my door before I started in. Good call!

Rack that shit up one side and down the other.

Genius post, Mo. Genius!

The Whistle Is Screaming · Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:04 pm

My fat chick fucking story has been rendered useless by you guys.

If anyone has any question as to who is the undisputed, king of story telling is, you're an idiot.

Racks just don't do you justice this time Mo, but Rack the ever loving shit out of you anyway.

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:04 pm

Beaut, Mo. I think it tops the time you lost your virginity to shag carpeting.

It was wrong of us to withhold the funnay.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:10 pm

With each thrust from Johnnie, bitch unloads a new pile of yak like she’s a fucking play-doh taffy machine.

Rack mo and johnnie!!!

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Wed Nov 23, 2005 4:27 pm

some people call me the space cowboy
some call me the gangster of love
some people call me moorese
cause I speak with the pompetus of love

Rack the gangster of love and his pompetusness.