T1B

Uncle Fester

The problem with Diogenes is that he has no skills.

Not only that, he has them in bold.

Uncle Fester

I've never liked the fooken bus. When I was a kid, I walked to school rather take a bus, a trend that has continued until this past year, when I began commuting downtown for a job. The BAD: The heat. Why does the temperature inside the average bus always hover around 95 degrees, summer or winter? It...

Uncle Fester

Don't mind me.

I'm just logging in to see my post total and assess my level of life havingness.

http://members.shaw.ca/rlongpre01/moon.html

Uncle Fester

GSP over Fitch
Lesnar by lay-n-pray snorefest over Herring
Herta by brutal KO over Ken-Flo

The rest are all snoozers so talk amongst yo'selves

Uncle Fester

PAIN!!! MURDERERS!!!

IDIOT COACHES AND GENERAL MANAGERS!!!

Uncle Fester

Isn't it bad enough that I'm already suffering here in a wine-infused period of intense Brett Favre mourning? You have to further torture me with pics of the Maroon Bells and Aspen Highlands, one of my favorite ski areas on the planet? And meanwhile, I'm stuck here in Minnesota, land of snickering V...

Uncle Fester

Dinsdale: Okay.

Fester: Let's go.

Dinsdale: Here we are.

Fester: Right now.

Dinsdale: Let's do it.

Fester: You and me.

Dinsdale: Okay.

Fester: Alright.

Uncle Fester

Okay, so here we go...

How about this: I'm in my apartment and you come in.

Uncle Fester

I guess the real question is why our Pinhead-in-Chief believes pretending to conduct an orchestra is somehow part of his job as Commander in Chief and President of the United Fucking States of America.

Uncle Fester

None of those musicians are even looking at Dubya. They're all trying to concentrate on the music and get it over with while Bush waves the baton around wildly to the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel."

Uncle Fester

-to $138 a barrel.

That has nothing to do with supply and demand, folks.

We're fukked.

Uncle Fester

Pickle's problem is his untreated Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The accompanying depression is merely a symptom.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcis ... DSECTION=2" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Uncle Fester

No answers, huh? Figures.

You always were a gutless coward.

Uncle Fester

The only "Golden Rule" I see around here is that if you wait long enough, somebody goes mental. Warren giving out his name and challenging people to fights? AP in women's underpants? Pickle posting pics of his dad in a coffin?? Jesus H. Christ in a chicken basket. Some of you fukkers need ...

Uncle Fester

Join the Army and spend the rest of your life collecting Welfare-style disability payments and whining about black people. I'll bet the old man was proud. What's the average day like for Stanley the Nazi Pickle? Do you loiter around the mailbox all day waiting for the mailman to drop off your gub'mi...

Uncle Fester

Message boards are weird little worlds. You hang around with people, trading stories, insults, jokes, problems, etc., sometimes for years. People post pictures of their wives, kids, even their dead fathers in coffins. Some people wish you well, others urge you to kill yourself. Strange stuff. I'm no...

Uncle Fester

Here's another dose of common sense... If a bunch of people end up dead because of negligent safety conditions in the workplace, that company will be subject to debilitating civil settlements, and will either impliment safety procedures or go bankrupt. Common sense, douche. Naive bullshit. Newsflas...

Uncle Fester

It's nice to know that even for a so-called "sport" that rivals soccer, badminton and dancing around the Maypole for its sheer gayosity, the Wisconsin Obdurate Frisbee team is Number 1.

I think.

Not sure that came out right...

Uncle Fester

Your dog was named....

-Hershey?

Uncle Fester

Uncle Fester wrote:

Lemmee guess: She left you for a black dude?

Don't tell me it was that easy...?

Uncle Fester

Real.

And if Dinsdale will grant me a pass on the grammar, that chick is real ugly and real apt to stay that way.

Uncle Fester

Lemmee guess: She left you for a black dude?

Uncle Fester

I wasn't a gun bunny, you dimwit! That's what all the dumb kniggers did. I was a Fire Direction Specialist...FDC! I was the brains of the Artillery. As a matter of fact, I had a Top Secret Security Clearance for Nuclear Release and Alert Systems. It's funny, I had great test scores and told the rec...

Uncle Fester

Nothing says "Punch me in the face" like a bow tie. Skinny ties and knit ties rank right up there. I'm stuck wearing ties again after a 15-year hiatus. I think I look pretty damn spiffy and I get smiles from the girl, although my old man neighbor likes to yell out his door, "So you th...

Uncle Fester

Ramblings from a closet racist. Color me shocked. Merely making observations about elevator counts and some of the crazies on the streets, as opposed to making blanket condemnations of entires races of people. Not surprised you don't understand the distinction, you being the guy who joined the Army...

Uncle Fester

My favorite part of all this is when Dorothy slaps "The Crew" in the nose for bugging Toto.

Uncle Fester

The tally from today's elevator rides: Babaganooshies: 6 Honky-Ass MoFos: 2 Honky Bitches: 2 6-4 was the closest score all day. The rest were all 4-1, 8-2, etc. And the scary foogin black street people were out in force today -- too many to count. For some strange, unexplained reason, I wandered int...

Uncle Fester

http://www.newsweek.com/id/135380" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

:x

Uncle Fester

I recently started a job at a large corporate headquarters here in the Twin Cities and the biggest shock to me has been the amount of employees who hail from India (etc.). Based sheerly on observations and crowded elevator rides, I'd say they outnumber white dudes by at least a 12-to-1 ratio. Meanwh...

Uncle Fester

Other than being in the military, what was it that made your dad the "best dad in the world?"

Did he approve of your chosen path in life?

Uncle Fester

Do a blind taste test of the generic American macros and the results may surprise you. In my informal kitchen test, Hamm's and Schlitz came out on top for my palate. The offerings from Miller, Bud, and Coors (the "acceptable" beers to the average Joe) rounded out the middle and lower tiers...

Uncle Fester

Pickle: Not sure why I'm bothering, but Jesus Christ in a chicken basket, man, you've got to pull yourself together. You're what, in your mid-40s, no wife, no kids, no job that I can tell, pre-occupied with posting racial slurs on message boards? You fantasize about how great life would have been un...

Uncle Fester

Notre Dame got spanked. They got screwed on the disallowed goal, but BC was better and luckier.

The Badgers need to replace Mike Eaves with Mark Fooken Johnson and then they'll be back.

Uncle Fester

Uncle Fester

Nish: Didn't Fuller's have a fire at the brewery? In my head, I imagine Fuller's and Sammy Smith's to be of the old school -- beautiful, ornate breweries with outstanding tasting rooms staffed by buxom, beautiful women. Have you toured Smith's brewery as well? Their Nut Brown Ale was always a favori...

Uncle Fester

For a fee, this guy will come to your house and take out a beehive.

Coolest torch lighting of all time:

Uncle Fester

Toof, I always thought you lived in the wind chime covered treehouse that was featured on your old website. Speaking of which, I can't find the site anymore.

What the hail am I supposed to do if I get a wind chime jones at 3:00 a.m.? Find an all-night Menards?

Uncle Fester

Well sometimes it's enough already, and you just want to get some sleep.

Uncle Fester

Back in college, I used to go to the Essen Haus in Madison for pretzels, polka, and a great beer called Dortmunder Union. I think they had two kinds, Export and DAB. Anyone ever have it?

Uncle Fester

I've sampled just about every beer known to man, but I always end up with these in my top three (aside from Hamm's, of course):

Summit Extra Pale Ale (brewed in St. Paul)
Fuller's London Pride
Fuller's ESB

I've never been a fan of anything brewed by Sam Adams.

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