In 1992, I was working as an intern in Chattanooga, TN. The pay was shit, but the opportunity was worth it. I was just out of college, yet still in college mode. Although I didn't have much money, I still found a way to hit a bar or two every single night of the week. I was living life in the fast lane. I have no idea how I did it, but I drank until 3 every night, and still reported for work at 8 sharp every morning.
Anyway, my favorite night to go out was Wednesday. The local country bar was always packed with easy trailer skanks, and the long necks were $1. I never failed to to get fucked up and eventually bang some brown-toothed, fat piece of shit. Good times.
Well, this one particular Wednesday night, I got a bit extra fucked up. I remember my friends and I hitting a few shots of Wild Turkey over the course of the night, and the last thing I remember was locking lips with, and groping the ass of, some 5'-nothing, 200 lb. troll on the dance floor. Per usual, I probably told her I was going to take her home and fuck her, and I guess she probably agreed. I guess we piled into her car, and headed towards her place.
Fastforward to the next morning. At something-o'clock, I awoke with the early-morning sun in my eyes. The first two things I noticed were that I was sleeping on a wooden floor, and that I had a fucking zit-faced creature attached to my right side. Although I was still drunk off my ass, I had the presence of mind to realize that I had to get to work, and that I was most likely already late.
As I stood to my feet, the creature awoke and asked me where I was going. I remember saying "I'm late for work. I have to get home." At that point, she said, "Let's finish what we started last night." :? So, long-story-short, I fucked that bad-breathed, greasy skank right there on top of the Budweiser beach towel that we had slept on.
Once finished, she jumped up and said that she had to get to work too. Without showering, she got dressed and started to walk out the door. I asked, "What about my ride home." She replied with, "I don't have time, but my roommate will take you." At this point, I began to get a bit nervous. Once the skank walked out the door, I headed towards her roommates room. Luckily, her roommmate was awake, showered, and ready to leave with her boyfriend. "Hey, your fat, stinky roommate said you might be kind enough to give me a ride home." "I'm late to work!" she replied in a deep redneck accent. "You're gonna have to find your own way!" Whatever. She and her boy rolled out. "No problem," I thought. I'll call my boy Rae. He'll hook a brother up.
Everyone was now gone. I walked into the kitchen, picked up the phone, and dialed Rae's number. doo doo doooooo - you must first dial a one plus the area code when calling this number.
I immediately grabbed the phone book on the counter to see if I was fucked up and had the wrong number. As soon as I grabbed the book, I saw the big, bold print on the bottom of the cover that read Murphy, NC. :o :o Now, I'm not sure where Murphy, NC is, but I sure as fuck know that I'm not in Tennessee. OK, now I'm fucking scared.I immediately look in the yellow pages for a taxi service. No luck. I call 411 and ask for the number to a taxi service. "Sir, there are no taxi service listings in Murphy." At this point, I had no way out of this, and I was in 100% survival mode. "Fuck it, I'll walk to the road and hitch a ride," I said to myself. So, I started walking.
As soon as I got to the end of the driveway (it turned out that I was in a log cabin house surrounded by woods), I had no idea which way to head. I decided to try turning left, and begin walking down a dirt road that looked as if it was absolutely endless. There was nothing. No other houses, no sounds of nearby roads, nothing. Honestly, I was now starring in Deliverance. After I walked about a half-mile, the sounds of intermittent raindrops splashing the leaves was all I could hear. After another hundred yards, the intermittent raindrops turned to a full-blown down-poor. So, to recap, I'm hungover, I have no idea where I am, I see no help in sight, and it's absolutely pissing on me. I'll admit, tears welled-up in my eyes as I continued to walk.
Sure enough, after walking approximately two miles, I saw a corner store. The store looked as though it had been there since the 1800's. There was one gas pump, and the only person there was an attendant who was sitting on a rocking chair under the awning on the front porch. I asked him where the nearest highway was, and he pointed me in the right direction and told me it was about another mile-and-a-half. I continued walking. The rain eventually subsided a bit, and I was feeling a bit better knowing that I was a little closer to civilization.
Finally, without having seen one single car during my hour-and-a-half long walk, I reached a two-lane highway. Without hesitation, I stuck my thumb out. I had never hitch-hiked before, and obviously thought I never would. Honestly, maybe because I was white or something, I didn't have any problems. I was picked up by the third or fourth car that passed me.
Long story short, I hitched a total of seven rides to get back to Chattanooga. Honestly, I still don't know how far Murphy, NC is from Chattanooga, TN. My journey lasted approximately eight hours, as I think I started walking at 7 AM and made it home by 3. The only interesting ride I hitched was with an old, scruffy man in a 1970's beat up truck. As we drove through the river valley, which is quite scenic (also straight out of a scene in Deliverence), the man told me that he picked me up because he could see that I had been led down that road by satan, and that he had hoped we could pray together as he drove. Guess what, wh fucking prayed together. Believe it or not, I actually think I wanted to at the time.
Anyway, I reported to work early the next morning. My boss, who was fortunately a recovering alcoholic, was the only one at the office. I was an intern, remember, and scared to death. I walked into his office, sat down, and told him the entire story. Dude was actually cool enough to laugh, told me that I "do a great job for him," and said "We'll keep this between us. I'll tell everyone that you had a family emergency."
As fucked up as that shit was at the time, I'll never forget that day. I didn't really learn anything from it, because I was out getting fucked up and banging another random skank the next night. Anyway, I'll never forget that day.
At this time, I go for anal and I bury it to the base. Now I love anal, but I rarely get it, so this is big ups for me........
