My Father's Funeral

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 7:40 am

Earlier today I laffed (again) as I recounted an encounter I had at my dad's funeral 5+ years ago.

My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.
An older guy (looked to be mid-70s) came walking up to my brother, who had given one of the eulogies.
Old guy, who I later learned had been a "friend" of my father, said to my brother, "Well, your talk wasn't really that great. And just to be honest, you've never really been very handsome."
That's all he said, and then he turned away.

rotf...

I was like, "What? What the... What's going on here?"

Then it was my turn.
Old "friend" of my dad said to me, "You have a beard, huh? Two kinds of people have beards. One's who haven't grown up, and one's who are trying to compensate for something."

Then after old man got off his two balsts on the dead man's sons, he walked out the door of the church building.
The end.

He pwned my brother and I in our darkest hour.

BODE, old timer!

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 8:19 am

I guess he was a friend of my dad, somehow, but he didn't seem very friendly.

But my read on the situation was that old guy had a score that he never got settled with my dad, and the best he could do was take it out on the sons of the guy he never got even with.

But I really don't know for sure what the deal was.
I could be way off with that assumption.

Maybe the guy was always surly like that.
Or maybe his meds were messing with his mood.

Old guy was with his wife, and she was standing right there as he got his balsts off my my brother and I.

lol

Python · Post by **Python** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 3:49 pm

That was bbq jones.

Roach · Post by **Roach** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 5:16 pm

Sounds like his jealousy or insecurity coming out. Maybe he wished he had two sons. Or he knows no one will come to his own funeral.

This is a sad person, and it has very little to do with you and your bro, or Dad.

Dr_Phibes · Post by **Dr_Phibes** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 8:27 pm

Sounds like every family dinner I've been to. Old girl says to the young girl, 'Look how fat you got. And right before your wedding. You need to do something about that'.

Dishes fly, tears flow, the front door slams and dinner is ruined. It's old school smack, some of them like that.

OR

He was allowing himself to be used as a lightning rod for your emotions.

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 11:36 pm

In the moment, it seemed surreal.

Or like it was an SNL skit -- the bitter old kook who goes to funerals so he can verbally assault those who are grieving.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue Jun 13, 2023 11:37 pm

So which beard man are you?

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Wed Jun 14, 2023 12:24 am

Door #1 or door #2?

I'll go with door #3.

Beard man who wears a beard because it is known to trigger acrimonious old cranks.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:27 pm

I’m the “daily shaving is a PITA” type beard guy.

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smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:32 pm

As for what motivated Don Rickles wannabe, I would have talked to other friends of your old man who might have known him.

But their likely all dead now.

Oh, and one other thing, it’s “my brother and me” when you are the object in a sentence.

Yes, you’ve just had grammar smack run on you by the board illiterate. You should kill yourself.

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Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:39 pm

smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:32 pm As for what motivated Don Rickles wannabe, I would have talked to other friends of your old man who might have known him.

But their likely all dead now.

Oh, and one other thing, it’s “my brother and me” when you are the object in a sentence.

Yes, you’ve just had grammar smack run on you by the board illiterate. You should kill yourself.

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Wrong. He had it correct.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:40 pm

Just noticed a faux pas in my poptah grammar callout post.

I was gonna edit it, but then I thought, nahhh, it just reinforces my point.

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smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:42 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote:
smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:32 pm As for what motivated Don Rickles wannabe, I would have talked to other friends of your old man who might have known him.

But their likely all dead now.

Oh, and one other thing, it’s “my brother and me” when you are the object in a sentence.

Yes, you’ve just had grammar smack run on you by the board illiterate. You should kill yourself.

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Wrong. He had it correct.

Don’t think so.

There a pretty simple rule, drop the “my brother and” part of the statement. It will them become obvious whether you use I or me.

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smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:44 pm

Aren’t you allegedly someone who writes things for a living?

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smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:50 pm

He pwned my brother and I in our darkest hour.

Are you going to tell me that this is grammatically correct?

Would you say "He pwned I in my darkest hour"?

Perhaps you would, if english was your third language or you were a fukking moron.

According to my spreadsheet, you are from MI and rumor has it that you currently reside in The District.

So, I'm gonna guess english is your first language nd that you are in fact, a fukking moron.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 1:02 pm

smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:44 pm Aren’t you allegedly someone who writes things for a living?

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You're a worthless titsucking leech.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 1:41 pm

I'm not worthless.

I have been known to suck a tit.

I freely admit that a large chunk of what I "earn" comes as a contractor to a federal entity (TSA) and that that puts me in the leech category, by my own Libertarian leaning definition. But the powers that be have decided that it's a job that needs doing, so WTF, why not me.

I have admitted numerous times that if I were King, I'd fire the TSA which would likely result in firing myself. And that would be fine, because I have marketable skills that could be used elsewhere.

So, now that I have addressed your pathetic ad hominen attacks, how about we get back to the discussion, which you conveniently dropped because you realize you're wrong.

Do you still maintain that using "I" as a pronoun when the object of a sentence is correct?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 1:47 pm

One other thing. Poptah making the very common mistake of saying my brother and I rather than my brother and me, is very trivial. Most of us who are not 9th grade english teachers, commonly make this mistake, especially in conversation. But if you bothered to pay the slightest bit of attention in grade school, you should be familiar with the rules regarding the use of "I" and "me".

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 2:25 pm

smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 1:41 pm Do you still maintain that using "I" as a pronoun when the object of a sentence is correct?

Yes. Poptart remains correct.

Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm

“My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.

Roach · Post by **Roach** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:33 pm

Softball Bat wrote: ↑Tue Jun 13, 2023 8:19 am
Old guy was with his wife, and she was standing right there as he got his balsts off my my brother and I.

lol

Assuming you meant "balsts off on my brother and I"

Brother and me

Me is the object of on.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:55 pm

Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm “My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.

You are quite possibly even dumber than screwey.

Do you understand basic sentence structure?

The sentence in question was "He pwned my brother and I in our darkest hour.".

In this sentence, "he" is the subject and "my brother and I" is the object.

You then flip it around and claim 'bode.

Look, I realize that english is a shitty language with shitty rules, but, it's what we have to work with, so how about you go re-enroll in 5th grade and pay attention this time.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:57 pm

Roach wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:33 pm
Softball Bat wrote: ↑Tue Jun 13, 2023 8:19 am
Old guy was with his wife, and she was standing right there as he got his balsts off my my brother and I.

lol
Assuming you meant "balsts off on my brother and I"

Brother and me

Me is the object of on.

Good to know I'm not the only one who stayed awake in grade school.

And nice job adding the old dude emoji. Anyone who remembers people who went through school anytime prior to maybe 1960 or so, knows that anyone with a HS education from that era can run grammatical circles around us young folks.

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:19 pm

Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm “My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.

Nobody kicks his own ass better than Suckaholic. And Suckaholic, at least i know BB code, tardling. Now fukc off.

Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:27 pm

smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:55 pm
Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm “My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.
You are quite possibly even dumber than screwey.

Do you understand basic sentence structure?

The sentence in question was "He pwned my brother and I in our darkest hour.".

In this sentence, "he" is the subject and "my brother and I" is the object.

You then flip it around and claim 'bode.

Look, I realize that english is a shitty language with shitty rules, but, it's what we have to work with, so how about you go re-enroll in 5th grade and pay attention this time.

You tried to run gammer smack when you didn’t even specify what grammar you were talking about. My point was, if you are going to be a twat, you might want to do it correctly.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:28 pm

Screw_Michigan wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:19 pm
Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm “My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.
Nobody kicks his own ass better than Suckaholic. And Suckaholic, at least i know BB code, tardling. Now fukc off.

BB code is not the topic of discussion, asswhipe, the english language is.

I make no claims to being anything close to literate in the BB code world. It simply isn't high on my list of priorities, but......I do have a reasonable grasp on basic grammar. Too bad you and your lil' buddy don't.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:31 pm

Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:27 pm
smackaholic wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:55 pm
Kierland wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 3:46 pm “My brother and I were standing in the church lobby after the funeral ended.”
You wouldn’t say “me was standing” you would say “I was standing” so “I” is correct and Dumbaholic is wrong again.
You are quite possibly even dumber than screwey.

Do you understand basic sentence structure?

The sentence in question was "He pwned my brother and I in our darkest hour.".

In this sentence, "he" is the subject and "my brother and I" is the object.

You then flip it around and claim 'bode.

Look, I realize that english is a shitty language with shitty rules, but, it's what we have to work with, so how about you go re-enroll in 5th grade and pay attention this time.
You tried to run gammer smack when you didn’t even specify what grammar you were talking about. My point was, if you are going to be a twat, you might want to do it correctly.

It was abundantly clear that I was talking about pop's very common mistake of using "and I" in a case where "and me" is correct. But go ahead and try to wiggle out of this, you illiterate douchebag.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:32 pm

Anyhoo, I'm done arguing this with a couple of disingenuous wastes of cum shots.

Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 5:45 pm

Except he did it twice in his post and you didn’t specify which one you were talking about. You can read right, Mr. Grammarsmack?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 7:46 pm

If you go back and read my first post, it is clear that I am talking about the second use of the phrase because I make note that it is when used as the object.

You said I was wrong. I was not.

I will admit that had I pointed out that elsewhere he got it right, it might have been clearer. But you fukkers knew what I was talking about. You just like to claim someone is wrong, even when they aren't.

Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 9:54 pm

aRe yuO gANu hEre?

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 10:26 pm

Roach wrote: ↑Sat Jun 17, 2023 4:33 pm
poptart wrote: ↑Tue Jun 13, 2023 8:19 am
Old guy was with his wife, and she was standing right there as he got his balsts off my my brother and I.

lol
Assuming you meant "balsts off on my brother and I"

Brother and me

Me is the object of on.

Next time I'll have a bot produce my story.

It will contain -----> no errors!

Roach · Post by **Roach** » Sat Jun 17, 2023 11:02 pm

Never change Pops. Be you.

:bode:

Softball Bat · Post by **Softball Bat** » Sun Jun 18, 2023 1:09 pm

Ironically, since I started this thread a few days ago, my mother-in-law died here in Korea yesterday.
102 years old.

I will attend her funeral this week.

Hopefully I can make it through the day without being verbally accosted.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Jun 18, 2023 1:11 pm

Softball Bat wrote:Ironically, since I started this thread a few days ago, my mother-in-law died here in Korea yesterday.
102 years old.

I will attend her funeral this week.

Hopefully I can make it through the day without being verbally accosted.

Damn, 102 is a pretty good run. Good for her.

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smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sun Jun 18, 2023 1:12 pm

She was a young adult during the war. Bet she saw some shit. Prolly not of a big fan of the Japs.

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Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Sun Jun 18, 2023 1:46 pm

You do know that there are people on this planet that aren’t racist douchebags, right?

Meat Head · Post by **Meat Head** » Sun Jun 18, 2023 5:27 pm

You do know that there are people on this planet that aren’t douchebags, right?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue Jun 20, 2023 1:42 pm

Kierland wrote:You do know that there are people on this planet that aren’t racist douchebags, right?

You do realize that people the world over have tribal instincts and the best way to bring these tribal instincts out and foment racism is by accusing others of it.

I’d like to think that your pea brain understands this, but is willing to risk the consequences of it because you think it suits your long term political goal which is to burn the whole fukking thing to the ground so you can have your socialist utopia.

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Kierland · Post by **Kierland** » Tue Jun 20, 2023 2:01 pm

All racists use that as a defense. They think it’s logically full proof or something. “You know calling someone a pedo, just because they molest little kids only breeds pedos.”

It’s one of the stupidest arguments on this, or any other planet.

Yeah I want to burn down the system that has 10 people owning half the shit like the end of a monopoly game. You do know what happens at the end game of a monopoly right? YOU end up with nothing. And the trust fund babies get it all. Do you REALLY want that?