Revisiting the Wing Eating Retard reminded me of something that(really) happened yesterday.
So, yesterday evening, I'm with a bud, heading out to partake of some brews and whatsuch. Traffic on the business highway that I live adjacent to was it's usual gridlock. So, we're waiting through a few cycles of the traffic light, when a girl gets off the bus right ahead of us. For me, it was just about love at first sight. I mean, this chick was really hot. Being the oh-so-smooth motherfucking stud I am, I rolled down the window, waiting for her to mosey on by, where she'd be powerless against my advances.
Then......
She started walking towards us. I'll be damned if there wasn't something wrong with the hottie. She had some Down's Syndrome, or some shit. She had one of those walks where she's all cock-eyed to the right, and her right arm did that deal where it kind of has a mind of it's own and stuff......the kind of chick you don't want to turn loose in a china shop, if you know what I mean.
And frankly......I can't stop thinking about her. She was like a dream come true. I want her, and want her bad.
You guys probably think I'm jerking your chain, but I'm dead serious. The chick was hot. And most of you have probably never gotten down and dirty with a.......I think they called them "spastics" in the old days......but dude.....it ROCKS! I mean, you stick your peter in that bitch, and start getting all abusive on her ass, talking shit about her mother and sister and shit, and you can often trigger a seizure.
And you ain't fucked until you've fucked a spastic bitch in mid-seizure. Trust me on that one, my brothers.
Anyhow, the Object of My Desire gimped her way near the truck, and I took the opportunity to unleash my charm --
Dins: Hey, cutie. What's your name?
Spastic Bitch: GHARRRRRG!!!!!!
Dins: Do you live around here?
SB: GRUUUKKKKKGRRRRR!!!!!!!
I think she has feelings for me.
Anyone else here ever have the hots for a retarded bitch? I mean, there's some social stigma attached, sure......but hey, we're all friends here, right?
Fess up.......
While I was stuck in traffic last night.....
While I was stuck in traffic last night.....
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
Dude, now this is just cold:
Apparently, though, as she's riding the bus and can get around somewhat on her own, she seems to be a high functioning spastic. You're aiming a little high ain't ya, Dins?
Cold, but, damn, slap a saddle on, tie yourself in, and go for the eight second count...think you could do it?I mean, you stick your peter in that bitch, and start getting all abusive on her ass, talking shit about her mother and sister and shit, and you can often trigger a seizure.
Apparently, though, as she's riding the bus and can get around somewhat on her own, she seems to be a high functioning spastic. You're aiming a little high ain't ya, Dins?
If there was one strapped to the bike rack on the front of the bus, I would have been all over it. As it was, I went with what was available.DrDetroit wrote:Apparently, though, as she's riding the bus and can get around somewhat on her own, she seems to be a high functioning spastic. You're aiming a little high ain't ya, Dins?
Did I mention this tard was HOT?
And for some reason, as I hit "submit," I kinda wondered how long it would be before Trev took some.
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
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BBMarley
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Re: While I was stuck in traffic last night.....
Dinsdale wrote: when a girl gets off the bus right ahead of us. For me, it was just about love at first sight. I
Generally- you can tell what they'll be like if they're riding in these.... But hey- go for it. Its all pink on the inside...
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Uncle Fester
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While that story is absolutely true, I was pretty much just trolling for a Moorese post.
And BBMarley -- while I'm OK with those chicks, the one last night was HOT!
I mean sure -- your typical spastic is always desirable, despite their typical phsyical flaws. But a SMOKING HOT SPASTIC BITCH?
That's a keeper, right there.
There's just something appealing about using the contents of her drool cup as buttlube. Just tell her "it's going where the poopy is" and hold tight.
And BBMarley -- while I'm OK with those chicks, the one last night was HOT!
I mean sure -- your typical spastic is always desirable, despite their typical phsyical flaws. But a SMOKING HOT SPASTIC BITCH?
That's a keeper, right there.
There's just something appealing about using the contents of her drool cup as buttlube. Just tell her "it's going where the poopy is" and hold tight.
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
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1tnacU
Last month, my ride was in the shop for some repairs. I had to take public transportation to and from for a couple... anywho. You can't imagine what sort of hapless people ride, errr, scratch that. I'm sure you can imagine what dregs inevitably plop themselves down into seat next to me on the Orange Line. They are the ones not capable of driving themselves... where ever the fuck they're headed. This one day... this one-legged hottie moto-wheeled herself right up on me. I'm not sure how many of her limbs were functioning, but her NASCAR-like dexterity with that one good hand would have made Junior jump right outta his Hans and take notice. After the T left the station, this little minx started showing her mad skills. Everyone in the car was watching this little slut show off... popping wheelies, doing burnouts, and all sorts of crazy shit that you Mason-Dixon'ers get wood over. Me... I couldn't take my eyes off of her mouth. The amount of drool her cocksucker was producing could have vegetated any rainforest for months on end. She had the wettest (if that's even a word) mouth of any of God's children. Imagine the head she could have given. I know this is an argument for another thread, but if there really is a God, her neck muscles would have the tensile strength of triple reinforced steel. Yeah Dins, I'll admit it, handicapped bitches fuel blood towards my member faster JTR dropping choad upon completion of his maiden voyage... whenever the fuck that may happen.
Round these parts, we call them "negroes."1tnacU wrote: You can't imagine what sort of hapless people ride, errr, scratch that. I'm sure you can imagine what dregs inevitably plop themselves down into seat next to me on the Orange Line.
RACK you, for MANNING UP, and telling the truth. We're just saying what they're all thinking.
Anytime you're dealing with the subspecies known as the "Chairriders," you've got an extra bargaining chip to get into that sweet spastic pussy -- you tell her you'll buy her a new orange flag for the back of her sled, but only if she swallows it all.
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
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Raydah James
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Vic, the closest I could find was this entry from Jokey:
Have today and tomorrow off so into the truck go the fly rods, float tube and other shit I'll need for a few good hours on the water. Figured I'd go to this large lake west of town for some pike on the fly. Beautiful day, hot and sunny. Looks promising.
Fish for an hour or so at my original destination and have a hard time fighting the wind and waves, tough to keep my casting position. I decide to troll back to the truck and head to provincial park campground where I can get out of the wind.
Deploy tube and paddle a ways out until I can see that this entire bay is one huge weed choked mess. Outta here. Paddle back to shore and pick up my fins, rods and accessories and carry them to the truck. I'll change out of waders there and drive back to the launch to get the float tube.
Just as I shuck out of my waders and put on my sandals I hear a loud shrieking and splashing from the launch. I look over and see that some fuckhead has jumped in my tube and is splashing around in the shallows with it!
I haul ass down to the water and see this guy wearing the most ridiculous summer hat giggling like a motherfucker sprawled in my tube and acting like a 4 year old. "Get the fuck out of there asshole!" I yell. No response. I can't see this guy's face because of the House of Blossom Rejects hat the moron is wearing but he's still laughing and splashing away.
Fuck it. I wade in and spin the guy around and yank off his stupid hat. This big stupid grin is all I get. That and a moan that doesn't even sound human followed by a trail of saliva that would put most hungry dogs to shame. Great, a fucking retard.
"Get out of that, it doesn't belong to you," I say a nicely. No need to upset the mongoloid any more than I have to now that I know what I'm dealing with. He splashes me with water in response and grins stupidly. "Cut that out, and get out of this tube now dammit." He splashes me again....it's a game to him now. I decide to cut the shit. I lean in to his twisted mug and yell "OUT NOW!!!!!!!"
It doesn't work. I thought he just might splash me again but instead he grabs the handles on the side of the tube and begins to scream. And not a normal scream either. Think of John Tesh with the E string of a violin wrapped very tightly around his nuts and you'll get the idea.
By now people are watching. The families on the other side of the dock have stopped eating their weenies and are watching me haul this tard out of the water, still in my tube of course.
I get to shore and I'm trying to calm this fucker down. He's still screaming and so much foamy spit is running down his chin you'd think he'd eaten a box of Tide. "Shut up dammit. Get out of the tube and just stop screaming." He doesn't.
Now I notice that a group of four people are approaching. Oh good, I think, now I get to do this with an audience. Wait a minute......two of them are wearing the same stupid hat that retard in the tube is wearing! Retard Posse dead ahead.
You know how those super hero groups always seem to have members that are very diverse in their powers so as to deal with any problem some how?. Well these 5 ran the whole gambit of retards that fucked up genetics could throw at me. (although a flipper baby could have rounded things out nicely) This group was ready to tackle any situation that called for limited vocab, poor motor skills and barely coherent thought.
You had the screamer in the tube, probably the trouble maker of the group. The loose cannon or X factor if you will. There was a tall skinny guy whose smile was his charm. His super power was getting so much into your personal space you ran away feeling stifled and dirty. There was a blond haired pudgy bastard whose biggest power nust have been trying to lick off his own face. The was another one who was swaying back and forth while humming the same note continuously. I'm not sure if his power was hypnosis or if he was the super intelligent one....he had glasses so thick he had to be a retarded genius. Then there was the lone female of the Posse who was obviously the devious and clever one. At the moment she was trying to fake me out by waving hello to herself but she wasn't fooling anyone.
I wasn't sure what to do. Turn my back on this fiendish group of fucked up chromosomal warriors and kick screamers ass the hell outta my tube or looking around for one of their keepers? Fuck that......this asshole gets his ass kicked.
Actually kicking a retards ass is harder than it looks. Especially if that retard is sitting down in something expensive of yours. I tried to roll him out of it but he tried to bite me. It was the only time he stopped screaming actually. I tried to pick it by the handle near the back rest but the nylon shell threatened to part at the seams. Apparently being very dense was also one of screamers powers.
Then I hear this "What are you doing??? Leave him alone!!!!" Followed by some heavy running on the concrete slabs of the launch. A ponderous thing, the size of the short bus the Posse rode in on is moving toward me at moderate speed. She arrives out of breath but still yelling at me. "Leave him alone! Leave him alone! Don't hurt him!!!"
"I wasn't hurting him. I was trying to get him out of my float tube. If he doesn't get out damn fast he will get hurt." She looks at me all shocked. As if no one had ever want to smash a retard in the face. Most of us have at one point or another.
"He was only playing with it, he doesn't know any better" she says. "I don't give a goddamn what he 's doing with it. That thing cost me 270 bucks. He's not going to be playing with it anymore. And as for not knowing better, why is there no one around to supervise him?"
"That's my job," she says. "I was busy for a sec."
"Bulllshit," I say. "I've been dealing with this twit for almost ten minutes before you came along. You're telling me that you left this guy with the IQ of a radish and these other 4 vegetables alone to wander around with no supervision? Are you sure you're not one of the them?" I practically yelled that in her face and the rest of the Posse, seeing their grand pubah in trouble, begin to moan and sway in unison. Screamer is still screaming.
She looks a little scared now but she's not ready to back down completely. "I'll call the police," she says sorta weakly.
"Oh yeah," I say. "You do that. I'll be happy to tell them that you left a group of five people with the combined intelligence of a cat alone for ten minutes at a public place where could get lost or drown or worse. They might give me shit but at the same time they'll be calling your supervisor and these kids' parents for a little chit chat too. Your call bitch."
She shut up but made no move to do anything else. I was fired up now and shoved screamer out of the tube before he could lock onto the handles. He lay there on the sand wailing and kicking his legs. The big baby.
I grabbed the tube and headed for my truck without looking back to see if the fat bitch and the Posse were still there. But the road out looped and went right close by the launch. I slowed down and look out my window. The fat bitch was trying to stop the screamer from putting handfuls of sand and gravel in his mouth. The tall skinny one and the devious chick were waving to me.
I waved back. After all, there was no need to be impolite.
J
ps---only caught one small pike the whole time
WacoFan wrote:Flying any airplane that you can hear the radio over the roaring radial engine is just ghey anyway.... Of course, Cirri are the Miata of airplanes..
Oh dude, I'm wayyyy ahead of you.R-Jack wrote:Just be careful not to crack a joke or make her laugh while she is sucking on the peach lolipop reward.
She might do that waterhead laugh and bite down.
When porking a spastic, practicing safe sex is of the UTMOST importance.
Put a mouthpiece in her face before she knobs you.....sheesh, I thought everyone knew that.
And that Jokey story was one of the greatest posts in messageboard history, and that sucker snowballed into months of epicosity on RTT. Got the whole Moorese/retard ball rolling, if I remember right.
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
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The Whistle Is Screaming
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1tnacU
Think of John Tesh with the E string of a violin wrapped very tightly around his nuts and you'll get the idea.
He's still screaming and so much foamy spit is running down his chin you'd think he'd eaten a box of Tide.
At the moment she was trying to fake me out by waving hello to herself but she wasn't fooling anyone.
He lay there on the sand wailing and kicking his legs. The big baby.
Speechless. Best post I've ever read... ever.
He's still screaming and so much foamy spit is running down his chin you'd think he'd eaten a box of Tide.
At the moment she was trying to fake me out by waving hello to herself but she wasn't fooling anyone.
He lay there on the sand wailing and kicking his legs. The big baby.
Speechless. Best post I've ever read... ever.
^^Werd.1tnacU wrote: Best post I've ever read... ever.
While looking for some of the old RTT retard stories, I was reminded of some of the funny funny shit that was on there. Most of this fractured "community" missed it, since the RTT people were accused of all sorts of evil acts back then, but damn......that was truly a great couple years of posting, as far as dorky messageboards go. Between the Wing Eating Retard, and The Flaot Tube Theif, there was so much material to work with, it was great. On the busier boards, those appear to be "Precious sea-stones before swine."
I got 99 problems but the 'vid ain't one
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Raydah James
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*Gives trev an orange flag and adjusts her chinsponge*trev wrote::roll:JHawkBCD wrote:I think Raydah James has a thing for trev... does that count?
She may not be a victim of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, but I'm sure she's given birth to a few.
Insert you and gbg into the above and you may be onto something. In you MR state I'll forgive the confusion.
Simmer down, hun.......and show the nice posters the awesome wheelies and sweet jumps you break off!
*gets lube ready*
NBL, Trev.
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Bizzarofelice
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Swing & a miss.trev wrote: Insert you and gbg into the above and you may be onto something. In you MR state I'll forgive the confusion.
All that drinking has you flailing away & hitting nothing.
The cookie dough is calling your name, trev... either that, or it's the kid that you pinned under your wheels while parking in the garage after a bender during your soaps.
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Raydah James
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JStalkBCD wrote:Swing & a miss.trev wrote: Insert you and gbg into the above and you may be onto something. In you MR state I'll forgive the confusion.
All that drinking has you flailing away & hitting nothing.
The cookie dough is calling your name, trev... either that, or it's the kid that you pinned under your wheels while parking in the garage after a bender during your soaps.
There was a tall skinny guy whose smile was his charm. His super power was getting so much into your personal space you ran away feeling stifled and dirty.
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Headhunter
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Genius thread. RACK Father Dins!
Speaking of Jokey and the float tube...
Speaking of Jokey and the float tube...
Real Men Of Genius wrote:Budweiser presents... Real Men of Genius
Real Men of Genius
This one goes out to you, Mr. Retarded Tube Thief Ass Whipper
Mr. Retarded Tube Thief Ass Whipper
Most men would show a little patience for our extra chromosome friends, but not you, Mr. Retarded Tube Thief Ass Whipper. You take that thieving little mongoloid to task. And although no amount of beating will actually knock any sense into him, by golly, you're gonna try.
That's my tube, you freakin' retard!.
Nothings going to keep a man and his float tube apart. Not even Corky's handler. When she tries to calm you down, you march onward, putting that bitch in her place as well.
Put that retard on a leash, bitch.
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, rip that tard a new ass, and send him and his handler back to wing night. We salute you, Mr. Retarded Tube Thief Ass Whipper.
Anheuser Busch... St. Louis Missouri
Dinsdale wrote:This board makes me feel like Stephen-Hawking-For-The-Day, except my penis is functional and I can walk and stuff.
I miss RMoG.
If he's still around, posting under some other nic, maybe he'll come out of retirement and hit us with an ode to Mr Fashion-Challenged Roid-Rager
If he's still around, posting under some other nic, maybe he'll come out of retirement and hit us with an ode to Mr Fashion-Challenged Roid-Rager
WacoFan wrote:Flying any airplane that you can hear the radio over the roaring radial engine is just ghey anyway.... Of course, Cirri are the Miata of airplanes..
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The Whistle Is Screaming
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In the words of Prime holding a 2 of clubs and a 7 of spades* standing in front of the cast of Full Monty
"All IN!!"
*Hi Vic
and off it goes!
"All IN!!"
*Hi Vic
and off it goes!
John Boehner wrote:Boehner said. "In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a chicken shit. And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push this yellow button.