And so it comes to this...

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:56 am

My cancer has returned, and it has spread. It is no longer considered curable, not this time. Radiation is the main treatment and it isn't an option. The tissues that were irradiated before cannot endure it again. That leaves only three treatment protocols: chemo, which in this instance only serves to complement radiation, and will not get the job done on its own; surgical excision, which won't prevent the spread of the cancer and may not be possible anyway due to the location of the recurrent tumor on the main artery leading to my brain; holistic therapies.

Yeah, well...whatever. I don't have much faith in herbal remedies accomplishing a whole lot at this point.

I'm not sure what I will do. I know I'll keep this news to myself for just as long as I can. I'm still taking care of my elderly mother, and she really doesn't need to know. She doesn't want to have to live with my eldest brother and his family, which is exactly what she will be forced to do once I'm gone. No need to burden her with such worries until the time comes. Same with the rest of my family and friends, and I suppose I'll just keep working until I'm no longer able.

I doubt I will continue to post. I will undoubtedly read for a while longer, as this place makes for a great time-killer at work. Otherwise, I suspect this will be it.

That being the case, fuck it, I may as well go out with one final long post. Most of us have hung around these boards for well over ten years now, and everyone deserves a decent goodbye. I was denied that most basic grace with Angelina's passing, and nothing is worse.

So, just working off the top of my head and in no intentional order...

Sam, thank you for all your kind words. I hope you get your assfucked back sorted out sooner rather than later, and you really do need to go check out that CB1100. That thing could be the difference between riding and not riding for you, and you and your camera belong out there on the road.

'Spray, aside from one brief rough patch, you've always been a good friend (as these things go). Thank you for all the music, the laughs...the basic decency. People who don't know you are missing out. You're also a genuinely good musician in all regards, and I hope that remains a major part of your life forever.

smackaholic, what can I say? You have excellent taste in music, cars, women...pretty much most everything. You're as solid as the day is long, and I hope you have the opportunity to cherish Cockblocker, your wife and all your loved ones until the final ship sets sail for the Undying Lands.

Wags, you have a wonderful daughter. Get off your ass and start taking care of yourself so you can cherish her the way a young girl deserves to be cherished by her proud father. Whatever has long bedeviled you, you have to give enough of a shit about the rest of the people in your life to conquer it.

Smackie Chan, thank you for the erudition, the gentle wisdom, and of course the music. You're a real witch in the best sense of the word, and I hope you are and remain happy with Michelle.

88, thank you for becoming my favorite read on the board, and also for your unerring decency. Life has gifted you with many wonderful things and I suspect that you deserve all of them.

Marty, fwiw, Angelina and her sister Julia were in fact real. It was all real. It will always be real, until my last breath. That issue aside, thank you for lo those many hours of reading and laughing. Maybe you're mvscal, or Nick, or both; maybe you're not. No matter. In a medium devoted to base instincts, you're Belushi's Bad Angel to Mgo's Better Angel.

Mgo, you've long served as a basic divining rod of sorts for this place, at least for me. You have been the steady rock. Regardless of our battles, I have always and will always respect what you bring to the table. Though we often did not get along here, I have little doubt that in real life we would probably make for good friends.

Screwball, the truth is that you're clearly far brighter than you want to let on here. As with Mgo, you and I have had a mostly contentious 'relationship' on this board, and I couldn't care less. You may genuinely dislike me, I don't know, but I harbor absolutely zero ill will towards you. All I can tell you now is this: Enjoy your freedom. Take full advantage of it.

Dins, believe it or not, I suppose I consider you to be my spiritual brother on these boards. Call me a dork all you like, as that's what you're wired to do here: tear people down. No matter. My sense is that we have always been far more similar than dissimilar, and that's fine by me. I also hope you eventually find someone who will make you happy.

mvscal, thank you for the knowledge, the passion, and the respect for your mission here. You never put a foot wrong, and no matter how much you seemed to dislike me and practically every other living soul on this planet you always managed to keep me laughing. Excellent work.

Nick...same deal. You're the best troll we've seen in many an age, and still I enjoy those rare glimpses of humanity that you allow to glimmer through whenever you let your guard down. Even if you are in fact a shared troll, no problem. You provide a necessary service, and you accomplish it with practiced elan.

Mace, I would count you among the handful of people that I suspect truly dislike me and/or what I post, and that's fine. The feeling isn't mutual. There is nothing I would offer you in the way of advice, as you seem to have your life well in order in all regards. Hopefully your Cubbies and/or Hawkeyes will bring you a title before you're gone, and may you rest in peace.

Truman, thank you for your honesty and decency. As with Mace, I have nothing to offer you but thanks and never-ending well wishes. You're just too solid.

trev, you bring light and an easy grace where it's desperately needed. You aren't like the others, and that's exactly as it should be. Keep shining bright, delighting in those things you help grow. You're one of only a very small number of people here that I regret never meeting. I think I would have enjoyed you.

socalvansmack, thank you for many years of class, civility, warmth, and humor. To me you're more a real person than a performing chimp on a message board. You always made me feel good about my association with this cesspool.

Terry, you have a damn hard lot here, and with your family. You take so much crap about the shittiest things, and always you handle yourself with unsurpassed dignity and real aplomb. Although we've never met, I am certain your friends must think the world of you. Bottom line, I admire everything you stand for.

PSU Fan, should you ever pop back in here, thank you for everything you gave us, not the least of which is your considered approach to every topic you tackled. If even half of the people here were a quarter as bright and level-headed as you are, I would have enjoyed this board twice as much as it deserved.

Lefty, thank you for the invite to the USC-Oregon St game a few years ago. I'm glad I didn't have to endure that mess in person but hey, it's the thought that counts.

KC Scott, thank you for everything you've done to keep this place afloat. I apologize for lumping you even tangentially with Indy, as you really don't deserve that.

M Club, over the past year or so you came to be my favorite poster, so thank you for the wry spin you put on most everything you touch. Knowing that you probably never liked me much at all, I appreciated your kind words way back when. Keep doing what you're doing. Not only does the world need ditch diggers, it also needs sharp-as-tacks bon vivants.

Killian, thank you for year upon year of Essential Messageboarding. To me you were always the gold standard of Golden Domer Posterdom, and you made BTPCF proud. Beyond all that nonsense, thank you for your decency, as well.

M2, yep, thank you for years of late-night hilarity. Straddling the line between outright troll and local comfort, you never failed to elevate my enjoyment here. I never liked when you took your sudden leaves of absence. Similarly, your abrupt returnings were always a breath of fresh air.

Jsc, you already know. I could never be like you, to my great loss. You're of a higher quality, cut from a finer cloth.

With apologies to those of you who deserve a mention yet escape my attention at the moment, allow me to offer recompense in the form of what may well turn out to be T1B's Ultimate Pile-On: the Posthumous Edition.

As my final parting gift to this board, I offer up myself for eternal derision and the Mother of All Smackboard Memes.

A brief backstory...

Way back in 2001 or thereabouts, Annie of T1B infamy learned of my real-life story; in particular, those things concerning my time with Angelina. At a certain point I shared with her some of what we went through together.

Now, knowing that I was a writer, she seemingly made it her mission in life to badger me into putting down on paper a proper accounting of our lurid tale. She was hell-bent on seeing to it that I recount through the written word everything I was willing to say about Angelina, and she wanted to see it published somewhere.

I always resisted. It was too personal, and the pain remained too visceral. It was still an open wound that I did not wish to face. I just wouldn't do it.

Years went by, until finally my second wife Susan fell ill. By 2008 I was long since out of touch with Annie but her badgering still played on my mind, and with my wife slipping away I again fell into a bad place. All the old demons were coming back to haunt me, and I couldn't help but long for what I had lost.

It was an old song I heard one day on the radio by Heart, of all things, that finally pushed me over the edge. Recalling our time we spent together as kids, with Angie and Julie constantly playing the roles of a young Ann and Nancy in our waking lives, I decided that I had to honor Angie in whatever way possible to staunch the bleeding.

I needed the catharsis of release, and so I began work on her story. I had already written dry prose for magazines, but this was to be something decidedly different. Annie had long argued that I needed to delve into erotica, as I had a talent for it and it would provide the easiest avenue to a large, receptive audience.

So, why not combine the two? Write my love letter to Angelina, and do it in the most honest way possible, leaving out none of the things that made her such a shining star to all of us who worshipped her.

At first I had no idea as to what length or format I ought to employ for such a story. As a result, my initial offerings were exceedingly brief. Over time I learned to expand each chapter, until eventually I found a cohesive balance. Once I had gained solid footing, I discovered that my works were becoming quite popular. Before long I was receiving countless requests from my growing readership, asking me to take on their favorite subject matter. Being new to the whole thing, I was happy to accommodate them. I accepted requests, working off of the basic framework elements each person would provide. By and large it was almost entirely up to me as to what I would do with their given story details, as they would usually only provide me the bare-bones essentials of what they wanted to see.

"Make it like 'Angelina' or 'Summer', but do this, this and this differently, okay?"

In any case, I am sure to get whipped from pillar to post by you evil fucking cretins. Like I said, though, this is my parting gift to T1B. I expect to be nailed to the cross, and so be it.

Okay, here we go. I'm not going to bother to provide links to any of my other works. You people wouldn't care about those. You want to laugh. You want to fap. You want to point fingers and judge.

This is your huckleberry.

First off: the nonfiction pieces comprising the very story Annie long badgered me to publish as a loving memorial, and my initial foray into no-holds-barred erotica. As you will see, these first chapters are ungodly short, but whatever. I believe the feeling still comes across loud and clear...

Angelina: Ch. 01

Angelina: Ch. 02

Angelina: Ch. 03

Angelina: Ch. 04

...followed by...

Sisters: Ch. 01

Sisters: Ch. 02

...which leads to...

Stacey: Ch. 01

Stacey: Ch. 02

Lastly, this was just an e-mail I sent to a couple of people for whom I edit, one of which insisted under threat of dismemberment that I publish it as a (very) short story. There's not much to it, but oh well, it is what it is...

Friday Night in San Francisco

That wraps up the real nonfiction stories. All the rest are fiction, with the majority being request stories wherein I take the minimal framework supplied by a reader (main character names, story goals, basic plot elements) and shape them into something I hope they will enjoy. In doing so, however, so many of the narrative details and key vignettes are taken from the real-life Angelina, with a small smattering of Susan thrown in here and there.

These two were request stories from the same reader...

The Taking of Jill

...and...

Deceptions: Ch. 01

Deceptions: Ch. 02

Deceptions: Ch. 03

This one was a request from a reader who wanted something similar to "Angelina," with a specific twist. Although this is a fictional story, the three main 'hot' scenes are again taken from my time with the real-life Angelina, plus I added some Susan to this one since he requested that name for the story's leading character...

There and Back Again

This one is certain to cause a serious pile-on here. A buddy for whom I edit requested this story on the basis of what I'd already done with Angelina and Summer, and his additional request was that I take a stab at doing an incest story since those things have the largest readership by far. He wanted to see what would happen if I submitted something in a genre that was sure to receive a massive number of reads, and the answer was something along the lines of a million-plus readers to date...

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 01

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 02

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 03

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 04

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 05

Everyone Loves My Ass: Ch. 06

As I mentioned, that request story came on the back of this group of series, which is probably my 'signature' work and the piece for which I expect to receive the heaviest pile-on of all. While the storyline is fiction, the overwhelming majority of the narrative details and vignettes are nonfiction recountings of the real-life Angelina. The "Christmas" series in particular is rife with such things. The final, massively long novella is mostly fiction, except for all the bits from the French Quarter...

Summer: Ch. 01

Summer: Ch. 02

...followed by...

Christmas with Summer: Ch. 01

Christmas with Summer: Ch. 02

Christmas with Summer: Ch. 03

Christmas with Summer: Ch. 04

Christmas with Summer: Ch. 05

...then...

Summer is Hot in Cozumel: Ch. 01

Summer is Hot in Cozumel: Ch. 02

Summer is Hot in Cozumel: Ch. 03

...and finally...

Summer Voodoo

Similar to what we sometimes do here, I also wrote two parody stories. They were both exceedingly short and entirely absurd. The purpose of the first one was to rip the so-called Morality Police. The second one was a wholly depraved send-up of one of my buddy's works. It's really just a series of inside jokes between us, and without knowing the original story upon which it's based it will mean nothing to you, but you may find occasions to laugh anyway...

Another Perfect Loving Wives Tale

Conflicted: The Fuckbots Run Amok

So, there you go. Have at it, asshats.

And with that, it's time to say goodbye...

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:43 pm

Why does cancer always hit the good people and not the bad ones like SEC Tard?

"Why, God? Why?"

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 1:49 pm

Dammit, Van. I'm speechless

I don't know what to say except...

I never make any lists.

Fight on, brother.

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 2:25 pm

Thoughts and prayers for you from SW FL. Keep this guy in mind.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:45 pm

Fukk.

Fukk, fukk, fukk, fukk.

Please baby jesus, let this be LTL2.2

Hang in there dude.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:58 pm

I'm not reading all that... yet.

But when I do, I'll probably be left speechless, other than to say:

Fight the good fight, bro.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:16 pm

Hang in there, Van...because this ain't over.

:twisted:

You will always have bro's at T1B. Pinch as many nurse asses as you can.
Unless your nurse is...AP...

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:28 pm

Martyred wrote:Hang in there, Van...because this ain't over.

No shit. It ain't over til The Deciders say it's over.

Truman · Post by **Truman** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:36 pm

Over?! Did you say over?!

Left Seater · Post by **Left Seater** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 5:54 pm

The Mrs and I have added you to our prayer list.

Python · Post by **Python** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 6:31 pm

I've been trying for a few hours to come up with something meaningful to say. I got nothin'.

Van, I'm so sorry.

Toddowen · Post by **Toddowen** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 6:57 pm

smackaholic wrote:Fukk.

Fukk, fukk, fukk, fukk.

Please baby jesus, let this be LTS2.2

This was exactly my thought as I read Van's post last night at work on my smartphone, and while doing it the Polack walked by with the ever-present idiotic Stimpy smirk on his face.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:16 pm

Van, are you trying to tell us you fucked IB?

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:17 pm

Well...I guess there's nothing for it now but to die with as much courage, dignity and grace as you can muster. That's all any of us can do. None of us are getting out of this alive.

Vaya con dios, amigo. You'll be missed.

PS: Now might be a good time to start drinking but only the good stuff. If you don't, I will...not that I wouldn't be anyway but that's beside the point.

Toddowen · Post by **Toddowen** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:33 pm

Why just limit oneself to alcohol?

Shit..if I knew that my end was drawing near, I'd make Smackie my pharmacist. I'd max any card I could obtain on kilos of heroin. I would also go back to cigs of course. Five packs a day at least. I'd live my final days out in a manner that would make Keith Richards envious.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:40 pm

Toddowen wrote:Why just limit oneself to alcohol?

Shit..if I knew that my end was drawing near, I'd make Smackie my pharmacist. I'd max any card I could obtain on kilos of heroin. I would also go back to cigs of course. Five packs a day at least. I'd live my final days out in a manner that would make Keith Richards envious.

Except, nobody gives a shit about you.

Toddowen · Post by **Toddowen** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 8:53 pm

Same here, Marty.

I've never been a very empathetic sort and don't expect any.

I did, however, send Van my personal encouragement.

Derron · Post by **Derron** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 9:50 pm

Been digesting this one for a few hours. Always a bummer when that is the news. That being said, Van, stand up and give the Reaper the finger and tell him to go fuck himself and make him work for it. As one who has walked facing death, it is a very scary and unnerving thing. We do not know what is on the other side. Paradise or nothing ? Who knows. We all hope to have made an impact on this world, in one way or another. You have made an impact on a lot of people. Your writing skills are well above average and will give me something to read for the next few months.

We all spend a lot of time calling each other pussies, cunts and dumb fucks, because that is pretty much what we have done for the last 10 or more years. But like another cyber group, it would be a fucking blast to get this crew in one room, with a bunch of booze, weed, golf clubs, guns and what ever else, and see what resulted.

When I was in the hospital dying, my son was in the room reading somethings to me. He got up in my semi lucid face, and said look old man, don't you die on me. You are one tough old son of a bitch, and you are not going out like this, do you fucking understand me ? We got a little too much life left. Suck it up and lets move on....I remembered some things I had read and said Chief Tecumsh a few time too him. He got on line and found the quote and read it to me, and it more or less reenforced my resolve to keep going on, but when my time came, it was going to be on my terms.

We all have to face this sometime, and being mentally prepared for a time in our life we think will never come helps you live out those days. My hope and wish is that you will beat this miserable disease and live to die an old man beating your limp dick to death reading your own smut stories. Rack you and those stories BTW.

Chief Tecumseh's words of wisdom

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.Trouble no one about their religion;respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend,even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.

Mace · Post by **Mace** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:03 pm

Sorry to hear your bad news, Van, and it's not that I don't like you (I don't know you or anyone else here) but I've grown into playing the bitter old man here, at least most of the time. I know that I'm not the only cancer survivor posting here but, as survivor, I wish you good luck with your treatment and urge you to keep fighting it.

Dr_Phibes · Post by **Dr_Phibes** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:21 pm

smackaholic wrote:Fukk.

Fukk, fukk, fukk, fukk.

Please baby

Angelina, Chapter II?

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:22 pm

Well this just sucks a bag of grenades. I can't add too much to what Wolfie, Derron and Mace have said. So don't give up. Just don't give up.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:30 pm

don't fuck around here much from work else I'd have posted this earlier.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:56 pm

Toddowen wrote:
I've never been a very empathetic sort and don't expect any.

Oh, please...

Your unending fishing expedition for sympathies is documented and cataloged, Tallulah.

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:12 pm

Back off, Marty. Tarddblowin doesn't give a FUCK what YOU think. He will, however, meltdown if you disapprove. Oh, and stop trying to hijack Van's viking funeral thread.

Wags, I see you working but don't post any more "music," mkay? Unless you're trying to induce Van to punch out early.

Toddowen · Post by **Toddowen** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:23 pm

Marty...Van is one of the select few here who I'd probably be willing to at least make some attempt at acting halfway dignified towards.

Why even at work, I'm in the process of stabbing a fellow employee deep and where it hurts by taking his responsbilities over while he's convalescing from surgery related to his weary and worn out ticker.

Now is my opportunity to seize control and I don't give a fuck. Injury is opportunity and you've got to grab while the fly is undone.

And just think what Van's departure means for us all. About all of us has won a higher rung on the next list of people who matter on this board. Including you. Look at it that way.

By the way. You know I'll feel equally saddened the day that you announce your impending departure from here, seeing as I've always held your posts in such high regard.:-D

R-Jack · Post by **R-Jack** » Tue Apr 30, 2013 11:53 pm

Papa Willie wrote:Chief Tecumseh made some really shitty lawn mower engines. Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Well, he didn't fear death so I'm sure a couple negative customer reviews didn't scare him either.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Wed May 01, 2013 12:12 am

Tried opening one of van's links at work and the firewall flagged it as pron.

Will give it a shot now. Are there any pics?

Dr_Phibes · Post by **Dr_Phibes** » Wed May 01, 2013 12:21 am

smackaholic wrote: the firewall flagged it as pron.

Strange, it's a touching tribute to love and loss. Van, this one's for you, buddy.

'OMG!' screamed Gladys as the giant dildo approached her bum. 'It's too big for my cooze!', but Jill only laughed an evil laugh and adjusted her strap-on.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 12:48 am

That's not very dignified, Phibes.

A man is dying here. You wouldn't litter Lenin's Tomb with lager cans and crumpled racing forms, would you?

mvscal · Post by **mvscal** » Wed May 01, 2013 1:14 am

Toddowen wrote: Injury is opportunity and you've got to grab while the fly is undone.

Of course opportunity = cock + balls in Tarddblowin's bizarre, syphilitic personal calculus.

Toddowen · Post by **Toddowen** » Wed May 01, 2013 1:23 am

For the sake of the subject matter of this thread, I won't marinade your rump here.

But you had better prepare yourself psychologically for a good long soaking in some very acidic vinegar, you fukken vinnie-neggar.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 1:29 am

mv, you're moving to Iowa, correct?

Is Iowa a carry/conceal state?

I have two words of advice for you: pillow gun

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Wed May 01, 2013 1:30 am

All the best, van. NEVER give up.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 1:33 am

When the time comes and you wake up in the middle of the night and find toddowen standing over you wearing a wedding dress and clutching a steak knife, face smeared with lipstick...

...shoot straight, amigo.

shoot FUCKING straight

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 1:33 am

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Wed May 01, 2013 1:52 am

Martyred wrote:When the time comes and you wake up in the middle of the night and find toddowen standing over you wearing a wedding dress and clutching a steak knife, face smeared with lipstick...

...shoot straight, amigo.

shoot FUCKING straight

my thoughts exactly, comrade

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 1:55 am

Cuda wrote:
Martyred wrote:When the time comes and you wake up in the middle of the night and find toddowen standing over you wearing a wedding dress and clutching a steak knife, face smeared with lipstick...

...shoot straight, amigo.

shoot FUCKING straight
my thoughts exactly, comrade

Cuda wrote:...Polish...

Oh, the irony...

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed May 01, 2013 2:25 am

Van, I'm so sad to hear your news. You are loved and respected here and in life. I hope this isn't goodbye.

Shlomart Ben Yisrael · Wed May 01, 2013 2:29 am

trev wrote:Van, I'm so sad to hear your news. You are loved and respected here and in life. I hope this isn't goodbye.

We are all shaken by this news, trev. In fact, I can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes.

Would you...hold me?

trev · Post by **trev** » Wed May 01, 2013 2:32 am

Martyred wrote:
trev wrote:Van, I'm so sad to hear your news. You are loved and respected here and in life. I hope this isn't goodbye.

We are all shaken by this news, trev. In fact, I can't stop the tears welling up in my eyes.

I've been in chat with Van and feel like he's a friend. He's gone thru enough. I hate this.
We've been on this board a long time.
Tears here too.