T1B

Taking a page from Mgo's quote thread, I wanted to set aside a place where we can reflect on the profound one liners we came up with on the fly. It could be a random thought that stuck with you, a word of wisdom that you can pass down and share or, for most of you, that one fucking time you said something that made people laugh before you ran that shit into the ground and everyone went back to wishing you were dead. It would be nice to have a bank of insight that we can read and learn from to make us better fathers, husbands, jizzmoppers and communists. A little backstory is welcome if you need to set the context.

I'll start. Bear in mind that words like this don't get said unless they needed to be said....







Son, don't ever forget this. There is nothing you will ever do in your life that is worth sitting in a pile of your own shit.

~R-Jack

Family vacation - long drive to Florida.
On the last leg of the trip, Dad passed by a gas station, confidently thinking he could make it a bit longer and assuming another station would soon come.

It didn't.

He was squirming like crazy in the driver's seat the last few miles - and then when we finally arrived at our destination, he made a mad dash toward the restroom.
I noticed as he ran by that his pants were... not slightly wet, but SOAKED.

:|





I think Dad just pissed his pants.

- poptart

At least I'm not the needy R-Jack seeking the attention, love, and approval for starting this thread. Thumbs down bro and your crew.

Jewish and Muslim leaders were united on Wednesday in their condemnation of a German court's decision to in effect outlaw the circumcision of boys after a judge deemed that the religious practice amounted to bodily harm.

"After the knee-jerk indignation has subsided, hopefully a discussion will kick off about how much religiously motivated violence against children a society is ready to tolerate."

I'm sorry, did you say "uttered" or "muttered'"? Or thought...or

If you’re wondering what to give the man who has everything, you might want to start with penicillin.

Goober wrote:If you’re wondering what to give the man who has everything,

... ask KC Scott what he wants.

My dad used to get bent when my brother would come to the breakfast table without looking at least half-way presentable.


"Boy, you look like you've been shot at and missed, shit at....and HIT".

poptart wrote:

Goober wrote:If you’re wondering what to give the man who has everything,

... ask KC Scott what he wants.

Better try that one again, goobs. I think it flew straight over pahtah's head.

From my coworker:

"I'd definitely have to say people with Down Syndrome give better hannies than carnies."

I'll remember some more "quotes of the week."

Dinsdale wrote:From my coworker:

"I'd definitely have to say people with Down Syndrome give better hannies than carnies."

I'll remember some more "quotes of the week."

You really do hang with the U&L's societal upper crust, don'cha?

"He doesn't drive fast. He drives with confidence in urban situations."

Tom the Doseman, replying to my concern that perhaps our driver Dave's 90 MPH speed might be a tad fast while still in the city limits of Syracuse. Yes, we also had a case of beer, some weed and everybody but the driver was tripping balls.

"You're stupid."

"In fairness, YOU'RE stupid. Your stupidity out front should have told you. Tell me you knew."

- a TiC/BSmack/KC Tard smack cyborg

"Tears, Jerry....tears."

"Sorry you had to find out this way."

Your inability to detect a hyperbolic reply posted in derision of B_Smack is weak, for all intensive purposes.

Sorry you had to find out this way. The sarcasm out front shoulda told you.

Sincerely,

"The Memorable Quote Thread" is happening now.
Get in, bitches.

after observing a co-worker kissing major ass


"Al..if CSI came out and did an investigation on his nuts...they'd have your teethmarks all over 'em"

a TiC/BSmack/KC Tard smack cyborg

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology. Tell me you knew?"

"Right there. Underneath, just a little way down from the end. Tell me you knew.".

The smack cyborg has taken life.

^^^ Rack!

Douchebag union electrician apprentice at jobsite, to older journeyman: Hey, can I get a second opinion on something?


Dinsdale: OK. Your mother dresses you funny, too.

My XOL, who suffers from Fibromyalgia, was out in NorCal to pick up our son last week. And when she had a shooting pain in her back that was so intense that she made a gasp/moan sound...

Me: Greaaat...looks like the pain martyr is laying it on thick today.
Her: You know what? I hope you have a pain like that so you can see what it's like, ass.
Me: I had a pain like that once but I divorced it.
Her: You.mother.fucker.

OCmike wrote: Me: I had a pain like that once but I divorced it.

Sam did that twice and still didn't learn his lesson.

"Die already, you FAT, drunken PEDOPHILE."

Papa Willie wrote:

Goober McTuber wrote:"Die already, you FAT, drunken PEDOPHILE."

You bitching out your wife?

Pathetically weak, even by your pedestrian standards.

When I was a kid, we went on a family vacation and somehow would up at a K-Mart. I loved the blue Icees (still do) and asked my dad if I could get one. He gave me some cash and told me to get a small. I told him the medium was only 10¢ more, but he insisted I get a small. Being the obedient model son that I was, I got a medium anyway. When I got back to the conversion van, my dad asked me what size I got and I told him the truth. He punched me in the arm, causing me to drop the Icee, which spilled onto the carpet in the van. Without missing a beat, I said:

"Well, it's a small now."

Papa Willie wrote:

Goober McTuber wrote: Pathetically weak, even by your pedestrian standards.

Ahhhh. Your wife bitching out you. So sorry.

You could take smack lessons from m2. Kill yourself, you fat tub of monkey fuck.