LOI Day, how is your school going to fare?

[Screw_Michigan]

It's all in the numbers. ND cranks out what 2,000 grads a year? While OSU cranks out 35,000 grads a year. Makes a big difference. But as far as ND alumni go, Chicago is their hub, even if there is only 50 of them in the entire metro area.

[Van]

My friend, it seems that you have urged that championships be won on the field. In 2003, it was won on the field by LSU.

Not at all. In 2003 LSU won their "title" in a contractually mandated vote of coaches who for the first time in the history of the sport were compelled as a group into voting against their consciences.

See, LSU wasn't officially declared the winner of the BCS national title until the coaches did their final vote that season, following the bowl games. Winning the game wasn't enough. The coaches' vote still had to be tabulated.

At the conclusion of the 2003 season USC was #1 in the coaches' poll. Without exception any team who won their bowl game while being ranked #1 by the coaches remained #1 in the final coaches' poll.

USC handily won their bowl game, while ranked #1 by the coaches. In any other season USC walks away with both shares of the title.

LSU's share of the title was so obviously erroneous in how it came to be awarded that the BCS literally changed how they formulated their scoring system, that very off season. In addition the AP literally said "Fuck you! You're not going to force OUR vote!" to the BCS.

You have a piece of crystal, Jsc, which you won via a farcical vote that carried all the legitimacy of a Venezuelan presidential election. USC won the (mythical) national title, on the field.

[M Club]

It's all in the numbers. ND cranks out what 2,000 grads a year? While OSU cranks out 35,000 grads a year. Makes a big difference. But as far as ND alumni go, Chicago is their hub, even if there is only 50 of them in the entire metro area.

regardless of what percentage of a school's graduates end up in chicago, the sheer volume of ppl getting an online degree at osu means chicago isn't awestruck over nd football like terry claimed. as far as generalizing goes, i would agree with mgo that there seemed to be more osu representation than the other schools, along with wisconsin and, obviously, illinois.

[Van]

Horsefeathers, LSU was declared national champs as soon as the game was over and was awarded the crystal football national championship trophy moments later.

Horsefeathers. (Man, I wish you'd added a "!!" to that! That'd make a great sig! )

Horsefeathers!!

LSU was merely awarded the BCS trophy that night. The following day the coaches still had to complete their final poll before the BCS national title was officially awarded. There was all sorts of speculation as to whether the AP would split the title. There was also all sorts of speculation as to how many coaches would vote their conscience, thereby breaking their agreement to vote for the winner of the BCS game.

As it turned out the AP did in fact split the title and a small number of coaches did still vote for USC in the final rubber stamp BCS vote.

That's when LSU was officially declared the BCS national champ.

"Horsefeathers" was still very cool though. It made me think of my LSU buddy's very formal southern dad. I picture you standing there on the porch of your antebellum mansion, rocking back and forth on your heels, fingers hooked in your suspenders. After a long draw on your pipe you come to your conclusion, and the gathered minions await what you have to say...

You blow a series of smoke rings, like Gandalf atop a wagon in the Shire, and as the rings dance with each other before finally beginning to dissipate you say in a deep baritone, "Horsefeathers!"

You play in the national championship game and you win it, you are national champ. That is winning it on the field. Anything else is less than that.

You played in a national champinship game and the people who confirmed it as such didn't want to confirm it as such. They didn't view it as a national championship game, not after their real #1 had already won their national championship game.

That's why the AP vote stayed relatively the same and the UPI vote saw a wild swing. One group was able to vote, and their vote stayed the same. The other was only allowed to rubber stamp so their vote changed, for the first time in their history.

Winning it on the field, vs winning it via contractual mandate.

[indyfrisco]

That's why the AP vote stayed relatively the same and the UPI vote saw a wild swing. One group was able to vote, and their vote stayed the same. The other was only allowed to rubber stamp so their vote changed, for the first time in their history.

Well, think of it this way, ESPN annointed 2005 USC the greatest team of all time even though t.u. beat them in the "pretend" national championship game. So hey, the Worldwide Leader in Sports says's you're #1 BEFORE the pretend national championship game. Therefore, you can add one more to your trophy case.

Then again, like the 1939 case, you'll probably wait 60 or so years because by that time, ESPN will be deciding the NC every year and hey, back in 2005, they said you were the best...

[Left Seater]

Just wanted to make this point clear since some of you are doing a great job of "stating facts" that are incorrect.


The BCS national championship is official as soon as the game ends. There is no need to wait to see the outcome of any vote or even the holding of a vote to make the title official.

The winner of the BCS title game is named at the top of the coaches poll. That is it, nothing more. Coaches are under no obligation to vote for said winner in the #1 spot. They can vote in any order they want, but regardless of what they do, the winner of the BCS game grabs the #1 spot by winning. When the coaches vote their votes are then tallied like normal except they start with #2 and work down.


Continue.

[Van]

Well, think of it this way, ESPN annointed 2005 USC the greatest team of all time even though t.u. beat them in the "pretend" national championship game. So hey, the Worldwide Leader in Sports says's you're #1 BEFORE the pretend national championship game. Therefore, you can add one more to your trophy case.

This makes absolutely zero sense. It doesn't address antyhing. ESPN didn't annoint USC the GTOA following that year's bowl season. Had USC won the game, sure, they would've continued on with it. They didn't though and down came the cross.

Non sequitur, Indy.

USC was #1 in both polls before the bowl season of '03. They then won their bowl game, convicingly. They retained their #1 AP ranking, the way any #1 team who wins their bowl game retains their #1 ranking. They would've retained it with the coaches too, as sure as the sun comes up, had those coaches not been contractually mandated to change their votes.

You know it, I know it, Nick Saban knows it and Jsc knows it.

[Van]

The BCS national championship is official as soon as the game ends. There is no need to wait to see the outcome of any vote or even the holding of a vote to make the title official.

The winner of the BCS title game is named at the top of the coaches poll. That is it, nothing more. Coaches are under no obligation to vote for said winner in the #1 spot. They can vote in any order they want, but regardless of what they do, the winner of the BCS game grabs the #1 spot by winning. When the coaches vote their votes are then tallied like normal except they start with #2 and work down.

Incorrect. This was not the case in 2003. The coaches had to vote one final time in 2003 and they were contractually obligated to vote LSU #1.

Some still didn't.

Carry on.

[indyfrisco]

Well, think of it this way, ESPN annointed 2005 USC the greatest team of all time even though t.u. beat them in the "pretend" national championship game. So hey, the Worldwide Leader in Sports says's you're #1 BEFORE the pretend national championship game. Therefore, you can add one more to your trophy case.

This makes absolutely zero sense. It doesn't address antyhing. ESPN didn't annoint USC the GTOA following that year's bowl season. Had USC won the game, sure, they would've continued on with it. They didn't though and down came the cross.

Non sequitur, Indy.

USC was #1 in both polls before the bowl season of '03. They then won their bowl game, convicingly. They retained their #1 AP ranking, the way any #1 team who wins their bowl game retains their #1 ranking. They would've retained it with the coaches too, as sure as the sun comes up, had those coaches not been contractually mandated to change their votes.

You know it, I know it, Nick Saban knows it and Jsc knows it.

My post was tongue in cheek for the most part as we were all sick of ESCN slobbering on the trojan knob...albeit while providing a huge lack of institutional control with players and their families getting benefits. All conferences decided to play by the same rules as far as the BCS was concerned. USC gets the AP vote and LSU gets the BCS Championship. Half and half.

[Van]

Some people (the BCS) disliked it so much they changed their own procedures that very off season, so as to hopefully prevent such a stupid thing from ever happening again.

Others (the AP) disliked it so much they decided they wanted no part of the process and so their poll was removed from the BCS formula.

Now the computer portion of the formula is different. Now the BCS game itself is the official and final word on the BCS title. The official awarding of the title no longer must await the results of a final coaches' poll.

Jsc, you can say whatever you want but you're a bright enough man to know that those same coaches who voted USC #1 before the bowl games would've also done so following the bowl games, were they free to do so.

There is no denying this and no spinning this.

Yes, all the teams agreed to play by the same rules so LSU got the crystal football. The AP however never agreed to the BCS's rules and nobody ever said the AP's long standing title was suddenly to become invalid. As it turned out that season the AP national title ended up being the far more credible of the two titles since it mirrored the BCS's own coaches' vote...

[H4ever]

I'd kinda like to try living in a one horse football town some time. See what's it like. It must be an awesome thing to be in Lincoln when Nebraska wins the title.

Man though, what must it be like in Green Bay or Lincoln when the football team is shit? It's winter on the frozen tundra and all across the plains so it's fucking icy and bleak and your entire year just went to shit. Next year likely will suck too now.

No wonder they have so many fat, alcoholic chain smokers.

Jesus H Christ Van....your takes on cfb are some of the most insightful, intelligent, and best reads on this board. Then you dick the dog with a post like this one.

I should respond with crackhead and murder per capita smack or how 90% of your populace speaks broken english at best, but instead I will tell you that it's only "tundra"-like here 2 months out of the year. And what's with the fat chain-smoking alcoholics? I saw more fat fucks in LA per 100 feet of sidewalk than I've ever saw out here. For every hottie you got 6 campbell soup kids out there.

[Van]

I should respond with crackhead and murder per capita smack or how 90% of your populace speaks broken english at best

Yes, you should! Make it as funny as possible too, since this is all just in jest.

Btw, it's been fifteen years since I lived in SoCal and even when I did live there I lived either in the nicer parts of the Valley or at the beach in Ventura and Port Hueneme. I never lived in the city of L.A.

So, please, by all means, lay down some L.A. smack. Just try not to make your point by espousing the virtues of Lincoln's birdwatching and their zoo...or your women, especially compared to L.A.'s women.

All kidding aside though, I would like to try living in some college football-centric small town. Being a weather pussy though and with wifey being a thousand times worse of a weather pussy, I don't think Lincoln would quite work for us. I fear it'd be one of those deals where I'd love to visit but I don't think I'd want to live there...

[indyfrisco]

Van,

I suggest College Station or Bloomington. Both good college towns. And believe you me, Bloomington, IN is a great place to be on college football gameday. During gametime, there are more people actually tailgating than in the stadium. While I am always at the game, I know where I'll be at half to down 3 beers and run back in.

[Van]

Indy, I'd at least want a dominant football program town. Bloomington and College Station; especially Bloomington? Not so much.

College Station would be better. Better weather and I'd like to actually be there for the bonfire, and to see that 12th Man deal.

Austin would be nearly perfect to me, though it's not exactly the type of small town idyll I'm talking about. Austin seems like it'd be more of a larger, more urban city atmosphere. I've never been there but from everything I've been told I'd really like that place, other than maybe the summer heat and humidity. Otherwise it sounds like a place where I'd like to live. It's a liberal college town. That's a plus to me. It's a state capital, which is another plus to me. The Texas Hill Country is supposed to have better weather than the rest of Texas. The music scene there is phenomenal, and it's centered around blues bars. Perfect. Even housing there seems relatively affordable.

Madison, Wisconson, that also sounds like a really great place. I'd just have to be willing to deal with the cold. Sure sounds like a fun town though and that stadium of their's looks pretty intense come game day.

Tuscaloosa and Auburn must be pretty awesome college town atmospheres too, considering how great Baton Rouge was. Funny thing there though was that all I ever hear from SEC types is variations on the same basic theme: "You gotta see Oxford. Ole Miss is the ultimate college town atmosphere, with the hottest women going. They take that 'southern belle debutante' thing very seriously. Best campus atmosphere you'll ever see. It's the best of the South..."

Too bad the team is nearly always horrible.

Still, all in all, other than maybe some SEC towns it sounds like for pure college town mania and the ultimate in game day/small college town/love for their team atmosphere Lincoln and Norman would both be tough to beat.

Probably Columbus is right there too but Columbus looks to be a much bigger industrial type of town and it looks to be a whole lot grayer and dingier town, to boot. Every damn game from Ohio St I've ever seen, it always looks completely gray, dark and miserable. My mom grew up around there and she tells me that Cleveland and most anywhere in Ohio is just nasty in summer and downright miserable in winter. She said it's nothing but dingy sleet. It's never a pretty white winter, it's just cold and wet and dirty and completely depressing.

I never asked her about Columbus specifically but even though it's not on the lake like Cleveland it's not all that far away either so I can't imagine that it's all that much less dreary than Cleveland.

Sure love to see it though during Michigan Week. I wouldn't be surprised though if the whole place ended up reminding me of the movie Clerks...

[indyfrisco]

College Station would be better. Better weather and I'd like to actually be there for the bonfire, and to see that 12th Man deal.

Alas, the Bonfire is no more. Since the 1999 Bonfire collapse that killed 12 Aggie students, it has been banned. There are a few non-school sponsored bonfires that are held off campus, but nothing like it used to be.

The 12th Man...still gives me chills at games with 80,000-90,000 people doing a yell in unison. Especially after the Spirit of Aggieland is sung pregame. All the football players line up in the center of the field. Everyone sings Spirit and at the end is a yell. This video does not do the experience justice, but you get the idea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRXZfgQZ9w8

And as much as non-Ags thinks we are a cult or goofy with our yells during the game, it is still an enjoyable experience.

And let's not forget our band. Dismiss what Lefty would say about the Aggie band. He calls it "follow the leader" as do many others, but it, too, is a good watch. Again, does not do it justice but if you have 10 minutes to kill, take a look:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4ZbbQcM_RI

And just to show how goofy and cultish we are...here's an example of what a couple students did. After 9/11/2001, two students put together the Red/White/Blue campaign. $5 for a shirt and you buy the color for your section. I still have my red shirt (yeah, my season tix weren't that great, but hey, I was 23 and it was all I could afford out of college).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ovy7GwG5Utw

And as you can see, even Okie St. fans got into it. Bottom right corner is the visiting fan section. Many OSU fans bought the blue shirts to represent.

[Left Seater]

Indy,

That will always be a great picture. I still believe that only ATM could pull that off in the time they did. Sadly though one of the main groups on campus and supposed defenders of Aggie Tradition didn't get into the act. Look down at the band and Corps section and you see a ton of Khaki. The ol' lady was very upset at them that day for not putting a blue shirt on over the Corps uniform.


As far as the band, yeah, say what you want but it is a follow the leader. Granted not one leader, but 15 to 20 in any one formation. You or I or anyone else could easily get the formations down in a single practice if we weren't one of the formation leaders.

One non smack question about the band, What is the deal with the little white yard markers the band puts down in front of the orange yard markers required by the NCAA? The band ones are very small and can't be seen nearly as well as the required ones? Hell they even use them at home.

[indyfrisco]

One non smack question about the band, What is the deal with the little white yard markers the band puts down in front of the orange yard markers required by the NCAA? The band ones are very small and can't be seen nearly as well as the required ones? Hell they even use them at home.

I have no idea why they put the markers down. You know us Ags. We don't ask why. We just "follow the leader" and do. ;)

I, too, was dissapointed the Corps did not follow suit by wearing the Blue shirt.

[Van]

Indy, watching the marching band video it cracked me up when the P.A. guy introduced the band. He said it like he was Tina Fey doing her Sarah Palin impersonation...

"And now, here's the nationally famous Fightin' Aggie Band!"

He dropped the "ing" at the end, making it sound like Margie from Fargo. Bwaahaaa!

The red, white and blue stands thing was flat out awesome. In the video version of it though it sure looks like the blue section somewhat pussed out. Figures the broke ass white and red sections did their part while the hoity toity blues couldn't all be bothered to do theirs.

One huge thing I notice as a difference between the USC band/post game experience and that of a lot of these other schools is there's a lot of strict ceremony and stiff formality to these other places. It's very structured and downright reverential. At USC it's much looser and it's almost...sexy. It's a vaguely pagan celebration feeling.

Yes, USC has the players salute the crowd by standing up on the ladder and leading the Victory cheer but you don't see formal lines and long, sonorous chants, like everybody is a bunch of monastery monks.

Compare that Aggie chant video, which would make anyone want to go and visit their war hero grandfather's grave, to this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9WECx9fhuI

...which would make most people simply wish to remain twenty years old and horny as an Iraqi goat forever.

Dunno. I just can't picture the Fightin' Aggies doing Pat Benatar songs while their cheerleaders all shake their asses and loosely prance around for the enjoyment of the crowd.

Indy, here's something I've always wanted to ask an Aggie, and since you're the only Aggie I "know" I guess I'll ask you...

Are you aware of the "Aggie" rep? I'm talking about all the "Aggie" jokes going 'round, which are similar to Pollock jokes or dumb blonde jokes.

My old Texas buddy had a different one every day. He simply said everybody bagged on Aggies.

I asked my LSU buddy, "Who does LSU mostly bag on, since they don't really have one specific blood rival."

"Everyone always bags on Texas A&M. They're Aggies!" he said, without a moment's hesitation.

Ever since I got back home from my visit back there he's been sending me Aggie jokes, about one a month. They're always forwarded e-mails, from friends of his spread out all over the SEC. I mean, even guys from Mississippi are making "You know you're an Aggie when..." jokes!

Just wondering if you're aware of this and, if so, do you know how it got started?

I asked both my Texas and LSU friends about it...

"What's up with that, anyway? Why would A&M be the stupid ones? Isn't A&M a quasi military school? Aren't they at least decent, academically?"

Mind you, I'm asking someone from LSU this, and my Texas buddy graduated from Taco Tech, not UT...

Didn't matter though. It was remarkable. They've never met each other and they've never spoken to each other and yet they both had the exact same answer...

"I don't know how it got started. They're just Aggies. It's always been that way. There's nothing dumber than an Aggie..."

[indyfrisco]

As Lefty pointed out, the Band and Corps of Cadets kept their "military" khakis on instead of joining the R/W/B tribute. We don't call'em Band Queers for nothing.

As for Aggie jokes, asking if I ever heard of them is like asking you if you ever heard of the USC Song Girls. Yeah, people make fun of A&M because we don't have cheerleaders, only male yell leaders. Then again, what's better? Sitting in the stands with a boner looking at the song girls or making out with your date to the game everytime your team scores? That's one tradition I've always loved about A&M...wonder what we did when we were an all male school...

Anyhow, as for Aggie jokes, when I was a kid, they were funny, but I seriously quit hearing Aggie jokes after junior high because that was about as funny as they were.

Found this link on the history of Aggie jokes.

http://www.barrypopik.com/index.php/new ... gie_jokes/

[Van]

Cool, thanks, Indy.

Seems there's two traditional reasons for Aggie jokes...

-They were late to the party of admitting women into the school, which would indicate they're just plain dumb.

-They're considered to be low brow country bumpkins, which would indicate they're just plain dumb.

Okay, gotcha. Thanks.

[indyfrisco]

Yup, and neither of which really makes me think that ahs anything to do with turning a Pollack joke into an Aggie joke.

And just take a look at these and you will understand why I say that nobody gave a shit about an Aggie joke after Middle School:

: Why did the aggie get fired from the M&M factory??
A: He kept on throwing out the W's.

(Submitted by Jayson)


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Q: What do you call an aggie's skeleton in a closet?
A: The winner of a Hide and Go Seek game.

(Submitted by Jayson)


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An aggie ordered a pizza. The person on the phone said "How would you like that 6 or 12 slices?" The aggie replied, "I don't think i can finish 12 slices."

(Submitted by Jayson)


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Q:Why was the Aggie stabbing his cereal?
A: He wanted to be a cereal killer

(Submitted by Caleb)


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An aggie and a Longhorn were sentenced to the electric chair for a murder. The police told the Longhorn that if nothing happened he was free to go. He asked the Longhorn if he had any last words and the Longhorn said no so he pushed the button. Nothing happened so he was free to go. Then the aggie got into the chair and they told him if nothing happened then he was free to go. So they asked him if he had any last words and he said "it might help if you plug in the chair!"

(Sumbitted by another Aggie Fan but Webmaster always gets final word.)


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An aggie, a UT, and a Baylor student all go hunting. The Baylor student goes out and he came back with a big bear. They all ask him how he got him and he said that he saw tracks, followed the tracks and he gets a big bear. The UT student goes out and comes back later with a cougar. they all ask him how he gets it and he said the same thing that the Baylor student said. Well when the aggie student goes out and comes back all bloody and then they all ask him what happened and he said that he saw tracks, he followed the tracks and got hit by a train!!!

(Submitted by Brance Coleman)


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An Aggie and 2 Longhorns are running away from the police. They go into the woods to hide, so they climb into three different trees. The cops go into woods they look up into the trees they yell up into the first Longhorn's tree and yell "Is anyone up there?" The First Longhorn yells " MEOW MEOOOW." The cop yells into the second Longhorn's tree and the Longhorn yells"who whoo whoooo". Then the cop yells int the Aggie's tree. the Aggie yells"Moo moo moooo"!!!!

(Submitted by Aggie Girl but the Webmaster changed the joke a little)


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Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

(Submitted by Mike Goldstein)


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An Aggie student is doing an experiment with a frog. He wants to see how far the frog jumps each time he cuts off a leg. The Aggie student cuts off one of the frogs legs and says, "Jump froggy." The frog jumps. He records in is notebook, froggy with three legs jumps thirty feet. Then he cuts off a second leg and says, "Jump froggy." He writes down in his notebook, froggy with two legs jumps twenty feet. Then he cuts off its third leg and says, "Jump froggy." He writes down in his notebook, froggy with one leg jumps ten feet. Then he cuts off its last leg and says, "Jump froggy." The frog just sits there. The Aggie says again, "Jump froggy!" But the frog just sits there. Finally, he writes in his notebook, froggy with no legs can't hear.

(Submitted by Jennifer Headley)


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There were 3 Aggies in a car and they were going to Disney World and they saw a road sign and it said "Disney World Left" so they turned around and went home.

(Submited by Cody Moles)


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There was an Aggie sitting in a rowboat in the middle of the football field. Another Aggie in a truck shows up and asks, "What are you doing?" The 1st Aggie said, "I just bought this boat and I couldn't find a body of water, so I took it here and started paddling." The 2nd Aggie says, "You stupid idiot! If I knew how to swim, I would come out there and punch you in the face."

(Submitted by Markus Stratton)


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A guy walks into a bar and walks up to the bartender and says, "Would you like to hear an Aggie joke?" The bartender, who was a big guy says "Now before you tell that joke take a look at that diploma, I went to Texas A&M, and you see that guy working the door, an equally large man, he went to A&M, and that guy over there playing pool well he's an Aggie too, so now are you sure you want to tell that joke?" So the guy says "Well not anymore, I would have to explain it 3 times"

(Submitted by Phillip)


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Q: Why did they ban the wave at Kyle Field?
A: Becasue 2 poor aggies drowned.

(Submitted by James Booe)


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One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "TEXAS A&M".

And THEY say blondes are dumb???

(Submitted by Troy)


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Q: Why don't police cars have 9-1-1 typed on the side around a&m? A: because the aggies kept stealing them thinking they were porches

(Submitted by Chris S.)


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Q: How do you keep an Aggie busy?
A: Put into a round room and tell them to pee in a corner.

(Submitted by Shannon)


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A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room.

As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."

The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour.

"In this room, I was thinking of an offblue."

Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"

This baffled the woman, but she was hesitant to say anything. In the next room, the woman said she would like it painted in a light rose color.

And once more, the contractor opened the window and yelled, "Green side up!"

Struck with curiosity, the woman mustered up the nerve to ask, "Why do you keep yelling 'Green side up' out my window every time I tell you the color I would like the room?"

The contractor replied, "Because I have a crew of Aggies laying sod across the street."

(Submitted by Leighton Weiss)


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Q. What does it say on the bottom of Dr. Pepper bottles at A&M?
A. Open other end.

(Submitted by Mike)


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Q: What do you call a UT Graduate?
A: Boss!!

(Submitted by Clay Stewart)


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The Aggie goes into the drug store to buy his first pack of condoms. He asks the clerk for the pack marked $2.00 on the display rack behind the counter. The clerk rings up the purchase and says, "That will be $2.12 with tax, please", to which the Aggie responds in horror, "Tacks! My friends didn't tell me that's how they stay on."

(Submitted by John)


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An Aggie and a Longhorn are caught by a jungle tribe and sentenced to death. They are told that they will each have one last request. The Aggie thinks and says, "I want to hear the A&M Fight Song just one more time." The tribe agrees and asks the Longhorn what his last request is. He replies with only 3 words, "Kill Me First."

(Submitted by the OU Fan sitting next to me on a plane)


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Q: What do you do when an Aggie throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.

(Submitted by Jack Mehoff)


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Three men, strangers to one another, are drinking in a bar and engaged in idle talk. After a while, one says to another, "You're a Harvard man, arent you?" The second man says, "yes, how did you know?" The first man replies, "I could tell by your command of language and your confident demeanor." The second man says to the first, "You are a MIT graduate, arent you?" The first man says "yes, how did you know?" The second man replied, "You have a logical, very precise mind." They both look at the third man and ask, "You went to Texas A&M, didn't you?" The third man said, "yes, how could you tell?" They reply: "We saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."

(Submitted by Craig Brams)


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Two Aggies encounter a large German Shepard licking his private area. One Aggie says to the other, "I wish I could do that." His friend replied, "If you pet him real nice, he might let you."

(Submitted by Craig Brams)


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Q: What did the UT graduate say to the a&m graduate?
A: You're Fired!

Q: What did the a&m graduate say to the UT graduate?
A: Would you like fries with that?

(Submitted by William)


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Q: Why did the aggie cross the road?

A: He was stuck in the chicken!

(Submitted by Sam Coronado)


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A little boy and his mother were walking through a College Station cemetery when they came upon a headstone that read "Here lies a Texas A&M graduate and an honest man." The little boy asked, "Mommy, why did they bury 2 people in there?"


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Did you hear about the Aggie linebacker that stole a police car? He saw "911" on the side and thought it was a Porsche.


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Two Aggie fans were walking through the woods when they came upon a set of tracks. The first Aggie fan said, "Those are deer tracks." The second fan said, "No, they're too big to be deer tracks. They must be elk tracks." As the debate continued, they got hit by a train.


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Did you hear the Texas A&M library burned down? The saddest part was that half the books weren't colored in yet. The OU library burned down too. They lost their book.


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Two Aggie football players were down in College Station partying. They were hootin' and hollerin' when a bartender asked them why they were celebrating. The smart one said proudly that they had just finished a jigsaw puzzle and it only took two months. "Two months!?" exclaimed the bartender. The Aggie replied, "Yeah, but the box said 4-6 years."


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An Aggie student was visiting a Yankee relative in Boston over the holidays. He went to a large party and met a pretty coed. He was attempting to start up a conversation with the tired line "Where do y'all go to school?" The coed, of course, was not overly impressed with his grammar or southern drawl but did answer his question. "Yale," she replied. The Aggie student took a big, deep breath and shouted, "WHERE DO Y'ALL GO TO SCHOOL?"


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A Aggie football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback Riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged it in time!


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Did you hear that Coach R.C. Slokum is only dressing 10 players for the next home game. The rest of the team will get dressed by themselves.


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Q: Where was O.J. Simpson headed in the white Bronco?
A: College Station, Texas. He knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.


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Q: Why do Aggie cheerleaders wear bibs?
A: To keep the tobacco juice off their uniforms.


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Q: What do you get when you put 32 Aggie cheerleaders in the same room?
A: A full set of teeth.


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Q: How do you get an Aggie cheerleader into your dorm room?
A: Grease her hips and push.


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Q: How many Aggies does it take to tackle a running back?
A: Good question, no one knows.


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Q: Why is ice no longer available at Aggie football games?
A: The senior who knew the recipe graduated.


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Q: How is the Aggie football team like a possum?
A: They play dead at home and get killed on the road.


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Q: What are the longest 3 years of an Aggie football player's life?
A: His freshman year.


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Q: Why did Texas A&M University replace the stadium grass with Astroturf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing during games.


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Q: How do you get an Aggie graduate off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.


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Q: How many Texas A&M freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. That's a sophomore course.


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Q: What does the average Aggie football player get on his SAT?
A: Drool.

[Van]

Oh, and Indy, a USC fan would argue that the best option is sitting in the stands with a boner, watching the Song Girls, while your girlfriend is sitting next to you playing with your boner as she whispers into your ear that after the game the two of you will be sharing your favorite Song Girl back in your dorm...

[indyfrisco]

Oh, and Indy, a USC fan would argue that the best option is sitting in the stands with a boner, watching the Song Girls, while your girlfriend is sitting next to you playing with your boner as she whispers into your ear that after the game the two of you will be sharing your favorite Song Girl back in your dorm...

All well and good to imagine that, but what I said was true. I took different chicks to games all the time. Fuck girlfriends. Variety was good in college. We obviously partied down before/after games, but back when I went to A&M, we were a pretty good team (26-4 at Kyle from 95-99) and scored a lot. Hence, I scored a lot. Rack the good ole days. But yeah, every Aggie score was "muggin' down" time and you play tonsil tennis with your lady friend.