The Crew - now taking applications

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:14 pm

Hello.

As the coordinator of all things business and finance of this tight-nit operation of Ass Beating, I would like to take this opportunity real quick to re-introduce myself.

My name is Stevo. I'm the backbone of this here operation. The intellectual muscle, if you will. With the use of my complex and high-tech radar/tracking equipment, I hunt down the unsuspecting or cowardly victims too afraid to face The Crew. When the target is found and identified, the entire team is present and delivers a beatdown that is necessary...and ALWAYS just. I perform many other duties such as setting up itineraries, booking Greyhound departures, and working closely with Choice Hotel reps for The Crew's nightly stays during Beatdown Tours. All that, and so much more. Occasionally I will take part in the actual beatdowns, such as I plan to in the not-too-distant future. I've got a personal axe to grind with many of you shitheads. Guys like mvscal, PSUFAN, smackaholic, R-Jack, and many others. Expect your blows to the ribs to be EXTRA swift. I'll even be wearing my fucking class ring as to put indentations into the sides of your ugly faces.

In any event, this time I come to this board not for threats...but for an opportunity. An opportunity for one of YOU. Many of you have been steadfast to The Crew's agenda, and it's time one of you be recognized for the RESPECT you have paid us.

We have toiled for some time on the idea of bringing into The Crew a fifth member. This member will have one job and one job only: BEATING THE FUCK OUT OF PEOPLE.

Many of us in The Crew have varied responsibilities. But your job, and your job only, will be to beat the ever loving shit out of slapdick motherfuckers.

So, please take this opportunity to state below why YOU should be selected as the fifth member into The Crew. This post will be your resume, so-to-speak. Be careful and smart with what you say. Every application will be critiqued and scrutinized HEAVILY.

One more thing to note: We offer a competitive salary, and full benefits after 90 days. EOE.

Go.

RumpleForeskin · Post by **RumpleForeskin** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:19 pm

This is stupid.

The Crew can go fuck themselves....wait.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:34 pm

steve ho,

What you really need to be recruiting is a new hair dresser. That man goo shampoo bangs thing is getting really old. it's getting so old that it is beginning to annoy me. When I do see you, I am gonna pluck that shit out. I'll let you keep it though. You could glue it on where your pubes would be if you had any.

And incase you forgot, it's exit 67 on I-84.

So, hop the G'hound to NYC and catch the fung wah bus to boston. You should be able to bribe the chink driver to stop at my exit.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:37 pm

mvscal wrote: Nits are juvenile lice, you fucking dimwit. I guess they probaby would be tight to you nutless, needle-dicked cuntflaps, though.

time out....hold on....we need an official rulling on this.

The Rules

You have committed an illogical insult violating the supreme rule of not invoking mutually exclusive ad hominens.

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Thu May 01, 2008 7:51 pm

I'll nominate Stanley. He's used to getting pounded and dryfucked. Although he prefers the blacks to messicans, he'd fit in quite nicely.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Thu May 01, 2008 8:05 pm

mvscal wrote:There is nothing illogical about it. The Crew are talking cuntflaps with stubby legs and nano-penes.

Your esplanation is satisfactory.

Now, to address this threads author. Is this the 21rst century homosexual's method to troll for new cocksuckers?

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu May 01, 2008 9:07 pm

I'm literally quaking with RAGE at your disrespect - you post this HERE?

Let me just ask, for the moment...is there a particular sports team you favor, Stevo?

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Thu May 01, 2008 9:43 pm

I do believe the entire crew supports the tampa bay bucs

Screw_Michigan · Post by **Screw_Michigan** » Thu May 01, 2008 9:51 pm

PSUFAN wrote:Let me just ask, for the moment...is there a particular sports team you favor, Stevo?

smackaholic wrote:I do believe the entire crew supports the tampa bay bucs

Looks like these two Paul wannabes are going to be the first to receive complimentary dental work at the hands of The Crew.

And the answer is the Georgia Bulldogs, you fucking numbnutters.

warren · Post by **warren** » Thu May 01, 2008 11:15 pm

I'm in with the "crew" if they're going beat down on mvscunt, spc. Marine Expeditionary Unit. The only expedition that bitch has been was the one he took up PSUfags a-hole.

Sign me up bra, my e-mail is available there Stevo.

I'll get a haircut just like yours and make my old lady proud.

bbqjones · Post by **bbqjones** » Thu May 01, 2008 11:18 pm

in with stevo and warren.

lets get rid of these butthumpers.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 02, 2008 1:34 am

AAAAH! I know Douchebag is a Dawgs fan, but what about Stevo? This is fucking important!

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Fri May 02, 2008 1:46 am

You're fucking LUCKY I'm feeling charitable today. These are the teams I roll with.

Pro:

Yankees
Braves
Lakers
Magic
Packers
Patriots
NY Rangers

College:

Georgia FUCKING Bulldogs
USC Trojans
Duke
Florida St
pretty much any SEC team

That's where it's at.

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Fri May 02, 2008 1:55 am

88 wrote:I would be interested, except it appears you guys have a rather poor dental plan.

All these beatdowns must be killing Jimmy Meds' premiums.

Arch Angel · Post by **Arch Angel** » Fri May 02, 2008 3:26 am

yep, Pickle is on LSD.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 02, 2008 3:51 am

Pickle is rapping - residual from all the nubian semen swimming in his bloodstream?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Fri May 02, 2008 4:32 am

What are the crew's thoughts on shutyomouth?

If they're anything like mine, fuck an application.......where's the casting couch?

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Fri May 02, 2008 5:05 am

Those of us that can fit into a conventional shower, will never see something like that.

Thanks for sharing.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Fri May 02, 2008 2:41 pm

It's like this thread was destined for abject mediocrity.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri May 02, 2008 2:49 pm

Thanks for being the agent of abjectitude, dude.

Stevo · Post by **Stevo** » Fri May 02, 2008 3:21 pm

Start taking this fucking SERIOUSLY, dipwads. So far I've seen nothing but disrespect and poor attempts at humor.

The Crew doesn't settle.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Fri May 02, 2008 4:00 pm

Stevo wrote:Start taking this fucking SERIOUSLY, dipwads. So far I've seen nothing but disrespect and poor attempts at humor.

The Crew doesn't settle.

You must be the caboose in your posse's assfucking trainwreck.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri May 02, 2008 4:25 pm

Charles De Mar wrote:It's like this thread was destined for abject mediocrity.

Only now that you're posting in it Chuckles.

btw twinkle-toes, let go of the smackoff bitterness already.

Here, have one of these already...

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Fri May 02, 2008 4:26 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:[Boring shit, once again]

Did you win?

No.

Fuckhead.

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri May 02, 2008 6:54 pm

Charles De Mar wrote:Did you win?

No.

Fuckhead.

No of course I didn't win, you chucklehead. I left after round one due to lack of time.

I did kick your ass though, so there is that.

Now go cry in your towel some more twatling.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Fri May 02, 2008 6:56 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:
Charles De Mar wrote:Did you win?

No.

Fuckhead.
No of course I didn't win, you chucklehead. I left after round one due to lack of time.

I did kick your ass though, so there is that.

Now go cry in your towel some more twatling.

You did no such thing. What you did do, was have some cohorts on the judges panel throw it in for you.

Go get into a fuckin car crash.

Douchebag · Post by **Douchebag** » Fri May 02, 2008 7:02 pm

we had two VERY solid leads for this position. lost em to the O'Cyrus crew

mother of FUCK

stevo - get your fucking SHIT together

the rest of you can eat my ass

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri May 02, 2008 7:16 pm

Cohorts on the panel..?

Excuse me for one moment whilst I indulge in a little...Bwaaaa-hahahahaha!

There, that's better. *whew*]

Dipshit, I don't know ANY of the judges, on any level. You simply can't accept the fact that you're a piece of crap as a poster and that you got beaten in a smackoff by one of my all time weakest efforts. 7 to zip by the vote.

A vote of internet strangers by the way.

Digest that and choke on it shit stain.

Charles De Mar · Post by **Charles De Mar** » Fri May 02, 2008 8:03 pm

Jay in Phoenix wrote:Cohorts on the panel..?

Excuse me for one moment whilst I indulge in a little...Bwaaaa-hahahahaha!

There, that's better. *whew*]

Dipshit, I don't know ANY of the judges, on any level.

You're a motherfucking liar, but then this is a smakboard full of em.

Jay is a legend, and rode a clever (if overwrought) theme out of the first round.

Go suck Pikkles dick you useless, LYING twat.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Fri May 02, 2008 8:07 pm

Charles De Mar wrote:You did no such thing. What you did do, was have some cohorts on the judges panel throw it in for you.

Wow. Just wow.

That was a bitch move of the highest order.

MadRussian · Post by **MadRussian** » Fri May 02, 2008 9:19 pm

This thread sucks roids as bad as the faggot crew.
Hey Stevo, go shave your balls with a chainsaw you semen drunk cock juggling pullchain stall boy glory faggit

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri May 02, 2008 9:21 pm

Charles De Mar wrote:You're a motherfucking liar, but then this is a smakboard full of em.

Jeebus, what a fucktard. You call me a liar and then offer this as your proof...

Jay is a legend, and rode a clever (if overwrought) theme out of the first round.

Fuggin' a ridiculous. Listen junior, there are a lot of us who have been at this game for a long, long time now. Reputations get made, both good and bad, in such a time. Someone calling someone else a "legend" doesn't make for bestest buddies. I haven't got a clue who Biggie is, so his opinion of me is based on reading posts and nothing more.

Try to reel in that angst of yours just a bit.

As well as your flagrant faggotry.

Brian is right, you ARE a bitch.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 03, 2008 9:53 am

88 wrote:I would be interested, except it appears you guys have a rather poor dental plan.

When I get done with the crew, they won't need a dental plan.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 03, 2008 9:57 am

Cohorts? Jay doesn't have any cohorts here, silly. They are called johns.

Now stop going all KN on us.

Rollins · Post by **Rollins** » Mon May 05, 2008 9:18 pm

FUCK this bullshit. NONE of you goddamn ass-reamed slapdicks even DESERVE to be in The Crew. This is an ELITE organization, and not a single one of you limpdicks could fucking roll with us.

I'm fucking PISSED.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon May 05, 2008 9:24 pm

If I was you, rolly, I'd be pissed too.

ADAM · Post by **ADAM** » Mon May 05, 2008 10:17 pm

Hear that sound?

You know, that sound of nobody giving a hairy horses rats ass about the "who he blew crew".......

Fucking amateurs

Petrus · Post by **Petrus** » Tue May 06, 2008 12:31 am

Stevo, Douchebag, Rollins, what's up, bitches?

WHERE DA WHITE WOMEN AT? HOLLA!

I am formally applying for entry into The Crew. I think I'd be the perfect addtion, I'm fantastic with my fists and get filled with incredible RAGE at the rate inflation is exponentially increasing in zimbabwe (fuck those loses). In addition, I enjoy bitches, beer, bluts and BEATING THE LIVING FUCK out of those who cross my path. I also tear up the va-jay-jay like a poacher tears up elephants around here.

Here are some highlights:

* In 2001, when I was 11, I took down an entire crew of South African white boys with nothing but my FISTS OF STEEL. they front on me and my womane when we were enjoying a fine feast of zebra carcass. One tried pissing in our jungle juice so I cut off his penis with a machete. That tought him.

* In 2004, a military officer from Madagasca said he was on a misson from God and G0d and needed to take my mother so she could become a royal sex slave. Well, I didn't take too kindly to that. If anyone is having sex with my mother, it's gonna be me! So I cut his hands off with a machete and stomped him to death before throwing him down a diamond mine shaft.

* In 2008, these losers on a message board did a fund raiser to send me to college (pff), so I've ripped them off and have $800 to spend on our travels around the great nation of American. I'll bring the finest dope from southern Mother Africa and I'll pikc up the bitches. You just supply the 40s of OE.

I think we'll make a great team. My references are Mohammar Quadaffi (great leader of Libya), Mobutu Sese Seko (deposed leader of Kenya) and F.W. DeKlerk (former president of South Africa). I interned in the secret police agency of these three respective nations and benefited greatly from the experiences.

Looking forward to that sensual white va-jay-jay. Yours in confidence,

-Petrus

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Tue May 06, 2008 1:05 am

MadRussian · Post by **MadRussian** » Tue May 06, 2008 1:06 am

Rollins wrote:FUCK this bullshit. NONE of you goddamn ass-reamed slapdicks even DESERVE to be in The Crew. This is an ELITE organization, and not a single one of you limpdicks could fucking roll with us.

I'm fucking PISSED.

Go shove that beer bottle up your ass big end first cocksmoking faggot.
Nobody gives a rats cock about your circle jerking crew, fecal hobbit