T1B

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:35 pm**

I'm listening to Glenn Beck this morning and he's got his rant on about how fukked up it is that the federal gubmint actually has commercials encouraging folks to see if they too can get their pound of gubmint cheese.

He's right.

He plays one of these bullshit commercials, then one of his own where some dude talks about how he, with the help of food stamps can properly feed his growing boys....without having to cancel his maxxum and hustler subscriptions. It's fukking nails.

He goes on to explain that foodstamps are a good program. They should be there when all other means have been exhausted. He's just pised that this fukking marketing campaign seems to be aimed at those lower middle class, upper lowerclass, whatever the fukk class, who, basically, are getting by, but, with a little help from uncle sugar, would be getting by a little bit better.

I grew up on food stamps. Fortunately I haven't needed them for me or my kids and the good lord or spaghetti monster willing, I never will. I don't need the gubmint looking to increase their fukking market share in the dependency bidness.

I doubt there is a single fukk out there that doesn't know the food stamp program exists. Why market the shit?

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:43 pm**

i used to buy food stamps 3 to 1 dollar awhile back. use the stamps on cough medication and salmon steaks. good times.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:50 pm**

I paid four dollars and fifty fucking cents yesterday for a gallon of milk and three bucks for a loaf of bread, which will last my sons about half a day.

Where do I sign up?

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:53 pm**

'Round here, we ave a name for the state food stamp program -- it's called the Oregon Trail Card, and it's not stamps, it's a card (we're high tech like that and shit).

We also have a name for the people who are issued Oregon Trail Cards...

'Round these parts, we call them "Jose."

White folk ain't eligible for assistance around here.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:00 pm**

I agree that it's bizarre that they would advertise for it, especially since the crowd that's likely to apply for food stamps, probably grew up on them in the first place!

One thing that irks me is the amount of fraud that goes on in all of these gov't handout programs that have zero oversight:

A neighbor of mine in Tejas bragged about scamming the system to get welfare even though her husband makes too much money for them to qualify. All she does is go to her appointments with the welfare board and tell them that she and her husband are separated (even though he lives at home) and they cut her a fucking check.

A black friend of mine from Mississippi said that after Katrina that everybody, including Pookie and RayRay, put in for their $2000 FEMA check. He said that all you had to do was list off some stuff that got damaged, how it got damaged and they'd cut you a check. For instance, one of his friends said he left a window open while the hurricane passed over and his sofa and some carpet was ruined. Bingo-bango...here's your $2000! Unbelievable. I mean, these fuckers aren't even trying to come up with a good story. Who the fuck leaves a window open during a hurricane?

He said that the fraud was so rampant in his city (Jackson, MS) that you were considered stupid if you didn't get your two grrr check from FEMA, even though Jackson was so far inland that all it did was get a bit windy and drop an inch of rain or so.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:09 pm**

mvscal wrote:Good thing your tax dollars go to feeding shitballs who don't belong in this country. We really need to get the word out down here about Oregon's excellent welfare programs.

Not that california doesn't set the standard and all...

But you don't know the half of it.

We also have state run socialized medical... for immigrants. A few years back, a friend was fairly down and out (changing careers and taking over dad's failing business and whatnot), and suddenly came down with a nasty case of epilepsy. Whwn the hospital was all said and done, they actually wanted some money. He didn't have it. Applied to the state-scam medicine boondoggle, and this lifelong Oregon-resident was told "Sir, the medical program is geared towards immigrants and AIDS patients. Sorry, we can't help you."

So, if you're actually from Oregon, have paid taxes to Oregon, and areb a proud Oregonian, you're ineligible for medical assistance from the state.

Same guy knocked up an immigrant chick (Ukranian), and they couldn't pay her bills and pony up cash fast enough.

So if you know any destitute (meaning under-the-table workers) illegal immigrants who need help paying their medical bills, send them to Oregon. Come one, come all... just don't tell them you're white, male, or from Oregon, because then you're hosed.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:11 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:A few years back, a friend was fairly down and out (changing careers and taking over dad's failing business and whatnot), and suddenly came down with a nasty case of epilepsy.

Glass dick.

http://www.theoneboard.com/board/viewto ... =2&t=27670" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:14 pm**

That's what he gets for going to church - the NIMROD.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:22 pm**

When I lived in Dallas, I saw a grocery clerk get pummelled by some primative bitch because she would not let her pay for her beer with food stamps. Yeah, great program there, Sam.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:29 pm**

What kind of beer was it?

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:38 pm**

IndyFrisco wrote:When I lived in Dallas, I saw a grocery clerk get pummelled by some primative bitch because she would not let her pay for her beer with food stamps. Yeah, great program there, Sam.

At least things have changed from what the fucking joke that food stamps used to be. I may be wrong, and I'm sure Dins will correct me if I am, but I believe it was fixed under Clinton's welfare reform program. Prior to the change, where you now are given food stamps as change when you pay with food stamps, you used to get CASH as your change. So in the good 'ole days some yellow-faced cirrhosis-addled loser would go buy a $.50 bag of chips with a $20 food stamp bill and get cash back. He'd then take the $19.50 to the liquor store next door and have us taxpayers buy him a bottle of Jimmy's Best charcoal-filtered vodka.

Agreed. Nice program you had there, Uncle Sam.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:46 pm**

PSUFAN wrote:What kind of beer was it?

I don't remember, but it was probably scraped off the bottom of the fermenter and bottled.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:52 pm**

OCmike wrote:I may be wrong, and I'm sure Dins will correct me if I am, but I believe it was fixed under Clinton's welfare reform program. Prior to the change, where you now are given food stamps as change when you pay with food stamps, you used to get CASH as your change.

OK, I'll type slowly...

It's. A . Debit. Card.

I'm reminded of this fact every time I go to the grocery store, and the clerk has to explain to Jose that there isn't enough dough left on the card to pay for 43 cases of tortillas and the 53 pounds of "carne asada" that they scraped up off the meat department floor. So he pulls out a wad of $14,000 in cash, and pays for the rest, and hops into his brand new minivan.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:55 pm**

mvscal,

there are those whose livings depend on selling shit to welfare recipients. Would you deny those entrepreneurs their livelihoods?

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:56 pm**

It's. A . Debit. Card.

I'll type this at regular speed: No one gives a fuck how they do anything in Oregon.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:59 pm**

OCmike wrote:
I'll type this at regular speed: No one gives a fuck how they do anything in Oregon.

Wow. If you knew how seriously fucking stupid that statement was, you'd ban yourfuckingself.

If that sentence wasn't tossing up negative IQ numbers, I'd go on a rather Dinsdalian dissection of just how fucking dumb it was. But as it sits, I'll just laugh.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:00 pm**

We have the Welfare Debit Card here in NY, but I believe they can actually withdraw a certain amount of cash each month with it. There is one grocery store nearby (never visit around the 1st of the month) that I know I can count on 75% of the shoppers to use their white & blue card for part of their purchase (soda, Doritos, Ice Cream, frozen dinners), WIC checks for milk & cheese and cash/change for their beer & cigs. Express lane has no meaning to these fuckers because even if they do have 8 items or less, it's alway 3 transactions & a trip to the cig counter.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:02 pm**

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:Express lane has no meaning to these fuckers because even if they do have 8 items or less, it's alway 3 transactions & a trip to the cig counter.

'Round here, "Express Lane" has no meaning to these fuckers because they don't speak English.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:07 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:Express lane has no meaning to these fuckers because even if they do have 8 items or less, it's alway 3 transactions & a trip to the cig counter.

'Round here, "Express Lane" has no meaning to these fuckers because they don't speak English.

I could make that arguement about the folks here and trump you with "they are legal resident who were born here."

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:16 pm**

mvscal wrote: It's going to take some out of the box thinking to get past this.

The "Guns for Heroin Exchange Program" could be a smash hit.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:24 pm**

The Whistle Is Screaming wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:'Round here, "Express Lane" has no meaning to these fuckers because they don't speak English.
I could make that arguement about the folks here and trump you with "they are legal resident who were born here."

I'd call Binghamton Appalachia's Hat, but alas I've been to Plattsburgh.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:28 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
OCmike wrote:
I'll type this at regular speed: No one gives a fuck how they do anything in Oregon.

Wow. If you knew how seriously fucking stupid that statement was...

Right, because Oregon is on the cutting edge of...hang on, I'll think of something...Uh...damn, I was right. I don't give a fuck about how they do anything in Oregon. As you yourself in this thread:

Not that california doesn't set the standard and all...

We set the standard, Oregon follows. Rinse, repeat.

And no, I don't want to hear about how you make the best chainsaws, orange-ball gags or how some random Oregonian made a breakthrough discovery that lead to the catalytic converter. Guess what, motormouth...no one gives a flying fuck.

...you'd ban yourfuckingself.

After suffering through 17,000+ occasions of your barstool pseudo-knowledge of everything from cardiomyopathy to Costa Rican coffee roasting techniques, I'm about ready for a good, solid, self-ban.

...Dinsdalian...

dins·da·li·an Pronunciation Key - [dins-day-lee-uhn]
–noun
1. a person who googles myriad topics and posts on interweb UBBs feigning expert knowledge on every subject known to man
–adjective
2. long-winded; verbose
3. left-clicking "submit" even on topics in which you have no interest, nothing of interest to offer, and simply wish to make an appearance of sorts
4. of or pertaining to Cliff Clavin-esque tendency to creative deceptive, misleading, or false notions of knowledge on a topic.

[Origin: 1998; < Latin Dinsdaeli (s. submititis, deriv. of STFU -an]

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 8:41 pm**

OCmike wrote:Right, because Oregon is on the cutting edge of...hang on, I'll think of something...Uh...damn, I was right.

Walked on a public beach lately? Look Up and Left, dipshit.

You californians fihured out the whole bottle-deposit thing yet, or are you still sporting that miserably dysfunctional system of years past, even though when your neighbor-to-the-northinvented the idea, they had a solid working model, which is still the same 34-odd years later, yet you pathetic assbags STILL can't figure it out.

Drank any microbrews lately? Yup, look up and left again, dipshit... and hope the current hops shortage doesn't find the california breweries the odd man out. (going for $15-$20 a pound at present-btw.)

How's electricity prices these days, anyway? Better watch your mouth, or we might jack it up even higher for you... or just shut off the switch altogether.

How'd that proposal to dig a trench from the Columbia to SoCal work out for you? That was a dead serious proposal by california, that was serious comedy around here. The scathing open letter from the california state water department to all Oregonians was the coup-de-grace, though... funny shit.

OCD, from a guy who hails from the state that is the cutting-edge of all things stupidity-related, your ignorance is cracking me up.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:24 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
OCmike wrote:Right, because Oregon is on the cutting edge of...hang on, I'll think of something...Uh...damn, I was right.

Walked on a public beach lately? Look Up and Left, dipshit.

You californians fihured out the whole bottle-deposit thing yet, or are you still sporting that miserably dysfunctional system of years past, even though when your neighbor-to-the-northinvented the idea, they had a solid working model, which is still the same 34-odd years later, yet you pathetic assbags STILL can't figure it out.

So you're on the cutting edge of...recycling? Uh... I thought I'd made it crystal clear that nobody outside of your amazonian state gives a fuck about stuff like this.

Drank any microbrews lately? Yup, look up and left again, dipshit... and hope the current hops shortage doesn't find the california breweries the odd man out. (going for $15-$20 a pound at present-btw.)

Okay here's something legit for once! Arriiiight...Oregon's on the cutting edge of...wait, did you say "hops"? Hang on, BRB...(see, at least I admit when I'm looking stuff up)... Okay, Wikipedia says that it's official: You're a fucking retard. You're not really claiming that Oregon is on the "cutting edge" of farming a plant that's been cultivated since 736AD, right?
Do they make a bigger

icon? I'm gonna need it for this thread.

How's electricity prices these days, anyway? Better watch your mouth, or we might jack it up even higher for you... or just shut off the switch altogether.

No you won't. It's damn near your only source of revenue. Hell, Oregon is only a half-step above a third-world country as it is! Without us buying your power, you'd all have plates in your lips, beat on logs with brontosaurus bones and circumcise your wimmen with sharp rocks.

How'd that proposal to dig a trench from the Columbia to SoCal work out for you? That was a dead serious proposal by california, that was serious comedy around here. The scathing open letter from the california state water department to all Oregonians was the coup-de-grace, though... funny shit.

Okay, I let the insinuation that you're on the cutting edge of electricity go, but this is just beyond ridiculous. You're on the cutting edge of water? Uh...

OCD, from a guy who hails from the state that is the cutting-edge of all things stupidity-related, your ignorance is cracking me up.

Okay, lemme give this a shot "Oregon"-style.

California has it's own branch of the EPA known as the Air Resources Board, so we're on the cutting edge of...air!

Agriculture was first practiced about 10,000 years ago, but we produce the most food in the USA, so we're on the cutting edge of...farming!

Whoa, this rocks!

To paraphrase Roy Scheider in Jaws, "We're going to need a bigger

"

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 10:38 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
OCmike wrote:
I'll type this at regular speed: No one gives a fuck how they do anything in Oregon.

Wow. If you knew how seriously fucking stupid that statement was, you'd ban yourfuckingself.

If that sentence wasn't tossing up negative IQ numbers, I'd go on a rather Dinsdalian dissection of just how fucking dumb it was. But as it sits, I'll just laugh.

You should ask Mike where "Oakland and Berkeley" are...

You'll be glad to know they're now along the Pacific Coast with San Francisco.

No need for that silly thing called the Bay Bridge anymore.

Posted: **Thu Apr 03, 2008 11:33 pm**

.m2 wrote:

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 3:03 am**

Mike,

You need to understand that "cutting edge" in Oregon seems to be located only within a small section of the state located U&L. The majority of all Dinsdalian Data that is posted here seems to strongly suggest this could just be the case. In California it tends to be found everywhere within the State Borders. Californian's shouldn't rain on the Oregon Pride Parade, God knows more "rain" is the last thing the U&L needs. I've been to the U&L many times and I admit when once the sun finally came out it was really nice. You should see the Rose Garden's, on a good day with the help of Oregonian Hops and it's outstanding varieties of Marijuana they are almost as cool as say 17 Mile Drive or Yosemite Valley. You need to show a little more understanding to the folks trapped in this special U&L Paradise, they sorely lack the ability to travel to anywhere worth a visit that doesn't include planning a long journey, but it's the U&L and completely "cutting edge".... Why leave?

juss sayin ........

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:29 pm**

No shit. WTF was I thinking spending a good chunk of last summer driving all over the US? It would have been much cheaper to just fly the fambly to portland and hang out with dins for awhile. Certainly would have seen more impressive sites than yellowstone, mt rushmore, Utah canyonlands and the grand canyon.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 1:37 pm**

Helmetless motorcycle riding rec leagues aimed at inner city youth.

Funny you should mention this. It seems that noisy hogs are becoming trendy lately for the urban black man. If you see lk_pickle sporting a leather beanie, you know why.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:15 pm**

Y2K wrote:...almost as cool as say 17 Mile Drive or Yosemite Valley...

One of my best "nature" memories as a kid was on a family vacation in Monterey when I was 14 or so. The Old Man rented us all mountain bikes and we had a gorgeous ride down the coastline. Very beautiful and very peaceful at the same time...'cept for the cars and all.

Still haven't been to Yosemite. I've been to plenty of lesser-known, less-travelled CA attractions, I've just never made the trek there yet. I'd assume that this is at least in part to the fact that I've seen so many Ansel Adams pics above the shitter in peoples' bathrooms that I feel like I've visited at least 10 times already.

If I don't make it by age 40, I'm just going to turn in my CA card.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 4:56 pm**

I used to always have these "immigrants" children try to come in and buy .05 candy with food stamps every hour and then sure enough at the end of the night I would see Mom coming in and buy beer and cigs with change. So after that shit, I put an end of that shit and refused to let those kids to buy gum, and had their parents in bitching why I refused their money. Even though the state allows candy to be bought with food stamps, I told the dumb whore its not food, and told her that maybe an apple for her child would be better for her child to get. Of course, this beaner had that go right over her head, and sent her kid to the next market to try to get her beer somewhere else.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:00 pm**

OCmike wrote:
Y2K wrote:...almost as cool as say 17 Mile Drive or Yosemite Valley...
One of my best "nature" memories as a kid was on a family vacation in Monterey traversing the High Sierra when I was 14 or so.

Still haven't been to Yosemite since it's on the Central Coast

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:07 pm**

A Texan, a californian, and and Oregonian went camping together. They were drining around the campfire and getting liquored up.

Suddenly, the Texan pulled out a bottle of tequila, took a big pull, threw the bottle into the air, pulled out his six-shooter, and shot the bottle.

"What did you do that for? That was a perfectly good bottle of tequilla you just wasted," asked the californian.

"In Texas, there's plaenty more tequila where that came from, and bottles are a dime-a-dozen," the Texan replied.

A short while later, the californian took a big pull of a bottle of chardonnay, threw the bottle in the air, pulledout a saturday night special, and blasted the bottle.

"What did you do that for," asked the Oregonian. "There was still wine in that bottle."

The californian explained "In california, there's plenty of wine to be had, and bottles are a dime a dozen."

A short while later, the Oregonian took the last drink off his Bridgeport IPA, stuck the bottle into his backpack, pulled out a 12 gauge, and shot the californian.

As the Texan sat there in shock, the Oregonian turned to him and explained "Where I come from, californians are a dime-a-dozen, and that bottle is worth a nickel."

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:09 pm**

.m2 wrote:
OCmike wrote:Still haven't been to Yosemite since it's on the Central Coast

I thought Yosemite was on an island in SF Bay, just east of Oakland?

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:34 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
.m2 wrote:
OCmike wrote:Still haven't been to Yosemite since it's on the Central Coast

I thought Yosemite was on an island in SF Bay, just east of Oakland?

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:35 pm**

.m2 wrote:
OCmike wrote:Still haven't been to Yosemite since it's on the Central Coast

more like 200 miles east of the Central Coast

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:41 pm**

Jeff in SD wrote:
more like 200 miles east of the Central Coast

No, it's on the peninsula, right next to Oakland and Berkeley.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 5:42 pm**

Haven't you seen it in m2ool's SF pics?

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:18 pm**

Dinsdale wrote:
.m2 wrote:
OCmike wrote:Still haven't been to Yosemite since it's on the Central Coast

I thought Yosemite was on an island in SF Bay, just east of Oakland?

Silly, it's on the Farallon Islands with all the friendly dolphins... just east of Oakland.

Posted: **Fri Apr 04, 2008 6:43 pm**

The two White guys walked up behind the blacks and stole their cheese.

Is that what they're calling it these days? How many black guys are gonna steal your cheese this weekend?

T1B

Gubmint advertising food stamps. Good idea?

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