U&L once again breaks new ground.

[smackaholic]

The center of the universe where everything is either invented or perfected leads the way in yet another ground breaking area.

http://www.nbc5.com/health/15702121/detail.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

rack dins and his fellow U&Lers for beingahead of the curve as usualm.

[smackaholic]

Well, I'm guessing the mrs isn't the daddy.

Dins, we know you are infamous for not being picky about where you park lil dins. You wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you?

[Dinsdale]

A couple of points --

It's Bend. On the Dryside. That's not the U&L, it's the Midwest. It rains in the U&L, and flora is abundant... it doesn't rain in Bend, and it's the land of sagebrush and scrubgrass. Therefore, Bend isn't in the U&L. The weather forecast for Bend last Saturday was 15 in the morning, and 55 in the afternoon -- that's not the U&L, that's Hell.

Timmay is from Bend. I'm guessing it's him who got knocked up.

Not-Really-Pregnant Dude is Hawaiian.

Matter of fact, I was in Bend last week... didn't nail any hermaphrodites, to the best of my knowledge.

[PSUFAN]

I guess AP and Y2Koresh will have to swing through the U&L on the next pilgrimage. Does Fresno have a maternal lingerie shop sticking up betwixt the cabbage heads?

[Jeff in SD]

A couple of points --

Timmay is from Bend. I'm guessing it's him who got knocked up.

Absolutely agree on this one, and Im sure Luth will go down there and get some evidence

[Mikey]

And all along I thought that Portland was the U&L center of the sexually liberated and/or confused segment.

[Rootbeer]

My, my, my...ain't those Oregonians progressive?

Sure wish us ignorant Alabamians could catch up with 'em.

You might want to start with dentistry and go from there. Baby steps.

[PSUFAN]

If you have more wives than teeth, you are (apologies to poptart):

a) down with Joey Smith Jr.
b) an outlaw; but among friends in the Great American South
c) a kind of heterosexual Raydah James
d) frequently asked to gum labia

[The Seer]

My, my, my...ain't those Oregonians progressive?

Sure wish us ignorant Alabamians could catch up with 'em.

=forkless family trees

[Dinsdale]

Tweaker Capital USA says what about dentistry?

Yeah yeah yeah... we invented the "meth epidemic.


But from my casual observations, meth use appears to be waning, much like it did in the early/mid 90's after the rampant explosion through the early/mid 80's.

Although the whole "war on meth" thing went about as well as the War on Drugs -- abject failure that made things worse. Sure made the Mexican gangs a lot more wealthy, though. Made it harder to buy OTC cold medice, too.

Funny to see mv casting stones, though. Don't you live in some sort of proximity to the Meth Highway (AKA Interdstate 5), as well?

[Dinsdale]

Uhm, yeah. We have these places called Lake Oswego and Dunthorpe and whatnot, and metal-theiving tweekers aren't too popular there, either.

Of course, a few blocks on the other side of I-5 from Lake No-Negro, like say... where I live, you can't swing a chunk of stolen electric cable without hitting one... but not as bad as it used to be.

[Jeff in SD]

Are the tweekers starting to steal catalytic converters in the U & L. We got a police BOLO at our station saying they are stealing them for the platinum and or using them in the meth labs to filter the chemical fumes.

[Dinsdale]

Are the tweekers starting to steal catalytic converters in the U & L.

Dude -- it's meth-related... pretty sure we invented meth-addled tweeker cat theft.

Lots of work for the little platinum, but tweekers have plenty of time on their hands.

As faras filters? You filter the shit through water, and rinse it down the sink to keep the odor down. I won't even get into how I know that... I'll just say I know some people.

But yeah, it usually goes down at a big mall, and the tweeks slide under jacked up little-dick trucks with a battery powered sawzall, and hack off the cat. My work truck sits high enough off the ground one can get under it without a jack, and if I happened across that, there would be one less tweeker in the world. And I'd have a new sawzall.


The best is when they go way out in the woods and try to steallive power lines. Darwin often has the last laugh. Lately, they've been unable to differentiate between phone line to the coast, and fiber optic lines. Stupid fucks steal the shit, which has absolutely no scrap value whatsoever.

Fuckers also stole a historic Sacagawea statue from Fort Clatsop, while it was closed from the storms. Because it's not like it's where Lewis and Clark spent the winter, or anything. That one kinda pissed people off when chunks of it turned up at a scrapyard on the other side of the state.

[Dinsdale]

When trolling goes too far...

SALEM, Ore. - A Dallas man was arrested Wednesday afternoon in connection with a Craigslist ad that advertised a baby for sale.

Patrick Lee Ryan, 33, faces charges of buying or selling a child, disorderly conduct and committing a computer crime. He is being held on $35,000 bail.

The Craigslist ad appeared on the Web site on Monday and someone contacted police to report it.

The ad was an offer to sell a baby for $1,000 and the message said the person needed the money because they were out of 'tweak.'

Craigslist immediately took the ad down when contacted by police. A woman's name appeared as a contact on the ad, but police discovered she was not involved.

Although posting a fake advertisement on Craigslist might appear to be nothing more than a prank, in this case it was a big deal. You see, it is a felony in the state of Oregon to advertise a baby for sale.

While police now believe the posting was a hoax, a detective did spend two days trying to track down the baby shown in the posting and the person responsible for posting the advertisement. They said they had to assume the baby was real and was in real danger.

Maybe we should get those cops to register here. They'd probably fall for the [invis]/[mem] thingy, and might even believe that AP hangs out with strippers and chicks who like to get freaky.

[SunCoastSooner]

If you have more wives than teeth, you are (apologies to poptart):

a) down with Joey Smith Jr.
b) an outlaw; but among friends in the Great American South
c) a kind of heterosexual Raydah James
d) frequently asked to gum labia

You live in Pittsburgh PSU... people in glass houses and all that shit ;)

[Dinsdale]

Speaking of the U&L breaking new ground...


It's freaking snowing. 34 degrees where I am, but falling faster tan it melts.

In my 40 years here, I can't remember seeing so much as one snowflake in the valley in late March. Unheard of. Hell, the record low for the date is 28, and temps that cold are usually from a dry weather pattern.

I usually look forward to the onset of pleasant golf weather about this time of year... 3rd or 4th week of March usually warms up dramatically.


Im going to have to have a little talk with Ma Nature about this bullshit. At least I'm done working up in the mountains, which would have been a nightmare to drive around in.

If it's not falling at a ski resort, snow sucks.

[Tom In VA]

At least I'm done working up in the mountains, which would have been a nightmare to drive around in.

Channel surfing I came across this show "Ax Men". About the lumber industry in Oregon.


Intense work those dudes do. RACK 'EM.


Anyhow, one of the episodes had a storm (can't remember if it was rain or snow, don't imagine either is good) approaching and they wanted to get a load out. Big heavy truck laden with logs and windy, narrow mountain roads.

Like I said, RACK 'EM, some tough mofos.

[OCmike]

From all of the time I've spent in the Sierra Nevadas, I've known and shared the road with a shitload of loggers and logging truckers. I have no problem with the industry in general, as most are pretty cool guys and they're essentially tree-farmers these days, as opposed to the clear cutters of yore.

But one of my problems is that every fucking logger I've ever known has a cooler in the back of his king cab that he starts hitting the nano-second his shift is over, even though his trip home is about a 30-mile trek down windy mountain roads littered with 30MPH corners that mean 30MPH. Add to that, if by some stretch he happens to get off early, look the fuck out, because not only will he be shotgunning beers as we swerves down the road, but he'll be going double the speed trying to make it the 45 miles to Nevada so he can get to the KitKatKlub (whorehouse), get a nut and still get home at regular time.

Loggers in general, other than the DUI thing, are pretty good guys to work with/for. But logging truckers are almost universally dicks. Not only are most hopped up on _______ <---insert nose drug here, but they just have an attitude about them like they own the fucking road because of the size of load that they're pulling...which they pretty much do. As I described before, since the roads in and out are loaded with 30-40MPH corners, many of them blind corners, the truckers ride the yellow line so they don't have to hit the brakes so hard and can carry their speed through the turn. That's all fine and dandy until you're the car coming in the opposite direction when you hit that corner. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I've had my life flash before my eyes plenty of times because of those dicks. On a side note, I didn't enjoy viewing my life in the instant before death anymore than I did living it...what a let down.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Big heavy truck laden with logs

KC Paul?

[bbqjones]

a cooler in the back

bah, get off your high horse mike and just look out for us drunks. we can all share the road.

some better than others.

[.m2]

Nope. I live in one of the safest cities in the nation

Ok, I laughed !!!

So when did Orange County get a "city" ???

[Dinsdale]

From all of the time I've spent in the Sierra Nevadas, I've known and shared the road with a shitload of loggers and logging truckers.

I hear ya. Northwestern Oregon boy knows log trucks (and laughing that a calitard thinks they've seen "shitloads"). Had quite a few close encounters with log trucks and cliffs. One extra epic one comes to mind, which involved being young, taking advantage of the idea that there's no cops deep in the forest and getting reeeeeeeallllly FUCKING WASTED (in the morning, of course). Going to fish a semi-remote lake in the Coast Range... and get more FUCKING WASTED. You kinda aren't suppose to go up the back way, something about log trucks or something, but 22 and FUCKING WASTED, like we gave a shit. Had a rubber raft and an outboard stuffed in the back of my buddy's Chevy Sprint (laugh if you like, but that was the greatest fishing car ever... sucker got 60+ on the highway, and back then $3 usually covered it, $5 was an up-and-down the coast thing... leaving a bigger budget to get FUCKING WASTED. We were ready to kill some hatchery-reared rainbow trout and get FUCKING WASTED, come hell or high water. And we hadn't seen any log trucks yet, so there must not have been any active logging, right?


I mean, really -- what could possibly go wrong?

Start up the mountain, and we're rockin. The Sprint is tearing it up, at least as far as underpowered light-in-the-loafers-mobiles go, seeings it was steep as hell and twice as twisty . But we're getting there. There's thick gravel, making for some sweet drifts on the corners. It's a nice spring day. We're FUCKING WASTED.

At this point, life is good.


But all good things must end, as did this seemingly utopian existence, by the hand of a log truck that was moving at an impressive pace. There's some log truck drivers who apparently appreciate the benefits getting FUCKING WASTED in the morning like I do.


We were hauling ass uphill in a 200 pound vehicle. He was heading downhill in a 75,000 pound vehicle.

GO TIME, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!

Or not.

My buddy, a local legend of sorts but never a great driver, somehow gets it stopped before assumed imminent collision, gets the badride Sprint into reverse, and starts heading back down the one-lane backwards.

At that point, I didn't know whether to laugh or scream, so I did both. Here we are, FUCKING WASTED, in a fag car, barrelling backwards down an extremely twisty cliff-lined logging road, with a FUCKING WASTED not-quite-Asian-bad driver serving as the author of my final chapter.

Dickweed (still my fishing buddy) is turned to the back, with this strange, and endless "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck" coming out his mouth; I'm pretty much being my cool, calm, collected rico suave' self despite my sheer terror; the log truck driver is now the current bane of my being, isn't slowing down any, and has closed the gap between the front ends of our vehicles to mere feet.


But I was FUCKING WASTED, so I was doing alright.


And that's when my FUCKING WASTED counterpart somehow found a most narrow, cliff-lined turnout. He pulls some sort of reverse-rockford maneuver, and by God Allah Buddha or Luck, somehow got it stopped.

T1B's worst nightmare came to fruition... my number hadn't been draw, as previously thought. Sucks to be you.


Log truck driver was laughing his balls off as he sped by.

We continued up the mountain. FUCKING WASTED. And the log truck thing was a near-insignificant part of the day/night that was to follow.

But that's a long story.

[Atomic Punk]

Maybe we should get those cops to register here. They'd probably fall for the [invis]/[mem] thingy, and might even believe that AP hangs out with strippers and chicks who like to get freaky.

Now this makes sense to why MGO made it a sig line. Never said I was fucking these hot strippers... I said I hang out with them as they are my friends. Hell, many live in this apartment complex and most of them are full-on lesbians. The g/f isn't one of the strippers. Two different subjects there Carnac the Magnificent. Oh, and she's 28 now if you are still stuck on 27.

You are on this fucking board 24/7, have a zillion posts, and went offshore the week of the Smack Off, THEN went to the Cascades for the next round. Anyone else call bullshit? Dude, you SAID there was k=no internet connection, then in the other thread said you didn't know if they had internet connectivity. You want me to link it up, or are you going to try to spin your dumb ass out of it?

I mean, how often do you leave this board? Coincidence or did you know the best "smack" you could come up with is the weakest form... homosmack? You're still doing it and not even doing a good job. VALVENIS would take an elgrande dump on you with your Frederick's and "fuck you faggot," garbage that you call "smack."

What a fucking lying joke you are.

[bbqjones]

my spreadsheet says dinsamatti is working on a very long rebuttle.

~throws another microwave popcorn in~ the microwave:

[smackaholic]

holy shit, dins has even overtaken mvscal.

Ofcourse, mvscal also puts up ridiculous post counts at .net. But then, mvs is an admitted homebody no life having fukk.

I still don't see how even a homebody can pu tup these numbers. I suspect he might have hired ghost writers or should I say ghost posters. Prolly work out of new dehli.

[smackaholic]

hey dins,

If you wanna see psycho logging truck drivers, check out northern maine some time.

You should see them fukkers roll down US 201 way the fukk overloaded with logs. Fuggin' scary. Everybody else tends to drive a bit conservatively, particularly around dusk or dawn as you never know when a big ass bull moose is gonna step in front of your rig.

Every year multiple people get themselves dead by t boning moose. But them drunk french canuck log truck jockeys actually hope moose step in front of them. 80,000 lbs of peterbuilt/white pine trumps any fukking moose. We saw a rather well tenderized one on the side of the road once. There were about 100 ft or so of semi trailer skid marks in the area.

I'd hate to see what would happen to a sprint if it hit one. Doubt it would even phase the moose.

[Dinsdale]

Yes smackaholic -- if I want to see crazy things involving log trucks and their intoxicated drivers, I sould leave the #1 timber-producing region on the planet and go elsewhere... it all makes sense now.

[OCmike]

Yes smackaholic -- if I want to see crazy things involving log trucks and their intoxicated drivers, I sould leave the #1 timber-producing region on the planet and go elsewhere... it all makes sense now.

Go ahead and add "seen more logging trucks that you" to Dins's resume`. Color me unimpressed.

[smackaholic]

it's all about variety dins. believe it or not, three is shit to see on the other side of the cascades. You ever even been to the other side?

[Dinsdale]

the other side of the cascades.

Oh, now you're just being silly.

You ever even been to the other side?

Once, very briefly. I got all freaked out at the lack of moisture and immediately turned tail and headed back west.

[smackaholic]

40 years old, lives with dudes, never been out of his area code.

That's one full life there folks.

Well, you got 'bode on my mid thirties bro in law that still lives at home with mom. Rack you, I 'spose.