ROUND 1 WINNERS

[Biggie]

The final Wild Card is still being determined, but the Board deserves some answers. Here are the match winners:

DC Smackmaster vs. Roach
7-0

DC was outstanding, and confirmed the experts' predictions as a pre-tournament favorite. Roach was a disaster of a disappointment, and his back makes a loud crackling noise when stomped upon.

The Whistle Is Screaming vs. Fandango
6-0, one judge abstaining

A good matchup, and much closer than the tally indicates. TWIS was the busier smacker, and his efforts carry the day.

Diogenes vs. RumpleForeskin
5-2

Palpable vitriol here. Rumps gets the nod in a well-played match.

Jsc810 vs. 308
7-0

Jsc is not a smacker. Shit, he’s not even much of a lawyer. But he gets the unanimous vote here.

velocet vs. MgoBlue-LightSpecial
5-1, one judge abstaining

A beautiful matchup. Two old-school warriors going toe-to-toe. We're not worthy to judge this one, but PUS says we hafta.

AP's Tarp Sized Panties vs. Serge
7-0

Serge was extremely impressive, especially given his opponent's invisibility. I don’t know this guy, but I’d like to. In a gay way. APTSP disgraced himself and the judges request that he be stripped of his nic, and all posting privileges.

haywood vs. scottysixx
5-2

An odd matchup between a couple of oddballs. The Colorado judges were overruled by the majority, but request a rematch at Murphy Creek.

R-Jack vs. Kid Nashville
4-3

Awesome match. The newcomer of the year wins a squeaker against a legend.

Cam vs. War Wagon
4-3

Another close one. Wags does just enough to pull it out.

Headhunter vs. PSUFAN
6-0, one judge abstaining

No commentary required here - these two were awesome. Go read it, listen to it, then Archive it.

Uncle Fester vs. Front Porch
5-1, 1 judge abstaining

Not a lot of action, but Fester's dry humor carries the day.

jerome moore vs. Y2K
6-0, 1 judge abstaining

moore is less. Please revoke his posting privileges. Y2K was bad, but it's hard to fight air.

Charles De Mar vs. Jay in Phoenix
7-0

Some of the judges couldn't quite get over the “STOCK PHOTO” tag on all of CDM’s mouse offerings. I mean, if you’re going to use the same picture in every post… aw, never mind. This one was over when they posted the brackets. Jay is a legend, and rode a clever (if overwrought) theme out of the first round.

YumYumSaladBar vs. dotdotdot
6-0, 1 judge abstaining

In reality, there are no winners here.


-------------------------

We will be selecting 3 WC contestants, given Fester's withdrawal. The following 2 posters have already advanced from the WC voting:

MgoBlue-LightSpecial
PSUFAN

The following posters are in the running for WC #3:

Front Porch
haywood
R-Jack

Back atcha soon.

[RumpleForeskin]

Some of the tallies seem more one-sided than I imagined. :?


Edit: Not saying that is wrong in any way. Guess I'll have to go back and read them again.

[PSUFAN]

Personally, my favorite was Mgo/velo. I also hope R-Jack advances, because we all know the dude has serious skills. DC's monumental effort has already been recognized widely...that's my favorite individual effort so far.

Unk Fester could post a few carriage returns and I'd laugh my ass off...

[RumpleForeskin]

You and Kid was the best matchup IMO. Just raw shit talking from the two of you without any help of mp3s, photoshops or Julius Ceasar themes is my favorite stuff. Props to both of you.

[War Wagon]

Cam vs. War Wagon
4-3

Another close one. Wags does just enough to pull it out.

:?

Yikes, if 3 judges thought the illiterate stylings of Cam warranted the nod, I must have really sucked or those 3 judges are equally as idiotic as Cam. Or both.

Either way, this does not portend well for my future in this thingy.

[Charles De Mar]

Some of the judges couldn't quite get over the “STOCK PHOTO” tag on all of CDM’s mouse offerings. I mean, if you’re going to use the same picture in every post… aw, never mind. This one was over when they posted the brackets. Jay is a legend, and rode a clever (if overwrought) theme out of the first round.

YumYumSaladBar vs. dotdotdot
6-0, 1 judge abstaining

In reality, there are no winners here

You know. Fuck you guys. I'm at fucking work, dicking off on the internet and just making simple little pictures to have fun with in Paint, I dont have the ability to go with really rude shit or pornography like some of you do since I am at work. My photoshop is at home and you're fucked in the head if you think I GAS about this place after work. When I'm home, I'm either jacking off or playing video games or watching tv.

Sure none of this is serious or lifechanging but if you couldn't look beyond that in the context of a open ended contest (which some of us thought this was) then eat me.

Everyone of the pics had content and response to Jay's shitty and dull posts, which they were and the fucked in the head judges admit it. Yeah, my pics were lame on a certain level and my smak was dull but I DID put forth the effort unlike Jay. Jay did nothing.

This fucking thing was rigged and a waste of time and that admission just validates my contention.


BTW, fuckheads, I told you Yum yum is gone, he realized the incest going on here right off and took the piss.

Wankers.

PS, he's not a fuckin mouse, he's a fuckin mexican asshole cartoon. Stupid fuckers couldnt even get the critique of my avatar right.

[Goober McTuber]

Another bullshit decision.

TWIS brought nothing.

Did anybody actually read what he wrote? It was TERRIBLE. Boring, unoriginal etc.

And yet he throttled you 6-0. You couldn’t even get the tard vote (read: the judge from .net). Here’s all anyone needs to read to understand the epicosity of SG:

http://www.theoneboard.com/board/viewto ... 21#p500921" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[Goober McTuber]

Rack Charles De Menses for bowing out with class.

[Headhunter]

AT least PUS took his beating like a man. Glad to see him back in, he deserves it. Unlike you two crying douchebags.

There are judges from every board, and the ones chosen are all upfront folks. Not everyone sees your smack the same way. Get over it, and yourself. Carry yourself with a bit of dignity. Congratulate your opponent on a well fought fight and move on.

Time to change your panties, the ones you're wearing are soaked with piss!

[Kid Nashville]

Ok. I guess I'll give one of these epoch smackmasters a first round cakewalk and join in as well.

Well done Kid.

Rack it.

No, my friend, RACK you. You are as gratious in defeat as you are rife w skill.

KN

[Cam]

Oh well it was fun, Lost to a retard, but i lost.

[Headhunter]

Ok. I guess I'll give one of these epoch smackmasters a first round cakewalk and join in as well.

Well done Kid.

Rack it.

No, my friend, RACK you. You are as gratious in defeat as you are rife w skill.

KN

I don't know who you are, but you're a decent mother fucker. Hope you grace our board more often than the smack off.

[RumpleForeskin]

Rack Charles De Menses for bowing out with class.

[Cam]

AT least PUS took his beating like a man. Glad to see him back in, he deserves it. Unlike you two crying douchebags.

There are judges from every board, and the ones chosen are all upfront folks. Not everyone sees your smack the same way. Get over it, and yourself. Carry yourself with a bit of dignity. Congratulate your opponent on a well fought fight and move on.

Time to change your panties, the ones you're wearing are soaked with piss!

Blow it out your asshole. This shit is a joke and you know it.

Post one good blast TWIS had. Go ahead, dickhole.

dude seriously, if this internet smackoff is that important to ya, you made need a hobby or a woman

[Goober McTuber]

And McToober, I don't even know what your post says. Trying to read hieroglyphics while fukked up on angel dust is easier than trying to read one of your posts.

Three sentences. I’ll double-check with Dinsdale, but I’m fairly certain that they are all properly constructed. But you couldn’t decipher them. You’re a fucking idiot.

[Charles De Mar]

Rack Charles De Menses for bowing out with class.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.

— Chinese Proverb

[Headhunter]

Your predictability, over inflated ego and lack of any discernable creativity or real talent make this pretty easy for me.

Pretty much pegged you right there.


So, you going to go to phase two of your smack/spam style? Which really means when you're called on the carpet for being a sackless twit, you go to spamming.

You were funny several years ago, before you decided to mail everything in and fill in the gaps with spam.

[Felix]

You were funny several years ago

link?

[Cam]

dude seriously, if this internet smackoff is that important to ya, you made need a hobby or a woman

Why don't you just suck a dick you faggot?

Im not sure you can handle losing twice in one day, so why dont you just mozy on back to your board and play nice

[scottysixx]

awesome!! good match Haywood! funny shit indeed!

[RumpleForeskin]

Now Cam and SG are goin' at it?

Didn't Luther already tell us this story? You know, the one about his next door neighbors.

[Cam]

Now Cam and SG are goin' at it?

Didn't Luther already tell us this story? You know, the one about his next door neighbors.

listen up rumplebaily...dont act all high and mighty. i know the tard in you

and who is sg

[Dinsdale]

Maybe Fandango could be placated by bestowing the honor of "BNiggest Boardbitch in Internet History" upon him.

A bigger tard, I've never seen -- and having been around these boards all these years, that's saying a lot.


But at least he's predictable... not even the slightest bit funny or creative, but truly predictable.

My hopes for this deal was too see if any of the folks from other boards I don't read could bring something. At least a couple didn't disappoint.

[Charles De Mar]

[dotdotdot]

I got zero votes. Awesome.

[RumpleForeskin]

who is sg

Do you ever fucking pay attention?

[Cam]

who is sg

Do you ever fucking pay attention?

come on rumps, did you really just ask me that

[Cuda]

Now Cam and SG are goin' at it?

Didn't Luther already tell us this story? You know, the one about his next door neighbors.

I don't remember. Did it have something to do with buying the League Pass?

[Cuda]

Now Cam and SG are goin' at it?

Didn't Luther already tell us this story? You know, the one about his next door neighbors.

I don't remember. Did it have something to do with one of them buying the League Pass?

[RadioFan]

RACK Goobs and HH.

Face it, SG, you sucked, and badly.

"Hey, I was just trolling you guys" comment ... in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ....

R-J.ack pretty much nailed it in the other thread. You are a fucking crying douche, of the highest caliber, my friend.

[Serge]

It's an honor just to be mentioned. Looking forward to next round.

[Charles De Mar]

It's an honor just to be mentioned. Looking forward to next round.

[]

You can't be serious.

How about you just felch them in the quiet of your bathroom floor next time?




what do you think of my burrito?

[Serge]

Dear Charles,

I understand you're upset because you failed miserably, both in the Smack Off and at life in general. It's ok. I understand your frustration. The world doesn't treat the mentally handicapped as equals, despite efforts put forth by such organizations as the Special Olympics. Buck up, little camper. I'm sure there's a calling for you somewhere. Just empty out that drool cup, give that bicycle helmet a nice new banana sticker, and try to move on. Have you considered driving an ice cream truck? That way you can listen to "pop goes the weasel" all day and people will only think of you as slightly creepy when you pull up next to playgrounds. Just a helpful suggestion.

Your friend,
Serge.

[dotdotdot]

Dude, like, couldn't ONE of the judges have at least given me a pitty vote?
This is totally ruining my self confidence.

[Charles De Mar]

Dear Charles,

I understand you're upset because you failed miserably, both in the Smack Off and at life in general. It's ok. I understand your frustration. The world doesn't treat the mentally handicapped as equals, despite efforts put forth by such organizations as the Special Olympics. Buck up, little camper. I'm sure there's a calling for you somewhere. Just empty out that drool cup, give that bicycle helmet a nice new banana sticker, and try to move on. Have you considered driving an ice cream truck? That way you can listen to "pop goes the weasel" all day and people will only think of you as slightly creepy when you pull up next to playgrounds. Just a helpful suggestion.

Your friend,
Serge.

You sure type a lot for an asshole....




come, eat my enchiladas

[Serge]

You sure type a lot for an asshole....

Hold on a second. I now ask for...nay, DEMAND a recount in your match. With razor sharp comebacks like that, the judges must have overlooked something. </sarcasm>

[Dinsdale]

My hopes for this deal was too see if any of the folks from other boards I don't read could bring something. At least a couple didn't disappoint.

But then again, some went beyond merely disappointing --

Dear Charles,

I understand you're upset because you failed miserably, both in the Smack Off and at life in general. It's ok. I understand your frustration. The world doesn't treat the mentally handicapped as equals, despite efforts put forth by such organizations as the Special Olympics. Buck up, little camper. I'm sure there's a calling for you somewhere. Just empty out that drool cup, give that bicycle helmet a nice new banana sticker, and try to move on. Have you considered driving an ice cream truck? That way you can listen to "pop goes the weasel" all day and people will only think of you as slightly creepy when you pull up next to playgrounds. Just a helpful suggestion.

Your friend,
Serge.

In one freaking post, we have "you're a failure in life," "Special Olympics," "drool cup," "helmet," and insunations of child molestation.


Dear fucking god, what a useless tard.

[Charles De Mar]

[
In one freaking post, we have "you're a failure in life," "Special Olympics," "drool cup," "helmet," and insunations of child molestation.


Dear fucking god, what a useless tard.

Serge or me?

[haywood]

Murphy Creek it is.

Congrats sixx, and may god and G0D have mercy on your soul.

[PSUFAN]

I'd just like to point out that this thread would actually be incomplete without the requisite bittering so amply provided by SG. Observers of prior smackoffs will note that SG shines in this role, but always fares less well in his actual thread. You can tell he's capable of some good stuff, but ultimately, he's just lazy. That's not gonna win you much in this kind of field.