Father and Son

[Q, West Coast Style]

Cool. Reminds me of when the Mariners had both Griffey Sr. and Jr. on the roster at the same time.

[Dinsdale]

Sunday, May 27, 2007RYAN WHITE
It was, we believe, Nicolaus Copernicus who, in 1543's "De revolutionibus orbium coelestium," wrote, and we quote, "You on the East Coast, the solar system does not revolve around you."

It's an often overlooked footnote to his heliocentric theory.

Tuesday, the No. 2 pick in the upcoming NBA draft went to Seattle, the No. 1 to Portland. Greg Oden to one, Kevin Durant to the other -- and poor, poor, pitiful those who live three time zones away.

On ESPN, Stephen A. Smith, who has a history with the draft of opening his mouth and removing all doubt, said this was bad for the NBA. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Why?

The Washington Post answered that on its Web site: "Oden and Durant being exiled to the Pacific Northwest, means that most fans in the East Coast won't ever be able to watch them play -- unless they are willing to bypass sleep. This is great news to the people of Portland and Seattle, but this is truly a nightmare for the league, and especially the Eastern Conference."

The (New York) Daily News, in its story, identified the Pacific Northwest as "home of the 10:30 p.m. start time in New York."

A columnist for Canada's National Post wrote, "As far as most of the United States is concerned, Oden and Durant might as well be playing hockey."

Canada? That's so unlike you.

Allow us to help. Let us assuage your fears.

On ESPN, Stephen A. Smith, who has a history with the draft of opening his mouth and removing all doubt, said this was bad for the NBA. Bad. Bad. Bad.

Why?

The Washington Post answered that on its Web site: "Oden and Durant being exiled to the Pacific Northwest, means that most fans in the East Coast won't ever be able to watch them play -- unless they are willing to bypass sleep. This is great news to the people of Portland and Seattle, but this is truly a nightmare for the league, and especially the Eastern Conference."

The (New York) Daily News, in its story, identified the Pacific Northwest as "home of the 10:30 p.m. start time in New York."

A columnist for Canada's National Post wrote, "As far as most of the United States is concerned, Oden and Durant might as well be playing hockey."

Canada? That's so unlike you.

Allow us to help. Let us assuage your fears.

Portland and Seattle do indeed set their clocks to Pacific time. You're right about that. Los Angeles, it's worth noting, is in this time zone, too. This is why the folks back east know not of Kobe Bryant. It's too bad. He's really good.

But maybe you do get to see Bryant play. There are a lot of television cameras in Los Angeles. We don't have as many here, but we have them. Like our homes, they're powered by dozens of beavers running on little wheels.

When we need more electricity -- say a Sunday game's going national -- we hire hippies to rub fleece on flannel. That hasn't been needed in some time. The hippies need the work. Oden and Durant will be good for the local economies this way.

When the game's over, we canoe down the river to the sports bar while our top reporters tap out their stories in Morse code. They say soon the railroad will get here. We can't wait.

Woe is you, East Coast. Hear that violin? It's carved gently from Douglas fir.

Not to rock your world, but not everyone's left breathless when the Yankees and Red Sox meet. Some of us couldn't care less about it. Roger Clemens throwing a few innings of minor league ball? Let us write that headline: "Old man pitches."

Just because it happens in or to New York, Boston or Philadelphia doesn't mean it's interesting. It just means it's well-covered.

Do we complain about this? No. We read a book or enjoy the outdoors or listen to The Decemberists.

(As an aside, the best line on the draft lottery was found in the comments at Deadspin.com: "The Decemberists have already written a hyper-literate prog rock ballad about Greg Oden slaying the dragon that lives at the bottom of the Willamette River.")

In other words, we go about life. We don't try to change the rules to make sure the Red Sox and the Yankees don't play so much, which is kind of what a bunch of other people were doing last week in response to Portland and Seattle winning the lottery.

You might remember that last year, the Trail Blazers had the best shot at the No. 1 pick and ended up No. 4. No one wanted to change the rules. But Boston gets dinged and Jerry West speaks up on behalf of Memphis and now all of a sudden the draft lottery is the worst thing to happen to the NBA since Ron Artest went looking for the guy who threw the cup.

Get over it. Deal with it. Stop whining. If you want to see Greg Oden and Kevin Durant, you'll be able to see Greg Oden and Kevin Durant. The NBA doesn't exactly hide its marketable commodities.

We do wish they'd do something about those insanely early tipoffs, however. How's a guy supposed to catch Gilbert Arenas when the game starts at 4:30 p.m.?

The East Coast meltage, combined with the sudden "the lottery isn't fair" after the team with the most balls in the hopper got screwed last year is pretty funny.

[Bucmonkey]

Yeah, it is rather amusing. I didn't think anyone gave a shit about the NBA anymore /ponder

[RadioFan]

The East Coast meltage, combined with the sudden "the lottery isn't fair" after the team with the most balls in the hopper got screwed last year is pretty funny.

Exactly.

Now I know where Barkley got his "take" along these same lines from ... ESPN and Screamin' A.

These asshats should be lobbying for better GMs out East, instead of crying like a bunch of faggots who work for the league. ('sup Boston passing on Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili?) Of course, ESPN is based out east, so no real surprise their "experts" are saying what some in the league would love to say.

Anything that fucks with their little perfectly packaged corporate Happy Meal is great, as far as I'm concerned. The last time I checked, we also have this thing called cable and satellite TV. I don't remember a whole lot of that new-fangled technology the last time Boston or Philly had a shot at a championship. Also, the last time I checked, teams in MLB and the NFL play late games out west.

This "argument" that Oden and Durant playing out west ~ gasp ~ is going to be bad for the league sort of reminds me of the "argument" of TV marketing departments trying to convince me that somehow I really won't want to watch the Chiefs if they're being broadcast on CBS, but only on Fox.

Asinine.