Be careful what you wish for

Dinsdale · Post by **Dinsdale** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:25 pm

Especially when wishing for tales of Dinsdale's debauchery.

T'was the night before Kwanzaa
And all through the lounge
A drunken bar skank, Dins was looking to scrounge
His buddies had all gone, leaving him there
Hoping he'd find passage home through the cold winter's air

He searched through the parking lot and discovered he was alone
When a drank-pretty lady said "hey, you wanna get stoned?"
Her with her baggie, appealed to my daze
So I inquired with interest "How far is your place?"

I arrived at a house with this chick and a bong
After pulling two bowls, the onset of stupid didn't take long
To combat the spins, I stared at the floor
A gaze misconstrued by this besotted whore

"Are you checking out my ass?" she asked with delight
"Of course I was" I answered, just being polite
In truth I was trying to choke back my now-nauseous fate
But the wheels were in motion, and it was too late

Next thing I knew, without further chitter
My unit was pounding on this old whore's shitter
Now it was alllllll good, till I busted my nut
Deep and resounding all up in her butt

Then what to my wandering eye should appear
But some slimey brown goo, shooting out of her rear
My crotch -- usually quite white, like the new fallen snow
Had been tinged to dark-brown by this non-retentive ho

A few paper towels and it wouldn't have mattered
I'd merely wipe up this unfortunate splatter
But what happened next, to my shock and dismay
Was an exhibiton in cleanup in a rather nasty way

As I knelt there and pondered why it was I was there
Some disturbing developements captured my stare
As I scanned my surroundings, and then looked to the south
The mess made just prior was being cleaned up by mouth

I wretched and I writhed as I held back the puke
My weewee being serviced while covered in dook
When up to my nostrils arose such a stench
I couldn't help but cry out "what's wrong with you, wench?"

The images of that evening didn't disappear with that rinse
My psyche's been battered, never the same since
As I zipped up my fly, not feeling quite right
I said "Later, you freak," and I bid her goodnight

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:28 pm

You really are, that damned good, at this message board stuff.

DINSDALE, YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD, I READ YOUR POST

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:29 pm

patsy stone · Post by **patsy stone** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:30 pm

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:30 pm

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:34 pm

Nice story, Dins. So, did you kiss her goodnight?

The Whistle Is Screaming · Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:39 pm

Tears Dins, fucking tears I tells ya.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:43 pm

Outstanding.......

Rack Dinsdale Piranha's Magical Kwanzaa

ElvisMonster · Post by **ElvisMonster** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:43 pm

Wow. Just wow.

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 9:59 pm

Outstanding.

OCmike · Post by **OCmike** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:05 pm

I love the holiday season...sniff!

RACK!

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:19 pm

Good stuff.

velocet · Post by **velocet** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:21 pm

(((((((((((((((to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)))))))))))))))

Gay balls swing, Dins is listening,
Lust-insane, his brow is glistening
A buncha men in sight,
He's happy tonight.
Walking in a Wiener Wonderland.

Gone away is the 'C' word,
He wants to play with the 'P' word
He slurps a long dong,
And he can't go wrong,
Walking in a Wiener Wonderland.

In the rest-stop he can blow a Ho Man,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say: Are you married?
Dins says: No man,
Because that ain't legal
yet in this trendy town....

Later on, he'll perspire,
As he's creamed by his Sire
His face got sprayed,
By the penis he *raised*,
Talking 'bout Dins' Wiener Wonderland.

velocet

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:26 pm

more racks

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:30 pm

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:45 pm

A meager offering of tribute ....

She's licking it off
All of it off
What can I say
Shit's all gone away

Get out of here
Now I feel queer
Can it be true
She licked up her poo

My dong, my dong
Oh no, it's so wrong
with dogged grit
licking her shit

Drank too much beer
Winded up here
in pubic hair
filling the air

Oh how she licks
Like cleaning for ticks
oh what a whale
I'm getting pale

She's almost done
I gotta run
Can it be true
She licked up her poo

Very, very, very, very sick bitch
Very, very, very, very sick bitch

My psyche won't mend
When will it end
Her lying prone
Cleaning my bone

My dong once brown, It's wrong

mmmmmkay

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 10:46 pm

velocet wrote:(((((((((((((((to the tune of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)))))))))))))))

Gay balls swing, Dins is listening,
Lust-insane, his brow is glistening
A buncha men in sight,
He's happy tonight.
Walking in a Wiener Wonderland.

Gone away is the 'C' word,
He wants to play with the 'P' word
He slurps a long dong,
And he can't go wrong,
Walking in a Wiener Wonderland.

In the rest-stop he can blow a Ho Man,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say: Are you married?
Dins says: No man,
Because that ain't legal
yet in this trendy town....

Later on, he'll perspire,
As he's creamed by his Sire
His face got sprayed,
By the penis he *raised*,
Talking 'bout Dins' Wiener Wonderland.

velocet

Encore, encore!

Cicatrix · Post by **Cicatrix** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:08 pm

Dinsdale wrote:Then what to my wandering eye should appear

Why can't you just leave me in peace?

Sin,

AP

KC Scott · Post by **KC Scott** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:17 pm

Funny, funny stuff Dins & Velo.

Tom - No idea what tune yours was supposed to be

Bobby42 · Post by **Bobby42** » Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:21 pm

Dins is good, but he's no Tyrone Green

Terry in Crapchester · Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:48 pm

Rack Dins and Velo.

While we're at it, let's rack Cicatrix as well.

This one needs to go in the archives, when the time comes.

YD · Post by YD » Fri Dec 22, 2006 12:24 am

rack dins and velo

Solo · Post by **Solo** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:02 am

Hilarious

Rack dinsdale & velocet

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 2:00 am

KC Scott wrote: Tom - No idea what tune yours was supposed to be

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carol_of_the_Bells

Hope I didn't pollute the thread was just trying to add to it.

RACKS to Dins and Velo and Merry Christmas people.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 1:34 pm

Toddowen wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:So, did you kiss her goodnight?

The voice of experience rings in.

You know, Tardowen, I’ve had a wealth of experience in casual bartime sex, about 18 years worth. But no matter how toasted I was the two things I managed to avoid were putting it in the poo hole and fucking my mother. Now, what were you saying about the voice of experience?

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:22 pm

Out. Fucking. Standing.

RACK and R-Kyve

velocet · Post by **velocet** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 7:38 pm

Tom's is good. I got it, the frantic tempo of the original worked to his comic advantage. I posted mine as a way to rack Dins, like Tom did. All your racks are belong to Dins. He STARTED shit.

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:12 pm

Another rack is hereby divied.

In the event that right now someone else is out there trying to spin some yarn and getting ready to hit submit... don't even think about it. It will suck. Not only will IT suck, so will YOU for your orangutang brain's inability to encompass the hilarity of what you just witnessed and to think you could come up w/something even approaching it.

Edit
Select all
Delete

Otherwise, save it for a sure-to-come goob or derron thread that needs some sort of seasoning.

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Fri Dec 22, 2006 8:56 pm

Hi Kendra. Nice to see that I’m always on your mind. By the way, you have the most stilted, painful-to-read writing style on this board. Quit trying to sound educated, because you obviously aren’t. If you were, you wouldn’t be a traveling sales hack. BTW, who are you divvying your rack between?

Invictus · Post by **Invictus** » Sat Dec 23, 2006 12:57 am

Toddowen wrote:
Goober McTuber wrote:So, did you kiss her goodnight?

The voice of experience rings in.

Had pocohantus leave some warpaint on after she rubbed noses with you, kemosabe?

I imagine DP had a "Mike Backer" look to himself once he left that pig's house.

I applaud you good sir. A Christmas tale to disgust and delight us all well into the New Year.

Rack Dysentery Poo-rahna!

the_ouskull · Post by **the_ouskull** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 5:56 pm

GOD bless the merry Smackboarders, from T-One never stray,
Remember times we've had 'round here and all the games we've played;
Saved from the Conduct's pow-er and all of shutyomouth's spam,

Refrain
At T-One, we're all part of the band, part of the band...
A T-One we're all a part of the band.

On the internet, the home of filth, this blessed new board was born,
And it then went im-me-di-ately, and drew the others scorn;
"Another board will never work," all the haters said and cried,

Refrain
But it would appear those haters, they have lied,
Haters have lied. It would appear that those haters have lied.

From PSU and 88, a new smack board had come,
and on this board, we had our way and got rid of all 'twas dumb.
No more Shrubber as a mod, and no more "fun" with pogs,

Refrain
At T1B nobody calls you "dog," whatthefuck's "dog."
At T1B nobody calls you "dog."

So "fear not then," the mods all said, "no n-words shall be used."
Our new board can be work-safe and man-hours abused.
So on this eve of blessed joy, let no man go astray,

Refrain
On T1B we have much fewer gays; much fewer gays.
On T1B we have many fewer gays.

The smackers at those tidings 'joiced, and then had much in mind,
A message board, not a high-school prom is what we want' to find.
And here it was, our dream come true, without a single blight,

Refrain
except a Park Place created just to fight; created to fight,
a Park Place that solely started fights.

And looking in the archives now, those first few weeks were fun,
'cause all the punks from the other boards were angry with what we'd done.
Their own boards, they needed life, but we breathed it into our own.

Refrain
'cause T1B would forever be our home; 'twould be our home.
Yes T1B would forever be our home.

And nowa humble Skull I sing to you the praises of this place.
True hatred, scat pics, and CFB, they're all that we embrace.
The things that kept us all together through our nomadic phase,

Refrain
...and we even check the NFL board some days; but only SOME days.
Yes we ever check the NFL board some days.

So I thank the rulers of this house for all the time I waste.
I thank them because without them, I've no message board to praise.
So from your Skull, a fellow man, that may live near or far,

Refrain
Fuck this board, go spend to-night at a bar; tonight at a bar.
And a very Merry Christmas to you all...

the_ouskull

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 9:01 pm

Good lord, it keeps getting better.

Rack skull and 88.

Just freaking outstanding.

the_ouskull · Post by **the_ouskull** » Sun Dec 24, 2006 10:45 pm

Thank you for the kind words. I hope I brought some holiday cheer to this shitheap. :D

the_ouskull

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Wed Feb 07, 2007 3:08 am

somehow, I had missed this one. great jumping jehu...

Be careful what you wish for

Be careful what you wish for

Re: Be careful what you wish for