Troll wedding checklist

[PSUFAN]

Since phpBB has been shown to be an effective matrimonial assistant, I was wondering...should I code a Courtship Plugin? What are the questions that I need to include?

Thoughts welcome...I aim to please.

[RadioFan]

Tape for fingers so all my boiys can look tough.

Guy from Poison as groomsman.

-- Zy

[Headhunter]

• Are you very, very lonely?
• Just how desperate are you?
• If you are male, Do you ever wonder how MagiCat got so lucky?
• If you are Female, do you ever wonder how MissC got so lucky?
• Are you locked in a rubber room without access to Razor blades, Shower Curtains, Pistols, or other devices?
• If Yes, Please continue this survey.
• If no, for Gods sake kill yourself.

[BSmack]

Since phpBB has been shown to be an effective matrimonial assistant...

Worked for us!

sin

[Terry in Crapchester]

Ahhh yes. An oldie but goodie: Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk.

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

[PSUFAN]

:katy:

[BSmack]

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Sadly I have lost the animated .gif that 3Putt wytched up from that pic. Anyone who has it can feel free to post it again.

[Terry in Crapchester]

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Sadly I have lost the animated .gif that 3Putt wytched up from that pic. Anyone who has it can feel free to post it again.

Didn't recess do one of those, and put it to a Barry White tune -- My First, My Last, My Everything? That was some funnay shit.

[PSUFAN]

1. Has Zy invited you to dinner at Ruth's Chris? (Y/N)

2. Does the word Cheesesteak fill you with vigor or revulsion? (Y/N)

3. Are you just doing it for the cookware? (Y/N)

4. Have you seen the putative spouse in the flesh, or just pics online? (Y/N)

5. (submitted by Mr. F. McNastie) Does the apeture geyser, or merely seep?

6. (submitted by CTRL-Cuda) Is there a blog-btw?

7. (submitted by IAA) I seem to have lost my paddle. Has anyone found it?

8. Do you promise to keep the real details off of the board?

9. (submitted by HH) want my pic host password?

10. PULL OVER!!!! --luth

[Trollfessor]

No, that is A LOT funny.

[PSUFAN]

Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk.

oh, for pete's sake bwahahahaha

[Mike the Lab Rat]

I have a feeling that this is one of the times that I should be very, very grateful that I'm out of the "internet family" loop.

[PSUFAN]

It doesn't make you even a little sad for humanity to contemplate the pathos of that photo?

COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE TROLL, ANNIE!!!

[Van]

Ahhh yes. An oldie but goodie: Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk.

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Agreed. Nothing will ever top that pic. Pure internet ignominy, nothing else required.

In fact, screw the lame Akroyd/Belushi crap at the top of this page. That pic should be our banner here, now and forever...

Wytching it, no matter how well, it would only diminish the embarrasment there. Truly, a picture is worth a thousand words with that one.

[BSmack]

I have a feeling that this is one of the times that I should be very, very grateful that I'm out of the "internet family" loop.

I'll explain it all to you over a pitcher or 5 at the Idle this weekend. It's tame by the "as the World Turns" standards of Elban romantic debacles. But interesting just the same.



The hotel has been booked. T minus 4 days and counting for the Idle Hour Birthday Bash.

[Cicatrix]

[*]If you are male, Do you ever wonder how MagiCat got so lucky?
[*]If you are Female, do you ever wonder how MissC got so lucky?

You consider the purgatory that is both of their lives lucky? True enough it is a great thing that both of those info sharing disasters have taken each other out of circulation but to call it lucky?

Besides, that unibrow has some wicked mutant powers from what I hear.

[Dinsdale]

lucky

RACK!!!!!!

[Tom In VA]

At this point they came in sight of thirty or forty windmills on a plain, and as soon as Don Quixote saw them he said to his squire, "Fortune is arranging matters for us better than we could have shaped our desires ourselves, for look there, friend Sancho Panza, where thirty or more monstrous giants present themselves, all of whom I mean to engage in battle and slay, and with whose spoils we shall begin to make our fortunes; for this is righteous warfare, and
it is God's good service to sweep so evil a breed from the face of the earth."

"What giants?" said Sancho Panza.

"Those thou seest there," answered his master, "with the long arms, and some have them nearly two leagues long."

"Look, your worship," said Sancho; "what we see there are not giants but windmills, and what seem to be their arms are the sails that turned by the wind make the millstone go."

"It is easy to see," replied Don Quixote, "that thou art not used to this business of adventures; those are giants; and if thou art afraid, away with thee out of this and betake thyself to prayer while I engage them in fierce and unequal combat."
(From Don Quixote, by Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra)

[Headhunter]

Point being if you consider either of those two lucky*, then you are probably desperate enough to participate in a Troll matching initiative, and your low standards will have been declared as well.







*Rack.

[The Whistle Is Screaming]

Ahhh yes. An oldie but goodie: Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk.

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Agreed. Nothing will ever top that pic. Pure internet ignominy, nothing else required.

In fact, screw the lame Akroyd/Belushi crap at the top of this page. That pic should be our banner here, now and forever...

Wytching it, no matter how well, it would only diminish the embarrasment there. Truly, a picture is worth a thousand words with that one.

And who do we have to thank for this modern troll era masterpiece? The lucky soul who was asked to snap this picture. Think about it, if this person tilted the camera up just a degree or 2 or zoomed in just a little more, we would have never had this masterpiece. They must have had a sense of humor to include the crouching cinder part, instead of getting the rest of the garden clock.

Rack the photographer!

[Bizzarofelice]

If you MagiCat was Lucky, that might possibly stretch me out more.


Sin,

Lucky's Mom

[PSUFAN]

Got it covered.

sin,

[Goober McTuber]

Our very own Martyred is perk, and don’t let him tell you any different. Last I saw of Cinder, she was discussing suicide on some other board.

[Headhunter]

Can someone beside martyred tell you he's not Perk? Would you believe someone else?

Perk is a much better human than Martyred.

[Dinsdale]

Can someone beside martyred tell you he's not Perk? Would you believe someone else?

Shhhhhh!

That's been a gift that just keeps giving.


Isn't the source of this scoop originally Atomic Punk?

And when I'm looking for the latest inside info, I know that's where I turn first.

[Goober McTuber]

But Martyred seems to get quite upset when accused of mercy-fucking Cinderfella. As if that could somehow make his life even more pathetic. I gotta stick with Martyred=MPerk, just for the entertainment value.

[Cicatrix]

mercy-fucking Cinderfella.

Mercy fuck? More like aids infested terrorist with a gun to the back of my head to pull that job off. Pretty sure my gear would surrender on me first before being fed to the snatch monster*.



*someone ressurect that pic for us......

[Raydah James]

RACK. This. Thread.










R-Kyve.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Perk is a much better human than Martyred.

Hebrew, please....

[lk_pick1]

Shit. I was trying to get where the registry is.

[Chyna Doll]

Shit. I was trying to get where the registry is.

Don't bother, it's not Walmart.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Shit. I was trying to get where the registry is.

Don't bother, it's not Walmart.

ouch

[velocet]

So a couple of people hooked up via the internet... and it's still getting mileage. I never thought it particularly sad nor all that funny. Didn't ever get in on any of the resultant pile ons (I did admonish them in a post on the vent for making of themselves targets of derision by sharing too much detail).

AND YET... (this is where teh funnay resides for me) consider all the crap Hoss Troll/snafu/M.Perkin/Jaysfan took from so many different quarters over all this time and... with whom does he have an axe to grind?

Me.

Never once have I seen him go after any of his erstwhile tormentors but for some reason he's found cause to start shit in my direction.

I laughed.




velocet

[kcdave]

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Sadly I have lost the animated .gif that 3Putt wytched up from that pic. Anyone who has it can feel free to post it again.

Contrary to some of your thoughts ........ 3Putt's witch job was even better. Sorry Bri, I wish I still had it, but it was toast 2 puters ago.

For those of you who still think otherwise ...... the hands on the clock whipped around, cut both of their heads off, lots of blood spurting everywhere ....... gut busting, pounding fists on the desk, tears running down your face, FUNNY!

[Taint]

Shit. I was trying to get where the registry is.

Don't bother, it's not Walmart.

Checker Auto Parts?

[Van]

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Sadly I have lost the animated .gif that 3Putt wytched up from that pic. Anyone who has it can feel free to post it again.

Contrary to some of your thoughts ........ 3Putt's witch job was even better. Sorry Bri, I wish I still had it, but it was toast 2 puters ago.

For those of you who still think otherwise ...... the hands on the clock whipped around, cut both of their heads off, lots of blood spurting everywhere ....... gut busting, pounding fists on the desk, tears running down your face, FUNNY!

Still not as funny though as the actual undoctored pic; certainly not as embarrassing. When you see the look of misplaced pride on Perk's Oompa Loompa mug and you see Cinder's obvious chagrin at having to be the chivalrous one, it just doesn't get any worse.

Gimli, aka, The Denim Warrior, meets Cinder, aka, The Attack Of The Angry Philly Cheesesteak....

Looking at those two, who's worse off there? That's the beauty of it. There's no way to get to the bottom of it, because each argument is succesfully rebutted by the mere existence of the other person in the pic.

King Solomon would look at that pic and say, "Fuck it. You're on your own here, kids. I'm off to watch "Seinfeld".

It's the Honus Wagner/Christy Mathewson/Ty Cobb/Cy Young/Babe Ruth of first ballot Hall Of Shame.

It needs to be our banner.

[Mister Bushice]

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Sadly I have lost the animated .gif that 3Putt wytched up from that pic. Anyone who has it can feel free to post it again.

Yeah that minute hand sweeping around and lopping off their domes is a true classic wytch job

[Terry in Crapchester]

Looking at those two, who's worse off there? That's the beauty of it. There's no way to get to the bottom of it, because each argument is succesfully rebutted by the mere existence of the other person in the pic.

From an objective perspective, you're absolutely right.

From a subjective perspective, viewed through the prism of the perspective of each of the principals, however, that one's a no-brainer. Why, you answered it yourself with your own description of the pic:

When you see the look of misplaced pride on Perk's Oompa Loompa mug . . .

It's obvious that Perk thought he had quite the internet catch there, and only after Cinder kicked him to the curb did his point of view even begin to change. Seems that Cinder was less than thrilled about the entire thing from the moment she first laid eyes on him, however.

It doesn't make you even a little sad for humanity to contemplate the pathos of that photo?

COME OUT FROM BEHIND THE TROLL, ANNIE!!!

I'm not quite sure that's Annie. Back in the day, Annie was quite critical of Cinder for instantly going to the sex-kitten persona. She was even more critical of those male posters who encouraged her, only to kick her to the curb later on. However, seems that she gave Perk something of a pass in this regard, if only because Perk was so obviously smitten.

Having said all of that, I am sure that it's not the real mvscal. Far too compassionate a post for mvscal, for one. Also, there's absolutely no way that mvscal ever responds to one of my posts without throwing in a gratuitous "dumbfuck," "moron" or the like.

[Van]

In the history of Smack Boards there could be no more incongruous possible Troll Pairing than Mvscal/Annie. The idea of one being the other would validate everything for me, even including the existence of God.

That would be one sweet day and such a person would deserve a Nobel prize for literature.

[Terry in Crapchester]

I also gotta respond to this . . .

Ahhh yes. An oldie but goodie: Crouching Cinder, Shrunken Perk.

Funniest. Pic. Ever. No wytching required, or even desired, on that badboy.

Agreed. Nothing will ever top that pic. Pure internet ignominy, nothing else required.

In fact, screw the lame Akroyd/Belushi crap at the top of this page. That pic should be our banner here, now and forever...

Wytching it, no matter how well, it would only diminish the embarrasment there. Truly, a picture is worth a thousand words with that one.

And who do we have to thank for this modern troll era masterpiece? The lucky soul who was asked to snap this picture. Think about it, if this person tilted the camera up just a degree or 2 or zoomed in just a little more, we would have never had this masterpiece. They must have had a sense of humor to include the crouching cinder part, instead of getting the rest of the garden clock.

Rack the photographer!

While we're at it, we ought to rack Perk as well for being so blinded by love that he forgot to crop the picture. He could have cropped the pic right below his arm, and the pic would have lost about 90% of its humor value (and that's probably a conservative estimate).

I'm no expert on digital cameras, but even I know that you can zoom those in. And even if it's a non-digital scan, there's a low-tech way to crop those. It's called a pair of scissors.