Joke

[Jack]

A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and a knockout looking
hooker catches his eye.

He strikes up a conversation and eventually asks the hooker:
"How much do you charge?

The hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a hand-job."

Guy says, "$500 bucks! For a hand-job! Christ! No hand-job is worth
that
kind of money!"

The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."

"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."

"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."

"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own
them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500."

Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."

They retire to a nearby motel. A short time later, the guy is sitting
on
the bed realizing that he just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime,
worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a
blow-job
is $1,000?"

The hooker replies, "$1,500." "$1,500? My God! No blow-job could be
worth that. Not even a televangelist would pay that for a blow-job!"

The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, big boy. Do you see
that casino just across the street? I own that casino outright. And I
own it because I give a blow-job that's worth every penny of $1,500."

The guy, still basking in the afterglow of that terrific hand-job,
decides to put off the new car for another year or so, and says, "Sign
me up!" Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than
before. He can hardly believe it but he feels he truly got his money's
worth. He decides to dip into the retirement savings for one glorious
and unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some
pussy?"

The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want to show you
something. Do you see how the whole city is laid out before us, all
those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and showplaces?

The guy says, in awe, "My Lord, you own the whole city of Las Vegas?"
The hooker replies, "No. But I would if I had a pussy."

[Smackie Chan]

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor again, reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied......."I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

[Smackie Chan]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

[quacker backer]

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.

The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc and, as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor again, reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The doctor said, "How does that feel now?"

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it. What did you do?"

The doctor replied......."I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

Rack!

here is version 3a:

If you tried to wear a neck size under 32, your nuts would hurt like hell!


And this is Not a glass dick post, because Rack a Smackie post anytime!

that post made no fricking sense at all