Jordan and Israel or BUST

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:33 pm

Well, today begins with me camped out with some "Coffee People" standard cup of joe, while I use PDX's free WIFI. Kind of slow, but it works. I left the basement and thought I'd pass the time here today.

I head first to SF about 0730 Portland time, and will be down in m2 land for 7 hours. I wasn't really happy about that long of a layover, but I guess that is the first British Airways flight out to Heathrow.

I just noticed one thing, ...that my Coffee people joe might actually be a few degrees hotter than a McDonalds cup of naplam.

Today's plan is to just survive the trip over. I counted up how long it will take, including layovers and I'm at about 29 hours. I hope to score some cigars at Heathrow if I have time. Next after that is another British Airways flight basically to Queen Aliya airport, Amman, Jordan. The interesting thing is that they are sending old Luth into Beirut, Lebanon for a passenger pickup/passenger dropoff. No change of planes, thank God. The least amount of time in Beirut, the better. Bei-fucking-root. I just hope we don't have engine problems or something that would require us to stay in Beirut. I don't want my pasty white ass to even touch a bedsheet there.

Supposedly/hopefully I will be met in Jordan by my OAT (Overseas Adventure Travel) travel guide. This part of the trip encompasses visiting Amman and then down to Petra.

I just checked my fanny pack and all my goodies are in there...Xanax in case I have that closed in feeling and want to open the plane door at 33,000 feet.

I've got 2 mini's of vodka, ambien, and a saline mist.

Oh, and as usual, my new right knee again failed the security check. "Arms out to the side," routine is a given. They send you into this other "bad boy" line like cows. Two other guys were in there with me. One guy was in a wheelchair and obviously he had to be screened. The other guy told me that he had a new hip and it set off the bells too. I was easily the youngest old fart in that line. I could tell that "'wheelie and hip" had sized me up and had decided that I was "da man" in this line. I could see it in their eyes.

:D

Well, I better head down to my gate. I'll be back in a couple of hours.

Rip City

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:36 pm

I was easily the youngest old fart in that line.

Shit - how often does that happen?

Looking forward to any and all updates. Score a baklava smoothie for m2, can you?

Bizzarofelice · Post by **Bizzarofelice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:37 pm

Luther wrote:Xanax in case I have that closed in feeling and want to open the plane door at 33,000 feet. I've got 2 mini's of vodka, ambien, and a saline mist.

Shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff....

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:54 pm

Yeah, keep us posted....

If it's warm outside and you see some dude from "the religion of peace" enter your restaurant wearing a coat; run, duck or prepare to be Luther, voodoo doll after your nail shower....

Wolfman · Post by **Wolfman** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 2:56 pm

bon voyage !!
and a safe
return !!

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:15 pm

Hey Luth, if ya' see some long-hair, hippie looking guy in paint-splattered clothing dangling crotch-first off a parking meter, you'll know you've found the long-lost Paintboy.

Run like hell!!!

Have fun Luth.

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:36 pm

Luth heading to Israel?

Patsy Stone, your thoughts?

YD · Post by YD » Fri Mar 31, 2006 3:52 pm

take it easy over there luth

steer way clear of any and all creepy arab characters

and don't fall for the "camel ride" scam

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 4:42 pm

"Air Israel, you are cleared for take off."

[pic] of the plane with a beard from Airplane movie [/pic]

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 6:53 pm

I thought of mvscal as I approached my seat, 29d. Bwahahha. Yes, seated next to me, and also at the window seat were mvscal's favorite people. Skullcap things too. The gal next to me looked like the picture HeadHunter wytched of IB/Risa.

In front of me were 3 golden girls from Germany. I overheard the flight attendant talking to them in German. They were obnoxious painted haired, love the US of A gals. The gal who sat in the middle seat put her feet up on the headreast of the row in front of her. I thought about quietly reaching between the seats, placing her in a carotid hold, and making her do the chicken right in her seat. Probably wouldn't make a peep either. The FA came around and let her know that it isn't cool to have your feet where some guy might place his head on the next flight.

Once in the terminal it is a freaking zoo as always. I found the kiosk where I thought you could or should be able to rent a charge pad and get a day pass for internet access. Well there were 4 others trying to figure out how us us the screens, but it never left the instruction page. Everybody said "fook it" and we took off in different directions.

Then I spot a T-Mobile kiosk that was manned by a guy who looked like the guy from that video, "All your base belong to us." He was cool, and I bought a 9.95 day pass from them. I then rode the airbus over to the International Terminal where I am now. I grabbed a coke and found a quiet corner over by the sushi place, I guess. A TSA cop in uniform is eating his lunch next to me. hahaha

The wifi here, at least where I am is pretty slow. Maybe if I moved out from all this concrete, and get out of the corner and it might imporove. Any suggestions on where to score real American electricity? This battery and this 17 inch probably won't go as long as this pass.

I saw my old friend, Jay in Phoenix dropped in for a hello. Cool.

I haven't used any xanax yet, and bot vodka's are still capped in my fanny pack. I left a growler nugget way back in the other terminal.

Rip City

Jay in Phoenix · Post by **Jay in Phoenix** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:00 pm

I'm always hanging there in the shadows Luth. Leave a pm or somethin' sometime.

Be safe bro.

YD · Post by YD » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:06 pm

save the xannies and the vodker until you're over the pond.

find a nice litte brew pub in good shot of the wifi.

ask Nish, but you should be able to get a nice steak pie once you get to Hethrow. don't forget the HP sauce.

ChargerMike · Post by **ChargerMike** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:09 pm

DAMIT LUTH...you told me it was the 1st. of April we were suppose to meet! :twisted:

sin.

...have a safe one bud.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:28 pm

I just hope we don't have engine problems or something that would require us to stay in Beirut.

Engines problems - like a surface to air missle?

Make sure you get up and walk around on that long flight. Embolism can happen when you sit too long. I'll be heading to asia at the end of the month, a 15 hour flight.

You did bring the converter plugs with you for the laptop, right?

DMike316 · Post by **DMike316** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:43 pm

Mister Bushice wrote:I'll be heading to asia at the end of the month

Cool. See you then.

Signed,
Bird Flu

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:50 pm

got my masks a ready. Pretty trippy to be on a plane full of doctors I'll tell ya. :)

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:52 pm

Kick Martyred in the nuts for me.

LTS TRN 2 · Post by **LTS TRN 2** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 7:53 pm

Oh sure, you'll have a swell time. All that Holiness is bound to rub off on you--after all, see how Holy everyone looks---over there, look...it's the thousands of Filipino coolies imported to do all the scut work for the Russians who've flooded in during the past ten years or so. And look--it's an Ecstacy dealer offering some pharmacutical relief from the reality of all this Holiness. Lotsa cops and soldiers walking around with fully automatic machine guns--it's nice to feel Holy AND safe. Just be sure not to venture outside the Protective Holy Security Barrier--you know, where the giant kennel/concentration camps are located--because you'll get a real quick WAKE UP.

velocet · Post by **velocet** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 8:06 pm

FOO wrote:Oh sure, you'll have a swell time. All that Holiness is bound to rub off on you--after all, see how Holy everyone looks---over there, look...it's the thousands of Filipino coolies imported to do all the scut work for the Russians who've flooded in during the past ten years or so. And look--it's an Ecstacy dealer offering some pharmacutical relief from the reality of all this Holiness. Lotsa cops and soldiers walking around with fully automatic machine guns--it's nice to feel Holy AND safe. Just be sure not to venture outside the Protective Holy Security Barrier--you know, where the giant kennel/concentration camps are located--because you'll get a real quick WAKE UP.

You know, ^^^^^ reminds me of nuttiness in general, but on this occasion, Luth, it reminds me to ask you to watch for anyone who catches the looniness induced by the Holy Land known by "messianic syndrome" I think. Some travellers become so overcome by the sheer intensity of the area that they believe they've arrived as the second coming or something. Maybe to pass the time you can examine your tour crew to lay odds as to who will be the most susceptible, and when. Of course you can't discount yourself, as nothing is impossible in this regard, but taking into account known initial conditions, odds of you barking at the moon that you're Jeebus is highly unlikely.

Oh yeah, and pics of the Holy Land early and often. We're not paying you to be T1B middle eastern correspondent for text only!

velocet

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 8:08 pm

And thank-you for the kind words, FOO. hahaha I doubt I will be in the territories, but if the visit to Bethelem is open then I might do that.

Bushy, yes...I did remember the converter plugs, but I forgot to bring an ethernet cable. No biggie (sup biggie), as I'll be able to buy one there if I need to. Some of the hotels have wifi.

Just as I was leaving my concrete cubby hole here, I spot this guy with his computer up in front of me. I then spot his power cord going to the wall. Oh yeah, ...free power. So now, I'd in good shape. However, the Korean restaurant, ...at least I think it is Korean, has already got me for a 11 buck lunch. I pointed to the wrong things on the menu and ended up with chicken wings, which were good. The rice I wanted was just basic white rice, but I got a bowl of rice, or I think it was rice. It resembled and kind of tasted like cream of wheat. "Jook" ...is what I think it was called. Pretty bland. It would be good for someone with a weak stomach, maybe like Toddowen's stomach after the latest attempt at offing himself.

I've gotta take a piss, but I figure as soon as I close up shop, I'll lose the free power.

Rip City

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 8:16 pm

Jook - Its a rice soup. Not sure of the Japanese word for it but the pilipinos call it lugow. Excellent if you have the shits or are puking. Definitely needs salt. Soemtimes they add chicken, but that might have bird flu over there.

ChargerMike · Post by **ChargerMike** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 8:21 pm

"Excellent if you have the shits or are puking."

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 8:27 pm

Travel enough and you'll run into that more often than you want to.

Sin,

Bottled Beer drinker when overseas

quacker backer · Post by **quacker backer** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:22 pm

I thought this was a thread about Michael Jordan

never mind

M2 · Post by M2 » Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:32 pm

Good luck Luth.

How are you enjoying our rainy weather here?

m2

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:41 pm

It is now raining in Gay Town, and my flight at 3:50 is now delayed to at least 4:30. I went over and again failed the security screening at the International terminal. I knew it was going to go off, ...it always does. The metal knee doesn't ever get through.

The short older asian TSA gal looks at me and says, "What you have in pocket?" She has me dump my wallet into the tub and go through again, same thing. "What you have in pocket?" she barks. I said, "I got a yard-a-cock and a bucket full of balls, what you got?" "You trying be funny man?"**

Here comes the guy with the black wand again. I make it out of there, and I'm heading down to get a beer at the other end of this terminal. Now the people mover thing is broken in the direction that I want to go. So here I am at a window seat watching the "Gate Gourmet" wagon load up the KLM thats parked in front of me.

I have this sneaky feeling that if I get delayed too much here, then I'll miss the Heathrow to Beirut plane. Those old bombed out hotel barracks are sounding like they could be home yet.

You know, I've been watching these guys out here driving those little tarmack trucks that haul stuff around using those short "tongue" deals. I once tried to back up one of those rent-a-yard cement mixers and it took me about a week to get it where I wanted. I can definitely tell you this...Ten Tall Ben does not work here.

Rip City

**Alright, this didn't happen.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:48 pm

Luth,

They always allow for extra time to overseas destinations, and you're heading in the right direction, wind direction wise. You have a better than average shot at making the beirut suicide bomber run. :)

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 9:59 pm

I've been watching this flight for a couple of weeks, and it launches almost regularly 20-30 min after the scheduled time. Big old red flag on the board just glaring at me with that delayed light.

Damn, m2...I left PDX and it was sunny, landed here to Partly cloudy skies, and now it's like a cow pissin' on a flat rock. Even the bar window I'm looking out is covered with heavy rain. I'm glad I didn't take BART into downtown. I didn't want to run into that guy that sells those cheap Hong Kong umbrella's for 30 bucks when it rains here. Same guy sells those wind chimes too. Maybe you know him, I dunno.

Rip City

M2 · Post by M2 » Fri Mar 31, 2006 10:30 pm

Luther wrote: I'm glad I didn't take BART into downtown. I didn't want to run into that guy that sells those cheap Hong Kong umbrella's for 30 bucks when it rains here.

Ummm, that's me, and I've hired a guy named Jose' to sell them while I sit in the bar with my computer.

It really does look like it's raining hard out there. Thank god Jose' is illegal, so I can pay him in windchimes at the end of the day.

Luth, it's been raining like this almost ever day for the last month. It's been raining so much, my hair has turned as green as the mountains around the city. I actually look pretty good with green hair.

Hang in there old man, just a couple more hours and then you're out of here. :wink:

m2

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Fri Mar 31, 2006 11:03 pm

Luther wrote:I've been watching this flight for a couple of weeks, and it launches almost regularly 20-30 min after the scheduled time. Big old red flag on the board just glaring at me with that delayed light.

Damn, m2...I left PDX and it was sunny, landed here to Partly cloudy skies, and now it's like a cow pissin' on a flat rock. Even the bar window I'm looking out is covered with heavy rain. I'm glad I didn't take BART into downtown. I didn't want to run into that guy that sells those cheap Hong Kong umbrella's for 30 bucks when it rains here. Same guy sells those wind chimes too. Maybe you know him, I dunno.

Rip City

I was up in SF last week. Managed to hit the town between storms and got out without getting soaked.

They've had 8 feet of snow in tahoe in the last few weeks. snow pack is something like 140% of normal.

They'll be skiiing until June.

Death · Post by **Death** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 12:38 am

I'll meet you in Gaza.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Sat Apr 01, 2006 12:55 am

Hows it hangin', death?

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Sun Apr 02, 2006 1:11 pm

Well I made it to Amman after a horrid trip to Heathrow. Two behemouth women sat next to me and I thought I was big. Finally I got tired of being shoulder to shoulder with her and I got up. I remember what the first words she said to me when she spotted her seat, "Do you have soft shoulder?"

Anyway, I stood at the back of the 747 for the last 4 hours. I barely made my connection flight to Amman via Beirut. The British Airways airbus was nice compared to the 747...a little more leg room, but pretty cramped in the aisle near the bathrooms. I sat next to a guy who lives in Beirut and he was going there with his cute little 7 yr old boy. The boy spoke more English than his dad, but didn't like the approach to the Beirut airport. We were like on a roller coaster (probably dodging rpg's and such) and finally the kid filled the plastic bag his dad had made out of the remnants of the headphone coverings. The kid across the hall from me also blew chunks into a bag. It was raining in Beirut and I couldn't make out anything really. Nobody filled me off...kind of uneventful.

But when I got to Amman they didn't have my fucking luggage. Of the 5 in our group, I was the one with the lost luggage. They figure it was some mess-up when they unloaded luggage in Beirut. So here it is now...I'm sitting in the fooking lobby of the Jerusalem Hotel in Amman after our first full day of sight seeing. I've worn these close since
0400 on friday until now. If I figure right, it should be about 9 am ??? on the east coast?

For lunch, Audi (like the car) took us to the Windmill restaurant (the english translation anyway) and it was supposed to be one of the better places in town. Great hummus, chicken, Bedouin bread etc. I'm so stuffed.

I'm going to go upstairs and pour a finger or two of that Glenfiddich that I bought in the duty free shop at the airport. It was funny...I saw Ernest Borgnine in some movie last night, before I finally fell asleep. Ernie looks goofy speaking Arabic. bwahaha

I'm too tired to do too much funny. My shorts probably could walk on their own. The terlit in my room has a square bowl and it took me a minute to figure out how to flush the damn thing.

Rip City

'

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 4:09 am

Monday morning 0645.

The luggage still hasn't been brought to the airport by British Airways. I handwashed my shirt, socks and shorts in the sink and tub last night. I did the old boy scout "roll the clothes up in towels" and they are suprisingly "dry" this morning.

We drive north to Jerash today to visit all kinds of places during the Bzyantine period. Yesterday the visit to King Abdullah Mosque was interesting. We removed our shoes, and then stepped forward into the mosque with your right leg first. When you leave the mosque it is opposite. Audi said you clense yourself with the left and eat with the right. He said mothers still spank the baby if he/she tries to eat with the left hand. No wonder Randy Johnson cries a lot.

Driving in Amman...lanes painted in the road mean jack squat. Our van doesn't have a front end on it, and when he tailgates it is like we are almost attached to the back of the other vehicle. Honking isn't as bad as in China. The guy behind us bumped our van so we had to stop...but no damage.

If you sit and cross your legs the way men do, then that is a no no. Showing your soles, or having your feet up in "peoples faces" is rude here. I think they tolerate a leg cross, but the sole of the shoe has to be downward. I don't know how many of the people at t1b would fare here since I don't know the custom of whether having a head up your ass is considered rude.

I shared a half bottle with Norma the gal from Toleldo, Ohio, last night in the lobby. I let her use my powermac and she was able to get an email out to her family.

I'll find out later if the rainfall we went through yesterday was a record. I would have bet big bucks that I wouldn't have travelled for 32 hrs only to be met by hugh-fookin-mongous rain showers.

Time for breakfast...

Rip City

Risa · Post by **Risa** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 4:28 am

don't die.

Mister Bushice · Post by **Mister Bushice** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 6:11 am

Luther wrote: We drive north to Jerash today to visit all kinds of places during the Bzyantine period.

Kinda reminds you of your childhood, eh?

He said mothers still spank the baby

Every culture has a different name and technique. Feel free to "flog the dolphin" by yourself, Luth. There is no shame.

I don't know how many of the people at t1b would fare here since I don't know the custom of whether having a head up your ass is considered rude.

NICE.

I shared a half bottle with Norma the gal from Toleldo, Ohio, last night in the lobby. I let her use my powermac and she was able to get an email out to her family.

You did bring a few gloves along for that monster, right?

Hey, Stay safe, Keep the updates coming, and DON'T DRINK THE WATER.

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:36 pm

Monday 4:10 PM

Audi the guide informed me today that I shouldn't expect to see my luggage until I get to Israel. British fooking airways will not get a XMAS card this year. I'm trying not to get pissed, but I've already washed my clothes off my back twice in the sink and rinsed them in the shower.

Right after breakfast this morning I started to get Jordanian squirts. In the course of an hr. I was in the head 4 times. Luckily my travelling mates had some Imodium and I had to take three of them to get the floodgates closed. I borrowed a roll of TP from the lobby shitter before we headed out. I told Audi to be prepared to find porcelain within a minutes notice. He laughed and Hamdi the driver game me a thumbs up. I think they were fooking with me.

Visited Jerash, saw many columns, a coliseum (small one). There was a small band there with bagpipes, drums etc., and all the school girls who were visiting for the day began to dance. For the board pedo's you would have had a great time. Too many times I had kids about 13 or so come up and say, "What is your name?" I'd say Luther and they'd respond with, "Loot her?"

Yeah, that's the ticket.

I've seen tons and tons and tons of rocks. I'll see more rocks tomorrow, and even more the next day. Limestone is the biggie here. I see shops all over with those cement cutting type of saws, dust all over the shops windows. Everybody wears black, off black, light black, gray, dark gray, white, and more black. I've seen a fair amount of young women wearing that whole black getup that hides everything except the slit around the eyes. Is it me or does anybody else think this is sexy? I don't know what is under it...but all you see is these pretty dark brown eyes. hmmm

Tonight at 6:30 we are having dinner at the home of a local family. I'm not really that hungry, but you can't really turn down an opportunity like this. Supposedly the family consists of husband, wife and two small kids. Pisses me off that the stuff I bought as gifts are in the luggage that is probably being paraded around Beirut like some captured war criminal. Anybody see the news...any video from Beirut with them wavy a pair of size 38 JC Penney tightie whities around?

Lemme know.

I gotta go guys. Too busy, too tired, plus my elec. converter to charge my laptop batts is in my luggage.

Rip Luggage City

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:46 pm

I've seen a fair amount of young women wearing that whole black getup that hides everything except the slit around the eyes. Is it me or does anybody else think this is sexy? I don't know what is under it...but all you see is these pretty dark brown eyes. hmmm

all of m2's basement slaves are dressed this way.

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:50 pm

It goes without saying that this thread is like Cal Ripken. Destined for the Hall of Fame. Rack the wandering geezer.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Mon Apr 03, 2006 1:52 pm

Good luck with the squirts. I hope they are not as bad as the egyptian variety. I got a case of them on the bus ride from cairo back to alexandria. Somewhere in the desert midway between cairo and alexandria, I am sure there is a decent sized patch of vegetation where I made akhmed pull the bus over so I could do a little fertilizing.

Jordan and Israel or BUST

Jordan and Israel or BUST

Re: Jordan and Israel or BUST