What's the dumbest thing you ever did as a kid?

[JCT]

Where I was from playing "Hookie" was latching onto oncoming cars, grabbing onto the bumber and going for a ride. I think in NY the call it "Skittching"

It was "hopping" cars in Niagara Falls, got my ass beat for doing that.



Was it the blizzard of '77? We spent 5 days stuck in the house after that one. I think I have pictures of that somewhere.

[chowd103]

Where I was from playing "Hookie" was latching onto oncoming cars, grabbing onto the bumber and going for a ride. I think in NY the call it "Skittching"

It was "hopping" cars in Niagara Falls, got my ass beat for doing that.



Was it the blizzard of '77? We spent 5 days stuck in the house after that one. I think I have pictures of that somewhere.

No. This was before that "Great Blizzard of '78" because I was laid up with a fractured elbow due to a skakeboard accident. Happened 2 days before it. I'll never forget trying to jump that ramp (stockade fence)

God!

The more I think about it, I was a really, really dumbass!

[JCT]

Winters back east as a kid were the bomb. War fucking snow days.

[Fat Bones]

Lit the front yard on fire recreating battle scenes with models and army men.
sup mvscal.

Tied string to glass coke bottles and stretched the string across the street, tied the other end to mailboxes and waited.
At night.

Egged our neighbors house.
Every night.
For months.


Tried out my step father's shot glass collection with every kinda liquor in the cabinet.
Almost took myself out with that one.


BB Gun vs Bow and arrow...thank GOD for metal strips in chanlink fences...


Malotov cocktails...


Stole kegs of beer from the local grocery store loading docks all summer at thirteen


ummm...I gotta stop my 16 year old nephew is reading over my shoulder.

I sought treatment...it helped.

:?

[Stiletto]

Sneaked out my bedroom window after midnight when I was 12. Ran around the neighborhood with some friends. When we realized we couldn't see a damn thing and had nothing exciting to do, we all went back home.

I climbed back in the bedroom window which was right above my bed and landed on

MY DAD.

Scared the shit outta me.

He said, "I could have been anyone." Then, he left the room.

I spent the rest of the night wondering what punishment he'd give me in the morning and wondering what could have happened to me or my family if I ever left the window open again. There was no punishment... only guilt.

I never did it again.

[Guest]

I can think of a couple of early problems, but I usually never did dumb shit like the rest of you all.. :P

1967 - Atlanta. I remember looking at the wall socket. I had a fork. I stuck it in the wall socket. It knocked my little ass across the room screaming. I learned a lesson.


Summer, 1968. Atlanta. I'm 4. I'm 2 doors up visiting a dude named Jimmy Newkirk (whom later moved to Chicago). Anyway, we're swinging on his swing, and I got this huge brick wall in my colon going. I reached the point of total uncertainty. I started to get up and run into Jimmy's house and let loose, but I didn't really want to do it in their house. I started to go down the hill to our house, but goddammit - I just didn't feel like it. I vividly remember thinking to myself "You know - I'm still pretty young, and maybe mother won't get too mad at me if I do it". SO - I remember shitting my pants on pupose. No squirts - just your basic cement shit.

I go home. My mother beat my ass. I learned a lesson.

Summer 1969 - Atlanta. We were just about to move to Macon (because Atlanta had filled up with too many yankees like Salad Tosser - but that's another story).

My mother had a cool little landscaped garden at our front door. Yellow jackets were going crazy eating shit out of all the plants (like they usually do). In our neighborhood at the time, to get cred - you HAD to be able to collect bugs. Everybody collected them, and sometimes the bigger or more dangerous the bug the more "cred" you got.

Like a fucking idiot one day (I knew they were dangerous), I grabbed a yellow jacket by the wings and got him in a little jar. Fucker didn't sting me or anything. I was like "Fuck this guy named Fatsak I'll meet on a message board in 40 years", so I grabbed another one, and then another one. Next thing you know, I had about 10 of the fuckers in a jar.

I go down the hill where a bunch of kids are and proudly say "Look what the fuck I've got!". The kids freaked out. They knew yellow jackets were bad mofos. Even bigger, older kids who had given me shit for having no cred were like "WOAH"!

About 10 of us go up to the plants, and I start giving all the kids yellow jackets. I was GOD to these kids at this point.

The next day, I was getting a few more of them for some friends. I picked up a critter, and remember thinking to myself, "YOU CAN'T HURT ME". At that point, the little fucker just sort of crawled around my finger and stung the fucking bullshit out of my ass.

I learned a lesson......

[missjo]

When I was 8 I decided to run my own bath instead of waiting for my mum to do it

It was a porcelain tub & in the days before water heaters had mandatory temperature controls not allowing the water to be any hotter than 65 deg cel
I think our old rheem water heater was set at 100 deg which is boiling point

I was still dressed in my playclothes & had the hot water only running first like I used to watch my mum do & was leaning across the bathtub with my had resting against the windowsill watching the steam rise off the water when my hand slipped off the sill & I tumbled into the water with my left hand hitting the bottom of the bath first then my back

My mum heard my screams raced into the bathroom stripped my off & threw me under a cold shower

Mum raced me up to the dumbass local doctor who gave here some salve for my burns & told her to apply it a few times a day
well guess what when I woke up in agony the next morning my whole hand & forearm looked like something from alien it was covered in giant blisters about an inch & a half wide & when one of those suckers popped greeish ooze came out

Mum figured she better take me up to the emergency room at the hospital where I had to stay for two weeks ( the Doctors were horrified that our local GP had only given some lame burn slave to my mum for them) after they cut all the dead skin off bandaged my hand arm & back & had to do minor rehab on my hand so I wouldn't lose mobility in the fingers

Luckily I have very good skin & don't have any scars from that whole ordeal though it did take my skin a few months to return to the same colour as the rest of my body

[SaladTosser]

I guess I was about 12 when my best friend and I convinced the 8-year-old, mentally-challenged neighbor that we'd give him 10 bucks if he would dip a chunk of pine bark into a glass jar full of our piss and then eat it. Needless to say, he did, and we ran without paying him shit.

Even though I look back on that day and feel bad about making a kid with mental problems dip a chunk of pine bark into a glass jar full of piss and then eat it, I guess that gives me eternal bode over that cat.

[Jack]

When I was ~ 10. We had a problem with termites. My father was cursing the bastards..

So one day when he was at work, I figured I would kill them all.

I saw some termites in the wood above the oil tank..So I sprayed the bejesus out a RAID Spray Can all over them. They didn't seem to die quick enough so...


I get a lighter and


WOOOOF!!!

There is a 4 foot square section of my basement ceiling ablaze and it is right above the oil tank , not far from the furnace...

I pulled out the fire extinguisher and luckily put it out.. but the joists were badly burnt and so was a window pane which was too close..

I spent the rest of that day, scraping off the burned wood and painting over the burned area, along with airing out the basement..

My father discovered this about a month later....

"What are you some kind of idiot??"

I still remember him screaming that....

[Guest]

When I was 8 I decided to run my own bath instead of waiting for my mum to do it

It was a porcelain tub & in the days before water heaters had mandatory temperature controls not allowing the water to be any hotter than 65 deg cel
I think our old rheem water heater was set at 100 deg which is boiling point

I was still dressed in my playclothes & had the hot water only running first like I used to watch my mum do & was leaning across the bathtub with my had resting against the windowsill watching the steam rise off the water when my hand slipped off the sill & I tumbled into the water with my left hand hitting the bottom of the bath first then my back

My mum heard my screams raced into the bathroom stripped my off & threw me under a cold shower

Mum raced me up to the dumbass local doctor who gave here some salve for my burns & told her to apply it a few times a day
well guess what when I woke up in agony the next morning my whole hand & forearm looked like something from alien it was covered in giant blisters about an inch & a half wide & when one of those suckers popped greeish ooze came out

Mum figured she better take me up to the emergency room at the hospital where I had to stay for two weeks ( the Doctors were horrified that our local GP had only given some lame burn slave to my mum for them) after they cut all the dead skin off bandaged my hand arm & back & had to do minor rehab on my hand so I wouldn't lose mobility in the fingers

Luckily I have very good skin & don't have any scars from that whole ordeal though it did take my skin a few months to return to the same colour as the rest of my body

Socialized medicine at work? :P

(you're lucky as SHIT that didn't REALLY fuck you up! )

[missjo]

Socialized medicine at work? :P

(you're lucky as SHIT that didn't REALLY fuck you up! )

Actually it was just a dumbass local doctor who had a practice just down the road from our house

He was one of those docs who perscribed Penicillan for everything you went to him for

My little brother & I built up an immunity to it in no time

On the bright side we've nver had an std either

& yes after seing some of the burn scars from scalds that other people have I know I was very very lucky

[Yer a Fuckin Jerkoff]

[quote="shutyomouth"] I remember shitting my pants on pupose. No squirts - just your basic cement shit.

I go home. My mother beat my ass. I learned a lesson.

[quote]


the lesson was, remove shit from pants before your mother spanks your ass.

[Guest]

I remember shitting my pants on pupose. No squirts - just your basic cement shit.

I go home. My mother beat my ass. I learned a lesson.

the lesson was, remove shit from pants before your mother spanks your ass.

Dude - I was ruined. I had so much shit in my pants, I didn't know whether to say fuck or go blind. I just kind of figured she'd go "well - he had an accident" and help me clean it.

Wrong. :D

[Lizard King]

Another time when I was about 9, I had a friend's BB gun. I was not allowed to have one at home (my parents were too smart to trust me with one). So, I was shooting shit up in the backyard, and I saw a little girl walking home from school on the sidewalk out front, pretty far away. My aim basically sucked, and I knew it...so, I shouldered and sighted up and let fly, never dreaming that I'd hit her. Of course, I nailed her in the kneecap. She screamed like I had fucking killed her, and she ran home. The cops showed up pretty quick, and I ran home. They were at my door in about 10 minutes, and another can of Whoopass General was opened...

HOLY SHIT!! Same thing here. I was probably in the 8th grade at a buddy's house. We were sitting in the back yard with the road in front of the house in our line of sight. I saw this girl riding by on her bike. She was a good 40 yards away on a moving target, and my aim also sucked. I raised up and pulled the trigger and she immediately turned to look at me and hauled ass out of there. It was a one in a million shot, but I nailed the little tattletale square in the keister.* Less than five minutes later her big brother came came skidding into the drive way in his Camaro and was thisfuckingclose to beating the living shit out of me. The only thing that kept me from getting beat down was he believed the spur of the moment lie I concocted about how it was a ricochet. He was kind of stupid. However, the cop wasn't.

I had to go to court and my parents had to pay a $35 ticket for discharging the bb gun within city limits. :?

I also received an epic ass beating for my troubles.

*That keister would grow up to be mighty hot looking.

[Mikey]

. There was no punishment... only guilt.

Good Catholic family.

[PSUFAN]

he believed the spur of the moment lie I concocted about how it was a ricochet.

I tried to spin it that way too.

[lovebuzz]

this thread is completely crazy.

[PSUFAN]

I jumped off the peak of my parent's two story home holding a golf umbrella, which promptly turned inside out. Causing me to fall, hard, into some shrubs.

ha ha ha

[SaladTosser]

this thread is completely crazy.

If your right index finger could hit me as often as it unnecessarily hits the submit button up in this motherfucker, we'd never need to leave the house, baby.

Sincerely,

your clit





fucking awful

[General Peters]

You know what I find in common about all of the responses in this fukken thread? Everyone got their ass BEAT due to their dumbass mistake.
Today, if a child fukks up, he or she is consoled and patted on the head and given a present. You can't send them to their rooms because every fukken kid today has a cable TV and a computer in their rooms, and you BEST not even slap them on the wrist with a blade of grass.
Years from now nobody will be able to post about the stupidest thing they did as a child because there are NO reprecussions anymore for wrong-doings, and no fear of authority, and NO lessons learned. FUKK this generation of pussies and parents who have relinquished control to the children.


GAP

Bring Back the ASS beatings!

[socal]

Just one question: Is Van mvscal's mom?



My neighbor had this monster motorcycle. Well, as an 8 year-old it seemed like a monster. He was fixing something on it, and I wanted to help.

He said sure. Hold it up and don't let it fall.

He goes in the house. I hold it up.

For a while anyway.

Gravity took it down ever so slowly.

It broke my thumb, too.

Fuckin' gravity.

[Y2K]

My Mom used to have this friend from church that would come by. This lady was as large as a fucking Sherman tank, just a big head on a huge body who always wore those mumu dresses as those probably were the only thing that she could fit in.... well anyways.....
My Brother Dave and I were pretty wasted on pot one day when the folks were out of town and decided one of us could make from the living Room through the family room to the kitchen without touching the floor. So my Mom has this furniture she had just spent her whole life savings on and here we two retards were jumping from item to item when "SNAP" we break off one of the recliners. So what two stoned dipshits do to cover their asses? They glue it back together with Elmers....
Monster lady comes over for a visit, finds said recliner to take the "weight" off and here it comes........
SNAP! the chairs folds over and the lady goes face first towards the floor as my mom watches in Horrah. It so happens of course Dave and I "stoned again" are watching from the backyard with some buddies and drop in laughter. This lady starts bawling and apologizeing to my mom and shortly leaves. Mom checks out the chair and walks into the backyard where the Hyenias are still laughing, looks at me and Dave and just says few words.
"Everyone go home."
You two "GET THE FUCK IN HERE!"

First time I ever heard Mom drop an F-Bomb and I'm hoping I'm never the target if she ever does it again. Dave and I were plain in deep shit and it took us both working a hell of a lot of overtime and a BRUTAL apology to the fat Lady before we found freedom again.

I have to admit I still laugh thinking about the lady and the snapping recliner, God will punish me for this in time..... :D

[Laxplayer]

Oh God, where do I start...?
Our neighbor had one of those mail slots that goes right inside of the house instead of a mail box so one day I decided to just start pouring dirt into it. About an hour later I've made a pile of dirt inside the house about 2'high. Same neighbor just painted his garage and I decide to throw dirt clods at it while still wet.
We'd take rocks and throw them at the street lights until they broke then bail into our houses.
One day my brother bets me that I can't throw a baseball through a hole in our garage window. Well dumb ass (me) takes him up on the bet. Do ya think I consider the hole is smaller than the ball. 1 broken window.
I remember standing across the street and trying to throw rocks over the roof of a friends house. I let one fly with all I had and nailed his garage window. Man did I get an ass whooping. One of many received as a child.

[Frank Football]

At that point, the little fucker just sort of crawled around my finger and stung the fucking bullshit out of my ass.

I learned a lesson......

When I was a young Yellow Jacket, no more than a few days old, this dumbshit had me on his finger which he was just about to grind into his asshole when I crawled around his finger and stung the fucking bullshit out of his ass. I lost my sense of smell and sight after that to this day. Oh, and my parents beat my ass when I got home.

[PSUFAN]

OK.

So when I was about 16, LSD was popular with kids. Me and my friends did it sometimes. One night a bunch of us did it, and drove out to the one dude's camp up in the woods. This camp was pretty sweet...a real survivalist paradiso, with a huge canned good panty, and a whole room full of bud light cans all stored up. There were about 50 cots so that when Da Bomb hit they could all go sneak up there, eat chickpeas, swill mud lite, and etc.

So we went up there and stared at the sky and the firepit that night. In the peak of the high, we all piled into his pickup and we ripped up and down the mountain ways, off and on road. The thing is, dude was driving FAST...and there was about 6 of us in the back end, all floppin' around with a case of beer . It seemed like we were ripping up the entire mountain in about 10 seconds, then down again. We all were totally freaked out in the back, screaming and glaring at the sky and blur of stars and branches while he just tore up and down over anything that was in the way. It's amazing that we stayed in the back intact, I always felt that it was the closest I'd been to death - one good bump and we'd have all rolled and died, or been thrown out and impaled on an oak branch. But, we stayed in and went back to the firepit.

Then dude brought out the gas can. While we stood around acting like idiots and laFFING crazily, he would sneak up behind us and toss a cup of gas into the fire and scare the fuck out of us while we were standing there. It was all pretty nutty. we got back at dawn, and my boy's girlfriend had called the cops, because he didn 't tell her where he was going, and she was all dosed up by herself worrying and staring at the clock. We had a nice chat with the cops that morning, and did some more stupid shit that weekend.

[jtr]

threw a stick at a kid who was bullying me, it split open his ear.

shut off my mom's Leading Edge computer without shutting down windows first.

put a piece of a stick in the keyhole of my mom's chevy citation.

chose playing in the band over playing football in the 6th grade <-- the biggest/dumbest thing of my life.

[RadioFan]

I climbed a tree to try to lower a hornets nest down to a friend, who was waiting below with a Rubbermaid trash can and lid. I slipped, shook the fuck out of the hornets nest, causing them to attack him and me. I fell out of the tree while getting stung, repeatedly.

You were still trying to relive this one, a couple of years ago, weren't you?

When I was about 10, my younger brother and I discovered that crayons burned a lot like candles when you lit the blunt end of them. We also discovered that may dad's charcoal grill in the shed next to our house had narrow thin metal bars on the grill surface -- the perfect width for mounting crayons. So my brother and I decide were going to create a charcoal-grill type candelabra/birthday cake effect by seeing just how many crayon candles we can mount and keep lit on the top of the grill. Meanwhile, this just happened to be a day where my parents had company -- either some of my dad's co-workers or maybe even his boss. So my dad and one of the guests are in the backyard bullshitting and the guest says, "Hey, what's that light coming from your shed?" So my dad comes running over, throws open the door and screams WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN HERE?

He managed to get the crayon candles put out before the shed exploded due to the cans of gasoline that were inside. We were sent into the house, got a beating and a long lecture about how gasoline and fire don't mix very well.

[Terry in Crapchester]

When I was 2, I tried to ride my tricycle down the stairs. I had this thing about speed, had already figured out that I picked up speed by going downhill, and thought the stairs would do the same thing.

Anyway, I made it down about 2 or 3 of them, whereupon I fell off my tricycle and broke my collar bone.

[TheChief]

When I was in eighth grade I broke into my uncle's house (our neighbors) to watch a porno called "Cunt Get Enough". He had a silent alarm, I was watching porn as the sheriff pulled in the driveway to catch a burglar.

[socal]

My parent's house was at the end of a cul-de-sac. Behind the back wall of the property was "The Juvy"; juvenile hall. Once we added a second story to the house, I had a bird's eye view of the place.

Almost like clockwork detainees...prisoners...bad kids were bussed in.

:twisted:

When the summertime blues took hold of you in the doldrums of August I would lob a few lemons toward the bus from the backyard. I was throwing blind through a row of tall eucalyptus trees. If I struck my target it was dumb luck.

But if you throw about two dozen lemons in a single spasmodic spell, it turns out authorities become officially suspicious.

The sheriff came cruising down the street not long after.

It's a wonder my mom didn't turn me in.

Luckily we didn't have the only lemon tree.

[Uncle Fester]

Dumb?

* Washed the whitewalls on my pop's new car with a Brillo pad. Then I started in on the painted side panels...

* Drove my cousin's mini-bike down the middle of the highway.

* Filled a sleeping bag full of pillows, got in, and threw myself down a flight of stairs.

* Created a near riot at school by chasing the girls around the playground with dog poop on a stick.

* Tried to kick a football off a rubber welcome mat. Missed the football and hit the side of the mat, sending it flipping into the air. As the mat hit the ground, it balanced for a second on edge at which point I fell on it and knocked the wind out of myself.

* Spread rubber cement on top of a frisbee, lit it on fire, and sailed it off a fire escape. The frisbee flew just fine, but the flaming cement rained down on a Triumph sportscar, setting it on fire.

* Performed the Indian Larry no-handed "bike surfing" trick on my Schwinn Stingray. Made it about 20 feet before going ass over tea kettle.

* Pledged $20 dollars to a cerebral palsy telethon in the name of an old spinster teacher named Miss Barbeau. When they asked, "Who is this??" I said, "I'm Mr. Barbeau."

etc.

[PSUFAN]

...

rack this fucking thread.

[indyfrisco]

Was playing stick ball at a buddy’s house and I hit our last tennis ball on top of his roof. Two stories. Anyhow, we got his dad’s ladder, but I couldn’t reach the roof from the top step. We moved the ladder by the TV antenna and I jumped from the top step and grabbed onto the antenna to pull myself up. I went and got the tennis ball.

That was all well and good until I needed to get back down. Since I couldn’t reach the ladder, I had to figure out a way down from the 20 foot high roof. I asked my buddy to pull his trampoline to the edge of the house. I jump and as I land, my knees give out as I’m falling forward. I faceplant on the tramp and then spring up off the tramp landing on my stomach on the lawn. As I tried to break my fall with my hands, I broke both wrists.

Needless to say, my week long trip to Cancun with my family the next week was no fun.

Of course, I did set fire to the woodpile leaning up against my parents’ house too. Dad wore the belt out on my ass for that one.

[yt1300inHtown]

One time tried to pull the waterhose across the lawn by doing that "whip" motion like you do with an extension cord. I failed to realize I was standing over it and took a waterhose whip to the nutz.

That was NOT some good shit.

[Cuda]

I don't know if I was drunk or just retarded as a child.

I'm guessing it was the second.

[Alkie]

I don't know if I was drunk or just retarded as a child.

You sure seemed to fuck up your face a lot as a kid JCT.

Jus sayin'

[Nixhex]

I tried to hit a basketball with my aluminum baseball bat once. It bounced off the basketball and smacked me right in the forehead. Fucking ouch!

Tried to be Evil Knievel on my bike. Jumped a huge ramp we made and got about 15 feet of air. The landing wasn't very smooth.

Made bombs out of black powder, pvc pipe, sawdust and hot glue. Boom, ouch.

Plenty more that I don't remember at the moment.

[indyfrisco]

Actually, I do now remember my dumbest thing. I was 12 and had a buddy over. We had about 3 acres of land where our house was littered with pecan trees. My dad had an old riding lawn mower that had a plastic body and a metal frame only with the 4 tires. Motor and blade were removed. Very light.

Well, my buddy and I took about a 50 foot rope and tied it to the front of the old mower and to the back of our 4-wheeler. We pull each other around the yard for about 30 minutes. At one point, my friend is getting pulled and he goes on one side of a tree and I go on another. He flies off the mower and rolls into a tree, gets up and laughs.

At this point, we should have learned something. He wanted to “get me back” so my next turn he goes onto the road full speed into 4th gear. It is a gravel road and we are going about 30 mph. The mower topples with me on it. I roll on the gravel, two rocks got lodged into my elbow and were later removed by the doc. I roll into a ditch where the back of my head hits a concrete culvert.

The helmet I was wearing cracked. To this day, I still think the most idiotic people in the world are the dumb fucks that ride without a helmet.

[Headhunter]

gave a blank check to a short little black lady who knocked on the door and claimed she was an encyclopedia saleswoman.

No wonder IB uses so many big words.

Rack it up!

[JCT]

I don't know if I was drunk or just retarded as a child.

You sure seemed to fuck up your face a lot as a kid JCT.

Jus sayin'

And I still have all my teeth. Word to your Irie.