Ho Ho Ho Tell Santa what you greedy bastards want

[Santa]

Yo Yo Yo - Scnizzle Claus here

Tell St. Nick what you want for Christmas and I'll see if Chin.... errr.... the Elves can make it happen

Psst...... hey Reindeer, you bitches best get your asses in gear PDQ

[Comet]

Fuck you fatass. You try pulling your 300 pounds and all that crap 20,000 miles in a night

You're heart would explode faster than shutyomouth, B-Smack and Mt. St. Rumplewife at a Golden Corral dessert bar

Go get on a god damn treadmill and drop a 100 lbs before you kill us all you gelatinous piece of shit

[molly]

New tickets to the Stadium Series game in San Jose because I don't want to hang out with my ex. Especially if I take a date.

Invisalign.

That's about it.

[Santa]

New tickets to the Stadium Series game in San Jose because I don't want to hang out with my ex. Especially if I take a date.

Invisalign.

That's about it.

Checked the list and according to the Reindeer you attention whored way to much to get anything deece

Here's a shitty shark shirt and some white strips - knock yourself out

[Blitzen]

No shit Comet. As one of the last two reindeer to pull that effing sleigh and your fat derrière, Kringle, I am in no mood for your Holiday Hijinx.

Also, tell that bitch Rudolph to back off the fiber and stop dropping those ridiculous, glowing Holiday growlers in front of the rest of us.

I got a pair of right hooves I'm gonna shove up your and his bungholes Claus.

Fat bastard.

[Rudolph]

Come on folks let's think Team and help old Santa out. Damn. And Santa you need to settle down a little too ok?

Blitzen that's cold shot about about my Science Diet system and the Super Roughage Regime, but if you be half-steppin' then you get my shittin' ok? Come on bro' let's all pull.

Is a Gideon's Bible ok for a gift for Pops? I mean if we sign it.

[Jacque Custodian]

Tell St. Nick what you want for Christmas

An underwater breathing system that works.

Oh never mind, too late.

[Santa]

Listen here you bunch of pampered antelopes, all your bitch asses can easily be replaced

I'm already in communication with Jeff Bezos and his drone fleet is coming online pretty soon so shut the fuck up or I'll turn all of you into venison steaks

And as long as we're talking about eating meat.........

Comet & Rudolph - I think it's time you two fags come out of the closet



Comet you dress like Liberace headed to a Village People Concert. I heard you got your name because that's what you had to use to scrub the all jizz stains ('sup Screwy?) off you're headboard

And Rudolph, I think it's about time everyone knew just how you got to be the 9th Reindeer:



That's right tinkerbell - That reason nose got red from being pushed into the mattress 8 times in 30 minutes ( Don't be jealous Molly)

Finally Blitzen

I'm still paying off your Blue Cross bills from last Xmas eve



listen to me you drunk bag of fleas and listen good. If you show up wasted again Wed night I will send you back to the Fresno AA meetings I found you at along with some lace panties for your special fliend

[SunCoastSooner]

This is why we can't have nice things.

[Blitzen]

Looks like Kringle has been hitting the sauce again.



Yep, iPhone evidence right here. No, no, no. Sad, sad, sad.

Also, what's up with the pineapple? Weird.

Listen you seasonal lush, if you weren't viewing the sleigh through the bottom of a bottle, you would know that was Dancer who crashed into that tree, and only because your fat drunken butt couldn't see straight to steer. I am only going to say this once Claus (dammit can't you settle on one freaking name!) and only once.

AA.
Don't drink and go to Elf meetings.
If you fly drunk with Elves, you'll get shot at.
What step are you on?
And finally...
You are 3 people:
Who you think you are.
Who other people think you are.
Who you really are.

A fat, boozy, Elf schtupping, reverse kleptomaniac.

Oh and Rudolph, I'm happy about the diet, it's done you some good, but for the love of all reindeer, pull to the side if you gotta grunt.

And wipe on a tree or something.

[molly]

That's right tinkerbell - That reason nose got red from being pushed into the mattress 8 times in 30 minutes ( Don't be jealous Molly)

My slut whore self must have this ornament.

I'm not jealous. I always have a red nose and throat.

[Comet]

That's right tinkerbell - That reason nose got red from being pushed into the mattress 8 times in 30 minutes ( Don't be jealous Molly)

Jesus titty fucking Christ you fat old bastard, how fucking Moellered were you at 6:30 to grind that jibberish out?

Or did you just sub your posting out to Smackaholic again?

[Blitzen]

What can you say Comet, the fat lush has been taken over by the unholy ghost.

Seasons Beatings to you tubby, may the spirits be blight.