Poster of the Week

[Van]

I know it's only Thursday, and I'm not sure where I'm starting and ending this particular week, but I just have to say it: R-Jack has been absolutely killing it. He's dropped at least a half-dozen well-timed, intriguingly creative and impressively funny posts while also managing to avoid any dribblers back to the mound. He claims we misunderstood his intent on his one Waterworld brainfart, and because he's R-Jack I'll go ahead and give him the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, he's kept this place somewhat readable nearly singlehandedly.

Were it any other week I'd give it to Mgo, who's been on a similar streak of Old Timey excellence. Every so often Mgo rouses himself from his frequent bouts of lengthy lethargy, and this past week has seen dude at his "eat a dick" best.

We all know about the Scroll Reaction phenomenon, whereby the automatic response is simply to scroll right past certain people's posts. R-Jack and Mgo have been on the exact opposite roll. Every time I see their nics pop up lately, I make sure to stop and read. Even more telling, I find myself hoping someone will respond to them in such a way as to prompt them to fire right back.

Also, here's a nod to two diametrically opposed miscreants who nevertheless have given me reason to keep reading: mvscal and Nick. While mvscal has been his normal Mitch Rapp-with-a-keyboard self, Nick has offered glimpses of an actual human being buried beneath his usual autotuned agenda. If dude would just lose 'palsied forum' and 'Rusp Limpdick' from his daily lexicon, he'd be a blast.

Then there's AP. Besides his one youtube "How to trick people into thinking you're good-looking" clip, which was probably his best post ever (now consider what that really says about him), he's been downright scary bad. I'm talking bradhusker without the goofy 'good-humored troll' oeuvre bad. What R-Jack and Mgo have done to prop this place up, AP has been at least equally effective in tearing down.

Oh, and soccer remains the most remarkable spectacle on earth, precisely because of how utterly unremarkable the actual play really is. When Michael Ballack calmly describes a game as "boring" and none of his panelmates even bother to try to dispute his comment, that's all one needs to know about the sport. The bar is set so low that anything at all passes for action, and still the game is as respected as the Louvre.

Here's what I don't get: Why is a sport that's so casually described as "boring" even when played at the highest level given such a free pass from the sporting press? I mean, christ, could the emperor possibly be wearing any fewer clothes, and why can't people see this?

Anyway, that's it, in a nutshell. It's R-Jack, Mgo, mvscal, Nick, AP, and soccer. Well, okay, there's also Lovebuzz's new avatar. Great avatar. Great eyes eye.

And Tim Lincecum is seriously pissing me off.

[Bizzarofelice]

Thanks, everyone. I appreciate the recognition of my peers.

[Y2K]

Haven't run across AP for several years but after that Home Depot video clip I suggest the dude go on a diet, come on bro...mix in a salad,there's no way your gonna fit into those panties anymore.

[Van]

Todd, even if that's true, those posts of Nick's far surpass his usual autotuned drivel.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

The List is infallible.

[socal]

Weak.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

I've gotta give the nod to DC. If you didn't even so much as give him an honorable mention, I can only assume you didn't watch his video.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

I've gotta give the nod to DC. If you didn't even so much as give him an honorable mention, I can only assume you didn't watch his video.

Mgo, because I'm a nice guy, I'll float you this limited time offer for the Casa Del Todd Resort And Spa...

Book now and I'll waive the security deposit and flip you the keys to the Sea-Doo.

Seriously, where are you going to get a better deal on a vacation getaway than that?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

P.S. ~ There's nothing I can do about the weird carpet smell. Sorry.

[smackaholic]

I've gotta give the nod to DC. If you didn't even so much as give him an honorable mention, I can only assume you didn't watch his video.

Rack it!

The return of DC as a regular in this place is the highlight of the week. Lets have some more videos, DC.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Mgo, because I'm a nice guy, I'll float you this limited time offer for the Casa Del Todd Resort And Spa...

Sorry, bro. I just booked my reservation on Expedia.com. Todd's dome is pretty busy this time of year with thoughts of White Party and man-rape, but if I'm not 100% satisfied with my stay I get my money back.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Mgo, because I'm a nice guy, I'll float you this limited time offer for the Casa Del Todd Resort And Spa...

Sorry, bro. I just booked my reservation on Expedia.com. Todd's dome is pretty busy this time of year with thoughts of White Party and man-rape, but if I'm not 100% satisfied with my stay I get my money back.

You sure about that? Maybe we can sweeten the deal with these two magic little words...





wave pool



Think about it.

Look, all bullshit aside, business has been brutal this season. We're taking a beating from our main competitor, Felchco Farms. There's no way the dome of a pedophile with an Oedipal Complex can compete with a full blown lunatic. My profit margin has been sliced too thin.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

wave pool

FUCK.





























































































































































































let me get back to you...

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Hospitality is a time-honoured tradition here at Casa Del Todd. Whether you enjoy boating, hiking, badminton or just plain firing up the grill, you're sure to leave with memories you'll cherish for a lifetime.

Because at Casa Del Todd, our guests are always welcome.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

That one is straight off the brochure.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Even the bad, remedial boards...

You mean the boards that you claim you are "done with" and never read any more? The boards you have allegedly distanced yourself from and bring up that fact on a weekly basis here?

Those boards?

[War Wagon]

Vans' a good read, no matter the subject matter. Of course, we can't all aspire to message board greatness, but having a goal is a good thing.

One day, if I try really hard, I may make Vans' POTW.

Fuck if I want to try that hard, though.

[Truman]

DC earns Comeback Poster of the Year, and nobody's even close.

As for top honors this week...

R-Jack for his usual exellence, but ucan't, Mgo, and Marty all deserve special recognition. Hell, 88, Smackie, mvscal, Dinsdale, and about 20 others could take it with a single post next week... Which is why I continue to log into this shithole.

Props to Felchco for having a good week. There is still hope for you yet.

And what Wags said: Van will never not be a good read.

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

Marty, I tell you what. I can't cancel my reservation. I just can't. I personally spoke with a rep from Expedia...his name is Bob...and finagled this deal. Really swell guy. Family man. I can't jam him like that. You understand.

But I'm eyeballing a vacation around Columbus Day inside Spray's dome. Again, no rooms that butt up against closeted homosexual thoughts. I don't need to try and enjoy my delicious bed & breakfast with all these balls, cocks and assholes partying it up next door.

Your generic brochures are soothing and enticing. Please, send more.

[Van]

'Spray, it's not like I've made this a weekly thread or anything. I don't maintain a continual PotW deal. This one just came about spontaneously, as a result of skimming a few threads and noticing that R-Jack and Mgo were keeping me entertained in every one.

Mgo, yes, I saw DC's AP parody video. Someone else here already made mention of the fact that DC deserves Comeback Poster of the Week or whatever, and I wholeheartedly agree. That being said, I have to admit that I've never been much of a fan of those Smackoff-style parody videos. It really hasn't mattered who authored them, either. I usually find them to be marginally funny at best, but because the person made the effort to do so in video form (or pic-wytch form...same deal) practically the entire board falls all over themselves in "Bwaaaahaaaa! Archive!" paroxysms of worshipful glee.

It's the Marty Syndrome, to the Nth degree. Simple crayon scribblings in lieu of anything worth a real shit have never impressed me. I've laughed at many of his written posts. I've never laughed at any of his clips or wytches. His best ones were the tired plagiarisms of Hitler and Fellini movies, and even those only gave me a chuckle or two.

Only one video ever really made me nod in approval: R-Jack's "It will get better" parody. I found that one to be timely and clever, and the delivery was spot on. Most of the rest over the years were just too Three Stooges for me.

My apologies, DC. I didn't dislike your clip. I just got all I was going to get from it within the first thirty seconds. Once the whale tail part was over, I felt the rest was unnecessary filler.

Wags, in all seriousness you need to be willing to extend yourself a bit. You don't create so much as you belatedly counterpunch, and we're usually talking very belatedly. It's about timing and delivery. That's where mvscal typically shines, and it's where R-Jack at his best steps to the fore. You just never go there, is all.

Write something that's more than a quick hit-and-run. Take a chance at failing. Don't just flick the crumbs from the table before sitting down. Pull up a seat with the intent of diving in and giving of yourself in some real way, and not merely through complimenting Smackie or your daughter.

Anyway, thats how I've always seen it. You tend to observe more than stick your neck out and create.

[poptart]

Van - with all due respect - PLEASE don't start a POTW thing over here. Even the bad, remedial boards have even stopped that.

I think they should continue into the future, because...

I don't think I've ever seen any thread that started with some kind of a list conclude without someone melting or at least near-melting.

MORE lists!


And also, the admins should add one of those 'reputation points' things so we could enjoy the theatre of AP flipping out as the pasty whites circle jerk their point totals up to cumulonimbus level.

[poptart]

a meaningless list?

Meaningless?

He is Van, you know?


Btw, I'm only 11th in total posts.

And mv (and maybe you) would be ahead of me, also, had he not been run by Katy and been forced to start over.

[smackaholic]

Marty, I tell you what. I can't cancel my reservation. I just can't. I personally spoke with a rep from Expedia...his name is Bob...and finagled this deal. Really swell guy. Family man. I can't jam him like that. You understand.

But I'm eyeballing a vacation around Columbus Day inside Spray's dome. Again, no rooms that butt up against closeted homosexual thoughts. I don't need to try and enjoy my delicious bed & breakfast with all these balls, cocks and assholes partying it up next door.

Your generic brochures are soothing and enticing. Please, send more.

If I'm a woman - I'm on your balls right now.

I think I will need some sort of professional help to get that mental pic out of my dome. And I'm sending you the bill.

[Screw_Michigan]

I have to admit that I've never been much of a fan of those Smackoff-style parody videos. It really hasn't mattered who authored them, either. I usually find them to be marginally funny at best, but because the person made the effort to do so in video form (or pic-wytch form...same deal) practically the entire board falls all over themselves in "Bwaaaahaaaa! Archive!" paroxysms of worshipful glee.

I have to admit I've never been much of a fan of these Poster of the Week threads because they're usually started by starving attention whores who feel the need to get back in the spotlight. JTR was right: Stop sucking dicks and start smacking, you fucking pussy, that's the point of this board, not getting others to lick your taint.

[DC Smackmaster]

JESUS VAN!! WGARA!!

Goddamn you are one transparent sumbitch! I use pics and video to save me from having to write boring crap like yours from above! If you wanted us to tell you how wonderful you are, you could've saved yourself a lot of time and neck strain by just posting this simple video...



I nominate Van for his Ripkinesque dedication and linguistic gymnastics.

[poptart]

Wags, in all seriousness you need to be willing to extend yourself a bit.

Definitely.

How many years has Wagon been blabbering about his wonderful daughter - and yet still FAILS to post her pic in here?

That's being clueless as to what a bunch of middle-aged men desire.

[Mikey]

Definitely

RACK

[smackaholic]

You'd better give me the name of the same shrink, because I'm pretty sure I could have worded that a little differently.

Prolly ought to get the number to mikey's bionic hip dude as well, cause MGoos gonna need to see him after your little tryst.

[Van]

Screwball, no worries, in your case. Like any MAC-level poster, you're simply too much of a nonentity to merit a mention, good or bad. If you're not rhapsodizing about some hot chick dropping her balls in your mouth or some fetid lot of sewer rats stealing your laundry room quarters, you're pretty much just white noise.

DC, if I wanted to tell you how wonderful I am, I probably would have included something about...you know...myself. Instead, all I wrote about was other posters and their contributions. So, nice try but...nope.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Go ahead and RACK Van, but don't you dare smack him or he'll...

- let you know that his (incredibly hot) wife died

- remind you that he's coming off some surgery

- claim he's "above it all"

- drag some other poster in front of him as a bullet stopper in his typically cowardly manner

- announce that he's not on his best game because of the meds (see "coming off surgery")

- pound the shit out of the royal "we", as in "Hey guys! Marty sucks! WE all agree on that, don't WE?"

...and then he'll sulk off to the College Football Forum for the next 5 months trying to milk sympathy from anyone unlucky enough to buy into his schtick.

[Van]

Go ahead and RACK Van, but don't you dare smack him or he'll...

- let you know that his (incredibly hot) wife died

Never mentioned that on the board.

Oh-for-one.

- remind you that he's coming off some surgery

Ditto.

Oh-for-two.

- claim he's "above it all"

Not even sure what that one is supposed to mean, particularly since I post here.

Oh-for-three.

- drag some other poster in front of him as a bullet stopper in his typically cowardly manner

Wouldn't even know how to do that, and clearly have never done anything of the sort.

Oh-for-four.

- announce that he's not on his best game because of the meds (see "coming off surgery")

Never made any such claims.

Oh-for-five.

- pound the shit out of the royal "we", as in "Hey guys! Marty sucks! WE all agree on that, don't WE?"

Must be confusing me with...fuck, anyone. Where you're concerned, I never deign to speak for the board. I merely state that I think you're an occasionally funny, thoroughly reprehensible dirtbag who relies far too heavily on childish, overrated crayons. I don't claim that the entire board thinks the same. In fact, I just said that the entire board usually erupts into paroxysms of "Bwaaaahaaa! Archive!" glee the moment you put together even the lamest effort involving any sort of alternative media.

Oh-for-six.

...and then he'll sulk off to the College Football Forum for the next 5 months trying to milk sympathy from anyone unlucky enough to buy into his schtick.

Thank god you're too much of a Canadian pussy to get football, so you're not dicking up that board too with your self-satisfied nonsense. Also, because you don't go to that board, you of course are talking out of your ass again as to what actually happens there.

So, oh-for-seven. How perfectly Marty of you.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

So, oh-for seven. How perfectly Marty of you.

Really? We'll see how this plays out for you.

Your reputation as being a coward, ready to hide behind any skirt here at T1B is legend.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Are you going to cry if your "fan club" doesn't come to your rescue, Van?

You're right about someone being self-inflated in this thread...

[Van]

Really? We'll see how this plays out for you.

I suppose we will. Here's the problem for you. I know the truth. All of it. I know what was said, when it was said, where it was said, and to whom it was said.

You? You're just a smarmy, lowlife cunt who lives to stir shit here.

Your reputation as being a coward, ready to hide behind any skirt here at T1B is legend.

It's so legendary that this is the first time it has ever been mentioned here, and of course you were the one who just made up this supposed legend. And again, how does one "drag another poster in front of you as a bullet stopper"?

Link?

[MgoBlue-LightSpecial]

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Anyone can feel free to hit up the 'chive and see how Van's posting style switched from "Ernest Hemingway swagger" to "passive-aggressive little bitch" after his hiatus.

Remember? When you hid out, far away from CDS when your little ass got a little too chaffed?

And then he pulls the ol' "Hey guys...It's your old pal Van...awww shucks...I sure do miss y'alls company...Gawsh..."

Delusional, shut-in, little bitch.

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

Don't worry, Van. I'm sure Derron and toddowen will roll in any minute and "RACK the fuck out of you".

Because they "have your back".

[mvscal]

JTR was right: Stop sucking dicks and start smacking,...

So that's working out for you, then?

[Shlomart Ben Yisrael]

[Mikey]

Well, you sure seem to be hanging on Van's nutsack now you cuntish little crony.