When is this year's Smackoff??

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon May 18, 2009 7:48 am

WW, one other thing...

Wanna really feel old? Think about this...

That version of D&C you linked? It's now forty years old.

Forty fucking years.

When I was growing up, a forty year old song was some pre-WWII big band thing, or something so gawdawfully corny from The Great Depression era that I wondered how on earth people back then didn't stab themselves in the face.

Hitler hadn't even risen to power yet.

Al Capone still ruled the streets of Chicago, and Alcatraz Island hadn't even been converted into a Federal Penitentiary yet.

Rock & Roll was still a quarter century away from being invented. Not the Zeppelin song; the actual type of music.

Guitar amplifiers didn't even exist. Fuck, electric guitars didn't even exist.

The St Louis Browns were a good fourteen years away from winning their first World Series.

Wolfman was already wearing his pants up to his chin, but at least he could still remember his own name.

Now Led Zeppelin is that old. That is simply terrifying.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Mon May 18, 2009 2:28 pm

Kid Nashville wrote:
War Wagon wrote:
RadioFan wrote:
l-r, this thread, KN

Hey, I'm gonna keep clowning you.
I'm surprised it took 7 pages for a Black Knight reset to surface.

Better late than never.
The sure sign that the talent pool has been depleted when this exhausted reset has been re-introduced.

You prefer some Shakespeare?

Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool;
only his gift is in devising impossible slanders:
none but libertines delight in him; and the
commendation is not in his wit, but in his villany;
for he both pleases men and angers them, and then
they laugh at him and beat him.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon May 18, 2009 3:04 pm

War Wagon wrote:
Kid Nashville wrote: Of course it doesn't get old for T1B. It's pretty much all that's left to go to once you dullards run out of homo synonyms.
Homo synonyms? I don't recall using any homosmack.

Uh...trust KN to take a homo reference away from the Black Knight scene.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Mon May 18, 2009 3:10 pm

Diogenes wrote:You prefer some Shakespeare?

The Kid thinks two sentences from me is a story. Shakespeare'll make the li'l feller's head explode.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Mon May 18, 2009 10:19 pm

Van wrote: On a different note, regarding that twenty seven minute version from The Song Remains The Same, that is the all time best ever song to use to impress a girl...by fucking her to it.

You slay me, Van.

And here I thought impressing the girl had to occur before she spread her legs. Not only that, but at my age I couldn't last 27 fucking minutes if my life depended on it. And it would, because they'd have to haul me off in an ambulance. That's the way I want to go, though.

As for my personal best of "fucking" songs (we could start a whole new thread about this subject), to name a few:

AC/DC - You Shook Me All Night Long
SRV - You Can't Change It
BTO - Taking Care of Business
Foreigner - I'll Get Even with You

That version of D&C you linked? It's now forty years old.

Now Led Zeppelin is that old. That is simply terrifying.

Terrifying? Not at all. Classics are classics. Makes me appreciate them even more with every year that goes by, knowing that nobody can ever match that. I just hate it that I never got to see them live and in person.

But speaking of old, I dig Beethoven, Mozart, hell even Aaron Copeland. ELP's version of Fanfare for the Common Man absolutely kicks ass and will never get old. Age doesn't hurt great music. It's like a fine wine. It only gets better with age.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue May 19, 2009 1:26 am

War Wagon wrote:I just hate it that I never got to see them live and in person.

Their '77 US tour was the one that had some of its shows postponed due to the death of Plant's son, Karac. They eventually played six dates (possibly seven) at the Fabulous Forum in Inglewood; three consecutive nights, a night off, then three (or four) more nights. On the third night, a reportedly extremely drunk Keith Moon came out on stage, slurred into a mic something to the effect that Bonham was the greatest fucking drummer in the world, and I believe he may have joined Bonham in a drum duet.

My best friend, Fred, and I were rabid Zep fans and had tickets for the fourth show. The postponement pushed the show to a day that conflicted with a camping trip Fred's family had scheduled. Dude was 17, but his mom wouldn't let him skip the campout & stick around for the concert, so he ended up selling his ticket to a friend of ours, Tom, who liked Zep but wasn't as into 'em as Fred & I were. Tom & I went to the show, and Tom fell asleep during it! But I dug every second of it, including Page playing his D&C solo with a bow inside a laser pyramid and all four members sitting on wooden chairs on the stage for their acoustic set including The Battle of Evermore, Black Country Woman, and Going to California. I was bummed that I hadn't been at the "Moon" show, but I soon got over it and felt fortunate that I got to see LZ.

Good times.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue May 19, 2009 1:47 am

WW, it's not terrifying that D&C still holds up, forty years later. It's terrifying that it's already forty years old...that we're forty years down the road, already.

I was at the sixth and final L.A., show, of the '77 tour. That was the "white dragon suit" era for Page, which was second only to the '75 tour in terms of Page being absolutely assfucked by his heroin addiction. Dude was always a skinny fuck anyway, but on those '75 and '77 tours he made Keef look robust and hale. That '75 tour, when he was wearing the Nazi outfit, jesus, he looked sickly.

That final '77 Forum show in L.A. went on forever. Urban myth and drug induced, foggy memories have it at over six hours, with all the encores, but the more accurate number seems to be a little over four hours.

Definitely, I'll never forget the opening, when, from out of the pitch black darkness inside the Forum, there rang that single note clarion call, signaling the beginning of The Song Remains The Same. Then, still in darkness, Page starts jamming the signature fast chords on the twelve string, until finally all the lights blast on in synch with the opening cannon salvos from Bonham.

That was strong.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 19, 2009 2:07 am

Great story Smackie, loved the part about Keith Moon... and now I'm so jealous i hate YOU.

Edit: And Van. Fuck you both very much.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue May 19, 2009 2:27 am

War Wagon wrote:Great story Smackie, loved the part about Keith Moon... and now I'm so jealous i hate YOU.

I've seen Plant a few times since then, but none of his shows compared to the Zep concert. I saw him w/ Alison Krauss last year at Jazzfest in NOLA, and they did some very cool versions of some LZ tunes including Black Dog and Black Country Woman. Hearing Black Dog played on a banjo was certainly unexpected. He picked up a guitar and tried to play some lead riffs during one of ther earlier shows I went to, and that was unfortunate. He had no business doing that.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue May 19, 2009 3:00 am

Meh. I saw Plant, solo, back when he had Robbie Blunt as his guitarist, and they sounded like a cross between The Pretenders and Andreas Vollenweider, or maybe Enya meets Dire Straights.

This would've been the Big Log era.

It was decent. It was slick, and he sounded okay. Very smooth and polished.

Like I said...meh.

Post Zeppelin, I saw Page with The Firm, which actually wasn't half bad, especially when they did the Paul Rogers song, "Live In Peace." Page's solo there, with the Parson's B Bender on the Tele, that was halfway decent, for a post-Zeppelin Page solo.

I also saw Page in that Ronnie Lane A.R.M.S. tour, in '83, where Clapton and Beck joined him on stage, for the first time in their lives. Page was really frail, both physically and emotionally. On the bootleg I recorded of one of the other nights of the tour, Beck owned. The night I saw them in person, Clapton kicked ass.

Page being there, sharing the stage with those other two, that was just cool to see. He was still in his Charles Bronson "Death Wish" soundtracks era, at that point. His guitar chops were for shit.

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Tue May 19, 2009 3:10 am

Yeah, yeah, yeah Smackie... you got to see Led Zep and I didn't.

Any other weeping wounds you'd like to pour some salt or lemon juice on?

But now that the thread hi-jacking is complete and KN has crawled back into whatever mole-hole he sprang from...

If this isn't musical composing perfection, I don't know what is.

Aaron Copland - Hoedown

I could listen to that for 27 minutes.

Smackie Chan · Post by **Smackie Chan** » Tue May 19, 2009 3:17 am

War Wagon wrote:Any other weeping wounds you'd like to pour some salt or lemon juice on?

Whatcha got?

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Wed May 20, 2009 8:17 pm

Van wrote: When I was growing up, a forty year old song was some pre-WWII big band thing, or something so gawdawfully corny from The Great Depression era that I wondered how on earth people back then didn't stab themselves in the face.

And the people from that time had 40 year old 'crap' like Cav and Pag to bitch about.

Tears of a clown motherfucker.
Tears of a clown.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Fri May 22, 2009 2:13 am

Good grief.

Archivo?

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Fri May 22, 2009 7:53 am

Archive this...shit KN would start rubbing his gimp turtle head and claim bode

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Fri May 22, 2009 8:18 am

Ana Ng wrote:Good grief.

Archivo?

Either that, or shitcan it.

And since KN wants it archived .... um ...

On the other hand, SN has a pussified way of deleting these types of threads.

Decisions, decisions, Ang.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:19 pm

That was another poor attempt at sarcasm, on my part.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:55 pm

RadioFan wrote:
Ana Ng wrote:Good grief.

Archivo?
Either that, or shitcan it.

And since KN wants it archived .... um ...

Archive-KN style.

Maybe you could change the title first.

"How not to run smack- a KN primer."

MgoBlue-LightSpecial · Fri May 22, 2009 8:59 pm

Looks like the Spartan board I post at is organizing a Smack Off.

http://www.spartantailgate.com/forums/m ... k-off.html

$100 gift card on the line.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 22, 2009 9:28 pm

Mgo, if you don't enter that thing, slaughter everyone in sight and then C&P it here, you're a total fag.

It should be like the "World Of Warcraft" episode on South Park, where the one middle aged gaming geek just sits there and casually annihilates every single player he spots, just because. He never breaks a sweat, and he never stops eating his Cheetos.

That better be you.

Diogenes · Post by **Diogenes** » Fri May 22, 2009 9:38 pm

Van wrote:Mgo, if you don't enter that thing, slaughter everyone in sight and then C&P it here, you're a total fag.

It should be like the "World Of Warcraft" episode on South Park, where the one middle aged gaming geek just sits there and casually annihilates every single player he spots, just because. He never breaks a sweat, and he never stops eating his Cheetos.

That better be you.

Stan fucked that dude up.

Van · Post by **Van** » Fri May 22, 2009 9:42 pm

Cartman fucked his mom up.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Fri May 22, 2009 11:16 pm

War Wagon wrote:
If this isn't musical composing perfection, I don't know what is.

Aaron Copland - Hoedown

I could listen to that for 27 minutes.

Having beef for dinner tonight?

War Wagon · Post by **War Wagon** » Sat May 23, 2009 3:00 am

Ana Ng wrote:That was another poor attempt at sarcasm, on my part.

Yet again.

If your only purpose for being here isn't working, why bother?

See ya'.

Ana Ng · Post by **Ana Ng** » Sat May 23, 2009 4:38 am

That was another poor attempt at humor, on your part.

poptart · Post by **poptart** » Sat May 23, 2009 5:11 am

If it was up to me, I'd drop this thing into T.R.O.T.S. and slap a sticky it.

Gnash can forever flog himself to his archived thread right there.

Roger_the_Shrubber · Post by **Roger_the_Shrubber** » Sat May 23, 2009 7:24 am

I missed the first 8 pages.

Can I get a quick summary?

Thanks in advance.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 23, 2009 11:14 am

War Wagon wrote:Yeah, yeah, yeah Smackie... you got to see Led Zep and I didn't.

Any other weeping wounds you'd like to pour some salt or lemon juice on?

But now that the thread hi-jacking is complete and KN has crawled back into whatever mole-hole he sprang from...

If this isn't musical composing perfection, I don't know what is.

Aaron Copland - Hoedown

I could listen to that for 27 minutes.

How many thousand times do you think they have to play that piece to get the timing right on it.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 23, 2009 11:19 am

Roger_the_Shrubber wrote:I missed the first 8 pages.

Can I get a quick summary?

Thanks in advance.

KN still sucks dead moose cahk and wags is pissed he never saw zeppelin live and wants to kill anyone who has.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 23, 2009 6:54 pm

smackaholic wrote:
War Wagon wrote:Yeah, yeah, yeah Smackie... you got to see Led Zep and I didn't.

Any other weeping wounds you'd like to pour some salt or lemon juice on?

But now that the thread hi-jacking is complete and KN has crawled back into whatever mole-hole he sprang from...

If this isn't musical composing perfection, I don't know what is.

Aaron Copland - Hoedown

I could listen to that for 27 minutes.
How many thousand times do you think they have to play that piece to get the timing right on it.

Just once. They're professionals, playing from sheet music, with an orchestra leader guiding them.

It's not exactly like Poisin stumbling into the studio after a night out whoring, and then asking a nearly comatose C.C. DeVille to try and tackle Paganini.

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 23, 2009 7:59 pm

I don't care how professional you are, the syncopation thingy they do is pretty sick. Even the percusion dude on the hollow woody thingy has to have his shit pretty tight. Even the pros have to reherse, well, 'cept maybe this dude...

play it in 7/8 reggae!!! awesome.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 23, 2009 9:41 pm

I nearly sent you that one, just a couple days ago. I didn't know whether you'd appreciate it, so I didn't. That is just fuggen awesome.

"I hear Linda Ronstadt is looking for a guitarist."

Pure Zappa.

Man, I want 'Spray to see it. He'd get it.

I want AP to see it too, for when he and I next go round and round about EVH vs Vai.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 23, 2009 9:44 pm

smackie, along those same lines of impossibly difficult brilliance, here's some more...

"Bulgarian wedding music. You'll find that these guys are completely out of their minds."

:D

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 23, 2009 10:01 pm

Bwaaahaaaa!!!! Remember those old MTV "Rock & Jock" softball games, the ones they used to hold at USC's Dedeaux Field?

Sam fuggen Kineson, baby!!

Bret Michaels' "Wow!" comment, at the end of that one ridiculous run, that was pretty cool too...

smackaholic · Post by **smackaholic** » Sat May 23, 2009 10:39 pm

That bulgarian wedding music thing rocks. Kinda got a middle eastern sound to it. And rack Steve's national anthem.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sat May 23, 2009 11:50 pm

smackie, download the entire song sometime. The name suits it well. It's overwhelming, everything he packs into that song. The breakdown solo towards the end is just stupid.

In that same vein, this one sounds vaguely middle eastern too, once it gets going into the faster section, and it kicks serious ass. That solo, if you're not named Guthrie Govan, don't try it at home...

I'm not usually into tremolo. For most people, if they never touched the whammy bar, I'd be fine. In fact, I'd prefer it, if they didn't. Vai, though, listen to what he's doing there. He's pulling off bizarre middle eastern phrasing, accurately, with no margin for error, via extensive use of a floating fucking tremolo system.

There aren't but a handful of people on this planet who could pull that off, live. Most people wouldn't even try. Too risky.

For all the joking around we do here about Vai, I occasionally forget just how brilliant the guy is. He can do any damn thing he wants. He's a high speed encyclopedia. His grasp of theory is absolute. He's just as fast as anybody, any time he wants to be. His accuracy is unsurpassed. His phrasing is unreal. His sense of melody is off the charts.

Plus, he's unique. Nobody else sounds like him.

Interesting story...

That song, "Incantation," it was included on a crazy live tour album he did, called Alive In An Ultra World. The unique thing about that tour, and that album, was that he took his band around the globe, to unusual locales. It wasn't just New York, L.A., Berlin, etc. No, he made stops in Ireland, Argentina, Turkey, etc, along with stops in more normal concert destination places such as Paris and Sydney.

In each city, he'd study some of the indigenous music. Then he'd write a piece of music, using the local scales, modes, time signatures, etc. In some places, it was easy. In Paris, for example, he wrote a traditional waltz, even including an accordion solo, which was performed, live.

I can't recall the city for which "Incantation" was written, but I want to say it was in Turkey.

Here's the hairball thing...

You know how you'd mentioned earlier that it must have taken that symphony orchestra a thousand rehearsals to get the timing down on that Aaron Copeland piece? Well, in each of the songs Vai wrote for this tour, for this live album, he didn't do rehearsals. He'd spring the song on his band, who'd get maybe one through of it during sound check, before having to perform it live that night.

No sheet music. No orchestral leader. It's a rock band.

One run through.

"Take a look at this guys, I just wrote it. We're doing this tonight..."

He'd let them watch him play it, they'd take a stab at it...bam. Done. Brutal. Just like Zappa did to him, all the time.

This is the original version of "Incantation," performed for the first time by his full band, with no rehearsal time. Check out the section where he plays some indigenous stringed instrument, like a bouzouki, or something. Again, I can't recall what it is, but as with the accordion bit in the Parisian waltz he threw in a hunk of bouzouki with this Turkish piece.

Unfortunately there's no true video to go with the audio here, but this is the real live performance. Considering the achievement represented here, including the crazy time signature, with almost no rehearsal, this is just mind boggling for a first live performance...

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Sun May 24, 2009 5:23 pm

Ana Ng wrote:That was another poor attempt at humor, on your part.

Are you Fatsack's girl? What happened to his wife?

I think my spreadsheet needs updating.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sun May 24, 2009 6:18 pm

Close enough. Fatsack, Salad Tosser...pretty much the same thing.

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Mon May 25, 2009 4:57 pm

That post was of very little help, but thanks anyways... I guess.

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon May 25, 2009 5:37 pm

Ana is with Salad Tosser, not Fatsack. To me, Salad Tosser and Fatsack are pretty much the same poster.

So, with your Fatsack mention, you were close enough.