Helping a Pickle Out

[Uncle Fester]

You're welcome, buddy. Hope this helps.
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In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic personality disorder, also referred to as NPD.

DSM Criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

has a grandiose sense of self-importance
is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brillance, beauty, or ideal love
believes that he or she is "special" and unique
requires excessive admiration
has a sense of entitlement
is interpersonally exploitative
lacks empathy
is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Hypothetical causes
The etiology of this disorder is unknown according to Groopman and Cooper. However, they list the following factors identified by various researchers as possible factors.[2]

An oversensitive temperament at birth
Overindulgence and overvaluation by parents
Valued by parents as a means to regulate their own self-esteem
Excessive admiration that is never balanced with realistic feedback
Unpredictable or unreliable caregiving from parents
Severe emotional abuse in childhood
Being praised for perceived exceptional looks or talents by adults
Learning manipulative behaviors from parents

[Tom In VA]

has a grandiose sense of self-importance
is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brillance, beauty, or ideal love
believes that he or she is "special" and unique
requires excessive admiration
has a sense of entitlement
is interpersonally exploitative
lacks empathy
is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

You calling out the entire board ?

[Uncle Fester]

What are you trying to say? That I'm ugly?

[Tom In VA]

Are you' being preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited beauty.

[RevLimiter]

Good call, pickle. How astute of you to notice that nowhere in that definition did they mention your penchant for sniffing negroid nutsacks while getting punched in the colon by Mike Tyson look alikes.

Troll on, brotha!

He's merely calling a spade....A SPADE.

[PSUFAN]

lacks empathy

What's that? Fuck you mutherfuckers

[OCmike]

In psychology and psychiatry, excessive narcissism is recognized as a severe personality dysfunction or personality disorder, most characteristically Narcissistic personality disorder, also referred to as NPD.

DSM Criteria
A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

A good friend of mine in the Navy in San Diego (insert gay sailor joke here) was discharged about two years before I was. He got a place up in OC and started going to college up there. Probably about once a month or so, I'd make the roadie up there to drink and act like an idiot for a weekend.

One day while there I went to go use the shitter and noticed my buddy leaned in close to the mirror and turning from side to side as if he was checking out how he looked from different profiles.

Me: Uh...what're you doing dude?
Him: Just checking out my magnificence.
Me: Whatever.
I procede to download some brownware for ten minutes, come out of the shit locker and he's still standing there admiring himself!
Me: Dude, seriously...what happened to you? You used to be a regular, normal, cool guy!
Him: That's before I realized how good-looking I was.
Me:

After that, he was like a completely different dude. It was like someone flipped a switch on his back and he became this arrogant prick, which was all the more unnerving, because he was barely an average-looking guy! He'd regale me with tales of all these hotties that he had nailed when I'd come back up to visit again. I'd talk to someone else who was there and they'd tell me that, yeah, he boned the chicks, but they were like 3's and 4's, whereas he'd claim they were 9's and 10's.

I started going there less and less and eventually stopped going at all. He was just so freaking obnoxious that I couldn't take it anymore...and this dude and I were best buds for several years in the service.

A couple of years went by and he contacted me via e-mail. He said that he and a bunch of guys were getting a house together in OC and wanted to know if I wanted in. I moved down, found out they had an emu in the backyard and well, you know the rest...

At this point, he has lost all of his old friends, not only because they can't stand the way he acts and looks at himself, but because of his "delusions of grandeur" speeches where he tells everyone that he's meant for great things, will one day be a millionaire, rule the world, etc, etc...

One of the ways that we used to be able to tolerate having him as a roommate is we'd have regular "Winn Davis (his name) updates" whenever he wasn't around. Yeah, it was kind of chickish of us to basically gossip about him when he was gone, but the stuff he would say was just comedy gold.

For instance, Dan, the guy who rented out the house, had this uncanny ability to talk chicks into doing stuff that they normally would never even consider doing. I mean, this guy was so good at negotiating, if they sent him over to Jerusalem, he could have the towelheads and the yids knock out a peace deal in about an hour.

Though pretty much all of them were either hilarious or shocking in some way, he had two true Hall of Famers.

He ran a video editing/taping business out of the house and always had hot female interns from the high school or local college. One day when he had one of the 18 y/o college girls over, he got her to take off her panties and sit spread eagled in a chair with her dress hiked up. He then called me into the room.

Dan: Hey Mikey, c'mere for a second!
Me: I'm busy...I've got to finish this before my class.
Dan: Seriously, you're going to want to see this.

He was always up to some kind of idiocy, so I was kind of pissed at being bugged, tossed down my books and walked into his office and got an eyefull of 18 y/o poon. The chick's face was beet red, but she had nothing to be embarrassed about. She quickly pulled down her skirt.

Her: Hahaha...oh...my...GOD! I can't believe I just did that.
Dan: Mikey, I take it this was worth a study break?
Me: Yeah, but I didn't get a very good look. She pulled her dress down too fast. I think I'm going to need a more extended viewing session.
Dan(to intern): Hike your skirt up again, but this time spread your legs more so he can get a gyno exam shot of your inner labes.
Her: No! Oh my God...you're both crazy!

The other Dan classic happened before we all moved in the house. He called up Winn, who lived about 15 minutes away at the time and told him to come over. He then started in with his legendary diplomacy tactics on his intern (diferent chick).

Him: When the doorbell rings, I want you to answer the door in just a bra and panties.
Her: NO! What the hell is wrong with you?!
Him: Seriously. Bra. Panties. Nothing else.
Her: No way, Dan. You're out of your mind.
Him: It's just underwear! We've all seen it, we all know everyone's got it under their clothes. It's no big deal...just a bra and panties.
Her: Whatever...fine.
Him: So you'll answer the door in just your underwear then?
Her: AND bra.
Him: Okay, deal. Then I want you to take whoever it is into the back room and have sex with him. No names, no questions, just straight anonymous sex.
Her: NO WAY.
Him: Oh, come on. Are you telling me that you've never been picked up at a bar and gone home with the guy?
Her: Yeah, but I was smashed! And I'm dead sober now.
Him: Okay, just blow him and see where things go from there.
Her: Oh my god...why are you making me do this?
Him: I'm not making you do anything you don't already want to do. Everyone needs sex. I do, you do, we all do. I'm just leading you down the road to what you really want.
Her: I can't believe I'm agreeing to this.
Him: Go ahead and take off your clothes so that you're ready when the doorbell rings.
Her: He'd better be good looking. Is he good looking?
Him: HE thinks he is.
*she undresses down to bra and panties*
Him: So you're going to blow him?
Her: YES, okay? Yes, hahaha.
Him: And have sex with him?
Her: Probably, but we'll see.
Him: Okay, when he gets here, I don't want you to say anything. Just take him by the hand, lead him into the back bedroom and let things happen.
*The doorbell rings*
*She walks up to the door in a bra and panties and opens the door*
Winn: Um...Hi.
*She takes his hand*
Her: Follow me...

They go into the back bedroom and are in there for about five minutes. They both come out and are talking and joking around a bit. The intern gets dressed and leaves.

Dan: So were you surprised?
Winn: Yeah, just a bit. You planned that whole thing?
Dan: Yeah. HAHAHAHAAHA....I can't believe she went through with it. So what happened?
Winn: Not too much. We fooled around a bit and she blew me for a couple of minutes, but I felt like I was taking advantage of her so I told her to stop.
Dan: You did?!
Winn: Yeah, I mean she was totally into it and I knew I could have fucked her if I wanted to, but, you know, I wouldn't have felt right about it with her being so young and all. What is she, about 18?
Dan: Yeah...right about there.

So Dan calls the intern up after Winn leaves.

Dan: What happened? How'd it go?
Her: Ugh. I can't believe you had me do that.
Dan: Why, what happened? He said you were totally into him and he had you stop because he didn't want to take advantage of you.
Her: What?! *I* stopped. There was no way I was going to let him fuck me.
Dan: Why not?
Her: I started blowing him and his dick got hard-
Dan: So what's the problem?
Her: It was like FOUR FUCKING INCHES LONG! There's no way I was going to have sex with some random guy if I know I'm not even going to get off a little bit!

So the dude with NPD deluded himself into believing that he could have nailed this chick, when in reality, she had totally rejected him. That's how this guy was. You could be at a bar with him, watch him go up and talk to a chick, see him get totally shined and he'd come back and say, "I thought she was good-looking, but when I got up close, she was nasty. I'm not going to waste my time with a chick that isn't even close to being in my league." Unreal...

The 4" cock story was the original "Winn Davis Update". WDU's always included two parts: What happened and what he said happened, which is why they were so hilarious to all of us.

My falling out with him happened after we'd lived at the emu house for about two years. One night he and I got absolutely shit-faced and were talking about all kinds of stories about the past, laughing it up and generally having a good time.

Him: Man, this has been a great night. I feel like I could tell you anything right now.
Me: You're not gay for me, are you?
Him: No, no...asshole...nothing like that. I just want to be completely open with you about something.
Me: Shoot.
Him: I'm just going to come right out and say it. *pause* I don't like the way you talk to chicks.
Me: WHAT?!
Him: I don't mean that in a bad way. I want to help you. You've got no game and I really think I can help you improve.
Me: If you mean that I have no game with bar skanks, you're right, because I don't even try. I stopped hitting on those types of chicks a long time ago. You and I go for totally different types of chicks. You like any chick who'll fuck you the second you leave the bar, even if her face looks like she got shot point blank with a sawed-off acne shotgun. I like chicks who are cute, that aren't whores. I meet chicks at other places where I don't have to walk up and say, "That's a great sweater...it'll look even better wadded up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning", or some other crap.
Him: *Sigh* You're taking this completely the wrong way. I didn't mean this as an attack, I just think you need to get laid more.
Me(getting louder): Dude, I've gone through my years of nailing anything with a pussy and I'm past that stage. Besides, I've seen the fugly chicks that you nail. That's nothing to be proud of. It doesn't take game to land chicks like that, it takes alcohol and a cock.
Him(yelling back): I've *never* nailed a "fugly" chick in my life. You're just jealous because I can score more ass than you can.
Me: ANYBODY can nail a fucking bar whore! What the fuck does that prove?! I've done it plenty of times and all it's done for me is made me wonder when I'm going to get herpes or some other bullshit. I'm not fucking 18 anymore and I could care less who nails more below-average looking chicks than I do.
Him: You're really just being insulting now. I go out of my way to offer my help to you, to take you under my wing and this is what I get in return. I thought we could be open and honest about this...
Me: Well, as long as we're being fucking open and honest, I guess now would be a great time to let you know that you're the fucking laughing stock of the house!
Him: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Me: Every time you leave the house, and I mean EVERY FUCKING TIME, we all share stories about the ridiculously deluded shit that you say and get a great big "Ha-fucking-ha" at your expense.
Him: Wha-
Me: That's right, motherfucker. You're nothing but a piece of shit, laughable cartoon character around here.

At that point he got this weird look in his eyes, like he couldn't believe that everyone not only didn't admire him for his stellar personality and male model good looks, but that they actually laughed at him. He got up and puffed his chest out a bit like he was ready to throw down.

Me: You sure you want to go that route?
Him: Yeah, I do! I thought you guys were my friends and this is how you treat me?!
Me: That's the only way we could tolerate living with you.
Him: FUCK YOU, I'll kick your fucking ASS!
Me: Any time you think you're ready for a shot at the title...

This dude probably weighed about 160 and I worked out regularly and (back then, not today...fuckers) was a stout, muscular 220. I mean, it totally wouldn't have even been a fair fight, so for my own amusement, I pulled up one of my sleeves, flexed my OCgun, and slapped it.

Me: You see that? It's bigger than one of your spindly legs. I'll fucking crush you, you fucking prick.

I might as well have ripped off a yellow unitard, cupped my ear to the crowd and said, "What you gonna do, brother? What you gonna do when these 18" guns come down on you!"

It was fucking "go" time.

Just then Dan opens up the sliding glass door.

Dan: Everything okay out here? The neighbors said that they were about to call the cops because someone was about to get killed.
Winn: Yeah, everything's just peachy.
Dan: Mike?
Me: I wasn't going to KILL him.

Winn walked into the house, walked back to his room and slammed the door. He moved out a few days later and I only saw him a few times after that. It was uncomfortable, but unavoidable as we shared the same group of friends.

Even though I'm sure it crushed his NPD ego to know he wasn't universally admired, that night was good for him in the sense that it knocked him down a peg or two.

I actually tried mending fences with him a couple of times, but each time after a couple of weeks of him being cool, the NPD would start to rear its ugly head again and I'd just bail.

I talked to a friend recently, after not having seen Winn for about five years now. He said that Winn still lives in OC and is single, by choice, because according to Winn, "He could be nailing anyone he wanted to right now, but he's concentrating on work."

To be honest, there's a lot of things I miss about that house and, no, I don't miss that shit-factory emu most. We had some great times at that place, but by far my favorite thing was the "Winn Davis Updates".

Me: I've got something to tell you...
Dan: Oh, God...what did he say now...

[PSUFAN]

See, pickle, not every thread of yours is a fukken waste

[OCmike]

Wow, I read the whole damn thing. Only took 2 hours and 15 minutes. Another nice novel, mike. thanks

The sad thing is, it probably took me less time to type than it did for you to read it. :D

[Goober McTuber]

An excellent read, BTW. I can’t believe you used to live with Dinsdale, and I’m sorry to hear about your falling out.

[OCmike]

Thanks.

Yeah, Dins and I have never been the same after that... :D

As an addendum to the story...(this one is short, I promise :D) Winn met some chick on Love@AOL.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; one day and being the 1/16th jew that he was, arranged to meet her at a local joint that's even cheaper and shabbier than Denny's. They sit there talking for a few minutes and she stops him mid-sentence and says, "Look, are we going to fuck, or what..."

The go back to her place and he procedes to nail a chick he's known for 10 minutes bareback. Idiot. He's churning butter in her floppy oyster from behind and pulls out just as he's blowing his nut. She says, "Mmmmm...I can feel your cum running down my ass crack", and starts lifting her ass cheeks and dropping them back together again, making a sound like someone pulling apart a mayonaisse and grilled cheese sammich and slamming the bread back together.

He's describing the story in vivid detail like he just got done plugging Jessica Alba (pre-pregnancy), and we're all sitting there in disbelief. I mean, at first we were kinda at his usual bullshit story, but then we were kinda because she was such a blatant internet whore who did this all the time (although according to him, it was because he was so smoove :D), but when he started describing her ass cheek antics, pretty much to a man, we were all . "Uh, and you fukked this chick with no rubber?" "Yeah, so...I pulled out, so it's not like she'll get pregnant." Unreal...

[Diogenes]

A good friend of mine in the Navy in San Diego (insert gay sailor joke here) was discharged

I guess that means he was the pitcher?

Hey, you didn't request a good one...

[OCmike]

Yeah, I figured I was in trouble when I used "sailor", "discharge" and "used the shitter" in the first few sentences. :P

[Atomic Punk]

Rack OCMike for that great story.

[PSUFAN]

some chick on Love@AOL.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Do they like to get freaky?

[OCmike]

some chick on Love@AOL.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;"

Do they like to get freaky?

Do they have a U&L BBW section? - Dins

[Charles De Mar]

Pickletime