VP of the CC

[indyfrisco]

That's me, fellas. I just hired a new golf pro and am making some drastic changes to our golfprogram.

Anyone else here run or partially run their CC? Looking for ideas on new kinds of tournaments to incorporate into our season.

[Dinsdale]

Country club? What is this "country club" that you speak of?

Sin,
Poor White Trash


I played for the first time since the onset of monsson season yesterday. Par 3 course. I played like a guy who hadn't played in a couple of months who was trying to deal with 45-50MPH wind gusts.

Yup, it went that well. At least I beat the guys I was playing with.

[BSmack]

Yup, it went that well. At least I beat the guys I was playing with.

Never underestimate the value of beating ones partners.

Frisco,

Have you considered a cooning contest?

[Dinsdale]

Damn. I forgot to yell "Damn! I cooned it" after bad shots yesterday.

[Derron]

hat's me, fellas. I just hired a new golf pro and am making some drastic changes to our golfprogram.

So your going to be one of those no dick, no career, drunk ass wanna be's who creates drama and controversy and then try to look like a fucking hero?

I wish I had a dollar for every CC officer that thought they were the fucking bomb. They all are going to kick ass and take names. Fire the pro, fire the superintendent, fire the chef, get new ones. Micro manage every aspect of the club.

Walk in the fucking bar and fire the bartender if he don't have your fucking drink sitting at "your " spot when you sit down. Get caught fucking the 17 year old waitress. Make the staff kiss ass to all the yuppie moms and their spoiled ass brat bastard kids.

Start your mornings knocking back gin and tonics at 8 am, play nine, bitch about the greens when you 3 putt, back to the clubhouse and knock back another 3 gin and tonics before you play the back nine, where you bitch about the greens when you 4 putt, come in to the clubhouse, order a sandwhich, bitch about the sandwich, catch the caddies smoking dope in the cart house.....

Then go home and post shit on the internet about kicking the fuck out of the greens committee's ass,

How about this idea??? ...Stay the fuck out of the pros, the superintendents, the club manager business and let them do their fucking jobs.

[Qbert]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Fuckin'A RACK!

just make sure you have the 9 hole/with dinner on Fridays.

no women before 10am on the weekends.

drink lots on ladies day.

have some gayassed event after they are done so they can pretend to not get Moellered-up like their husbands do before they come home to their life of PAIN!

encourage the exchanging of MONEY...and that the boyz are not sandbagging their handicaps.

install a Caddie program....Caddie needs a home.

send your Pro to the PING Fitting School immediately. 1-800-528-0650.

and Ian Zubkopf and Pat Daulton--->Nickent Golf...for your hybrids. 1-888-638-6542.

that was FREE.....you're welcome.

50k salary and a 1 year lease paid on a Condo....and i'll run your golf shop.

[Derron]

no women before 10am on the weekends.

Shit...my bad I missed some of the most important...

No spics, queers, Jews or ni--ers allowed to join the club.

Make sure as VP of the club, that you are obligated to fuck the PRESIDENTS wife when she puts the move on you, even if she weighs 300 pounds and hasn't washed her snatch in 2 months.

Make sure you wage a behind the scenes campaign to keep you business compititors OUT of the club. Tell everyone they fuck little boys or goats or something like that.

Shake down the gambling tables for at least 25% of the house take as well.

Make sure you take 25K from the superintendents budget to wallpaper the womens locker room, and then bitch and fire the superintendent when his 25 year old greens mower dies, and the fucking greens get tall.

Order the superintendent shave the fucking greens down to .12 for the club touramanet, see the old drunk fucks 6 putt on greens stimping 13 and then publicly melt down. Then watch the greens die from too close mowing, and fire the next superintendent.

[Derron]

if the caddie's share, that sounds like a pretty damned good day.

I was playing a CC years ago with a bud, he did not partake, but was cool about it...and the cart wasn't waiting for us... He went to the caddy shack, and I walked in the cart house. I did not see anybody, some dude started coughing, so I walked to the back room and one of the cart boys is holding a bowl and lighter.

He saw me, his fucking eyes got REAL big and I looked at him and said
"Dude, you got about 30 seconds to stuff your best bud in that bowl and hand it to me...he looked at me, I said yeah.. that's what I said, he rammed a bud of goo in there, I sparked two solid good hits, and met my buddy and we had a great round. I tipped the kid $ 10 when we came in.

At a public course, I tipped the cart gal $ 20 to keep my youngest
(ie underage) son in beer, he was leaving for the Marine Corps the next day, then I tipped her another $ 20 to show us her tits on the back nine.

Once again a great day at the course, had to have my daughter come pick us up, but a memorable day.

[adam-$300]

rack derron and qbert.

genius takes.



war moeny talks and bullshyt brags about being an officer at a CC

[indyfrisco]

Frisco,

Have you considered a cooning contest?

I'd have an unfair advantage as I'd win that tourney every time. I like your thinking though.

We have a "Frosty Balls" tourney that is tradition. Played the first week of March no matter wind, rain, sun or snow. I might have to incorporate the "Coon it closest to pin" contest in the tourney where the ball has to get like no higher than 15 feet off the ground.

Anyone ever hear of MBF's? Similar to a coon, but only get's about 3 feet off the ground. It's an acronym.

[indyfrisco]

Damn, ask for touney ideas and get pathetic smack.

Last board fired the past pro...for legal reasons I cannot mention. However, there WAS a 22 yr old waitress involved. All I'll say on that front other than "It was probably worth it" for the former pro.

[Dinsdale]

Cool. IF asks for tourney suggestions, and gets a pile-on. How can you not love it?

I was playing a CC years ago with a bud, he did not partake, but was cool about it.

One of my golfing buds just told me a story the other day from recently being put in a foursome. Said loser-dickweed #1 asked if anyone partook. Loser-dickweed#2 said he was down, so the sparking commenced. When it came to my friend's turn, he gladly joined. When it came time for golfer #4's turn, he politely declined. Apparently, dickweeds #1 and #2 started to apply peer-pressure to get #4 to partake (bear in mind, these guys were all 50-ish). After much ribbing, #4 breaks out with "Uhm, I'm a Washington County Sherrif's Deputy." The peer pressure stopped for a while, and the other 3 began to buy the cop beers.

Said they had him smoking up a storm and giggling his ass off while cooning shots by about the 6th hole.

Oddly enough, the last time they stuck a cop in our group, he was smoking with us by the 2nd hole. I whooped the dude's ass-btw.

[Derron]

Damn, ask for touney ideas and get pathetic smack.

Pathetic smack ??? Every, every thing I cited actually happened. I sold turf equipment for 7 years, I built portions of 3 courses in Oregon, oversaw all construction on 2 in Las Vegas I golfed damn near every course in OR, WA and No Cal. I saw the mollared old fucks sitting at the bar at 7 am.

I listened to the pompous financial planner types tell the super how to take care of his course. Every fucking thing I said is true.

However, there WAS a 22 yr old waitress involved.

My bad... the ONE, (there are others) I quoted was 17... dude damn near got ran to the hole for that one...

There was one public club manager that told one of the construction company's to dope test all their 'LOCALLY" hired workers. I said "bad move dude, the whole fucking crew will get canned."

He ordered it done, they all failed, he came to me crying that construction was stopping, I told him he fucked up. I flew in 8 guys that night and we wrote a change order that damn near broke his bank, and made me a fucking pile of money.

I drove by one of my local courses today, and I see they lifted every tree on the place up to at least 6 feet. "To see the golfers" better from the clubhouse. Right.....too many guys smoking in th etrees slowing play is what I heard... they still have a couple of rolling areas, and hole # 4 is known as the "smoking" hole.

The only thing worse than a busy body Board of Director's is a privately owned course with a bitter old man owing it. His office he had built where he could see the 1st and 9th tees, the cart house, the pro shop cash register, the bar / reseturant register with out getting his miserly ass out of his chair.

Heres the best idea.... Dins probably has played this course, Quail Valley...but at a public course, this dude rented the course for the whole fucking day for a tourny, and he hired topless caddie girl's. Somehow this went on for about 2 hours, and the fucking high school was close by, and a lumber mill....the high school boys skipping class lining upon the road, the fucking redneck mill workers fucking off and looking over the fence, until so do gooder called the cops. It was great.....

[Dinsdale]

I drove by one of my local courses today, and I see they lifted every tree on the place up to at least 6 feet.

Which one? I play just about all of the Hillsboro area courses, except a couple...I could live a happy life without ever setting foot at Merriwether, and...

Dins probably has played this course, Quail Valley

Nope. Never been. Buddy used to live in the housing developement on it, too. Every single one of my golfing buddies who has ever been there has told stories of such incredible levels of rudeness from the employees (sup Merriwether), that they'll never go back. Grossly overpriced from what I understand, too.

I remember those good old Star's charity funraisers. Actually, one of my best friends was a manager at Star's at the time(now runs the Bend location). The right-wingers/neocons (yeah, they fit in in Beaverton...:rolleyes:) constantly push their "tittybars are anti-women: campaign, yet Star's uses all that money from the charity events to fund their battered women's shelter (not everybody knows this). The city always tries to pull fast ones on Star's, and Star's always wins...classic.

See, there you go, Frisco -- have a charity tourney, and everyone who pays the exhorbitant entry fee gets an ultra-hottie to serve as his nude caddie. Then again, I'm guessing that flies a lot better in Oregon than anywhere in the Midwest...I'm guessing. They have bowling tournies where you compete against naked chicks, too. **Insert "ball washer" jokes here**

And Derron -- a bud called yesterday afternoon to meet him at the Hacker Capitol Of the World, Killarney West. Fortunately, he was a lot closer than I was, and got there soon enough to call and tell me "dude...Katrina just hit out here." So I didn't bother driving all the way out. Said there were dozens of trees down still, and also a power pole and a transformer laying on the ground. I may not be suffering from Killarnage any time soon. Definitely my favorite "hacker" course. Short, tough, casual (no shirt, no shoes, no problem, although I just plain refuse to walk in any clubhouse without a shirt...c'mon), and $8 for 9 holes...hard to beat.

[Derron]

The housing development is on the back side of Quail. They bitched about the range balls, they bitched about the noise from the trains at the lumber mill hooking up at 3 am, don't think the engineers didn't ram it home at little harder ??

The employees are dumber that shit at QV, starting with the owners on down.

Sunset Grove is the one where the trees lifted.. down the road a ways from Banks...

Meriwheter won't be dry for months... our 30th hs reunion was held there, probably not going back, or being allowed back...

Hacker Capitol Of the World, Killarney West.

That course is under water in a dry year. Look for it to open about April 15 maybe. McKay Creek on the other side of the creek is a nicer course, little more jack, but Killarny is a goat pasture. We partied at one of the houses on the course, and put about 50 pounds of potatos on the course one night with a spud gun. It's all in laws that own those 2 courses, as well as Wildwood. Nice thing about Killarny is I play about 3 balls on that course. There's more fucking balls in the creek on 2 and 3 than in the clubhouse.

You would not have been able to get past the submerged cars on the road in there.

[indyfrisco]

Well, if it makes you feel better Derron, we've had the same greens keeper for 18 years. He takes damn good care of the course. We haven't asked a thing from him in years, and we buy him whatever equipment he needs to get his job done. Just cut an 11k check to him for a new rough mower last week.

We don't accept cash at our club now. That, too, came about because of the last pro.

[The Seer]

Well, if it makes you feel better Derron, we've had the same greens keeper for 18 years. He takes damn good care of the course. We haven't asked a thing from him in years, and we buy him whatever equipment he needs to get his job done. Just cut an 11k check to him for a new rough mower last week.

We don't accept cash at our club now. That, too, came about because of the last pro.

Fine. I'll call your bluff...


Name of the CC? Annual fees? Monthly dues? Cough it up....

[Derron]

That's me, fellas. I just hired a new golf pro and am making some drastic changes to our golfprogram.

What does this highly skilled and professional position pay ??

[indyfrisco]

Well, if it makes you feel better Derron, we've had the same greens keeper for 18 years. He takes damn good care of the course. We haven't asked a thing from him in years, and we buy him whatever equipment he needs to get his job done. Just cut an 11k check to him for a new rough mower last week.

We don't accept cash at our club now. That, too, came about because of the last pro.

Fine. I'll call your bluff...


Name of the CC? Annual fees? Monthly dues? Cough it up....

Small town. Small CC. Didn't say it was Hilton Head.

Different level of dues based on your age. We do not charge an initial fee to join the club. That’s why we get so much turnover.

320 members (+family) currently

Under 25 - $400/year
25-29 - $650/year
30 – 35 $800/year
36+ - $1450/year

Only minimums are for the restaurant. $35/month. Use it or lose it.

Cart fees 9/$8 18/$13

Green fee for non members $25.

9 hole course. Par 36 – (per 18 holes) Red/5065 White/6200 Blue/6550 (Don’t have the slope rating available)

It’s one of the most challenging courses in Southern Indiana, even as a 9 hole.

[indyfrisco]

That's me, fellas. I just hired a new golf pro and am making some drastic changes to our golfprogram.

What does this highly skilled and professional position pay ??

Not at liberty to say this, but the new pro we hired is getting about 20k more than the one that was fired. We think he's that good. We're building him an indoor training facility so he can teach lessons during the winter months. We are building an outdoor driving net so members can arm up before play and the pro can give lessons there as well. We don't have a range anymore.

By "drastic changes", I was talking about these kinds of things. In addition, we have had no club championship and very few member tournaments the last 4 years because the previous pro didn't do that stuff.

[Dinsdale]

Hacker Capitol Of the World, Killarney West.

That course is under water in a dry year. Look for it to open about April 15 maybe.

I've played it through several dry winters. It all comes down to whether the creek stays in its banks or not(but it usually busts them in an average year). By the end of this month, once we get a warn dry week, it'll probably be pretty decent.

McKay Creek on the other side of the creek is a nicer course, little more jack, but Killarny is a goat pasture.

Sincerely, 1995?

You are out-of-the-loop, my friend. As an aside, if I'm not mistaken, Killarney is on Dairy Creek, McKay Creek is obviously on McKay Creek, the confluence of the two streams is about a long par-5 downstream from both/either. Butanyhoo --

Over the last few years, Killarney has become a much cooler track, imo. I'm not sure, but I think the same coupla Mexican dudes take care of the grounds at both anymore, although I think they started at Killarney. The nice folks there (the descendants of Uncle Joe...they have St Helens, Springwater (sup mountain goats), and a couple of others I can't remember...everybody in Washington County knows Uncle Joe, don't they? Hell, my parents are from another country, and I think I might still be realted to Uncle Joe) tell me that the Mexis do a lot better job for the same money as the old moron, and Old Joe won't spend more on maintainance, due to his devotion to keeping it at $8 for weekdays. I just like the atmosphere there, as well. Let's just say I "fit in" better there (sup ultra-local humor).

The 3 par-3's/3 par-5's of McKay make for some nice scoring opportunities, though...not that I ever take advantage of those opportunities or anything. Played a hellcrazyfun drinking-required tourney there last spring (then on to a dart tourney, then on to a disk golf tourney, then on to a pool tourney, then on to a bowling tourney...I think I might have mentioned this before, but fun day, nonetheless). Problem with McKay, is it's too new, and the trees just aren't big enough yet. I'm not sure I've ever seen a course that attracts less skilled players than McKay. Jeebus. When a motherfucker yells "FORE!" out there, he's freaking serious. First time I played there, I quickly learned that "FORE" means drop your club, and take cover behind your pull-cart, hands over your head. One of my golfing buddies did some work building that place.

You would not have been able to get past the submerged cars on the road in there.

My friend actually had the phone to his face as he walked in the door. It's not that bad, although is rarely a "go-to" in winter. Not that many places play nice in winter, and during this winter, I think the number of "good ones" is zero. I've never played it, but I hear Langdon is about as good as winter golf gets. I played the OGA course in Woodburn in the wet last year, and it wasn't too shabby. The par-3 Edgefield in Troudale(sup McMenny's, sup yesterday afternoon)) is on a slope, and doesn't have quite the same dense, silty soil, so it doesn't get squishy very easily, and firms up pretty quickly. It's the bizzomb in the winter. That little course is more fun than it should be on paper, and I HATE par-3 courses, as a general rule. On the downside, it's in Troutdale, where rumor has it that they actually invented wind there. Aim about 30 degrees east off the tee towards the east(although it was calm yesterday, super-nice afternoon of golf in February).


Anyhow, IndyVP(since I hope you scrolled to this part, along with anyone not named Derron, and even he might have...can't say I blame him) -- See if I've got this right...this is all over a freaking nine hole country club? These "carts" you speak of renting don't have really big rear tires and say John Deere on the side, do they? Do caddies ride a YZ250? Dress code requires wife-beaters and sandals?

But seriously, waxing poetic about Killarney reminded me of a tourney idea for you, since they used to do it there --

A glow-ball tourney...at night, obviously.

The first I heard about it, was the last time they did it, coupla years or so ago, and of course I was out of town or some crap, and couldn't go.

But as I'm sure you can figure, they start about 9:30 at night, and whack away at glow balls. Big glow sticks hanging from the pins. Becomes a big drunkfest.

Don't how it would fly for you, since at the course I mentioned, there's very few houses, and pretty much all of them are occupied by people associated with the course in one way or another, so they can pull it off. Might be hard if it's in the middle of a subdivision or something, though.

There, I made a suggestion. Only took 43 paragraphs. Sombody else's turn.

[indyfrisco]

Dins,

I like it. We don't have any houses on the course except for a few by hole #3. Even then, the houses are guarded by a lot af huge maple trees. My in-laws have one of the houses and I know the other 2 house owners really well. Hell, they'd all be playing in the tourney anyways.

Every tee box can have one of those battery powered lantern/lamps to tee off.

[Dinsdale]

They came out with a type of glow ball that is much better than those old ones with the little glow sticks in them, which are a guaranteed slice. They have this new kind (new to me, anyway) that work off a chemical reaction or some shit, and the energy from striking the ball is what makes it glow. The two drawbacks are A) They're pink, and B) They're about $10 a whack. But theoretically, you should only be able to lose them if you soak it...right? Sounds good on paper, anyway.

[indyfrisco]

Yeah, we'd have to provide the glow balls and incorporate the cost into the tournament fee. Since this will be a "for fun only" with a maderate payout, I don't want to be charging $10/ball.

We'd probably use the glow stick balls since I can probably get those for like $12 for 3 of them, 12 per group. If they lose 12 balls, they don't deserve to play. There's only 2 holes where water would REALLY be an issue. They can dig in the trees for the glowing ball if they hit it there.

[Derron]

The nice folks there (the descendants of Uncle Joe...they have St Helens, Springwater (sup mountain goats), and a couple of others I can't remember...everybody in Washington County knows Uncle Joe, don't they?

Ok... you know the score with Joe... I know the whole family.. helped build Killarney, played it so many times before it was open drunk..

Joe owns Killarney, Jane daughter and husband own McKay Creek, son Bill owns Wildwood, son in law Tim owns Cross Creek at Dallas, and used to own what ever the fuck the course was at Waldport. Another son owns one at Madras, prarie dog place....oldest son owns Springwater,

Joes so fucking tight, I have heard he has immmense amounts of cash under his house. Watch how they run the cash register.

More later steak is done...

[Dinsdale]

Joe owns Killarney

What the heck is his daughter that runs the place name? I always forget her damned name, and she always remembers mine...I hate that. Isn't she the one who married the Vuylsteke, of Oak Knoll fame?

It's a small county, if you've lived here for a while...which accounts for about 5% of us.

You must have been a young'un when you worked on Killarnage, since it's been there since like '72 or some shit like that.

I didn't realize that Madras was part of the Joe network. If it's the one I'm thinking of, it was actually an 18-holer, but a couplefew years ago, their watering permit got yanked, and they had to scale back to 9...if it's the one I'm thinking of. Doesn't matter, since that's a shithole of a town. Served a work "sentence" there a few years ago...cool place, if you like Indian tweekers and weather that is a roller-coaster ride. But on the other side of the coin, I never played that course -- when we got done early, we opted to drive to that overpriced shithole KahNeeTa, so we could be insulted by non-tweeker Indians. I don't get all the hype about that place. People say "it plays nice in winter, it's dry." Yeah well, the inside of my freezer is pretty "dry" too, but you don't see me golfing there, either.

[Derron]

What the heck is his daughter that runs the place name? I always forget her damned name, and she always remembers mine...I hate that. Isn't she the one who married the Vuylsteke, of Oak Knoll fame?

Colleen... she married Jim Vuylsteke, who farms in the same area. The Oak Knoll bunch is cousins.

Colleen and Jim built a house on the course there, but moved out to the family farm last year. One of their boys lives there now and throws partys all the time.

Colleen introduced my wife and myself. Set us up on a blind date. My first wife and I lived across the street from them, so we done some pretty heavy misbehaving in those days. Jim and I go way back.

Her sister Jane, runs McKay Creek.

Killarney was finished in about 1982.

Kevin is the one that had the Madras shithole. You never knew if the ball went in the hole or rolled off the side and went in a fucking gopher hole. Real shit hole. I went through Madras about 6 years ago, and it had been 10 years before that, fucking shithole, no other way around it. They added the other 9 before they secured the acutal real water rights, so the locals yanked it from them. I heard he sold it about 5 years ago or so.

Kah Nee Taa... take your fucking life in your hands driving in there. The fucking drunk dog eaters will run your ass off the road. They probably still have my picutre up there. I blasted a fucking rattlesnake in the camp ground one night, and the fuckin tribal police had a cow. Wanted my gun and ammo, I threw the fucking snake down at his feet and told them to do a better job of clearing the snakes out in the spring.

We were leaving the next morning and some bitch is letting her Dobie snarl and snap at a sunning rattlesnake on the side of the road. I told here to get the fuck away, my bud and I drew and put about 15 rounds in the snake. Again the fucking tribal cops had a shit fit. Again I threw the snake at them, and we fucking left.

[Dinsdale]

Colleen

Thank you. If I can remember, I won't feel nearly as foolish when she says "Hi Dinsdale," and I can't return in kind (except my name isn't really Dinsdale).

The Oak Knoll bunch is cousins.

Ron was a friend and coworker of my Dad's, up until the time he left to open the winery. I know Tom -- great guy.

Colleen and Jim built a house on the course there, but moved out to the family farm last year. One of their boys lives there now and throws partys all the time.

Yeah, the younger clan that inhabits those houses seem to party a bit.

Colleen introduced my wife and myself. Set us up on a blind date. My first wife and I lived across the street from them, so we done some pretty heavy misbehaving in those days. Jim and I go way back.

Washco used to be like a small town in a small world. Now, with half a million people, those days are gone. War -- old schoolers.

Her sister Jane, runs McKay Creek.

One of my good golfing buddies used to work for her way back when. He ran across her during the construction, and he went and did work out there in exchange for free rounds at a later date. I think he's spent them since then. But tell you what, the coupla times I've been there with him, he calls during the busiest times, doesn't give a name, just calls up and says "hey, what's up," and we have a tee time...which is nice.

Kevin is the one that had the Madras shithole. You never knew if the ball went in the hole or rolled off the side and went in a fucking gopher hole. Real shit hole. I went through Madras about 6 years ago, and it had been 10 years before that, fucking shithole, no other way around it. They added the other 9 before they secured the acutal real water rights, so the locals yanked it from them. I heard he sold it about 5 years ago or so.

I got stuck in Madras, shithole of shitholes, Indian tweeker capital of the West, I think about 3 years ago. Never made it to the course, since the locals told us "it pretty much sucks." That's of course the locals that didn't say "How...golf no good...we get $10 for paleface scalp." I'm suprised, since that area is sporting some world-class courses, that there wasn't a huge market for a decent low priced alternative.

Kah Nee Taa... take your fucking life in your hands driving in there.

Like yourself(and about 3 other freaking people here), I've been around these parts for a long time. And I learned at an early age that you just DO NOT speed, or even look funny while driving through the rez. They live by the idea that on the rez, ALL Indians are cops. And just try getting the key to the restroom at that little gas station/market thing in Warm Springs. The guys I was travelling with were of Indian descent(although they pretty much look Mexican), and everything was hunky-dory with them. Fuckers in the store wouldn't acknowledge me, and my coworkers had to get the key for me...nice folks.

I swear they import rattlesnakes into that place, obviously some sort of plot to kill off Paleface, and take their land back. I don't think the rest of the country realizes how extraordinarily dysfuctional the realationship is with the Native Americans in the Northwest.

[Derron]

Hey Dins:

I was at Cross Creek, its out west of Dallas on Friday. That's owned by Tim Tarpley who married one of Joes daughters. The snow had just melted off and he had a ton of players out there. I bought a top dresser from him to use on some athletic fields. He and the whole damn family horse traded equipment all the time.

Tight ass still has the 77 Chev pickup I sold him 17 years ago. I did not ask him, but I think he built another 18 there for a total of 36 holes. Built a huge lake for water storage.

It's your basic bump and run type course. Drains well.

[Dinsdale]

West of Dallas? It's not that one by Rickreal, or whatever that town is called?

OK, I need a map. One of my friends lives in McMinneville, so Dalls wouldn't be a big deal to get to from there. Speaking of MiniMac -- just played the Bayou for the first time...not too bad, for a hacker joint. Of course I'm of the mind that a hcker joint should NEVER charge me more than $12 to play 9 on a weekend, bit oh well...not a bad course. Has a few real par 4s...you know, where you're not automatically coming in with a sand wedge. And it was kinda wet and none too warm, which just kills the distance, but I didn't come anywhere near their par 5s in 2, which lends legitimacy, I guess. I sure got all of a 3W trying, though, which was cool, since me and my fairway woods are going through a little tough time in our relationship right now, which has almost resulted in a divorce due to irreconcilable differences.

I'll check out Cross Creek.

[Derron]

Yeah... just keep on going south on 99 from Bayou Goat Ranch. Take a right on Hwy 22 and Cross Creek is about 4 miles out. The nice thing about that is after you play a round, keep heading west and your about 20 minutes from Spirit Mountain Casino, that killer breakfast buffet and some gambling.

Bayou was or sold recently. 2 million fucking dollars for a course built on little hill tops to keep out of the water. $ 12 for nine on a weekend for Bayou...ouch.. but then a golf course built in a flood plain is bound to have some inhernet problems.

A fun course at the north coast is The Highlands at Gearhart.

[Dinsdale]

Yeah... just keep on going south on 99 from Bayou Goat Ranch. Take a right on Hwy 22 and Cross Creek is about 4 miles out.

OK, we're on the same page. That's north of Dallas, not west.

The nice thing about that is after you play a round, keep heading west and your about 20 minutes from Spirit Mountain Casino, that killer breakfast buffet and some gambling.

I'll pass, thank you. Although I haven't had their prime rib buffet in a while (I seem to remember paying about $9 for it). Only thing at Spirit Mountain worth a shit. A non-drinking casino? Get the fuck outta here.

Bayou was or sold recently. 2 million fucking dollars for a course built on little hill tops to keep out of the water. $ 12 for nine on a weekend for Bayou...ouch.. but then a golf course built in a flood plain is bound to have some inhernet problems.

I would have been OK with $12. It was freaking 16 freaking bones. Didn't break the bank or anything, but it's the principle of the matter at that point. I'm guessing they've made some drainage upgrades, since it wasn't too horribly bad last weekend, although that place never even used to open until later in the spring.

A fun course at the north coast is The Highlands at Gearhart.

I've heard nothing but good things. If'n I'm not mistaken, it's the oldest course in the entire state. Another on my "to-do" list. No freaking rattlesnakes in Gearhart, so there's that.

[Derron]

A non-drinking casino? Get the fuck outta here.

Its fucking Oregon dude... were lucky we even got the casino...

I'm guessing they've made some drainage upgrades, since it wasn't too horribly bad last weekend, although that place never even used to open until later in the spring.

That would explain why it looked dryer than past March's. I did not see any players out, but it looked playable to me.

If'n I'm not mistaken, it's the oldest course in the entire state.

It is the oldest course in the state. In one of my former lives, I sold turf equipment and was on every course in this state. The Highlands was for sale back in 1992. I could have bought the WHOLE MOTHER FUCKING COURSE for $ 395,000 at the time. I just could not put it together, I guess paying that divorce off in 89, to the tune of about a $ 100K kind of fucked me up for a while.

Any nine now will bring about 1.3 million regardless. But using conventional financial parameters, you have to run the damn things for about 20 years before you can pay them off, especially if you have to upgrade irrigation and drainage.

[Dinsdale]

That would explain why it looked dryer than past March's. I did not see any players out, but it looked playable to me.

Wasn't too bad. Still plugged quite a few. Greens weren't too shabby for a wet March, though, but they have left the grass pretty long -- which is the putting equalizer in winter...divide however much break you were going to play by two, and add 50% to the speed of the putt, right? You're from Oregon, you know what I'm talking about. Putting finesse kinda goes out the window during monsoon season.

It is the oldest course in the state.

What, there was a three-hole corse there since like 1890, or some shit? That's pretty old for the Frontier.

Any nine now will bring about 1.3 million regardless. But using conventional financial parameters, you have to run the damn things for about 20 years before you can pay them off, especially if you have to upgrade irrigation and drainage.

I have a friend who might (long, hard-to-believe story) be coming in to an ungodly sum of money (well into the nine-digits, if you can believe it), and claims he's going to buy up just about every course that's for sale in Oregon and Washington. Havern't heard an update on the transaction in quite a while, but I'm quite certain that if his deal goes through, he will do exactly that...and buy his way on to the Natrionwide Tour, or some such place (dude has MAD game, absolutely tears up the hacker courses when the warden lets him out on the weekends, and it becomes a matter of how many under par he'll finish, not if he'll finish with a minus...bastard).

If he does and up with this good fortune, I have a hunch I'll be getting one fatty job offer not too long after. So, there's that.

[Derron]

Hey Dins... you ever play a course called Hawk Creek?? Just outside Neskowin on 101.

Well too late now they sold it and closed it for land development and it was possibly the worst course in Oregon, outside of one outside of Grants Pass.

Any how, Neskowin Golf Course was still a fucking swamp, no one playing. I don't know how those courses make it.

A bunch of Hawk Creeks equipment is now mine for a good price. It was a nice drive over anyway.

[Dinsdale]

Was it the one on the east side of 101, or the west?

Dins has logged a BUNCH of time in Neskowin. A whole freaking bunch. My friend's folks (eventually just his mom) owned a house on the beach there since the early 70's. Third one north of the creek/park, if I remember right. Between there and that huge McMenamin joint (not Mcmenny's mom's place, which was immediately next door to my friend's). Except for a couplefew rental weeks in late summer, we pretty much had free run of the place. The drugs flowed like wine for us in Neskowin. Pussy ain't tooo hard to come by when you have a beach house, either. Beach right outside the door, no cops for over 10 miles in any direction....ahhhhh, the good old days. She sold it a couple of years ago or so. We had a great run, though.

Never played the courses, though. The western one, in a wet year, is underwater about 7 months out of the year, which we'd laugh about to no end. The one to the east -- I had a tee time there. Last summer. My bestest bud was getting married on the beach there (you couldn't hire Van Gogh to paint a prettier picture than that evening at sunset...Mother Nature was very good to us that day). Me and my golfing bud arrainged to go down early and hack. Great plan, but we entirely forgot about that whole "hangover" thing. I'm supposed to be on the beach at Neskowin by some mid-afternoon hour, or some shit...but at about 5AM that morning, I'm staggering fucking drunk in Milwaukie, over 100 miles from Neskowin.

Uhm...we didn't quite make golf. We were there on time, to our credit (about two freaking hours before ANYONE else involved). Had to hair-of-dog it, it was so bad. A HOF hangover. So bad, in fact, that I took my first dip in the North Pacific in many, many, many years...or at least my first voluntary one. There was kinda that time I ate the sweeper in Newport in about the same state of stupor. Winter, too. Good times, until the cougar came.


Anyhoo, Old Joe just informed us that Springwater is for sale. Fun course...if you're a mountain goat.

[Derron]

It was on the east side. It stayed a tad bit dryer than Neskowin did, but when you have about 5 to 6 months to make your jack for the year, its hard.

Springwater is one of those courses where they just laid out some tee boxes, some greens and basically said fuck it on any dirt work for fairways. Waldport, Ollalla at Toledo, Cedar Bend at Ophir are others like that. People play cause its the only game in town, but give me a little bit of layout on the course. Of course it helps on the cart rentals, because you fucking die if you walk.

I am looking at buying a piece of property about 200 yards from Alderbrook up in the Kilches area. I have played Alderbrook at couple of times. This property has been for sale for a couple of years, but it's near a dairy and most people don't like the peridoc smell of cow shit.

Now I like having a place that has world class steelhead and chinook fishing less than a 1/4 mile away, an 18 hole golf course 200 yards away, the ocean 3 miles away.....I work over there a fair bit so it makes sense... and I could get used to that.

[Dinsdale]

Not so much lately, but Tillamook has been like a home away from home for me, pretty much my whole adult life.

Yet I've never played any courses there. If I'm going to be in Tillamook, I reach for the pole, not the bag.

The Kilchis has THE best winter chinook fishing on the planet. Can't stand fishing that redneck festival. Don't get me wrong, I'm down with the U&L necks (sup entire freaking Coast outside of Cannon Beach), but they take the neck thing a little too far on the Kilchis. I'll stay on the Wilson, thank you very much. Better for everything except the winter nookers anyway, except right after the drop.

I'm not sure if the Kilchis is better or worse than the Poor White Trask. When dudes start popping caps because you're in "their" spot, there's a problem. Actually saw a fucking gunfight there at the onset of chinook season once. Kinda spoiled the Trask for me. When retarded rednecks start shooting it out over a freaking rock, it's time for me to go. Not NEARLY as bad as it was 10-20 years ago, though. Actually, I like to stay somewhat away from the city of Tilly when fishing. The vast majority of the locals are complete fuckups, which offsets that super-cool minority.

If your property was actually streamfront, you'd be my newest bestest internet/real life buddy. I'd even help you build the boat slide, and the storage area for my drift boat that I never use(POS).

And talk about courses where they didn't spend too much energy on the fairways (or greens, really) -- look no farther than Sandelie. It is to golf what the Trask is to salmon fishing. Yet despite that, I still love that track for some warped reason. Maybe because from where I live now, I can sneak out there pretty quick, even in Tigard Traffic Hell. And the BYOB thing is pretty cool(not sure of that's even legal, but I don't really care). Hell, motherfuckers be bringing a 3 foot bong out on Sandelie. Only place I've ever seen a drunk puke in the fairway. Anything goes out there.

Played Springwater a year or two ago. One of my friends said "you gotta check out Joe's other kid's course." So we went...when it was like 95 out. Fuck. 9 is plenty to walk out there. It's like walking the back of Mountain View...not that I've ever walked that POS. The fairways are made out of an even harder concrete mix than Sandelie. Mix in a tiller or something.

[Derron]

No... the Kilches is way better than the Trask. The annual gun battles at the Hospital Hole are legendary and true. I have seen dudes start popping 44's into the hole just like a bunch of jungle monkeys.....homie don't play that game .

The lower Wilson can be just as bad when them mother fucking guides turn their 60 foot sleds sideways and start mining the hole. There was one dude who paid some kid $ 50 to sit there all night in a drift boat to "hold"the hole.

We told him to get the fuck out of there and started throwing rocks at him. He left and the guide showed up later, and we told him to get fucked and started throwing rocks at him, and casting across his clients lines and ripping their gear away. He tried showing us his piece and all that shit, so my my bud just uncovered his 12 gauge tactical Mossberg on the bank. He left with a bunch of pissed off clients.

I aint flush enough to have stream front property, because even a sewer slough there gets too fucking expensive. But the idea is to have the drift boat close and ready. I'll keep you posted on the process.

Sandlie...bwaaahaaaa... that one hole where you have to shoot over that gully.... gets pretty backed up with dudes smoking bowls on the tee...even a shitty tee shot gets a lot of run on the dry fucking fairways in the summer...

[Dinsdale]

Wecome to Derron and Dinsdale's Chatroom. S'alright, this thread had pretty much run its course...."course?"...I'm still within the golf theme, so we're safe. Anybody else still following at this point must be REALLY bored.

The annual gun battles at the Hospital Hole are legendary and true. I have seen dudes start popping 44's into the hole just like a bunch of jungle monkeys.....homie don't play that game .

I was quite a ways upstream when I saw the shootout, actually. Wasn't even a particulary good spot, but when they're running hard, it doesn't really matter. But bullets start hitting the bank near you, and it's time to freaking go. It's a freaking rock they're gundighting over, for chrissake...but it's gotten WAY better. Never used to pack when I fished before that, if for no other reason I hate the extra weight the piece adds to the vest. I usually do now. Ain't no lawmen on the river unless they're writing you fishing tickets. And if there is, they tend to side with the Tllamook locals, who are all of course related. Not too many branches on them family trees.

If it's not peak season, Loren's Drift can be OK...once the fish start showing up in big numbers, there's more fish there than teeth. If I'm liquored up and armed, I'll show up there and start tossing hardware, which usually brings a shower of bobbers over my line. Funny stuff, all fun and games...until someone shoots your eye out.

And what is it about the Tillamookers? There's only two acceptable calibers of handgun there -- .44 and .45. Ain't nobody "shooting to wound" out there. They bring it big.

Don't know if you've ever come across a guide named Donny Morrison...great big black guy, mainly works the Clack and Willy, but ventur5es down to Tillamook in the fall. That guy is th4 biggest jackass of them all...not sure how a black guy gets away with it in Tillamook -- where they used to post the times of the KKK meetings on public bulliten boards until not too long ago, and the mayor used to run under the KKK platform. Ponderous. An old fishing buddy got pretty seriously into it with that guy, I think pieces were drawn....something about "I'm a guide, I have more right to the river than you." If you see that guy, put one across his bow for me. What an asshole.

The lower Wilson can be just as bad when them mother fucking guides turn their 60 foot sleds sideways and start mining the hole. There was one dude who paid some kid $ 50 to sit there all night in a drift boat to "hold"the hole.

That's why I never fish below Mills Bridge. Fucking neckshow below that. The fish are a little less plentiful, sure, but the rocks to stand on are readily available. Us "old timers" know where to avoid the crowds. Probably my favorite all-around stream...but it's also the favorite of just about every other Westsider, too. My favoarite fall nooker stream is the Mainstem Nehalem...SHHHHHH!!!!. Lightly fished, huge numbers(self propagating, from what I understand), massive available room, and more different runs than any stream I can think of...summers, late summers, early falls, falls, winters...Nehalem has it all. And the fish seem less dependent on the freshet to bump upstream. I've hosted some freaking slaughters on that sucker. It's almost kindof a "secret" chinook stream, and I'm glad it seems to be staying that way. Much longer, more remote drive to the good spots.

Plus, I'm a devout harware tosser(and I think bait chuckers are barbarians, and "drift fishermen" are criminals), so I need my space and solitude. The exception to my devotion is winter steelheading on th Wilson, where I also will toss a homemade jig under a bobber(or free in low water) through the slicks...freaking deadly, once you learn the game.

He tried showing us his piece and all that shit, so my my bud just uncovered his 12 gauge tactical Mossberg on the bank. He left with a bunch of pissed off clients.

That's my beef with the fall fisheries. It's a fucking fish...you can go buy the shit in a store...it's supposed to be fun and relaxing, and I don't know about you, but I have a hard time relaxing when people are shooting at me...call me crazy like that. OK, nobody has ever actually shot AT me, since if they did, you would have read all about it in the papers, since one of us would have wound up dead.

I guess it's really no worse than soring at Willy Falls. The n fuckers get pretty serious there, too. But hey, at least the Oregon City Council got arrested for shooting at other boats, right?

I aint flush enough to have stream front property, because even a sewer slough there gets too fucking expensive.

You know, I will never stop kicking myself -- a few years back...must be about 10 years now...I came across a parcel of 5 acres stremfront on the tidewater of the North Fork Nehalem. Pretty sweet hole there, too. I think somebody had already built a crude dock thingy. $20,000. Twenty-freaking-K. Didn't quite have it together, but Mom to the rescue...thought it would be freaking nuts to let it get away. Got my "i'll take it, right freaking now, cash in hand" in about 5 minutes too late. Stll freaking pissed to this day. I'd still live here where the money is, but it woulda been kinda nice to put a trailer there for me and my buddies until the time came to build a house. Fuck.

BUT NOOOOOO! That wasn't a good enough fuckup for ol' Dins -- same dude, who was some sort of timer broker out of K Falls(who had to verify my ethnicity before we could talk biz...funny as hell, but I was of the correct race for him) also said he had a quater-acre across the street(Three Capes Hwy) from Cape Kiwanda, undeveloped, but the leech field had already been approved, for $28,000. I was so pissed about the North Fork property, that I was too busy pouting to see the pot of gold. I think that lot might have appreciated just a little.

But the idea is to have the drift boat close and ready. I'll keep you posted on the process.

Please do. My buddy bought this crappy wood boat years ago for like $130. Absolute POS that had been sitting outside uncovered. He got a few runs(more than his money's worth), then got Yaegermeistered up on the Clack and sank it...sort of...all time funny story, the last half of which I caught, since I came to the rescue. I missed the part where they crashed the big party at the riverfrom semi-mansion to use the phoone, and ended up staying and guzzling their booze. Anyhow, my other fishing bud is a carpenter, so we took it and rebuilt the bottom, with a little extra reinforcement. That was probably three years ago, and that sucker hasn't been in the water since. Devout bankrats, since all that time spent messing with the boat could be spent wetting a line.

Sandlie...bwaaahaaaa... that one hole where you have to shoot over that gully.... gets pretty backed up with dudes smoking bowls on the tee...even a shitty tee shot gets a lot of run on the dry fucking fairways in the summer...

A golf topic? OK.

You mean that short par 5 with the pond to the left? #12, I think? That's me holding up the line with the bowls, dude. And if you're at all on your game, even if you suck(sup Dins) you should be at least getting a re4asonable birdy putt on that sucker. I think I've missed that green long on my second shot with a 7 before. Just got to get the drive to the top of the hill, and bingo.

I'll give Hackerlie credit for one thing, though -- one of the toughest finishing holes around. How a hacker course calls that a par 4 is beyond me. Hell, the PGA big dogs aren't going to ring up too many birds there (I've never had any sort of makable bird putt on that one, and I've never seen a bird hit there, although my friend God's Gift To Golfing has never played there in all of his years...ponderous). I think they list it at 460 yards or something like that, but factor in the dogleg, and it's almost unreachable. If you really rip a drive (I kept one just inside the trees, and cleared the fairway once...one of my better pokes ever, good enough to find the trouble), you're still 2 bills out or something, and trying to hit long iron/Fwood at a green that's...a dome, about 1000 feet in elevation above the fairway, without a flat spot on it. When I play with someone who has never been there before, we always tell them "call this a par 6." That sucker is a BITCH. The rest of them are pretty easy. Then again, one hot day, me and a friend downed an 18 pack and a 12 pack between us...we'rent no easy holes on the backside that day...for me. My bud(alcoholic) was somehow freaking -1 after 17, even though he couldn't really walk at that point. I think he tossed up an 8 on 18 or something, though. For the life of me, I don't know how he did it with a BAC near infinity...he's not a particularly low-handicapper to begin with.


That course absolutely blows ass, but for some reason, I always have a good time. I'm kinda white-trash like that.