Van, You Ignorant Slut!

socal · Post by **socal** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 4:59 am

The ride is over December 3rd.

I know, I know. Leinert will pick UCLA's defense apart like a Tijuana plastic surgeon. Reggie Bush will be running backwards for over 300 yards. Lendale White will toss more balls to the ref than IndyFrisco will toss salads at his 20 year high school reunion.

Throw all your stats out the window and rake them to the street for curbside pick-up.

It's over.

Do us all a favor and accept your sig graciously this Saturday at 6:00 p.m. PST

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:08 am

And so the Nerf Lancers horse up.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:09 am

My name's not Van but you are on.

The powder blue bitches from Westwood High are gonna get stomped like JON in a T1B thread.

The last time fucla had lots of offense, no defense and a late-season game...we all remember what happened

socal · Post by **socal** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:23 am

Jimmy Medalions wrote:My name's not Van but you are on.

The powder blue bitches from Westwood High are gonna get stomped like JON in a T1B thread.

The last time fucla had lots of offense, no defense and a late-season game...we all remember what happened

Bitch, did you say something about a defense? If'n that sad sack of shit you have for a defense shows up Saturday your best hope is for Reggie Bush not to tear his ACL.

Atomic Punk · Post by **Atomic Punk** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:59 am

I never gave a damn about rivalries.... after leaving Oklahoma for USC, I came to really look down upon Bruins. Bunch of Cal wannabes in a well-known homosexual town of Westwood.

The facts have always been there as the 8 mile drive to the Felix sign is too much for the pussies of fUCLAme to weather.

Whine, bitch, and moan... you fUCLAme losers in all senses of the word are simply going to be embarrassed once again and be exposed for hiring an Affirmative Action head coach in that msvcal idiot hiring town/campuss.

I like you socal, but not in a homosexual way.

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 6:42 am

SoCal, if'n UCLA ends USC's ride I'll of course proudly wear whatever sig you give me.

Lord knows you've been a good sport and worn your share over the years...

I can't see any solid reason why USC won't ultimately put more points on the board than UCLA will but just like the Fresno State and Cal games this one against UCLA still scares me more than any potential Rose Bowl match up...

This one, we could lose. Our defense is so depleted that between Olsen, Drew and Lewis you might just manage to be the team that gets the ball last and therefor wins the game. Also, your special teams HAVE to be better than ours.

I'm guessing even Mater Dei's special teams could run one back against us.

Somehow though, no, you're still going to have to figure out a way to keep Reggie Bush from taking this last opportunity to salt away the Heisman by tap dancing his way to four spectacular TDs on his way to another four or five hundred yard game.

The other thing is how on earth is a run defense that's as soft as yours is ever going to put the clamps down on both Reggie and Lendale White? It seems to me that USC will be able to get a first down whenever they need to simply by running the ball every play, alternating inside and outside with those two...or even either one individually.

You'd be helpless to stop us, just using our ground attack.

However, if the earth should suddenly cave in on itself and you somehow manage this, there's still that little matter of Matt Leinart playing his final regular season game as a Trojan...in the Coliseum...against UCLA...with a berth in the title game and his entire legacy at stake.

Nah. USC will score as much as they feel like scoring. UCLA will get theirs too (though what in the fuck happened at Arizona???) but they won't be able to match score after score with a USC team on a mission.

USC 54, UCLA 33

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 7:16 am

Six posts, and RACK this thread.

I know, I know. Leinert will pick UCLA's defense apart like a Tijuana plastic surgeon.

The powder blue bitches from Westwood High are gonna get stomped like JON in a T1B thread.

The facts have always been there as the 8 mile drive to the Felix sign is too much for the pussies of fUCLAme to weather.

Beautiful.

Btw, Van ...

Van wrote:However, if the earth should suddenly cave in on itself and you somehow manage this, there's still that little matter of Matt Leinart playing his final regular season game as a Trojan...in the Coliseum...against UCLA...with a berth in the title game and his entire legacy at stake.

And if Leinart is the one ending up with a torn ACL?

Btw, I'll take UCLA, for this bet, at least until the MNC game, wherein, you can lay another sig on me, if the BCS honks and ABC are still in heaven on Jan. 4. (i.e. if neither Texas nor USC loses).

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 7:54 am

RF, if Leinart gets a torn ACL in this game it's now because of you and you're going straight to hell.

Hope you enjoy that never ending Creed/Hansen/Ashlee Simpson/Vanilla Ice/Billy Ray Cyrus/Menudo/Poison/Lil John loop...

"Every Rose Has Its Thorns", the hip hop version, for all eternity...

Cockblister.

socal · Post by **socal** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 3:23 pm

Van wrote:I can't see any solid reason...

Exactly. You've covered everything. Your I's are dotted and T's are crossed. You're well-rested. You've survived ND and outlasted Fresno State. You've put UCLA to shame time after time (BTW add that Cindy Lauper ditty to RadioFan's playlist in Hades). You have a team with a reigning Heisman winner who has a Charles Atlas chip on his shoulder because he can't get any run due to the Bush factor. UCLA got their clocks cleaned by a conference doormat.

All in all it's a perfect storm.

I promise to send the Coast Guard helicopter to pluck you off of your shower rod before Hurricane Bruin swallows you whole.

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 5:44 pm

SoCal, nah, it's not a perfect storm. Your offense is good enough and our defense is depleted by injuries enough that we're probably not going to be able to shut you down all that much. (I'm looking to this two week lay off followed by the month layoff in hopes of getting our defense healthy in time for the title game...)

If we somehow come out flat again early and we get a bad bounce here, a couple timely penalties there and a turnover or two we could lose. I'm also not looking forward to those few episodes where we're forced to punt. Also, if everything goes to plan we'll be having to kick off to you a lot and it seems that often as not when USC kicks off they give up a long return...

Lets not forget your three week prep time for this one, plus your BCS aspirations. You win and you're in, absolutely. Combine this with your losing streak against us and the lack of respect you're getting and motivation isn't going to be an issue for you either. If anything that chip on your collective shoulder ought to dwarf the one on Leinart's.

So, no, it's not all lined up perfectly for us. I don't expect UCLA to roll over and lose by forty. I expect you to give up forty or more, sure, so the question will be answered by the efforts of our D...

Vito Corleone · Post by **Vito Corleone** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 10:02 pm

Who is injured on the SC defense?

Will any of the walking wounded be back by Jan 4?

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 10:26 pm

Vito Corleone wrote:Who isn't injured on the SC defense?

fixed

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 11:26 pm

Jimmy Medalions wrote:
Vito Corleone wrote:Who isn't injured on the SC defense?
fixed

You're favored by 22, you'll probably score 80+, and you're STILL whining!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Seer · Post by **The Seer** » Mon Nov 28, 2005 11:27 pm

Jimmy Medalions wrote:
Vito Corleone wrote:Who isn't injured on the SC defense?
fixed

Oh, and thanks for getting back to me on that pm....

What a cooz.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 12:27 am

I just saw it and replied. No need to get all kunty, you haven't gotten your ass kicked yet.

:wink:

socal · Post by **socal** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:18 pm

Van,

You forgot to say we have TVO Drew in the backfield ('sup Otter Pop). Alls that's left is Carrol's Gatorade bath. Reggie Bush's best move will be juking Orenthal Gravytrain on the sideline after his 666 all-purpose yards and five touchdowns.

Besides the omnipotent oddsmakers have spoken. No need to play this one. You can all go home now and settle in to Keith Jackson 2006 on your Xbox 360 and have Matt Lienert throw for 700 yards. This one's a gonna be a gullywasher!

Nope, no unforeseen circumstances here.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Nov 29, 2005 3:57 pm

socal wrote:Van,

You forgot to say we have TVO Drew in the backfield ('sup Otter Pop).

Van wrote:Our defense is so depleted that between Olsen, Drew and Lewis you might just manage to be the team that gets the ball last and therefor wins the game.

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Nov 30, 2005 1:35 am

^^^^^^^^^^^^
wooooosshhh!
--------------------
Van's Head

socal · Post by **socal** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 6:35 am

:takes seventh serving of humble pie:

Let's get this sig shit over with already.

Van · Post by **Van** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 8:27 am

Dude, as USC was scoring their 24th point in the first half I was talking to Susan about this sig bet of ours. I was telling her about its history and how this game is already over and it's not even half time yet...

I was telling her that my heart's just not really in it. I just can't muster up much in the way of cruel vitriol for you, knowing what you've gone through against me in these sig bets. I mean, christ, you've never won one. Neither has TiC, or Radio Fan. (I believe RF recently weighed in here saying he wanted to get in on this one too, just for the hell of it...)

I look at Seer, and the way he handled himself leading up to this game. Unlike you, he didn't even give UCLA the "Cautionary Chance" you were so bravely trying to give them.

That game, you could see it wasn't going to be a game during the very first drive...

"UCLA looks like little boys trying to tackle grown men!", being Susan's reaction to USC's rushing game pounding it right down your throats. She was right, that's exactly what it looked like. USC didn't even need to disguise their calls, or mix it up with some passes. (Not that Leinart was hitting any of 'em anyway in that first half. Dude would've overthrown Manute Bol during that weird first quarter...)

Even before UCLA got tired and even despite UCLA's three weeks of preparation they were flat out helpless to prevent USC from simply lining up and gaining ten a pop on each running play.

"I've seen you guys on that board. I've seen how nasty you get with each other. What are you going to do to that poor guy?", she says.

"Dunno. It's like kicking puppies here. There's no sport anymore in beating down a UCLA fan. You see what's going on here. USC probably won't be forced to punt all day. (I don't believe they ever were.) They'll be able to name the score. Thing is, he knew that going in, but he's obligated anyway."

"You like this guy though, right? He's that smart aleck guy with the funny pictures?"

"Yep, that's him. SoCal. He's that school teacher/closet pedophile guy, the big Dodgers and Lakers fan. He's one of the few decent people on those boards, but he's lost every sig bet he's ever made with me. Every one. Every sport. He's never won even one time, and he knew there was probably no way he was going to win this one either."

"Do you have to go through with it, being mean and nasty to him?"

"Well.....yeah!

"

"Well, I don't know! How am I supposed to know that stuff? I don't know your stupid 'men' rules! Can't you just let him off the hook this one time?"

A heart as big as Lendale White's running lanes, that Susan. So, deferring to my better nature (and my better half), we're going to try something a little different this time. Sorta keep things from getting too stale here...

Here's what I'm going to do...

I'm going to let you come up with your own sig to commemorate this latest and most gruesome of all poundings at the hands of USC.

That's right. You gotta carry it for 50 posts, you know what would truly bug you to have written beneath your posts, so....you compose it.

You're plenty creative and I know what you can do when you put your mind to something and with this sort of a Hieronymus Bosch landscape glooping around in your dome right about now you ought to have no problem doing us both proud...

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 8:18 pm

Van wrote:(I believe RF recently weighed in here saying he wanted to get in on this one too, just for the hell of it...)

Yep. Lay it on me. Unless you want me to come up with one of my own as well ...

Van · Post by **Van** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 8:30 pm

Sure. Go for it.

socal · Post by **socal** » Sun Dec 04, 2005 8:40 pm

Van wrote:That game, you could see it wasn't going to be a game during the very first drive...

Sadly, yes. It was 5th grade recess defense against an NFL expansion team. SC was clowning with them by the second quarter.

"I've seen you guys on that board. I've seen how nasty you get with each other. What are you going to do to that poor guy?", she says.

Susan is worried about me?

You've got a good woman behind you. (Of course, you already knew that.)

"Dunno. It's like kicking puppies here. There's no sport anymore in beating down a UCLA fan. You see what's going on here. USC probably won't be forced to punt all day. (I don't believe they ever were.) They'll be able to name the score. Thing is, he knew that going in, but he's obligated anyway."

Stroke of genius taking away the special teams problem. Just don't punt or kickoff to Jones-Drew.

"You like this guy though, right? He's that smart aleck guy with the funny pictures?"

"Yep, that's him. SoCal. He's that school teacher/closet pedophile guy, the big Dodgers and Lakers fan. He's one of the few decent people on those boards, but he's lost every sig bet he's ever made with me. Every one. Every sport. He's never won even one time, and he knew there was probably no way he was going to win this one either."

Closet pedo, huh? This coming, quite literally, from Sacto's leading jailbait-tagger. 'Twasn't chipotle sauce you smeared on them. :twisted:

You can't win a sig bet unless you make one...

What's going on here?

"Do you have to go through with it, being mean and nasty to him?"

"Well.....yeah! "

"Well, I don't know! How am I supposed to know that stuff? I don't know your stupid 'men' rules! Can't you just let him off the hook this one time?"

A heart as big as Lendale White's running lanes, that Susan. So, deferring to my better nature (and my better half), we're going to try something a little different this time. Sorta keep things from getting too stale here...

Here's what I'm going to do...

I'm going to let you come up with your own sig to commemorate this latest and most gruesome of all poundings at the hands of USC.

That's right. You gotta carry it for 50 posts, you know what would truly bug you to have written beneath your posts, so....you compose it.

You're plenty creative and I know what you can do when you put your mind to something and with this sort of a Hieronymus Bosch landscape glooping around in your dome right about now you ought to have no problem doing us both proud...

:dumbfounded:

Bruin Fan, sig thyself?

It reminds me of this quote...

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is." - Sir Francis Bacon

Give me some time. This eleventh hour reprieve from Governor Van has left me a bit discombobulated. Am I dead? Is this what heaven is like?

Meds, are you buying into this, too? If you are I must be six feet under.

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 2:07 am

Hey Van ... how's this?

I was foolish enough to tempt fate with a callous reference of hypothetical injury to Matt Leinart, thus, I am yet again humbled following the pernicious dismantling of a Bruin team by the greatness that is USC. I'm 0-2 in sig bets with Van, even with the spread. Fuck me.

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:34 am

If that'll fit, sure, why not...

I still think you should be subjected to a never ending loop of the hip version of Abba's "Dancing Queen"...

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 5:10 pm

Van wrote:I still think you should be subjected to a never ending loop of the hip version of Abba's "Dancing Queen"...

Brutal.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 6:56 pm

If it were up to me, it'd be as follows:

The fUCLA Bruins: Laughingstock of Los Angeles
and pet bitch of the Juggernaut USC Trojans.

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:32 pm

I'm still pissed about that "19" sitting there.

The game was 66-6, and then UCLA scored two desperation cosmetic scores with seconds left in the game to make the score look even that respectable...

SC gave up so many meaningless yards and so many meaningless points like that all season long, and it really messed with our defensive stats...

Then again Vito thinks those stats actually matter, and he's gained hope through them, so that's cool.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 9:36 pm

Van, I gather you weren't at the game Saturday. You missed one of the funniest things I've ever seen at an SC/fUCLA game.

On top of the standard "Hurry up and lose" chants, when Mo Drew scored that meaningless touchdown at the end, the entire stadium cheered in utter mockery at UCLA

There was no question, it was 80K Trojan fans cheering for Drew and the bRuins, as if to say "yay for you, now lose the game already".

Van · Post by **Van** » Mon Dec 05, 2005 10:11 pm

Jimma, that's just....brutal.

How bad is it when the SC Faithful are cheering UCLA scores??? LOL!!

Nope, I wasn't there. I watched a tape of it after getting home from work.

Another slightly less funny yet equally illuminating scenario than the one you mentioned: Having my "FF" button momentarily sticking on my VCR following the commercial break and then being forced to watch USC's running game zip through UCLA's defense at high "FF" speed.

Watching Bush scoot inside, outside, between and over UCLA at quadruple speed, it looked like the ending scene of any Bennie Hill Show episode where the old fogeys chase the naked birds all willy nilly around a field to the accompaniment of circus music...

That's it, in a nutshell. USC is Benny Hill and UCLA is that little old bald guy who always gets the condescending pats on the head from Benny...

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:19 pm

Van - what is SoCal's sig gonna be?..err...bump.

Van · Post by **Van** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 9:42 pm

Using the Honor System (meaning they know they have to make it germane to the topic and suitably self deprecating) I'm actually going to let SoCal and RF write their own sig bet payoff sigs...

It's almost more pathetic that way. :-)

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:07 pm

Come on, Van. Give up the goods!

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Tue Dec 06, 2005 10:16 pm

I was in on the bet as well. My vote has already been cast.

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:03 am

Van and Jimmy Meds,

Sorry for the delay.

(If you don't like it, say so.)

I submit for your entertainment and edification the sig below...

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:25 am

Nice

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:41 am

Dead nuts perfect. :-)

You, sir, are a gentleman, a scholar and a powder blue donkey fucker.

socal · Post by **socal** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 2:19 pm

Van, Tommy Trojan's Heir Apparent When It Comes to the Fillies, Mares, Colts, and Geldings wrote:
Dead nuts perfect. :-)

You, sir, are a gentleman, a scholar and a powder blue donkey fucker.

See you at 768.

Van · Post by **Van** » Wed Dec 07, 2005 8:01 pm

Dude simply rules...

I guess it's true, what they say...

Being a UCLA fan, man, it really does build character.