Terrell Owens: His Options

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 2:09 pm

[align=center]

[/align]

Poor Terrell Owens...all that talent but his mouth has overrun his brain. His popularity has generated some interest with the FOX network, and according to my sources, these two pilots are being considered.

In LOOTER, T.O. plays "Cooter the Looter" and it chronicles his adventures as he criss-crosses the world looking to take advantage of natural disasters, riots, and the such. He'll steal from you, he'll fornicate your sister, and he'll call you a punk and even "make yo wallet dis'pear in thin air."

In Salt n Peppa Terrell teams up with one of our own, OCMike. The plot lines are a little disturbing as this is a story of two men, of different color, who share the same crib. T.O. played football and caught passes and OCMike played catcher in baseball, and well, he caught things too. In this comedy/soap opera, the two men struggle with positioning and the acting is quite hilarious and sick at the same time.

**************************************

[align=center]

[/align]

MTV announces that they are considering a "T.O. and Tina Turner Revue," which could easily make it on any cable network. MTV figures that if Terrell would trade punches with a member from his own team then he could easily fill Ike's battering position.

*************************************
[align=center]

[/align]

Court TV has announced that they are in negotiations with Terrell on a "Roaming Apologist" segment which could air by the fall shows. On the other hand, Terrell states, "Fuck man, I got this shit down. I could apologize right to your face while I'm laughing my ass off inside...dig it." Terrell even apologized to Vanessa Bryant for Kobe's indiscretions some time ago. At the time, T.O. didn't have the crying/tears down the cheek part yet, but according to Owens now, "I can weep like Jimmy Swaggert if ya want, man."

**************************************

[align=center]

[/align]

The BET channel is considering using Owens as Sammy Davis Jr. in a remake of some shows that the infamous RAT PACK did decades ago. We all know that T.O. can do his endzone bullshit, but can he sing Mr. BOJANGLES ?

**************************************

[align=center]

[/align]

ESPN has supposedly offered Terrell millions to replace Don King. The Friday Night Fights might be re-invigorated with his brash commentary regarding today's boxers. You never know, he might just get knocked out hisself. Yeah, dig it.

**************************************

[align=center]

[/align]

A new cable network CCC, (Classic Cable Network) has been conducting numerous opinion polls, both telephone and public, regarding the interest in Terrell playing a man/ape, in the classic remake of Planet of the Apes.

CCC states that Charlton Heston obviously isn't coming back, but rumors have surfaced that mvscal might be interested in playing Heston's part. CCC doesn't want to beeeep out offensive language by either one of them and that right there is the problem. Do you want your child to hear, "Back off (you can figure out the proper N word, or maybe be kind and just tell your kid he said, "Dumbfuck Idiot."

Should you have any further suggestions, please contact me as I am representing the moron in this new endeavor.

Rip City

The Whistle Is Screaming · Thu Nov 10, 2005 2:24 pm

Rack's Luth, many Rack's!

Cicero · Post by **Cicero** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 2:40 pm

Hilarious!!!

Moving Sale · Post by **Moving Sale** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 2:54 pm

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:10 pm

"Rack" hardly does it justice. I laughed and laughed.

Variable · Post by **Variable** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:15 pm

In Salt n Peppa Terrell teams up with one of our own, OCMike. The plot lines are a little disturbing as this is a story of two men, of different color, who share the same crib. T.O. played football and caught passes and OCMike played catcher in baseball, and well, he caught things too. In this comedy/soap opera, the two men struggle with positioning and the acting is quite hilarious and sick at the same time.

HAHAHAHA....fucker. :D I'm calling for a photoshop probe into that pic though. I've got more hair than that NOW.

YD · Post by YD » Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:41 pm

rack the coot

Most laughs since ed street

Goober McTuber · Post by **Goober McTuber** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:43 pm

RACK you, Luther. Hey, Moving Sale feels left out. Maybe they could remake Fantasy Island with Terrell in the part of Roark, and TVO as Tattoo.

Y2K · Post by **Y2K** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 3:47 pm

Mucho Props to Luther, Thanks for the laughs Luth.
Classic.

Mikey · Post by **Mikey** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:09 pm

I was thinking of something along the lines of a modern day "Shaft" where TO plays an ultracool PI who cruises in a shiny black Escalade with chrome spinners. The title of the show was inspired by a Nish thread seen here a few days ago:

Black Phosphorus

BSmack · Post by **BSmack** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:20 pm

mvscal wrote:Fuck off, racist pricks.

This is no laughing matter. He has been victimized by Whitey Reid and Uncle Tomovan McNabb and now he won't be able to feed his children.

I don't think I slept a wink last night.

Does Whitey Reid drive a forklift?

JHawkBCD · Post by **JHawkBCD** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:37 pm

Moving Sale wrote:C-

L to R: apple stuffed with hash, lighted match to ignite hash

Wrong thread, you degenerate midget.

Dslayer · Post by **Dslayer** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:43 pm

I had coffee go out through my nostrils, painfully I might add, and onto my keyboard and screen when I saw TO as Don King. Dammit, I may have to call 911.

Many Racks, Luth....funniest thing yet on this board.

Cuda · Post by **Cuda** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:45 pm

Oh my.

Luther goes yard

Felix · Post by **Felix** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 4:49 pm

Moving Sale wrote:C-

You're an idiot.....

some of the funniest shyte I've seen for a while...........

RACKS there oldtimer

jiminphilly · Post by **jiminphilly** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:07 pm

Rack Luth.

For TO.. things could be worse.. he could be Ugeth Urbina's lawn boy..

Cross Traffic · Post by **Cross Traffic** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 5:09 pm

A+

You would have a surefire hit with Drew Rosenhaus and TO in an updated "Bosom Buddies."

Cornhusker · Post by **Cornhusker** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:37 pm

Glad I opened this thread.

The rat pack take was too much.
My boss is in the office next to me and I nearly popped a vessel holding back the laughter.
Epic stuff.
I'm with CT. A+

Thanks Luther!

BBMarley · Post by **BBMarley** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 6:55 pm

BWWWAAAHHHHAAA!!!!

Rack LUTH!

I really needed this today- I think this is definetly headed for the Archives!!!

indyfrisco · Post by **indyfrisco** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 7:18 pm

Let's not forget T.O.'s performance in the upcoming digitally remastered version of America's classic, Blazing Saddles. What's that? The sherrif is a n...???

Shoalzie · Post by **Shoalzie** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 8:25 pm

RACK Indy and Luther...great work!

Bobby42 · Post by **Bobby42** » Thu Nov 10, 2005 10:36 pm

Good shit.

Funkywhiteboy · Post by **Funkywhiteboy** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 7:21 am

With "friends" like Jesse Jackson and Ralph Nader, TO doesn't need enemies! :P

Jesse Jackson calls Owens suspension "much too severe''
November 12, 2005

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -- The Rev. Jesse Jackson called the Philadelphia Eagles' punishment of Terrell Owens "much too severe."

Jackson said in a statement released Friday that Owens could have been more professional when he publicly complained about his contract, his team and the Eagles' organization.

But Jackson said Owens' suspension without pay for four games and deactivation for the rest of the season is "much too severe for the charge" and hurts the athlete's NFL career at its height.

The civil rights activist said the level of punishment could have been warranted if Owens had been caught shaving points, selling drugs, carrying a gun or fighting fans without sufficient restraint.

"This does not warrant a one-year ban from the game," Jackson said, adding that the Eagles should release Owens to the open market or free agency if they no longer want to associate with him.

Ralph Nader, a consumer activist and former presidential candidate, has already called for the suspension to be rescinded.

Owens was suspended last week after he said in an interview that the Eagles showed "a lack of class" for not publicly recognizing his 100th career touchdown catch, and that the team would be better off with Green Bay's Brett Favre as quarterback. He has since apologized.

The civil rights activist said the level of punishment could have been warranted if Owens had been caught shaving points, selling drugs, carrying a gun or fighting fans without sufficient restraint.

"This does not warrant a one-year ban from the game," Jackson said, adding that the Eagles should release Owens to the open market or free agency if they no longer want to associate with him.

Ralph Nader, a consumer activist and former presidential candidate, has already called for the suspension to be rescinded.

Owens was suspended last week after he said in an interview that the Eagles showed "a lack of class" for not publicly recognizing his 100th career touchdown catch, and that the team would be better off with Green Bay's Brett Favre as quarterback. He has since apologized.

PSUFAN · Post by **PSUFAN** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 7:25 am

get in a final rack - chivin' this bitch soon

Luther · Post by **Luther** » Sun Nov 13, 2005 6:42 pm

[align=center]

[/align]

Mace wrote:Moving Sale's sense of humor: D-

The little guy just feels shorted...maybe this will cheer him up.

Rip City

p.s. All of the wytched photo's were not done by Mr. shutyomouth.

rozy · Post by **rozy** » Tue Nov 15, 2005 2:01 am

RACK Luth....and off it goes