The Next Morning: "Where am I/How did I get here"

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 7:32 pm

I don't really have a "where am I/how did I get here" drunken tale to tell. Oh, I have had some entertaining alcoholic misadventures (urinating off apartment balconies, loving up young women I wouldn't have given a second look, much less touched, if I'd been sober, that sort of thing) as well as some that were just brutal. Eating a full prime-rib dinner, then going to your chapter social, drinking Coors, and shitty vodka with lemon-lime drink, and shots of Kesslers, and then getting dogpiled by the boys...a week after having your wisdom teeth out...WELL below average. Just ask me. Better yet, ask any of my bros from that era about "the night Rich redecorated the Lounge".

It's just that none of said misadventures involved waking up miles and daylight away from where I started the night with no idea how I got there.

SaladTosser · Post by **SaladTosser** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:05 pm

Dinsdale wrote:You can tell you're truly getting old, when you're mature enough to admit that pretty much none of those chicks you banged "back in the day" were any good.

Dins, you've either got me figured totally wrong, or you're just trying to protect me from embarrassment. See, here's the thing, I knew each and every one of the skanks I banged "back in the day" was shit. I might have been young, dumb and full of cum, and drunk, however, I always maintained the capacity to differentiate between proper oral hygene and total disregard for any attempt at oral hygene, nicely dressed young ladies and chicks who had bought their clothes at Piggly Wiggly with food stamps and hadn't washed them since they bought them, nicely proportioned girls and hogs who were built like shutyomouth with tits (well .......... bigger tits), aesthetically pleasing girls and skanks who made High School Lunch Lady look like Brittany Fucking Spears. I might have been young, but I knew EXACTLY how repulsive each and every one of my conquests were. My friends used to laugh at me, and still do, but you know what - they were the ones going home alone at 2:00 AM with raging bones from rubbing up against the hottie on the dance floor who eventually told them that she "doesn't go home with someone she just met," or that she's "got a boyfriend," or her "roommate is waiting up for her." Me, I was elbow deep in some monster's sloppy asshole while my friends masturbated their loads all over their own stomachs while watching Skinamax.

Anyway, my point is that I always knew that I wasn't fucking any real winners. Oh, and as far as this all taking place "back in the day," it's now 2005, and I would still be delighted to stick my dick in things that you all would post here with big, bold fucking {G}'s plastered across the thread title.

Guest · Post by **Guest** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:10 pm

SaladTosser wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:You can tell you're truly getting old, when you're mature enough to admit that pretty much none of those chicks you banged "back in the day" were any good.

Dins, you've either got me figured totally wrong, or you're just trying to protect me from embarrassment. See, here's the thing, I knew each and every one of the skanks I banged "back in the day" was shit. I might have been young, dumb and full of cum, and drunk, however, I always maintained the capacity to differentiate between proper oral hygene and total disregard for any attempt at oral hygene, nicely dressed young ladies and chicks who had bought their clothes at Piggly Wiggly with food stamps and hadn't washed them since they bought them, nicely proportioned girls and hogs who were built like shutyomouth with tits (well .......... bigger tits), aesthetically pleasing girls and skanks who made High School Lunch Lady look like Brittany Fucking Spears. I might have been young, but I knew EXACTLY how repulsive each and every one of my conquests were. My friends used to laugh at me, and still do, but you know what - they were the ones going home alone at 2:00 AM with raging bones from rubbing up against the hottie on the dance floor who eventually told them that she "doesn't go home with someone she just met," or that she's "got a boyfriend," or her "roommate is waiting up for her." Me, I was elbow deep in some monster's sloppy asshole while my friends masturbated their loads all over their own stomachs while watching Skinamax.

Anyway, my point is that I always knew that I wasn't fucking any real winners. Oh, and as far as this all taking place "back in the day," it's now 2005, and I would still be delighted to stick my dick in things that you all would post here with big, bold fucking {G}'s plastered across the thread title.

BUWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

Jesus, dawg. You'ze just gettin' off and shit!

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:45 pm

SaladTosser wrote:"Fuck it, I'll walk to the road and hitch a ride," I said to myself. So, I started walking. [insert music from the Hulk]

FTFY

Rich Fader · Post by **Rich Fader** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:45 pm

SaladTosser wrote:
Dinsdale wrote:You can tell you're truly getting old, when you're mature enough to admit that pretty much none of those chicks you banged "back in the day" were any good.

Dins, you've either got me figured totally wrong, or you're just trying to protect me from embarrassment. See, here's the thing, I knew each and every one of the skanks I banged "back in the day" was shit. I might have been young, dumb and full of cum, and drunk, however, I always maintained the capacity to differentiate between proper oral hygene and total disregard for any attempt at oral hygene, nicely dressed young ladies and chicks who had bought their clothes at Piggly Wiggly with food stamps and hadn't washed them since they bought them, nicely proportioned girls and hogs who were built like shutyomouth with tits (well .......... bigger tits), aesthetically pleasing girls and skanks who made High School Lunch Lady look like Brittany Fucking Spears. I might have been young, but I knew EXACTLY how repulsive each and every one of my conquests were. My friends used to laugh at me, and still do, but you know what - they were the ones going home alone at 2:00 AM with raging bones from rubbing up against the hottie on the dance floor who eventually told them that she "doesn't go home with someone she just met," or that she's "got a boyfriend," or her "roommate is waiting up for her." Me, I was elbow deep in some monster's sloppy asshole while my friends masturbated their loads all over their own stomachs while watching Skinamax.

Anyway, my point is that I always knew that I wasn't fucking any real winners. Oh, and as far as this all taking place "back in the day," it's now 2005, and I would still be delighted to stick my dick in things that you all would post here with big, bold fucking {G}'s plastered across the thread title.

BING! BING! BING!
("Gregg, honey...is it supposed to be this soft?")
[music cue: "Lust for Life"...up and out.]

Mr T · Post by **Mr T** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 8:46 pm

SaladTosser wrote: Anyway, my point is that I always knew that I wasn't fucking any real winners. Oh, and as far as this all taking place "back in the day," it's now 2005, and I would still be delighted to stick my dick in things that you all would post here with big, bold fucking {G}'s plastered across the thread title.

Sincerely,
The straightest man in here.

Jimmy Medalions · Post by **Jimmy Medalions** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:23 pm

Christ. RACK Salad Tosser.

Tom In VA · Post by **Tom In VA** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:30 pm

RACK ST

No drunken sex tales to tell but I did crawl into bed with my friends mom and pass out.

"Guest room on the right Tom"

"Okay"

I went left.

Raydah James · Post by **Raydah James** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:31 pm

Superlative.

A great read from the filthy beginning to the raunchy end.

I need a fucking shower after laying my eyes on that.

RACK the hell out of the tosser.

Alkie · Post by **Alkie** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:31 pm

R-KIVE

Ken · Post by **Ken** » Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:39 pm

Outstanding, ST.

Raoul Duke · Post by **Raoul Duke** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 7:43 am

Props to ST, for not only admitting to hitting the type of girl who is always described as a "great personality", but revelling in it.

I went to a party, back in high school, where the Keystone Light was flowing, and the Cloves were burning. Ended up on the south side of a 12 pack, when this hog starting putting the moves on me, taking her cloven hoof and rubbing my junk, squealing with delight at every stupid line I laid on her. She decided that after a little bit of sweet talk, entitled her to a little bit of lovin'. I was drunk, 17, and stupid, so I grabbed her by the cowbell, dragged her into a bathroom, dropped trou, and proceeded to get up in that. Next morning, I find myself passed out in a strange waterbed, naked, and not knowing how I got there. I hear someone in the shower, and decide to take a look around my surroundings. I'm completely lost, and my car is parked diagonally on the front lawn of this house. So I do the only thing possible, I take the cowards way out. Put on my shirt and boxers, and just hightail it outta there. Get in my car, and my jeans are in the passengers seat. Still have no idea about my shoes.
Talking to my friends that day, and all they know is that they saw my dragging some hefer into bathroom, and thats the last they see of me. Which really sucked, because I was their ride.

RadioFan · Post by **RadioFan** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 7:49 am

Rack it.

Rob Lowe · Post by **Rob Lowe** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 2:15 pm

Archive.

General Peters · Post by **General Peters** » Fri Jan 21, 2005 2:22 pm

SaladTosser wrote:My friends used to laugh at me, and still do, but you know what - they were the ones going home alone at 2:00 AM with raging bones from rubbing up against the hottie on the dance floor who eventually told them that she "doesn't go home with someone she just met," or that she's "got a boyfriend," or her "roommate is waiting up for her." Me, I was elbow deep in some monster's sloppy asshole while my friends masturbated their loads all over their own stomachs while watching Skinamax.

This whole image of youthful hope, excitement, lust, frustration, pressure release, all perfectly laid out for us to identify with in one phrase. Rack. We could do a whole thread on this alone.....we all can recall images of dancing next to a candy-appled ass chick showing cleavage and wearing slut perfume, for the sole purpose of getting drunken cocks erect, and then popping the balloon by busting out one of those "see ya" lines. We've all done the patented come back to the dorm room laughing and acting like it was the best time of your life, saying "see you dudes at breakfast tomorrow," and then locking your door and getting your half-drunk raging cock to explode chewed-up gummi bears all over your stomach while the Spank Bank races with images of boobs and ass from the club/party. ST just looked at his friends and said, "I'm not going down that way."

Fukk me running ...

PrimeX · Post by **PrimeX** » Mon Jan 24, 2005 1:44 am

Fucking excellent.

I'm sorry, but I must now move this thread into this forum.

T1B

The Next Morning: "Where am I/How did I get here"

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