Do you have what it takes to sit next to the great jackass007 at a NASCAR race?
#1 you must get good and drunk to the point of barely functioning before the race begins!
#2 You MUST scream out "GET ER DONE" and "WHOOOOOHOOOOO" every time your favorite driver comes around the track.
#3 You must point at the driver as you scream, roll your arms like a 70's disco move, then point up the track, because the drivers do rely on your direction. A couple of times when my drunken NASCAR neighbor staggered to the men's room I feared Rusty would lock up his brakes on the backstretch wondering which direction to go.
#4 You must stand the whole race, and you must lean forward to make sure you block us from seeing, so we'll have to stand and lean over the rail too!
#5 Walk over to me at least 6 times and start talking to me, and seeing I'm wearing scanner headphones ask me "What's Rusty saying?"
#6 After I threaten to beat your ass if you don't behave yourself, and stop wandering over in front of me, offer to buy me a couple of beers, then offer me the jug of whatever your passing around.
#7 You must start arguing with an usher who keeps telling you to sit down or stand in front of your seat, until said usher calls a cop to come talk to you
#8 when the cop "hot blonde" tells you "1 more time you are gone" as soon as she leaves start jumping around again. This works, no cop would ever just duck around to check on you really quick.
#9 when jackass007 starts singing happy trails to you, become violent knowing that the cops are holding you. Shows major sac!
#10 make sure you brought your bail money
That is 2 races in a row where my enjoyment has been hampered by a fucking asshole!
Poconos and Watkins Glen left until Daytona next year! Maybe Michigan..
Do You Have What It Takes?
Moderator: War Wagon
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jackass007
- Elwood
- Posts: 320
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:45 pm
And the True #1 thing you must do is
BRING YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!
not only bring it, but once the race starts, start calling every # you have stored.
it goes like this....
{top your lungs}
HELLO! Guess where I am? WHAT? I'm at Daytona/Dover/Pocono! WHAT?
{Now hold phone up as the cars come around}
DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT?
times this by 25 and you're in!
I can't believe I forgot that on my original list.. shit I think that is the #1 irritant.
Oh yeah, to sit next to me you must smoke a pack a race, because all the fucking smoke, no matter where you blow it will directly hit me in the face.
BRING YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE!
not only bring it, but once the race starts, start calling every # you have stored.
it goes like this....
{top your lungs}
HELLO! Guess where I am? WHAT? I'm at Daytona/Dover/Pocono! WHAT?
{Now hold phone up as the cars come around}
DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT? DID YOU HEAR THAT? WHAT?
times this by 25 and you're in!
I can't believe I forgot that on my original list.. shit I think that is the #1 irritant.
Oh yeah, to sit next to me you must smoke a pack a race, because all the fucking smoke, no matter where you blow it will directly hit me in the face.
I don't know why, but the cell phone abusers bother me at games. It's lame to say the least. I swear they talk louder than anyone around them. And what are they talking about? Not a damn thing. This society needs better cell phone etiquette. And those kids at the mall every 5 feet trying to get me to come over and buy a cell phone. I hate them all.
Cell phones suck.
:roll: X ..............
Cell phones suck.
:roll: X ..............
Re: Do You Have What It Takes?
Is there a ticket offer anywhere in this rant? If not, STFU :Pjackass007 wrote:Do you have what it takes to sit next to the great jackass007 at a NASCAR race?
#1 you must get good and drunk to the point of barely functioning before the race begins!
#2 You MUST scream out "GET ER DONE" and "WHOOOOOHOOOOO" every time your favorite driver comes around the track.
#3 You must point at the driver as you scream, roll your arms like a 70's disco move, then point up the track, because the drivers do rely on your direction. A couple of times when my drunken NASCAR neighbor staggered to the men's room I feared Rusty would lock up his brakes on the backstretch wondering which direction to go.
#4 You must stand the whole race, and you must lean forward to make sure you block us from seeing, so we'll have to stand and lean over the rail too!
#5 Walk over to me at least 6 times and start talking to me, and seeing I'm wearing scanner headphones ask me "What's Rusty saying?"
#6 After I threaten to beat your ass if you don't behave yourself, and stop wandering over in front of me, offer to buy me a couple of beers, then offer me the jug of whatever your passing around.
#7 You must start arguing with an usher who keeps telling you to sit down or stand in front of your seat, until said usher calls a cop to come talk to you
#8 when the cop "hot blonde" tells you "1 more time you are gone" as soon as she leaves start jumping around again. This works, no cop would ever just duck around to check on you really quick.
#9 when jackass007 starts singing happy trails to you, become violent knowing that the cops are holding you. Shows major sac!
#10 make sure you brought your bail money
That is 2 races in a row where my enjoyment has been hampered by a fucking asshole!
Poconos and Watkins Glen left until Daytona next year! Maybe Michigan..
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jackass007
- Elwood
- Posts: 320
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:45 pm
Thanks Wags... you did it perfect, and I didn't even have to post it!War Wagon wrote:Get 'Er Done!
For the rest of you, when you scream out "GET ERR DONE" you have to laugh out loud, because it's so fucking funny! It was fucking fresh 10 years ago and it's still fucking fresh as a daisy today!
OK now after me, ready
1
2
3
top of your lungs now
"GET ERRR DONE" "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA"
Thanks Wags
You know when I go postal some day at the track, you'll know why!
Yourjackass007 wrote:"GET ERR DONE" you have to laugh out loud, because it's so fucking funny! It was fucking fresh 10 years ago and it's still fucking fresh as a daisy today!
Best
Take
EVAR!
John Boehner wrote:Boehner said. "In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a chicken shit. And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push this yellow button.
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jackass007
- Elwood
- Posts: 320
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:45 pm
For Wags:
As I scream Silverspoon 20 times.
and how can I be disappointed by an idiot who sticks his middle finger up at Kurt every time he drives by. I could see Kurt tearing up a bit..
and a nice family photo of the idiot who could NEVER sit down and him 2 young proteges that were equally obnoxious ...nice neck on the one in the middle
As I scream Silverspoon 20 times.
and how can I be disappointed by an idiot who sticks his middle finger up at Kurt every time he drives by. I could see Kurt tearing up a bit..
and a nice family photo of the idiot who could NEVER sit down and him 2 young proteges that were equally obnoxious ...nice neck on the one in the middle
Last edited by jackass007 on Wed Jul 27, 2005 5:26 am, edited 4 times in total.
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jackass007
- Elwood
- Posts: 320
- Joined: Tue Jan 25, 2005 1:45 pm
what am I doing wrong up there...anybody..........anybody.......anybody
it's a new free image hosting site that sucks ass...my boomspeed all filled up!
all better now, once I steal some stills from the video camera, I'll throw them up too.
it's a new free image hosting site that sucks ass...my boomspeed all filled up!
all better now, once I steal some stills from the video camera, I'll throw them up too.
Last edited by jackass007 on Wed Jul 27, 2005 5:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
You're posting a link to the website, I think. Rather than the link to the image.jackass007 wrote:what am I doing wrong up there...anybody..........anybody.......anybody
But I am NO IT guy.
John Boehner wrote:Boehner said. "In Congress, we have a red button, a green button and a yellow button, alright. Green means 'yes,' red means 'no,' and yellow means you're a chicken shit. And the last thing we need in the White House, in the oval office, behind that big desk, is some chicken who wants to push this yellow button.
