Alright, Shitheads, I got questions.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

First, why does it take an act of God, a resolution from the UN, three recommendations from the Dean, and a goddam coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond to get an account activated in here? I registered like 10 days ago! Word on the street is this fetid armpit of a chat forum is under new management. Well, I'm not an expert at running a message site or anything but me and Scottie Winkler set up a lemonade stand on the street outside a Renaissance Faire in Beattyville back in '87 so I know how to run a business and turning away customers at the door is not a successful business model. What happens when I invite friends to this party and y'all don't let 'em in? How does that make me look? Now, I know there's scammers out there and shitheads named xoxo3453 shouldn't be allowed to spam the board with VIAGRA ads from fukken Suriname but goddamit I'm Donnie motherfucking BAKER! You should be paying me to post here. I swear to God you should.

Second, where are the good threads? I have been reading this forum for the last week and I gotta say... some of you are very bad at "Smack." Like Jack Nicholson said in Batman, "this board needs an enema!" Kierland has said the exact same political bullshit 47 times in 8 days. Fuuuuck, Kierland, have you always been this tiresome? For example, in Softball Bat's song thread you made a political jab at the Confederacy. Why? Why do you need to turn everything into a Left-Right political pissing contest? I think your brain got hard-wired to think about politics first and you're like a goddam alcoholic about it. It's sad so see. Screw Michigan is no better. Derron can't spell for shit. LTS TRN 2 is the only funny person I've read but I'm pretty sure it was unintentional when he stumbled into it. Jesus...you should almost rename Cul de Smack to Politics: Now Featuring MORE POLITICS. Interestingly, the people who invited me here claim this was once a premier collection of word artists. I'm not sure they are correct. From my outsider perspective, either the premier contingent retired or y'all got lazy and decided it was easier to regurgitate talking points from fringe Twitter shitheads than share original thoughts. While lurking in some threads, I see a few of you trying to be witty and it's possible that despite my bitchin', it wouldn't take a lot to make this place interesting. Most of you simply need to stop being bad at writing words. If I make fun of you, will that help? Let's find out.

I might have more questions but I also have things to get done. I'm scouting Lake Jordan with Vince Laskey this afternoon. I'll see y'all later.

[Kierland]

Good question, where are all the good threads?

[Mikey]

First, you need to Rack the Trolls™.
Then, Go Fuck Yourself.


Come back try again when you’re finished.

[Softball Bat]

Now, I know there's scammers out there and shitheads named xoxo3453 shouldn't be allowed to spam the board with VIAGRA ads

That's right.
There are already too many bots in here.

I'm glad they opened the door for you.
Nice post!

[Roach]

Donnie:

The Deciders just send me an encrypted memo detailing the delays in new registration activations.

"Due to the recent shut down of .net, a tardal wave of homeless posters is hitting the shores of t1b harder than Ian hit Bonita Beach and Wolfman's lanai. We are working on it as fast as we can."

And apparently you passed the BG check.

Throw in some fukkin' DOnnie BAKER paragraphs once in a while. Jesus man, some of the folks here need a little help reading.


And a couple of key questions to think on and help your success here:

Are you a flat earther?

Define Straw Man

later

[Screw_Michigan]

Screw Michigan is no better.

Fukk yeah. I finally made a list.

Anyway, welcome new shit troll! Try not to foul this sordid clambake while you're here.

[Python]

Fukk yeah. I finally made a list.

Screw you.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

The Deciders just send me an encrypted memo detailing the delays in new registration activations.

"Due to the recent shut down of .net, a tardal wave of homeless posters is hitting the shores of t1b harder than Ian hit Bonita Beach and Wolfman's lanai. We are working on it as fast as we can."
Thanks for the welcome. More posters might help dilute the politics. I'm in favor of whatever happens to make funny things happen.
I reread my post and I kinda sound like a dick. Sorry about that. Well, mostly sorry. I'll blame it on being hung over. SNF will do that. Kierland really is lousy though. I'm not changing my mind about that.

First, you need to Rack the Trolls™.
Then, Go Fuck Yourself.
I read the rules when I signed up. There is no rules about paying homage to Trolls so fukkoff. I noticed y'all can't tell nobody my phone number or say where I live or tell my best friend Scottie that I fingerbanged Suzie Tiejen behind the water tower in 7th grade. I appreciate the security.

Are you a flat earther?
I've watched a bunch of flat earth stuff. I have two flat earth friends and they bring me weird shit. Some of it's interesting though. Like, why can I see Toronto from across the bay? Why's that water flat? And what keeps the water from sloshing off the edge if we're spinning? If it isn't sloshing off the edge we must not be spinning which means everything else is moving and shit that's really far away must be moving really fukken fast. I don't think shit's moving that fast.

Gotta be we're the ones spinning. Flat earth guys say there's no gravity cuz this ain't a sphere but if there's no gravity what keeps us from floating away? They say it's like putting water in a bucket and doing a windmill with your arm. Yeah okay but once again that means everything else billions of miles away is spinning and whipping around way too fukken fast.

I was in an airplane once and put a piece of paper across the window to measure the curvature of the ocean but it was cloudy and I couldn't see shit.
I'm not very helpful here.

Define Straw Man
A straw man is what people make when they need a target for an accusation. My mom was good at it. She'd say shit like, "I bet you think you're soo smaaart. I bet you think I don't know what you're doing in the bathroom." I knew what she was talking about but it wasn't me in the bathroom. It was my pops but I didn't rat him out. We had a bro code before I knew what that was. I left a used condom in the ashtray of the Malibu once. Fukken PANICKED the next morning and was about to crawl out my window and run to the car before he had to go to work but I was too late. When he got home the condom was gone and he never said a word.

[Kierland]

You absolutely did sound like a dick and that isn’t what a Strawman is, and Strawman is one of the easiest fallacies to define and understand. Probably why you would rather babble on about mundane FB mom group stuff and not anything important.

Carry on Jr.

[Wolfman]

THis sordid clambake still has one redeeming value. Listen to some tunes, usually Saturday night from around 9PM EDT to
whenever Smackie Chan turns in for the night. Hell, you can even chat with some of the listeners. How cool is that ?

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

THis sordid clambake still has one redeeming value. Listen to some tunes, usually Saturday night from around 9PM EDT to
whenever Smackie Chan turns in for the night. Hell, you can even chat with some of the listeners. How cool is that ?

No kidding? This place is much more interesting now.

[Kierland]

No it’s the same amount of interesting. It’s just more interesting to you now. Language is a great tool, you should try it sometime.

[Kluba]

If you want to hear about a great tool, you should talk to my first wife, she's got a few stories lol. They're mostly about my buddy Scott.

[Kierland]

Exhibit A as to why .pedo was a shit hole of shit trolls. OTST.

[Softball Bat]

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

If you want to hear about a great tool, you should talk to my first wife, she's got a few stories lol. They're mostly about my buddy Scott.

I'm interested. Her stories will certainly be more entertaining than Kierland trying to teach grammar. Can you get her in here? I'll bribe the board gods to get her registration approved.

[Screw_Michigan]

I'm interested. Her stories will certainly be more entertaining than Kierland trying to teach grammar. Can you get her in here? I'll bribe the board gods to get her registration approved.

Why don't you post another rambling, mind numbing wall of text that nobody here will read? I'm sure that will keep us entertained.

[Smackie Chan]

Why don't you post another rambling, mind numbing wall of text that nobody here will read? I'm sure that will keep us entertained.

I read it, and hope Donnie does post more. Wouldn't mind seeing what this Kluba kid has to offer, too.

Mind numbing? What could be more mind numbing than
"You're fat."
"You're short."
"You're a Nazi"
"Libs are ruining the country."
"Orange man bad."

Blah, blah, blah, from the same handful of posters who haven't been the least bit entertaining in over a decade. We (some of us, anyway, myself included) have lamented the fact that we never get any new blood up in this bitch, and now that we get some, some of us want it gone. So what if they're refugees from .net, which may or may not be the case regarding DB & Kluba. I'll admit I haven't visited .net in over a year, maybe two, but what DB posted so far doesn't seem typical for what I recall seeing there. Reminds me a little of what GPete used to post back in the day, but at least it's not political bullshit. And I always thought "getting the band back together," i.e., having some of the old school SmackChat posters back on the same board, was something many of us wanted. Not that simply adding a buncha shit posters is a good thing, but Jeebus, I'll take anything that might resuscitate the moribund shithole this board has become.

So please, DB, Kluba, & any other newbies who may be lurking - post more! And read more at your own peril.

[Screw_Michigan]

Blah, blah, blah, from the same handful of posters who haven't been the least bit entertaining in over a decade. We (some of us, anyway, myself included) have lamented the fact that we never get any new blood up in this bitch, and now that we get some, some of us want it gone. So what if they're refugees from .net, which may or may not be the case regarding DB & Kluba. I'll admit I haven't visited .net in over a year, maybe two, but what DB posted so far doesn't seem typical for what I recall seeing there. Reminds me a little of what GPete used to post back in the day, but at least it's not political bullshit. And I always thought "getting the band back together," i.e., having some of the old school SmackChat posters back on the same board, was something many of us wanted. Not that simply adding a buncha shit posters is a good thing, but Jeebus, I'll take anything that might resuscitate the moribund shithole this board has become.

Speaking of wall of text...

[Smackie Chan]

Speaking of wall of text...

I'll make this one a curb of text for those of you with short attention spans.

[Kierland]

Mind numbing? What could be more mind numbing than
"You're fat."
"You're short."
"You're a Nazi"
"Libs are ruining the country."
"Orange man bad."

The answer is the same old sophomoric drivel on a loop. At least politics is important. The machinations of some FB mom or an 18 yo daughter of a coworker is not. I have actual friends to talk about the mundane things in life with anyways, even if those threads were entertaining. People in a flood or fire don’t WANT to leave their home anymore than I want to point out that some tard is a Nazi. I would much rather be at the beach. We live in the time we live in, you can sit in the sidelines like so many people have done throughout history to only watch their world burn. Or you can take the warnings seriously and be on the right side of said history.
As for new blood, I’m with you. Anyone not threatening people or straight up spamming should feel free to try their hand at smack.
Welcome to the Jungle.

[Kluba]

People in a flood or fire don’t WANT to leave their home anymore than I want to point out that some tard is a Nazi. I would much rather be at the beach.

If this is a joke, RACK.

If this is not a joke, then I wonder if a 10-person message board populated by politically apathetic septuagenarians is the best platform for your ranting. Internet’s a big place.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

Mind numbing? What could be more mind numbing than
"You're fat."
"You're short."
"You're a Nazi"
"Libs are ruining the country."
"Orange man bad."

The answer is the same old sophomoric drivel on a loop. At least politics is important. The machinations of some FB mom or an 18 yo daughter of a coworker is not. I have actual friends to talk about the mundane things in life with anyways, even if those threads were entertaining. People in a flood or fire don’t WANT to leave their home anymore than I want to point out that some tard is a Nazi. I would much rather be at the beach. We live in the time we live in, you can sit in the sidelines like so many people have done throughout history to only watch their world burn. Or you can take the warnings seriously and be on the right side of said history.
As for new blood, I’m with you. Anyone not threatening people or straight up spamming should feel free to try their hand at smack.
Welcome to the Jungle.

I shudder to think you are being serious. You're honestly evangelizing with the holy writ of CNN as your canon? In this place? Where new members can't even get past the gates? You honestly think your incessant copy & paste submission by volume debate style is going to change hearts, minds, and votes? Are you seeing a clinical psychiatrist, by chance? Perhaps you should consider it. Honestly. I'm not trying to get all smackiechan* on you here. I am mildly concerned about your health. God as my witness I hope you're joking.


* I borrowed that from the radio guy, btw. I like it.

[Kierland]

Dismissal is not an argument. Neither are ad hominem attacks. Ad Hominem are fun when mixed with actual takes so I do use them. Only I use them as a garnish, not as the meal.

[Kluba]

Dismissal is absolutely not an argument, it’s a worldview.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

Dismissal is not an argument. Neither are ad hominem attacks. Ad Hominem are fun when mixed with actual takes so I do use them. Only I use them as a garnish, not as the meal.

[Kierland]

Nice white flag.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

Whatever it takes for you to

[Kierland]

Poor little baby needs a safe space.

[LTS TRN 2]

Dismissal is not an argument. Neither are ad hominem attacks. Ad Hominem are fun when mixed with actual takes so I do use them. Only I use them as a garnish, not as the meal.

But this is total bullshit, Squirmy, you never post an actual take and you know it. Or what? Do you support the DNC? The Squad? Biden and Kamaltoe? BLM and "antifa"? Queer ideology and drag shows in public schools? Any team or athlete?

Anything?

No, you offer nothing but pissy little snipes, as has been pointed out by others. "Traytor," and "nazzi," like a bratty little kid. You're basically the equivalent of a herpes sore on this palsied forum. "..the meal" ???

[Kierland]

Fake news.

[LTS TRN 2]

Hey, you clean up those pee-pee stains..don't just leave them on the floor...

[Screw_Michigan]

First, why does it take an act of God, a resolution from the UN, three recommendations from the Dean, and a goddam coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond to get an account activated in here? I registered like 10 days ago! Word on the street is this fetid armpit of a chat forum is under new management. Well, I'm not an expert at running a message site or anything but me and Scottie Winkler set up a lemonade stand on the street outside a Renaissance Faire in Beattyville back in '87 so I know how to run a business and turning away customers at the door is not a successful business model. What happens when I invite friends to this party and y'all don't let 'em in? How does that make me look? Now, I know there's scammers out there and shitheads named xoxo3453 shouldn't be allowed to spam the board with VIAGRA ads from fukken Suriname but goddamit I'm Donnie motherfucking BAKER! You should be paying me to post here. I swear to God you should.

Second, where are the good threads? I have been reading this forum for the last week and I gotta say... some of you are very bad at "Smack." Like Jack Nicholson said in Batman, "this board needs an enema!" Kierland has said the exact same political bullshit 47 times in 8 days. Fuuuuck, Kierland, have you always been this tiresome? For example, in Softball Bat's song thread you made a political jab at the Confederacy. Why? Why do you need to turn everything into a Left-Right political pissing contest? I think your brain got hard-wired to think about politics first and you're like a goddam alcoholic about it. It's sad so see. Screw Michigan is no better. Derron can't spell for shit. LTS TRN 2 is the only funny person I've read but I'm pretty sure it was unintentional when he stumbled into it. Jesus...you should almost rename Cul de Smack to Politics: Now Featuring MORE POLITICS. Interestingly, the people who invited me here claim this was once a premier collection of word artists. I'm not sure they are correct. From my outsider perspective, either the premier contingent retired or y'all got lazy and decided it was easier to regurgitate talking points from fringe Twitter shitheads than share original thoughts. While lurking in some threads, I see a few of you trying to be witty and it's possible that despite my bitchin', it wouldn't take a lot to make this place interesting. Most of you simply need to stop being bad at writing words. If I make fun of you, will that help? Let's find out.

I might have more questions but I also have things to get done. I'm scouting Lake Jordan with Vince Laskey this afternoon. I'll see y'all later.

It's not fair if you don't let me spread my special brand of fascism all over T1B and America. I am the victim here, and don't you forget it!

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

1. The T.R.O.T.S. forum has a tag line of "Snap, Crackle, POP"
2. I see Softball Bat called "Pops" a lot.

Is there a correlation here? If so, what does it mean?

[Kierland]

Nobody actually thought you were going to coherently respond to Screwy

[Get fucked]

1. The T.R.O.T.S. forum has a tag line of "Snap, Crackle, POP"
2. I see Softball Bat called "Pops" a lot.

Is there a correlation here? If so, what does it mean?

Hypothetically it is rumored poptart may have been a prior incarnation of the troll known as softball bat.

Secret pw: flatearf


Now get fucked

[Softball Bat]

1. The T.R.O.T.S. forum has a tag line of "Snap, Crackle, POP"
2. I see Softball Bat called "Pops" a lot.

Is there a correlation here? If so, what does it mean?

The two are not related.

I am sometimes called "pops" which is short for poptart, which is my original message board nickname.

I am... poptart.


I don't know what the "Snap, Crackle, POP" is about.

[LTS TRN 2]

No, you're Slop Fart. You've long defaulted into the ranks of Those Who Are Ridiculed, and it's not because of your Flat Earth narrative, but rather your lack of supporting it. Other than that admittedly odd subject, you've nothing whatever to say on any subject that's worth considering or meriting a response. What, the top three songs of Bread?

[Softball Bat]

No, you're Slop Fart. You've long defaulted into the ranks of Those Who Are Ridiculed, and it's not because of your Flat Earth narrative, but rather your lack of supporting it. Other than that admittedly odd subject, you've nothing whatever to say on any subject that's worth considering or meriting a response. What, the top three songs of Bread?

You're past due on taking your meds.

[Donnie Baker's Ghost]

New question.

Why does the rolleyes smiley say "meds"?