Stanley Pickle Adventure from early 2000's

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The Big Pickle
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Stanley Pickle Adventure from early 2000's

Post by The Big Pickle »

I've been at the end of my rope lately, mostly because
of my mid life crisis and my endless struggle with the
ringing in my ears. I've had tinnitus since being a Soldier of the Year
Candidate in the United States Army. Lately the ringing has increased a couple notches and
now I'm finding it really hard to keep from going crazy.

Yesterday, after I couldn't take another second of
this torture from the constant crickets chirping in my
brain...I had to get out of the house. I decided to
take the top off my car and cruise down Pacific Coast
Highway towards Laguana and smell the ocean
and let the wind blow through my hair.

Image


I tried to find a song that I could play over and over
and over again so I could really sink into a good
depression. I found an old favorite from Phil Collins
called "Taking it all too hard" and put it in my CD
player.



No not this confused again
No not the same mistakes again
You're taking it all to heart
You're taking it all too hard


I'd listen to the whole thing and then hit "Repeat"
and listen to it again. I lost track of how many times
I replayed it when I decided to take a
left hand turn away from the ocean.

I was stopped at a light when I noticed a very young
girl dressed in rags. She was holding a sign that
said....

"Homeless and Hungry PLEASE help me."

She had some very attractive features and I was
wondering what she'd look like with a bath and a
striking tomato red dress by Ben de Lisi to complement
her silky blonde hair and fair complexion.

Then it hit me! I'm sitting here in my expensive BMW
convertible driving around beautiful Republican based
Orange County and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I
have a refrigerator full of food, a nice home and a
comfortable bed and this poor thing is sleeping under
a bridge and eating out of garbage cans.

So just as the light turned green, I reached in my
wallet, but all I had was hundreds and few one dollar
bills. I had this incredible urge to do something
special so I pulled out a hundred and handed it to her
as I was slowly driving away.

She was probably expecting another chump to hand her a
one dollar bill, but when she saw that Ben Franklin
staring back her she ran along side my car and kept
crying profusely "Thank You! Thank You! Thank YOU!"

As I looked in my rear view mirror I could see the
look of despair leave her face and it was replaced
with a glimmer of hope. At that very moment I was
overcome with this incredible peaceful feeling. All
of a sudden I forgot about the ringing in my ears and
for one brief second there was this incredible silence
for the first time in twenty years of my life.

I was feeling so good that I decided to stop and treat
myself to some Chocolate Crunch ice cream delight
topped with lots of fudge, marshmallows and Oreo
cookie crumbles. And then I saw those dollar bills
that I still had in my wallet and decided to
play a $1 California Lottery Scratch off ticket. So I said to the
cashier, "I'm feeling lucky today....give me the scratch off with the rainbow"

She said "Nobody wins on the $1 scratch off unless they are born with
a horseshoe up their arse." I pulled out my lucky 1944 Denver Mint
Wheat penny and started scratching.....$1,000 WINNER!!!!

I was so excited that I got in my car and
drove back down PCH to see if that homeless girl was
still there. I wanted to tell her about my experience
and share some of my good fortune with her and maybe
invite her back to my place for a bath, a nice meal
and a comfortable place to sleep for the night.

When I got back to the stoplight she was gone, but I
could see something black and her sign laying on the
ground were she once stood. I stopped my car and
walked up to see what she'd left behind. I bent
down to pick it up I noticed it was a bible. I opened the
cover slowly and noticed there was an inscription on the
first page that said....

"No good deed goes unnoticed in the eyes of the Lord."


I looked to the sky and with a tear in my eyes I
proclaimed..."You saw my good deed today didn't you?
That wasn't really a homeless girl...it was an angel!
There is a God..there really is a GOD!"

Stanley Pickle - Reagan Republican and believer of good deeds

By the Way...this is a TRUE STORY...it really happened to Pickle!
Last edited by The Big Pickle on Mon May 25, 2020 7:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

88 wrote: Sun May 17, 2020 5:19 pmD-

You have to read it from the 2001 perspective. General Peters gave me a B+
EAP
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by EAP »

The Big Pickle wrote: Sun May 17, 2020 4:29 pm I've been at the end of my rope lately, mostly because
of my mid life crisis and my endless struggle with the
ringing in my ears. I've had tinnitus since being a Soldier of the Year
Candidate in the United States Army. Lately the ringing has increased a couple notches and
now I'm finding it really hard to keep from going crazy.

Yesterday, after I couldn't take another second of
this torture from the constant crickets chirping in my
brain...I had to get out of the house. I decided to
take the top off my car and cruise down Pacific Coast
Highway towards Laguana and smell the ocean
and let the wind blow through my hair.

Image


I tried to find a song that I could play over and over
and over again so I could really sink into a good
depression. I found an old favorite from Phil Collins
called "Taking it all too hard" and put it in my CD
player.



No not this confused again
No not the same mistakes again
You're taking it all to heart
You're taking it all too hard


I'd listen to the whole thing and then hit "Repeat"
and listen to it again. I lost track of how many times
I replayed it when I decided to take a
left hand turn away from the ocean.

I was stopped at a light when I noticed a very young
girl dressed in rags. She was holding a sign that
said....

"Homeless and Hungry PLEASE help me."

She had some very attractive features and I was
wondering what she'd look like with a bath and a
striking tomato red dress by Ben de Lisi to complement
her silky blonde hair and fair complexion.

Then it hit me! I'm sitting here in my expensive BMW
convertible driving around beautiful Republican based
Orange County and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I
have a refrigerator full of food, a nice home and a
comfortable bed and this poor thing is sleeping under
a bridge and eating out of garbage cans.

So just as the light turned green, I reached in my
wallet, but all I had was hundreds and few one dollar
bills. I had this incredible urge to do something
special so I pulled out a hundred and handed it to her
as I was slowly driving away.

She was probably expecting another chump to hand her a
one dollar bill, but when she saw that Ben Franklin
staring back her she ran along side my car and kept
crying profusely "Thank You! Thank You! Thank YOU!"

As I looked in my rear view mirror I could see the
look of despair leave her face and it was replaced
with a glimmer of hope. At that very moment I was
overcome with this incredible peaceful feeling. All
of a sudden I forgot about the ringing in my ears and
for one brief second there was this incredible silence
for the first time in twenty years of my life.

I was feeling so good that I decided to stop and treat
myself to some Chocolate Crunch ice cream delight
topped with lots of fudge, marshmallows and Oreo
cookie crumbles. And then I saw those dollar bills
that I still had in my wallet and decided to
play a $1 California Lottery Scratch off ticket. So I said to the
cashier, "I'm feeling lucky today....give me the scratch off with the rainbow"

She said "Nobody wins on the $1 scratch off unless they are born with
a horseshoe up their arse." I pulled out my lucky 1944 Denver Mint
Wheat penny and started scratching.....$1,000 WINNER!!!!

I was so excited that I got in my car and
drove back down PCH to see if that homeless girl was
still there. I wanted to tell her about my experience
and share some of my good fortune with her and maybe
invite her back to my place for a bath, a nice meal
and a comfortable place to sleep for the night.

When I got back to the stoplight she was gone, but I
could see something black and her sign laying on the
ground were she once stood. I stopped my car and
walked up to see what she'd left behind. I bent
down to pick it up I noticed it was a bible. I opened the
cover slowly and noticed there was an inscription on the
first page that said....

"No good deed goes unnoticed in the eyes of the Lord."


I looked to the sky and with a tear in my eyes I
proclaimed..."You saw my good deed today didn't you?
That wasn't really a homeless girl...it was an angel!
There is a God..there really is a GOD!"

Stanley Pickle - Reagan Republican and believer of good deeds

By the Way...this is a TRUE STORY...it really happened to Pickle!
Pickle! Just WOW!
YOU ARE A DEAD RINGER FOR ROB LOWE in that sporty convertible driving down the famous Pacific Coast Highway.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

This afternoon I was driving around in my beautiful convertible
BMW thinking about what to do for lunch. I wasn't in the mood for the usual

Image

burrito supreme at Del Taco or going to the food court at the mall.
I was tired of same old boring food or watching people doing laps for exercise.

That's when I got the brainstorm! I remembered those real estate listings I saw at Ralphs Grocery store on Harbor Blvd.
I decided to pretend to look for a Condo!


I had to find something nearby because I
had only an hour to spare. I looked for the most expensive
complex in Newport Beach. I found one that was super expensive with an ocean view.
It was exclusive so I knew only cool conservative Republicans like
me were allowed to live there. This one was PERFECT!

I walked into the real estate office and the chick working
was a smoke show....I mean SMOKING HOT! She was wearing a pink top
with rose bud floral patterns, a built in bra that cradled her mega-boobs. The
back of the shirt rode up just enough to see the tramp tattoo that begged
"Please Cum Here!"

To compliment that pole-raising top gear, she was wearing black, fuzzy pants that
suffocated her legs. Her ass was perfect. It was tight like a captain cheerleader,
but ripe like a pear.... it screamed "Bend me over and do me doggie style."

"Can I help you, sir?"

I told her I just broke up with my girlfriend and I
needed to move into a high-class condominium.

"Got any 3 bedrooms?" I said.

"Of course, and this is for how many people?" she asked.

"Just me." That was badass.

"Show me your most expensive condo!" I said it with the confidence
of someone that wasn't worried about money.

"Ok, but first you have to fill out this personal information questionaire."

I'll be damned if she didn't bend all the way over
and grab the lowest sheet off the bottom shelf. Her blouse
opened up like a tulip on Easter Sunday. I saw the nicest megaboobs
in Newport Beach CA and they were REAL ones too!

Then, as if to tease me again, she bends over and says

"Oops, I forgot the floor plan!"

I filled out the form as fast as possible and she
said, "Let's go!"

We went outside and I said, "you lead the way." I had
to watch that perfect ass in motion...swaying to left and to the right.

Image


I imagined her with pom poms chanting "USC! USC! Go Trojans!!"


She yapped a lot about how much she loves the ocean view

Image

but all I could think about were those damn boobies!
Who likes Boobies? I DO! I DO!

Pretty soon I was walking like the tin man in "The
Wizard of OZ." All the blood was flowing to my enormous pickle...I was both horny and dizzy
from loss of blood to my brain. For a second I thought I was gonna bust one right
there in the courtyard or pass out. I had to do something fast so I started humming "Somewhere over the
Rainbow". It worked...I didn't cum in my pants.


Finally, we got to the condo and went inside. She talked for some time and I pretended to listen.

She showed me the master bedroom, "isn't it good?



I got Norwegian Wood.

Then she dropped the damn key on purpose and bent over to pick it up.
I saw her perfect boobies AGAIN!

"Can't seem to hold on to the key today" she blushed.

I swear I had to tighten my bow tie to keep my penis
from busting through the top of my shirt and jabbing
me in the jaw!"

I feigned interest by asking about the utilities and other stuff
hoping to get another money shot somewhere in the
conversation.

We took a nice walk back to the real estate office with her leading the way.
All the while she was yapping about the swimming pool, the scenery, how much
she loved Ronald Reagan yadda yadda yadda and me staring at her ass
and the whole time.

I told her that I had to check out other places too, but that this
was the leading candidate. Whatever. I'm not even looking for a place to live.

"Thanks, and if you have any questions call me anytime., here's my card!"

"Don't worry, I'll call you" as I limped away like a three legged human tripod.

"Oh...one more thing" as I stopped and turned around...

She looked hopeful like I was going to buy the condo.

"Yes?" she asked....with commission stars in her eyes.

"Do you have a bathroom in here?"

I went in the bathroom...rubbed one out in less than two minutes
and with the milky cum I captured in my left hand I wrote
the following message on the bathroom mirror.

" Stanley Pickle sez, Rack The Trolls!".
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TONTO
Elwood
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by TONTO »

TONTO know when little pickle, penis eater, and IB are banned.

Legends comeback.
EAP
Mr. USA
Posts: 4431
Joined: Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:54 pm

Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by EAP »

TONTO wrote: Tue May 19, 2020 6:37 pm TONTO know when little pickle, penis eater, and IB are banned.

Legends comeback.
tonto is legally married to a 🐎.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

Today was just like every other monday morning at work. I showed up
15 minutes late, turned on the light in my office cubicle,
started up the computer and headed down to the company
cafeteria for a large coffee and Orange County Register.

The route back to my desk was always designed to walk
past the hottest chicks in the company. If it was 8:30 in the morning
they knew I was coming by with a "S'up gorgeous?" followed up with the obligatory finger
point and the wink of my left eye for passion.

So now I'm back at my desk. My feet are kicked up on my desk, the
internet mouse is in one hand and coffee in the other hand. All of a sudden
my boss sneaks up and says

"Pop up meeting at 9am".


Cool...I can finish the sports page and check out the trolls message board.

At 8:55 I grab my notepad and pencil and stand in the middle of our team.
Everyone is working their asses off. I am surprised they weren't ready for the meeting.

"Let's go to the meeting!"

One by one...each of my team members checked their calendar and said "No meeting for me"
"No meeting for me either!" "Nothing on my schedule today!"

Just at that moment my manager walks up to me and says "Are you ready for the meeting?

I thought it was a TEAM MEETING.....Nope...just me in Human Resources!

I asked my manager what it was about and she told me that I'd find out when we got there.

I made a joke about getting a raise for increasing North Dakota Business Insurance by 20 percent.

"Nope, it's not a raise!

"Is it a promotion?"

I was told to settle down and I'd find out when I got there!

We walk into Human Resources and my boss says that Stanley Pickle
is here for his 9 o'clock appointment.

We sit down in the office and the flaming homosexual HR dude is waiting for us.
This guy is so gay the automatic fire sprinklers go off when he passes by.

He picked up a piece of paper that was on his desk and
started reading verbatim the events from last friday.

"At 2:15 pm on Friday you initiated a conversation with a
female co-worker. As you were talking to her your right
hand has lodged on your penis making an up and down motion."


DAMN! I did do that! I was about to admit the truth and blame it on the army.
My army unit was 80 percent black. Everyone had one hand on their penis. I was about to
admit it was true, but only because I lived with black dudes for three years!

At the moment I was going to admit it was true I remembered
a black gun bunny from Harlem tell me that you NEVER admit anything!
He said you must "DENY DENY DENY and then Counter Accuse" and you will
always win.


So I pushed my chair out and jumped to my feet and shouted

“That’s a damn LIE!”

I pounded my fist on his desk to add emotional effect!

I went on and on about how none of this was true. I
used all the standard lines about it being a “big
misunderstanding”, “I never touched my penis” “yadda
yadda yadda”.

Finally Steve says, “I didn’t want to
resort to this, but I see no other alternative.”


Steve picked up the phone and seyz..."Send Terri into my office now.”

Image

Terri came into the room. She had a mole above her lip that was unsettling,
but the rest of her was 9/10 HOT! It's sad...because her body was perfect and she told me
that she loved smoking pole. When I asked "Spit or Swallow?" she always swallowed. She thought cum was yummy!
All she needed was a little dermatology and she was wife material.


"Stanley is denying everything and disputing your
story." Steve told her.

I went on the offensive to catch her off guard and accused her of
making up the whole story because she had some hidden
agenda to take my job.


After much time of "He said, She Said" I went for the closing
argument...

"Obviously one of us is lying, but since it was a
private conversation there is NO way you can know
which one of us is being dishonest!"

I suggested this whole miscarriage of justice be dropped
because only two people in this room know the truth.


I could tell that my DENY DENY AND COUNTER ACCUSE hit home with Steve.

Painfully he looked at Terri and seyz, “Stanley is right, there’s just not
enough evidence to pursue this case. I’m sorry, butI'm going to have to dismiss
this due to a lack of evidence.”


I looked at Terri and smirked so only she could see
it. All of a sudden her lips started to quiver and
her eyes began to water...and just like the Hoover
Dam after downpour she exploded in tears and ran out
of the room crying.


I struggled not to laugh and somehow was able to
muster “Women and their Hormones!”


Stanley Pickle, you dodged a bullet this time, but I
got my eye on you so you better be on your best
behavior” His finger dangled inches from my face as
he was scolding me.

I was content up to that point, but something in his
voice just ticked me off.

Inspired by family values and the last election
victories by my fellow Republicans, I stood up,
looked that liberal h0mosexual in the eye and said,

“Just between you and me, everything Terri said was
true. I was rubbing my big pickle up and down while I was
talking to her.'

But since there’s only us two in the room who are they
going to believe? Me an honest, decent, heterosexual
Soldier of the Year Candidate or YOU a morally corrupt, disgusting
homsexual turd burgular?”

I puffed my chest out like a proud General...
victorious on the battlefield and strolled to the
door.

“Oh and one more thing....since we’re in here all alone".

"Rectums are for shit expulsion not spooge buckets after penile injections."

I hope you get AIDS AND DIE!


Write up a GRIEVENCE ON THAT , YOU BUTT PIRATE!

He dropped his pencil and slumped in this chair in
defeat.

Stanley Pickle and family values pervailed!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Last edited by The Big Pickle on Wed May 20, 2020 7:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
EAP
Mr. USA
Posts: 4431
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by EAP »

The Big Pickle wrote: Tue May 19, 2020 5:33 pm This afternoon I was driving around in my beautiful convertible
BMW thinking about what to do for lunch. I wasn't in the mood for the usual

Image

burrito supreme at Del Taco or going to the food court at the mall.
I was tired of same old boring food or watching people doing laps for exercise.

That's when I got the brainstorm! I remembered those real estate listings I saw at Ralphs Grocery store on Harbor Blvd.
I decided to pretend to look for a Condo!


I had to find something nearby because I
had only an hour to spare. I looked for the most expensive
complex in Newport Beach. I found one that was super expensive with an ocean view.
It was exclusive so I knew only cool conservative Republicans like
me were allowed to live there. This one was PERFECT!

I walked into the real estate office and the chick working
was a smoke show....I mean SMOKING HOT! She was wearing a pink top
with rose bud floral patterns, a built in bra that cradled her mega-boobs. The
back of the shirt rode up just enough to see the tramp tattoo that begged
"Please Cum Here!"

To compliment that pole-raising top gear, she was wearing black, fuzzy pants that
suffocated her legs. Her ass was perfect. It was tight like a captain cheerleader,
but ripe like a pear.... it screamed "Bend me over and do me doggie style."

"Can I help you, sir?"

I told her I just broke up with my girlfriend and I
needed to move into a high-class condominium.

"Got any 3 bedrooms?" I said.

"Of course, and this is for how many people?" she asked.

"Just me." That was badass.

"Show me your most expensive condo!" I said it with the confidence
of someone that wasn't worried about money.

"Ok, but first you have to fill out this personal information questionaire."

I'll be damned if she didn't bend all the way over
and grab the lowest sheet off the bottom shelf. Her blouse
opened up like a tulip on Easter Sunday. I saw the nicest megaboobs
in Newport Beach CA and they were REAL ones too!

Then, as if to tease me again, she bends over and says

"Oops, I forgot the floor plan!"

I filled out the form as fast as possible and she
said, "Let's go!"

We went outside and I said, "you lead the way." I had
to watch that perfect ass in motion...swaying to left and to the right.

Image


I imagined her with pom poms chanting "USC! USC! Go Trojans!!"


She yapped a lot about how much she loves the ocean view

Image

but all I could think about were those damn boobies!
Who likes Boobies? I DO! I DO!

Pretty soon I was walking like the tin man in "The
Wizard of OZ." All the blood was flowing to my enormous pickle...I was both horny and dizzy
from loss of blood to my brain. For a second I thought I was gonna bust one right
there in the courtyard or pass out. I had to do something fast so I started humming "Somewhere over the
Rainbow". It worked...I didn't cum in my pants.


Finally, we got to the condo and went inside. She talked for some time and I pretended to listen.

She showed me the master bedroom, "isn't it good?



I got Norwegian Wood.

Then she dropped the damn key on purpose and bent over to pick it up.
I saw her perfect boobies AGAIN!

"Can't seem to hold on to the key today" she blushed.

I swear I had to tighten my bow tie to keep my penis
from busting through the top of my shirt and jabbing
me in the jaw!"

I feigned interest by asking about the utilities and other stuff
hoping to get another money shot somewhere in the
conversation.

We took a nice walk back to the real estate office with her leading the way.
All the while she was yapping about the swimming pool, the scenery, how much
she loved Ronald Reagan yadda yadda yadda and me staring at her ass
and the whole time.

I told her that I had to check out other places too, but that this
was the leading candidate. Whatever. I'm not even looking for a place to live.

"Thanks, and if you have any questions call me anytime., here's my card!"

"Don't worry, I'll call you" as I limped away like a three legged human tripod.

"Oh...one more thing" as I stopped and turned around...

She looked hopeful like I was going to buy the condo.

"Yes?" she asked....with commission stars in her eyes.

"Do you have a bathroom in here?"

I went in the bathroom...rubbed one out in less than two minutes
and with the milky cum I captured in my left hand I wrote
the following message on the bathroom mirror.

" Stanley Pickle sez, Rack The Trolls!".
That photo of you cruising down the historic Pacific Coast Highway, looking like a cross between Hawaii 5 0's Jack Lord and the legendary David Hasselhoff, is priceless.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

These nig.gas are haters. Put another story up, BP.

While you're recollectin', this one's for you:

User avatar
TONTO
Elwood
Posts: 184
Joined: Tue Dec 03, 2019 10:52 pm

Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by TONTO »

Innocent Bystander wrote: Thu May 21, 2020 7:06 pm These nig.gas are haters. Put another story up, BP.



TONTO know when little pickle, penis eater, and IB are banned.

Legends comeback.
Innocent Bystander
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Posts: 4558
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

TONTO wrote: Thu May 21, 2020 8:41 pm
Innocent Bystander wrote: Thu May 21, 2020 7:06 pm These nig.gas are haters. Put another story up, BP.



TONTO know when little pickle, penis eater, and IB are banned.

Legends comeback.
Can you help me find the source of the original?

Image

Can't wait for BP's next one. :popcorn:
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mvscal
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by mvscal »

The Big Pickle wrote: Sun May 17, 2020 4:29 pm "Taking it all too hard"
Sincerely,

Stanley Pikkle's Loose Anus
Screw_Michigan wrote: Fri Apr 05, 2019 4:39 pmUnlike you tards, I actually have functioning tastebuds and a refined pallet.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

mvscal wrote: Fri May 22, 2020 12:51 am
The Big Pickle wrote: Sun May 17, 2020 4:29 pm "Taking it all too hard"
Sincerely,

Stanley Pikkle's Loose Anus
What really happened with the 15 year old girl, Barbarossa?

(It's Friday. A good story heading into the holiday weekend would be comfy. Make something up if the truth is mundane. Thank you.)
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mvscal
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by mvscal »

What the fuck are you talking about now?
Screw_Michigan wrote: Fri Apr 05, 2019 4:39 pmUnlike you tards, I actually have functioning tastebuds and a refined pallet.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

mvscal wrote: Fri May 22, 2020 5:07 pm What the fuck are you talking about now?
Apparently, your reddish hair and your honest opinion that a 17.89 year old girl is old enough to make her own decision to run away with her teacher.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

The Big Pickle wrote: Fri May 22, 2020 5:18 pm
mvscal wrote: Fri May 22, 2020 5:07 pm What the fuck are you talking about now?
Apparently, your reddish hair and your honest opinion that a 17.89 year old girl is old enough to make her own decision to run away with her teacher.
If that's all there was to it, that's as retarded as calling Diego a pedo because someone thought he reminded them of a serial killer at a meet.

There better be more to the story. And if there isn't, I want a Hollywoodized fictional 'inspired by' retelling to make up for the branding, cuz that's the type of wack shit which shouldn't stick if it's fake. Might as well get a belly laugh out of it.

Anyway -- poke poke poke -- where's your next adventure? Please? and thank you.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. It was normal people versus hippie freaks. It was The American Dream versus pot smoking communists. It was Patchouli oil versus Drakkar Noir. It was Co-Op living versus a Beach House near life guard tower 45 in Newport Beach!

This is Stanley Pickle's version of "A Tale of Two Cities".

Newport Beach CA is a normal people sanctuary with perfect weather, beaches, and enough Bo Derek perfect 10 goddesses to fill a thousand beauty pageants. Imagine driving down Pacific Coast Highway and every car you pass has a Sports Illustrated Swim Suit Model like Christie Brinkley wearing an angelic sun dress and winking at you from her convertible red corvette.

Image

That's Newport Beach California...It's as close to Heaven as humanly possible.

Madison WI on the other hand is a Peoples Republic of the Devil. It's a collection of homosexuals, drug addicts, welfare parasites and people that spend their life accumulating multiple degrees in the humanities. Basically it's 26 square miles of Sodom and Gomorrah.

So every memorial day weekend I get on a plane and leave the safe confines of Orange County to dodge the pillars of salt and greet my parents and childhood friends at the gates of Hell. My mom was the first to greet me and she hugged me endlessly, and whispered in my ear "I liebe meine kleine gherkin!"

My dad was much more stoic and just shook my hand and said "Welcome Home Soldier!" He was 101st airborne...A paratrooper. He understood the significance of Memorial Day Weekend.

Image

We were both soldiers..I joined the army because I wanted to be like him.

My mom says she has big plans for the weekend. When we entered the house our dog was barking as if she was protecting my parents from an intruder....I put my hand out so she could sniff it and said "Tanya, it's me!"

Image

Tanya needed only to hear my voice and then attacked with me love and kisses....she remembered me! Lumpi the weiner dog was indifferent.

I spent a couple hours with my parents to get caught up on current events. I didn't want to leave them, but I had to meet my friends down on campus for a few beers. Be careful my mom warned me ..."there is a big anti war protest today!" It was an election year and the hippies and sodomites wanted John Kerry to beat George W Bush.

It was a couple hours before the protests were to start when I arrived on campus. The FREAKS were in a tizzy and they wanted BLOOD!

I wasn't prepared for this many freaks and I was oddly out of place. I was dressed like a Ralph Loren Model on the cover of GQ magazine. I wanted to go to the protest, but I couldn't go as I was dressed or I would be killed in the mob.

That's when I remembered there was a second hand store on State Street that connected to the University. It's where the hippie co-op faggots brought their clothes for cheap! That was perfect..I'll buy some second hand hippie clothes and go down to the protest in Library Mall pretending to be Jerry Garcia!

I found a grateful dead tie dye t-shirt, a female wig, a light blue paisley pattern bandana. Look Mom, I'm a hippie!


So now I headed down to the Anti War protest at the Library Mall and Karl Armstrong is speaking. He was the anti war hippie that blew up Sterling Hall during the Vietnam War protest! This terrorist was out of prison??? I was outraged! We felt the explosion ten miles away from campus at our home in Maple Bluff. That terrorist attack on August 24, 1970 killed an innocent person!

Now I was enraged....I had to get the microphone away from that domestic terrorist Karl Armstrong....I had to do something! So I jumped up on the stage looking like Jerry Garcia from the Grateful Dead and stole the mic away from the terrorist....People were still cheering because they thought I was part of the Anti War protest.

Now that I had the microphone, what was I going to do? I had a flash back to Carrot Top when he was just starting out as a comedian. He pretended to be a conservative and then flipped the script half way though and became a libtard.....That's it! I'll be carrot top at Fashion Island in Newport Beach early 1990's but I'll flip the script on the flipped script!

So now I'm on the stage with the microphone....

I said "BUSH LIED...PEOPLE DIED!" and the crowd went crazy!
I said "Chenney is a war criminal!"....once again the crowd went crazy!
I said...."Who wants communism?" Almost everyone cheered!

Now that I had their attention....I took off my bandana...

and said "Here Comes Sunshine" a reference to a grateful dead song...

I took off my wig..."Eyes of the World" another reference to grateful dead song...

I took off my tie dye t-shirt.. "HELL IN A BUCKET!"

Now I'm standing there in my original ALL AMERICAN GQ clothes...

I said "I'm voting for GEORGE W BUSH AND ALL YOU FAGGOTS ARE GOING TO HELL!"


Thankfully...most the police on security were Reagan Republicans like me and they clubbed every
baby seal hippie that tried to attack me.

I went back to Newport Beach knowing that even though I can't change the stripes
on a hippie, I can get the police to club them like a baby seal.
[/quote]
Last edited by The Big Pickle on Sat May 23, 2020 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by mvscal »

The Big Pickle wrote: Sat May 23, 2020 7:45 pmMadison WI on the other hand is a Peoples Republic of the Devil. It's a collection of homosexuals, drug addicts, welfare parasites and people that spend their life accumulating multiple degrees in the humanities. Basically it's 26 square miles of Sodom and Gomorrah.
And that's where you live.

The End.
Screw_Michigan wrote: Fri Apr 05, 2019 4:39 pmUnlike you tards, I actually have functioning tastebuds and a refined pallet.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by The Big Pickle »

Some people are wondering why I am posting my Stanley Pickle Adventures from the early 2000's...

Well...it's not because IB wanted to read them again....

It's because I'm outraged!

Why am outraged? Because when I get drunk...I remember things......
I remember people and places and sometimes I remember posters from London....

Yeah....I'm talking about that bloody wanker, Euroclone!

Way back in the beginning of message boards everybody loved him because of his witty monte python sense of humour.
They loved the fact that he ran a porn shop that primarily sold black on White porn. Debbie does Harlem, Queen Elizabeth crowns Kenya, and Sir Edmund Hilliary Climbs Mount Sheboon. He was a sodomite! A race traitor, A purveyor of debauchery from the poor side of London, but most importantly he HATED REPUBLICANS!

His clients were the working class Chavs. If you aren't familiar with the term, they are the White Trash of Europe. They start on drugs by mixing cough syrup with cleaning supplies in the primary school and by secondary school they are downing pints of bass ale in back alleys then selling their younger sisters to the pakis and albanians for six pence. In other words...they are Butt Spray without the scat.

Oddly enough...there was a sophisticated female that wasn't into porn, but she was an avid sports fan. England was in the World Cup and she had to read every article about Beckham and the English Football. One day she got on the internet and found an article from some bloke named "Nishlord".

And that is how they met. A bald headed low IQ football hooligan that posted on Jim Rome message board is introduced to a world class film producer and the future Short Film Award Winner Vicki Mather...Vicki tells this freak about an idea she has for a movie. It's about an incel that lives in the attic with his parents named Oswald Mosley.....Euroclone says...that ain't Oswald Mosely...that's STANLEY FUKKKEN PICKLE!


Anyhoo...the rest is history...I hate them both.



Euroclone and Vicki stole my identity!

There can be only one Stanley Pickle and it's ME!
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from early 2000's

Post by The Big Pickle »

schmick wrote: Mon May 25, 2020 9:12 pm Early 2000s Pickle looks a lot like late 1970s Richard Gere.
The story is early 2000's pickle...

The picture is Richard Gere from American Gigaloo.

I'm only using the picture to enhance the story with a visual.

Sometimes EAP isn't very smart...but at least he's smart enough to be a Republican!
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

The Big Pickle wrote: Mon May 25, 2020 7:40 pm Some people are wondering why I am posting my Stanley Pickle Adventures from the early 2000's...

It's because I'm outraged!
BP, it's a three day weekend, and you live in Madison instead of beneath Arlington. You got lucky. Some of your brothers didn't. Maybe you shouldn't feel outraged, but humbled. Do vets think about the guys who didn't come home, on Memorial Day, or is it better not to think of them?.

Why am outraged? Because when I get drunk...I remember things......
Most people drink to forget. What are you trying to remember?

I remember people and places and sometimes I remember posters from London....

Yeah....I'm talking about that bloody wanker, Euroclone!
So he wasgay? Eh, 'Choir Director/Male Hairdresser Named Peaches' rule in effect: as long as he's talented and ain't fucking children or someone's man, it doesn't matter that he's a sodomite. And Nish was a very, very talented writer.

Oddly enough...there was a sophisticated female that wasn't into porn, but she was an avid sports fan. England was in the World Cup and she had to read every article about Beckham and the English Football. One day she got on the internet and found an article from some bloke named "Nishlord".

And that is how they met. A bald headed low IQ football hooligan that posted on Jim Rome message board is introduced to a world class film producer and the future Short Film Award Winner Vicki Mather...Vicki tells this freak about an idea she has for a movie. It's about an incel that lives in the attic with his parents named Oswald Mosley.....Euroclone says...that ain't Oswald Mosely...that's STANLEY FUKKKEN PICKLE!
BP, you ain't mad, you're pleased as punch :lol: What did you think of the moral?

Anyhoo...the rest is history...I hate them both.
Sure, buddy.

How was your Memorial Day?
Last edited by Innocent Bystander on Tue May 26, 2020 1:08 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Stanley Pickle Adventure from 2001

Post by Innocent Bystander »

mvscal wrote: Sun May 24, 2020 11:06 pm
The Big Pickle wrote: Sat May 23, 2020 7:45 pmMadison WI on the other hand is a Peoples Republic of the Devil. It's a collection of homosexuals, drug addicts, welfare parasites and people that spend their life accumulating multiple degrees in the humanities. Basically it's 26 square miles of Sodom and Gomorrah.
And that's where you live.

The End.
:lol: Someone has to be Lot.
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